I'm at such a loose end at the moment I've almost become circumcised again had it been possible. I've done a bit of work so able to pay the bills for a few more weeks and precious little else. I found yet another before and after temperature chart, this time the whole USA showing they've swapped cooling for warming figures with no shame at all. But we know and that's the biggest shame of all. Their wig, false teeth and eyelashes and padded bras have fallen off and we see the pathetic dying joke that global warming truly is.
My other inner life is as quiet as the outer at the moment, although I know something out there can communicate and arrange my life it still leaves me to it most of the time and not conscious of anything there as if there never had been. Just staying out of trouble is a start but must be more than that to actually enjoy life. My research areas- ufos, psychic and the like haven't really produced a lot besides the guidance I mentioned over a year ago now which has continued and widened its scope, but very much the exception of the time so far. Being a natural detective, and wanting to find more than there appears to be I am always looking for something, and my intuition also points me towards areas that smoke without fire. In the areas I look in you're more likely to get shot than a Nobel Prize for discovering the truth let alone publicising it, but you only get your one chance if you do and would be a waste if you sat on it just in case. The number of qualified people who still believe this is all there is is one more reason I keep looking, they need shaking up and educating, and when anything I believe to be true becomes proved then they will have egg right across their bodies, let alone their faces.
I did read a piece on the psychology of belief today and is a sad reflection on why only a small minority of people are relatively immune to liars, however good.
Even the blogs seem to be very little inspired at the moment, I see the same material going round and round simply as it's reflecting life here. The only question is whether it's a circle or a spiral carrying me along as well as back where I started. Thank my blessings- my house, teeth (nearly all man made crowns but intact), parents (that's it for family now by blood relatives anyway), friends (when I get to see them nowadays), savings (at record low interest rates meaning the chance of spending some if carries on a lot longer), my qualifications (although half what I planned) and my TV shows. Even most of that list was still qualified by caveats, which is probably most people's situation- so many couples I come across on the wrong side (as their therapist) are happy as far as everyone's concerned except each other. I settle for people and stick with them but I think most were desperate and didn't really check everything before getting caught. I'm sure I have many more things to be thankful for but not straight away.
I'll be happy after the doctor tomorrow anyway, I don't like all that stuff so will also get another little hurdle out of the way. The rest should follow naturally.
Showing posts with label quiet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quiet. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Limbo NW9
My current question is what if anything is going to make life more interesting. My actual achievements this year have removed all the existing obligations from the priority list, but besides a few stragglers on the 'can wait' list have little new to actually do to make the best of the now freer time. Of course having a free run doesn't make the people or places any different, it just means you don't have other crap in the way before you can make best use of it.
I've cracked the biggest mystery in enlightenment though, the bad feelings scenario they claim no longer concerns you. It's because you no longer label your feelings with value judgements, but just observe them, that retrains you to actually seeing them all as the same and finally transcending them, being a great barrier otherwise. And secondly my body is no longer separate from everything out there, but just as 'not me' as everything else, me being awareness alone. That cracked the second mystery I am not my body. The subject and object are not my body and everything else, but my awareness and everything else. Bit of Zen quoted there for a source.
I can't at least undo the fact my life was and should still be guided. Why I was guided to drive over 20 miles for a sign I found on Streetview today which turned out to be an extremely nasty recent copy is a mystery to me besides finding a way to spend an afternoon, but got no other photos as been there before and only got some food on the way back which was hardly a special reason to do all the rest. Now if I can find meaning in such pointless events I should be able to in everything, although enlightenment isn't reached through the intellect but the awareness.
So I hope the week ahead will offer more than passing the time aimlessly, last week was mainly hard work and glad it's out of the way, a couple of bookings this week already but free otherwise. I must say there's nothing in the news at the moment that bothers me, it's all pretty irrelevant and will let them get on with it. I can afford their green taxes and would probably still have to pay even if they were honest about needing the money to pay their debts.
It is quite interesting that even when I discover the world appears to have the long reported mind of its own it doesn't make life any better so far. Getting shit jobs out of the way means I'm no longer worried about it, but doesn't create anything besides the odd item in my collections. The actual material available to me hasn't changed, it operates differently when it chooses to but I'm no different whatever I've learnt and while I've been directed to complete one collection it hasn't really touched any other area so far. The fact everything is connected is reminded me a few times a day when I read or write something and hear it on TV or the radio as I do so. That happens to a lot of people I know now as well. So there seems to be an intelligent force but not one with any sort of values as such. It doesn't think, as a parent or partner would 'You've had a hard time long enough, learnt what you need to and can take it easy now' or reward you for your work like an employer would with a little more than some old road signs, although I really did want them as well they aren't enough to affect my life directly.
