You can't do it all yourself

Technically although there's nothing wrong at the moment, total emptiness means as well as being able to rest and relax also means I have to make my own amusement. I don't expect too much, nearly everyone else seems to manage somehow to live in a family and that's all I really need, any more would be extra. I managed to edit the video after a few days work and is now loading to Youtube.

It has been a successful year so far, lots of old signs, as per examples. For some reason they've shoved them at the top of the page and when I tried to move them all the text vanished so will stay where they are now. I've seen more people this year than in the last 5 years, had my first work published in a book etc, but technically nothing has changed. Hence the reason I meditate and do similar work as that insulates you from the outside forces whatever they are. But that's the same as sleeping, you can go to bed, lie down and wait but can't make yourself sleep. The same goes there, you meditate but have no control over the results. But nothing else can change your inner being besides drugs and they aren't going to make it better. It's also impossible to rely on the internet for entertainment the whole time, even that runs out of material sometimes and the efforts I make to find friends, old or new, there have only managed occasional meetings. Like any treasure hunter you have to keep digging and if there's one person there who will stick can only carry on, unlike old signs other people are not restricted to a specific number.

So the week of freedom so far has produced a video of Golders Green, two music videos, and a few photos of houses I've seen on my travels. I've done some housework such as washing and filing, and at least found there isn't even a lot left to do. So ahead there's the remaining Streetviewing to do, selling my late grandma's house once we've cleared the last of the belongings, and very little more. It literally seems going round in circles, photos, shopping, family and back again. It's not as if I want to go anywhere else, I want someone here primarily and where I go outside is irrelevant when I come home to an empty house. That is the same as sleeping and meditation, you can't create a person to share with and expect them to want to as well. But although it's 'just happened' for most people, it doesn't for me. I still don't know why either.

A busy week

A very unusual week for the last decade or so, after 11 people for my birthday on saturday, the two people delayed by the snow came for dinner (delivered), then a work booking followed by an old girlfriend arriving from Manchester with very little notice for the evening, one booking yesterday and out with a friend today. It can't last though and like most phases of all types will open and close. The book with my photos in is in the post now and will do my best to get to at least some of the launch as can take them there as well, besides the incredible network opportunities, but can't handle a crowded restaurant very long though and may not even make any of it. Nothing is worth suffering for for any cause, besides taking exams once they're over then all other suffering is either forced on us or an option. And I believe if I miss one opportunity another will turn up in its place, that only doesn't work with women as business and pleasure have quite different laws.

No more real plans now, I am getting new lenses put in my sunglasses this week, and otherwise it will be business as usual unless more possibilities turn up. Meanwhile a new teacher I've subscribed to gave a very interesting description of enlightenment (he really seems to both understand and explain it), if meditation is where the thing you focus on becomes all you are aware of, when that is focused on consciousness itself you experience enlightenment. And when it becomes all you experience continually you are enlightened. That makes sense.
Between visitors/visits I've been making a few local videos which are more popular than my musical ones, although the comedy is by far the most popular. I think that's about right as of all the videos and shows I've done the comedy is my favourite as well. Most people who play an instrument can do it better than me but not as many people can do comedy full stop. You can't learn that in lessons, it's either there or not.
So after wanting a career in the media I have a possible break, but one on the borderline of my own tolerance levels. I'll just see how I feel on the day and take it from there, I can't do any better.

No more answers but plenty of questions then, and few ideas new or otherwise. So just wait and see again, there's no more I can do. It was a very productive week but left me with little more than memories.

Busy new year

It seems I must have actually been doing things this year more than having time to write about them. Now that makes a change. Few have been very life changing, if any. I have seen a number of friends, as many were off over the Christmas period, and heard from a very welcome one as well. There are a few plans on those fronts but can't report unless there's anything to report after the events.
My American TV series started on Saturday, I'll be on in 2 weeks but until I get a DVD can't actually see it. Meanwhile my own Big Brother connections are slowly growing after seeing someone I know arrive in the celebrity cock up version they started last week. Being well over twice their age (it's a school leaver's edition) I really can't relate to any of them as however similar any may have been to me at that age (which none are) I can't really enthuse about meeting anyone of that age, except for a shag of course.

Other activities have included the usual photos despite the light going by 3, and sorting out the video so the buildings are now the right shape. I've been working on the car the last two days, with the garage's help, and a bit more booked for next week. After clearing the clothes cupboard for the first time since it was built in 1999 I still didn't find my decent trousers but did find some other long lost items.

This week the plans are slowly building up, work and things tomorrow so won't be out, possible visitor the next day and then I'm not sure, but if free am going to Dudden Hill to take photos since seeing a picture of it and finding something worth looking at there. Due to finding the 'Things to like about West Hampstead' group I decided to search around the roads there and did find a few very interesting ones plus some over the line in Cricklewood. And yes, I've taken a few people with me to take photos now so not the solitary pursuit it usually was. You can't tell by looking of course but once or twice they've taken a photo of me to spot the fact.

If I can add to this picture of suburban life with any more exciting news I will be only too pleased. I have many starts but not enough finishes, and of course the more major the plan the less likely the finish. I have a few on the go at the moment as I said, but always prefer to reveal the rare finishes than the hundreds of starts. That's normal but what isn't are the few finishes I've had outside the academic area and buying my house. Others mean looking back to my childhood period. No wonder I'm so stuck in nostalgia much of the time.