Then I get an offer of marriage which is with someone I'd feel alone with even if here as she hasn't got an intellect or much conversation full stop. The rest is fine, which is worse in a way as if she was like the others I had the chance I'd have turned and ran. But at 50 with a track record I haven't seen in anyone else whatever's wrong with them and can actually talk to women it's not as if a better chance may ever occur. If I'm bored with her now then presumably whatever I do with her next to me I'll be just as bored as I am without anyone but with the chance to get one. Everyone unanimously tells me to keep away but she is damned attractive and even agreed not to hassle me, which is almost a miracle in a woman. I've known her long enough (16 years) to know if she says she won't hassle me she means it. On the other side being at that age she wants children (may be too late already) and doesn't know anyone else available, so suspect given a few alternatives I wouldn't even get a look in. And this could be guided as well?
So maybe the next level of guidance will be implied rather tha explicit and need more interpretation to see the point. And the main things I want are what nearly everyone else has already (except a job thank you) with the fame being the only extra which I can take care of myself, and enlightenment as a star prize. Deal or No Deal is how I am with this woman now, I've been told I can either get sod all or £1000, where the top prize is £250,000. I've seen people accept about that and then find they could have got a lot more, but I get a chance like this about every 10 years and although my heart rejects it instantly I don't know if I'd get used to it being better than nothing and having to find intellectual conversations elsewhere. I'm so easy to please now but still can't get anyone who covers just enough of the requirements who wants me to get someone.
I've cracked the biggest mystery in enlightenment though, the bad feelings scenario they claim no longer concerns you. It's because you no longer label your feelings with value judgements, but just observe them, that retrains you to actually seeing them all as the same and finally transcending them, being a great barrier otherwise. And secondly my body is no longer separate from everything out there, but just as 'not me' as everything else, me being awareness alone. That cracked the second mystery I am not my body. The subject and object are not my body and everything else, but my awareness and everything else. Bit of Zen quoted there for a source.
I can't at least undo the fact my life was and should still be guided. Why I was guided to drive over 20 miles for a sign I found on Streetview today which turned out to be an extremely nasty recent copy is a mystery to me besides finding a way to spend an afternoon, but got no other photos as been there before and only got some food on the way back which was hardly a special reason to do all the rest. Now if I can find meaning in such pointless events I should be able to in everything, although enlightenment isn't reached through the intellect but the awareness.
So I hope the week ahead will offer more than passing the time aimlessly, last week was mainly hard work and glad it's out of the way, a couple of bookings this week already but free otherwise. I must say there's nothing in the news at the moment that bothers me, it's all pretty irrelevant and will let them get on with it. I can afford their green taxes and would probably still have to pay even if they were honest about needing the money to pay their debts.
It is quite interesting that even when I discover the world appears to have the long reported mind of its own it doesn't make life any better so far. Getting shit jobs out of the way means I'm no longer worried about it, but doesn't create anything besides the odd item in my collections. The actual material available to me hasn't changed, it operates differently when it chooses to but I'm no different whatever I've learnt and while I've been directed to complete one collection it hasn't really touched any other area so far. The fact everything is connected is reminded me a few times a day when I read or write something and hear it on TV or the radio as I do so. That happens to a lot of people I know now as well. So there seems to be an intelligent force but not one with any sort of values as such. It doesn't think, as a parent or partner would 'You've had a hard time long enough, learnt what you need to and can take it easy now' or reward you for your work like an employer would with a little more than some old road signs, although I really did want them as well they aren't enough to affect my life directly.
Then I get an offer of marriage which is with someone I'd feel alone with even if here as she hasn't got an intellect or much conversation full stop. The rest is fine, which is worse in a way as if she was like the others I had the chance I'd have turned and ran. But at 50 with a track record I haven't seen in anyone else whatever's wrong with them and can actually talk to women it's not as if a better chance may ever occur. If I'm bored with her now then presumably whatever I do with her next to me I'll be just as bored as I am without anyone but with the chance to get one. Everyone unanimously tells me to keep away but she is damned attractive and even agreed not to hassle me, which is almost a miracle in a woman. I've known her long enough (16 years) to know if she says she won't hassle me she means it. On the other side being at that age she wants children (may be too late already) and doesn't know anyone else available, so suspect given a few alternatives I wouldn't even get a look in. And this could be guided as well?
So maybe the next level of guidance will be implied rather tha explicit and need more interpretation to see the point. And the main things I want are what nearly everyone else has already (except a job thank you) with the fame being the only extra which I can take care of myself, and enlightenment as a star prize. Deal or No Deal is how I am with this woman now, I've been told I can either get sod all or £1000, where the top prize is £250,000. I've seen people accept about that and then find they could have got a lot more, but I get a chance like this about every 10 years and although my heart rejects it instantly I don't know if I'd get used to it being better than nothing and having to find intellectual conversations elsewhere. I'm so easy to please now but still can't get anyone who covers just enough of the requirements who wants me to get someone.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Limbo NW9
It's finally stopped raining after 4 days, but there's really nowhere worth going anyway. I didn't stay in mind you when it was, I went out looking for signs on Monday and made a video on Wednesday when the rain was lighter so not desperate to catch up. And maybe I am being guided not to go out as there may be something more important to do here, although I haven't found it yet.
I've carried on the online quizzes I've been doing most of the week and of course come back here for inspiration as when presenting the situation for others can often find new ideas. The newspaper where my photos were sent comes out today, I've heard nothing and unless the guy just hasn't bothered to mention it (that's unlikely considering it was me who took them) I presume it's not today although despite being well out of date said it could also be next week. I won't hold my breath.
I even have very little tidying up left to do- only papers really which have to be read and either filed or thrown out. And few of them left now so not really important. I'm going to my mum in an hour anyway so would have gone out anyway today, or I'd have felt more guilty and looked for somewhere to go just to get something new done. Technically when my faith was tested when there was no sign when I went to look (it turned out to be part of the tree the post was covered with) and then many more steps led me to find the very one I thought was there, it should mean it was guided all along and why not now? I still find as life drops back to normal after every event (few are life changing, most just add to my collection or CV) it makes me wonder how it actually works and assume it must be there in the background now all the time although it's rarely seen. And would it really be better not to get a photo in the paper as it won't be known by anyone apart from me or lead to more work, or miss out altogether? I think the answer should be obvious, every step is a good one however tiny.
The expanses of boredom though can't be fixed easily. Even when I left school before my friends and had a few months on my own I cracked up, as we're not meant to be left to our own devices at any time in our lives, it just happens. Some people even compliment me on how busy I keep, mainly as they realise how hard it is to keep occupied without a single person to join in. How can that be guided then? The Celestine Prophecy says once you realise it all is then you have to look for it so I will. Firstly I'm only stuck here for an hour before I go out, I only feel guilty as I wasted a day when it was dry outside and did nothing inside, and have no more plans ahead yet. It is a pisser that when I waste £1 on the paper just in case (I'm not risking getting thrown out of the shop reading it in there) I'll read all the same old shit they've been printing for over 100 years and not see any reference to me there (or again next week when it comes out).
In fact they haven't even been used online which was supposed to be the main reason I took them- had I not posted them myself they'd have just disappeared. A pointless pursuit except it got me out to something I'd never have done otherwise.
So I've increased my collection, know there's guidance, don't need to look for so many signs, and can say I've had my work published in a book. They won't lead to more as that would have involved having the celebrities at the photo shoot, getting my article and own photo in a newspaper (which didn't happen the only time it was submitted), and my TV programmes on terrestrial TV where over a million people would have seen them. I'm getting there certainly but until I do nothing can change.
The guidance ought to now cover all areas, I know it's there and so far haven't reached the point of directing it- only the handful of multi millionaires can claim that and even then can't actually prove it. The Secret claims to demonstrate the principle and am working on it in case. So I'm in limbo and know 100% had I been in the paper I'd have heard about it as no one is that ignorant not to, only TV producers but they have a huge cast of people not to inform, here there's only me.
I've carried on the online quizzes I've been doing most of the week and of course come back here for inspiration as when presenting the situation for others can often find new ideas. The newspaper where my photos were sent comes out today, I've heard nothing and unless the guy just hasn't bothered to mention it (that's unlikely considering it was me who took them) I presume it's not today although despite being well out of date said it could also be next week. I won't hold my breath.
I even have very little tidying up left to do- only papers really which have to be read and either filed or thrown out. And few of them left now so not really important. I'm going to my mum in an hour anyway so would have gone out anyway today, or I'd have felt more guilty and looked for somewhere to go just to get something new done. Technically when my faith was tested when there was no sign when I went to look (it turned out to be part of the tree the post was covered with) and then many more steps led me to find the very one I thought was there, it should mean it was guided all along and why not now? I still find as life drops back to normal after every event (few are life changing, most just add to my collection or CV) it makes me wonder how it actually works and assume it must be there in the background now all the time although it's rarely seen. And would it really be better not to get a photo in the paper as it won't be known by anyone apart from me or lead to more work, or miss out altogether? I think the answer should be obvious, every step is a good one however tiny.
The expanses of boredom though can't be fixed easily. Even when I left school before my friends and had a few months on my own I cracked up, as we're not meant to be left to our own devices at any time in our lives, it just happens. Some people even compliment me on how busy I keep, mainly as they realise how hard it is to keep occupied without a single person to join in. How can that be guided then? The Celestine Prophecy says once you realise it all is then you have to look for it so I will. Firstly I'm only stuck here for an hour before I go out, I only feel guilty as I wasted a day when it was dry outside and did nothing inside, and have no more plans ahead yet. It is a pisser that when I waste £1 on the paper just in case (I'm not risking getting thrown out of the shop reading it in there) I'll read all the same old shit they've been printing for over 100 years and not see any reference to me there (or again next week when it comes out).
In fact they haven't even been used online which was supposed to be the main reason I took them- had I not posted them myself they'd have just disappeared. A pointless pursuit except it got me out to something I'd never have done otherwise.
So I've increased my collection, know there's guidance, don't need to look for so many signs, and can say I've had my work published in a book. They won't lead to more as that would have involved having the celebrities at the photo shoot, getting my article and own photo in a newspaper (which didn't happen the only time it was submitted), and my TV programmes on terrestrial TV where over a million people would have seen them. I'm getting there certainly but until I do nothing can change.
The guidance ought to now cover all areas, I know it's there and so far haven't reached the point of directing it- only the handful of multi millionaires can claim that and even then can't actually prove it. The Secret claims to demonstrate the principle and am working on it in case. So I'm in limbo and know 100% had I been in the paper I'd have heard about it as no one is that ignorant not to, only TV producers but they have a huge cast of people not to inform, here there's only me.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Limbo is near Hendon
11 people over for my birthday on Saturday, two visitors on Tuesday delayed from when it was snowing, a client yesterday followed by old girlfriend's arrival from Manchester in the evening as she was told the train home may be cancelled from snow so came to see me instead, and a client tonight. The phase of energy for anything arrives, opens and closes again, whether good, bad or indifferent they are around. Otherwise I've made a couple of local videos but when I ran out of discs instead of buying more tried to 'manage' the ones I had, meaning I wrecked one scene (not lost but wrecked) and haven't found a way to save the films and burn them to large DVDs to reuse the little ones. I have the hardware but only get error messages.
But like when I had friends over from school they don't stay so back where I was once they've gone, and really need someone else locally I can at least go and see regularly as well. I've got two more videos uploading since I did lose some data to wipe one disc completely as I wanted to make a video and it was too late to buy more tonight. I don't even know what I wiped out but assumed I had a hard copy and forgot to check what was on it. Never mind. Besides a 2 hour video that needs watching in one go (too late really now) there was nothing on TV at all today, so didn't mind working a double session (time, not money) and am now wondering what to do and say here as neither is exactly inspired. Tomorrow's taken care of with chores, and the cleaner's coming the next day so have to wait in for her. Not that I have a single idea left for where to take photos as 4 years is a long time to cover a large area when going almost daily.
So although I can look back on past achievements they haven't affected the present (besides making me go and get some things I've got already), the book with a couple of my photos in it has just come out and should be in the post, and can't see any more than that. So that means I can now do the washing up as it's the last thing on the list and any more will have to come to me as I can't go and get it at the moment. There's always housework to do but it's been a long day/week and I'm too tired now. That will wait.
But like when I had friends over from school they don't stay so back where I was once they've gone, and really need someone else locally I can at least go and see regularly as well. I've got two more videos uploading since I did lose some data to wipe one disc completely as I wanted to make a video and it was too late to buy more tonight. I don't even know what I wiped out but assumed I had a hard copy and forgot to check what was on it. Never mind. Besides a 2 hour video that needs watching in one go (too late really now) there was nothing on TV at all today, so didn't mind working a double session (time, not money) and am now wondering what to do and say here as neither is exactly inspired. Tomorrow's taken care of with chores, and the cleaner's coming the next day so have to wait in for her. Not that I have a single idea left for where to take photos as 4 years is a long time to cover a large area when going almost daily.
So although I can look back on past achievements they haven't affected the present (besides making me go and get some things I've got already), the book with a couple of my photos in it has just come out and should be in the post, and can't see any more than that. So that means I can now do the washing up as it's the last thing on the list and any more will have to come to me as I can't go and get it at the moment. There's always housework to do but it's been a long day/week and I'm too tired now. That will wait.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
A quiet week
Regardless of actual events I am seeign it through the eyes of order now, and the more I do the more I should see it and the more normal it should become. I've nearly finished the book now and surprised considering it was written ages ago it hasn't had more impact on people since. I can't be the only one who was already tuned into it surely?
Today was a test, I had no plans and instead of trying to work something out in advance just waited to see what happened. It was nothing special but kept busy. I've eliminated another woman from the search, not for reasons of rejection but she's married, as most good ones would be. It kept me in practice though and proved not only do good ones exist but locally. And you meet women far better just doing things normally than trying to meet them at events or agencies after 30.
So currently life is a total vacuum. I've got a couple of little ideas for next week but nothing special, have a system of one quiz written to go online and an old sign to be painted, and that's it. No new ideas to add, I can say one of the climate groups in America just found sunspots heat the stratosphere which explains what everyone with a brain's been saying for years. We have had very unusual sunspot activity, I remember particularly as when I had CB radio in the 80s we relied on it to talk abroad, and the could usually be predicted year by year for decades. The pattern seems to have fallen apart since then and could well be related to all the panic over weird climates. If there are any of course, ours is the same every year and always has been.
I suppose after the last few entries I shouldn't mind a quick one so to speak, but may be anything round the corner for all I know.
Today was a test, I had no plans and instead of trying to work something out in advance just waited to see what happened. It was nothing special but kept busy. I've eliminated another woman from the search, not for reasons of rejection but she's married, as most good ones would be. It kept me in practice though and proved not only do good ones exist but locally. And you meet women far better just doing things normally than trying to meet them at events or agencies after 30.
So currently life is a total vacuum. I've got a couple of little ideas for next week but nothing special, have a system of one quiz written to go online and an old sign to be painted, and that's it. No new ideas to add, I can say one of the climate groups in America just found sunspots heat the stratosphere which explains what everyone with a brain's been saying for years. We have had very unusual sunspot activity, I remember particularly as when I had CB radio in the 80s we relied on it to talk abroad, and the could usually be predicted year by year for decades. The pattern seems to have fallen apart since then and could well be related to all the panic over weird climates. If there are any of course, ours is the same every year and always has been.
I suppose after the last few entries I shouldn't mind a quick one so to speak, but may be anything round the corner for all I know.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I have returned
I am keeping busy and the only thing missing are any people, especially now my grandma's been in hospital so I haven't got anywhere to go in the two evenings a week I went there. Of course I missed a number of Tuesday football matches in the past as a result but you can't do everything. I've been shopping like a lunatic mainly due to eating more at home for the same reason, and exploring new places for variety, in particular more Jewish food which my grandma sometimes has and I wouldn't have otherwise. All the normal household chores (besides the gardening) have been done due to opportunity, and I took the camera on the train yesterday for some inside pictures and a bit of fun. I discovered a bit of Stanmore common I don't remember outside the station which is the best part I've seen, even though I lived there for nearly 2 years and walked there regularly. Just shows.
One place I can live without going to is hospitals. Not that I haven't, I just hate it now having visited so many times already. Just a little thorn in my side. Besides that I have freedom and besides the people to share it with am using it as best I can. There are two very unliely chances for success on the system as well, a woman and a possible job (as in the sense of one off, I can't see myself working again somehow...) well maybe but only if I had to. But they are weeks off if at all and totally unreliable so can only work with what I have. Being the 8th top internet quizzer in the world (from over 1000 players) is nice but doesn't affect you're life a lot, except you don't have to spend 4 1/2 months playing quizzes 3 times a day again. Except I am, as out of habit I joined the hard quiz a couple of weeks after it started and am doing too well not to play till the end, although I pick and choose the games as they don't all count anyway.
Apart from that I am just continuing as normal and have not and will probably not get a bloody thing from outside to help. All I have were the TV programmes that made sod all difference to my life as were seen either by a handful of people here or abroad where I won't be recognised unless I go there. And no idea if many people saw them either. I doubt many people get nice things happening to them either, but most have nice lives with friends and marriages and the ups and downs within a family setting are far less effective than when taken on alone. You can't share any problems and if you reach the stage of relying on outside events you may as well be dead as they don't happen. Even when something apparently good happens, like when Ken Livingstone got kicked out after doing in 8 years to London what Hitler couldn't, the replacement is not that different. Even the achievements I make make no difference besides getting me a bit more work and money, basically life is stable for all of us and the highs are so rare they barely warrant including. The nearest to a high is the end of a low which is something quite different, like removing a splinter. The lack of a negative does not make a positive, just a neutral and that's the default at the moment, and the downs can easily take over when they arrive which is certainly not unreliable. I don't make the rules.
One place I can live without going to is hospitals. Not that I haven't, I just hate it now having visited so many times already. Just a little thorn in my side. Besides that I have freedom and besides the people to share it with am using it as best I can. There are two very unliely chances for success on the system as well, a woman and a possible job (as in the sense of one off, I can't see myself working again somehow...) well maybe but only if I had to. But they are weeks off if at all and totally unreliable so can only work with what I have. Being the 8th top internet quizzer in the world (from over 1000 players) is nice but doesn't affect you're life a lot, except you don't have to spend 4 1/2 months playing quizzes 3 times a day again. Except I am, as out of habit I joined the hard quiz a couple of weeks after it started and am doing too well not to play till the end, although I pick and choose the games as they don't all count anyway.
Apart from that I am just continuing as normal and have not and will probably not get a bloody thing from outside to help. All I have were the TV programmes that made sod all difference to my life as were seen either by a handful of people here or abroad where I won't be recognised unless I go there. And no idea if many people saw them either. I doubt many people get nice things happening to them either, but most have nice lives with friends and marriages and the ups and downs within a family setting are far less effective than when taken on alone. You can't share any problems and if you reach the stage of relying on outside events you may as well be dead as they don't happen. Even when something apparently good happens, like when Ken Livingstone got kicked out after doing in 8 years to London what Hitler couldn't, the replacement is not that different. Even the achievements I make make no difference besides getting me a bit more work and money, basically life is stable for all of us and the highs are so rare they barely warrant including. The nearest to a high is the end of a low which is something quite different, like removing a splinter. The lack of a negative does not make a positive, just a neutral and that's the default at the moment, and the downs can easily take over when they arrive which is certainly not unreliable. I don't make the rules.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Another week
As I say, life passes and so does wind. And wind passing can often be more fun. I've sort of repeated each day in a variation this week. Even with the rain I've been able to take a video rather than many photos, and many more photos in places I wouldn't have dreamed of going until I used the others up and still got some nice results.
The women (two to be exact) are around one way or another, I say two as one more may be a possibility but can't say more until I know. If there are two (I can't think of that happening except once when the other chucked me anyway when I'd met the second one) I'd choose between them, but would need to have one or both available in the first place which I currently haven't.
The TV programme is in just over a week in America and then I hope to see it and also the whole series if they send me the DVD. I'm helping out on the website's forum as well as they have a number of abductees plus some fundamentalists that say the aliens are all demons. Yes, god created demons just to give us a hard time. Except very few of them do. Never mind, they know no more about them than anyone else which is why it's so easy to put any label on them we want as basically we haven't a clue.
Little ahead any different really, it has been a particularly boring week, even what little I did was no more than a blip in the horizontal line, returning to an empty house except for the odd message left by a cat.
Have I really succeeded at all in life? (inspired by a recent TV quote)? Wanting to be married from 24 onwards and have a few children I'm now approaching double that and although the business side was taken care of the people have dropped off one by one so whatever little resources I have are not to be shared with anyone. There's only so much you can do on your own and the current woman who is around shares the conversation of a not very bright 8 year old. Of course her other qualities make up for it but she can't provide much on that front somehow. Number two is some way off yet if a genuine hope and I only work with what I actually have in life, not smoke.
It only takes one or two people to turn it round. And if not the right ones they are no more company than the cat, often less. I have absolutely no plans for the week ahead, if it's light I can do yet more photos in weird places, then spend the rest of the day at home on the computer or eating in front of the TV. Now normally most people would say that's a good thing, but not when you can't share it with anyone. That is not how it should be.
The women (two to be exact) are around one way or another, I say two as one more may be a possibility but can't say more until I know. If there are two (I can't think of that happening except once when the other chucked me anyway when I'd met the second one) I'd choose between them, but would need to have one or both available in the first place which I currently haven't.
The TV programme is in just over a week in America and then I hope to see it and also the whole series if they send me the DVD. I'm helping out on the website's forum as well as they have a number of abductees plus some fundamentalists that say the aliens are all demons. Yes, god created demons just to give us a hard time. Except very few of them do. Never mind, they know no more about them than anyone else which is why it's so easy to put any label on them we want as basically we haven't a clue.
Little ahead any different really, it has been a particularly boring week, even what little I did was no more than a blip in the horizontal line, returning to an empty house except for the odd message left by a cat.
Have I really succeeded at all in life? (inspired by a recent TV quote)? Wanting to be married from 24 onwards and have a few children I'm now approaching double that and although the business side was taken care of the people have dropped off one by one so whatever little resources I have are not to be shared with anyone. There's only so much you can do on your own and the current woman who is around shares the conversation of a not very bright 8 year old. Of course her other qualities make up for it but she can't provide much on that front somehow. Number two is some way off yet if a genuine hope and I only work with what I actually have in life, not smoke.
It only takes one or two people to turn it round. And if not the right ones they are no more company than the cat, often less. I have absolutely no plans for the week ahead, if it's light I can do yet more photos in weird places, then spend the rest of the day at home on the computer or eating in front of the TV. Now normally most people would say that's a good thing, but not when you can't share it with anyone. That is not how it should be.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Empty space
Another day, half way through the week, the first in a while not packed with business type activities. One less tonight as my second client sent a message while I was out they couldn't make it which I didn't get till later on. I was worn out from gardening and things so better off free but I need the cash!
My free yesterday had some high points, all photographic. Within walking distance I took what I consider some of my best house and garden photos, although they were roads I went to in my first week of digital photography. A combination of new gardens and looking at every house allowed many more new views plus two cats I came across on the route. The second was after joining the BBC Buildings of Britain group on Monday when the new photos were on BBC interactive two of the five I added were on TV! They change every Tuesday and Friday and we can add five new ones a day, so a new photographic career!
My free yesterday had some high points, all photographic. Within walking distance I took what I consider some of my best house and garden photos, although they were roads I went to in my first week of digital photography. A combination of new gardens and looking at every house allowed many more new views plus two cats I came across on the route. The second was after joining the BBC Buildings of Britain group on Monday when the new photos were on BBC interactive two of the five I added were on TV! They change every Tuesday and Friday and we can add five new ones a day, so a new photographic career!
The blogger help forum is either more than useless or I've had no replies (or both) as once you post a question there's no way of knowing who replies or where your question is to look. Well organised Google, who have single handedly made blogger the least used system on earth since they took over. Nearly every blog I read now is either through the London link or people I already know, which means 99.9% of blogs here are impossible to locate as is my own to new arrivals. Other than that there's little to report. Sod all on TV besides a video I recorded earlier, Britney Spears' life story is on now which is why I'm in here instead. And that's the better of the shite offered, although should I check the cable lot the quality would be the same as well. The US open golf starts tomorrow and I should see some in between arrangements.
It's early, I have freedom and run out of ideas. The internet is useful but can't replace living when there's little living to do, like watching big brother. At least they have someone to talk to. I write here. It's too late to phone anyone on the list now, they'll have to wait. And it's all business type calls besides one and she wasn't there the last time I tried anyway. You can't keep yourself occupied all the time when you're on your own, I will be going for a walk and have some shitty housework which will probably be done tomorrow now, but at least the back garden got a start at last. And the current countdown to my TV appearance is 3 1/2 weeks, except being split into 7 instalments I have no idea if mine will be on when the series starts as it's only going on TV on demand. I have no philosophy left for today, I had to use quite a bit in my work booking and that was really old stuff and not even my own. And where has my own got me?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Is there anybody there?
Nowadays I sometimes feel more like a medium when writing this as I can't be sure anyone can hear me. 14823 is the count as I write, though I think that silly counter records page views, though usually everything people need is on page 1 so should be enough. Well in case anyone read the last couple, I did start tidying my desk, and despite throwing out a few piles of paper it looks exactly the same. More to do clearly. I don't think I found anything besides an old pen that's dried up so no surprises either.
Today kept me occupied, the appointment was delayed by an hour so I sent the accounts packing first and then spent another free stationery voucher, my 4th now. Very odd. Besides a health food shop who have given a christmas bag of about £50 of free stuff the last few years I know of no other shop that does this, and they appear to still make a profit. I got another notebook (I can never have too many), some glue, a purple container and lots of rubbish bags (see comment about notebooks). Too late for photos by then and unless an arrangement materialises tomorrow I don't want I'll do it then, and then England v Andorra on Sky, the only way I can watch it since my friend with it elft the country and I had to pay myself.
I have reached the leaving the medical advice route as the last 3 times I stopped the ear medication after a week it came back. Now I can only think the alternative can be no worse than a return of the problem and will keep it going a few more days. Then call the doctor if I have to. However minor these all add up and slow me down once one goes.
Beyond that I don't know. I never do really anymore. But one thing I know is if I was in a family of any description I'd still do all this. I may have a bit less time to but would have more to write about.
Unless I stop now the rest will be from my subconscious as there's nothing left in my conscious now. Looking back I have been through every method of philosophy and spiritual practice to test their limits. I am left with a small selection of remaining routes and having eliminated many at least I'm not stuck with nothing yet. Partly from necessity it seems to have been my duty to do this, not even for anyone else's benefit as I've never come across anyone who really needs this work for themselves, it only seems to relate to my own situation. I can't help communicating useful information but doubt even if I found anything people would be the slightest bit interested as most are happy as they are. And even if they ask what worked for me may not work for other people so better to break a lifetime's habit and get on with anything I may find myself. If, that is, I find anything.
If people realised some of my greatest wishes are things 90% of the world take for granted they'd realise the value of them themselves. Having other people's writing on my paper. Besides the fascinating phone messages from my final tenant in 1996 all I have are a few notes from my work when people have written hypnosis scripts for me. Let alone other people's things. Normally if someone doesn't live in a house they rarely keep things in it. Makes sense. We have kept stuff for foreign visitors who were in a small place with no extra room, but I actually have no room for my own things should imaginary foreigner arrive with too many bags tomorrow anyway. The day I arrived at my first flat in 1998 I realised for the first time in my life no one else's things were there, and besides various tenants who rarely left things outside their own rooms and sometimes the kitchen that was it. It means something to me but most people in shared houses take these things for granted. Wait till someone dies and you're the last there. Their things will be there but not them. That has happened to most of my family and the things suddenly become yours not theirs and there is no person attached to them. I haven't even got that. Living alone is probably the quickest route to neurosis and more than any other way I can think of. I used to think it was working but life is full of work even if you don't have a job. Running a house is work, as are many of the chores you have to do that aren't paid for. They may not be timetabled but no less stress.
So considering the circumstances I do pretty well as however grim it gets I rarely do more than come here and moan about it. Better than an overdose in anyone's terms.
Today kept me occupied, the appointment was delayed by an hour so I sent the accounts packing first and then spent another free stationery voucher, my 4th now. Very odd. Besides a health food shop who have given a christmas bag of about £50 of free stuff the last few years I know of no other shop that does this, and they appear to still make a profit. I got another notebook (I can never have too many), some glue, a purple container and lots of rubbish bags (see comment about notebooks). Too late for photos by then and unless an arrangement materialises tomorrow I don't want I'll do it then, and then England v Andorra on Sky, the only way I can watch it since my friend with it elft the country and I had to pay myself.
I have reached the leaving the medical advice route as the last 3 times I stopped the ear medication after a week it came back. Now I can only think the alternative can be no worse than a return of the problem and will keep it going a few more days. Then call the doctor if I have to. However minor these all add up and slow me down once one goes.
Beyond that I don't know. I never do really anymore. But one thing I know is if I was in a family of any description I'd still do all this. I may have a bit less time to but would have more to write about.
Unless I stop now the rest will be from my subconscious as there's nothing left in my conscious now. Looking back I have been through every method of philosophy and spiritual practice to test their limits. I am left with a small selection of remaining routes and having eliminated many at least I'm not stuck with nothing yet. Partly from necessity it seems to have been my duty to do this, not even for anyone else's benefit as I've never come across anyone who really needs this work for themselves, it only seems to relate to my own situation. I can't help communicating useful information but doubt even if I found anything people would be the slightest bit interested as most are happy as they are. And even if they ask what worked for me may not work for other people so better to break a lifetime's habit and get on with anything I may find myself. If, that is, I find anything.
If people realised some of my greatest wishes are things 90% of the world take for granted they'd realise the value of them themselves. Having other people's writing on my paper. Besides the fascinating phone messages from my final tenant in 1996 all I have are a few notes from my work when people have written hypnosis scripts for me. Let alone other people's things. Normally if someone doesn't live in a house they rarely keep things in it. Makes sense. We have kept stuff for foreign visitors who were in a small place with no extra room, but I actually have no room for my own things should imaginary foreigner arrive with too many bags tomorrow anyway. The day I arrived at my first flat in 1998 I realised for the first time in my life no one else's things were there, and besides various tenants who rarely left things outside their own rooms and sometimes the kitchen that was it. It means something to me but most people in shared houses take these things for granted. Wait till someone dies and you're the last there. Their things will be there but not them. That has happened to most of my family and the things suddenly become yours not theirs and there is no person attached to them. I haven't even got that. Living alone is probably the quickest route to neurosis and more than any other way I can think of. I used to think it was working but life is full of work even if you don't have a job. Running a house is work, as are many of the chores you have to do that aren't paid for. They may not be timetabled but no less stress.
So considering the circumstances I do pretty well as however grim it gets I rarely do more than come here and moan about it. Better than an overdose in anyone's terms.
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