A very unusual week for the last decade or so, after 11 people for my birthday on saturday, the two people delayed by the snow came for dinner (delivered), then a work booking followed by an old girlfriend arriving from Manchester with very little notice for the evening, one booking yesterday and out with a friend today. It can't last though and like most phases of all types will open and close. The book with my photos in is in the post now and will do my best to get to at least some of the launch as can take them there as well, besides the incredible network opportunities, but can't handle a crowded restaurant very long though and may not even make any of it. Nothing is worth suffering for for any cause, besides taking exams once they're over then all other suffering is either forced on us or an option. And I believe if I miss one opportunity another will turn up in its place, that only doesn't work with women as business and pleasure have quite different laws.
No more real plans now, I am getting new lenses put in my sunglasses this week, and otherwise it will be business as usual unless more possibilities turn up. Meanwhile a new teacher I've subscribed to gave a very interesting description of enlightenment (he really seems to both understand and explain it), if meditation is where the thing you focus on becomes all you are aware of, when that is focused on consciousness itself you experience enlightenment. And when it becomes all you experience continually you are enlightened. That makes sense.
Between visitors/visits I've been making a few local videos which are more popular than my musical ones, although the comedy is by far the most popular. I think that's about right as of all the videos and shows I've done the comedy is my favourite as well. Most people who play an instrument can do it better than me but not as many people can do comedy full stop. You can't learn that in lessons, it's either there or not.
So after wanting a career in the media I have a possible break, but one on the borderline of my own tolerance levels. I'll just see how I feel on the day and take it from there, I can't do any better.
No more answers but plenty of questions then, and few ideas new or otherwise. So just wait and see again, there's no more I can do. It was a very productive week but left me with little more than memories.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday's summary
It's too early to go to bed and nothing left to look up online so here I am. If the system's working despite nothing known or new something will occur. I'm more or less busy till Thursday now so no need for many plans besides tomorrow later on when I can fart about as I please. A 30 mile trip Wednesday and the gym covers that, and then who knows. So if the system says every moment is guided then so is this, and I just have to look for why.
Maybe it's to get me to read something here after this, or think of something I wouldn't have otherwise. That's the sort of indirect lateral thinking you need to develop and see more and more in the apparent gaps. On Facebook (there, the one place I have forgotten to visit till now, first job done) four women from the 70s/almost ignored me last week, I rarely find so many in one go now and in order one) didn't like me then either, two) doesn't remember me, three) thought I was a twat, and four) even I don't remember what or who now.
Look for new people? I could write a book let alone an entry. Suffice to say suitable new friends are maybe 1 in 1000 or more. I met a handful over my lifetime and stuck with them for decades. Since school and regular holidays, which provided them plus the children of my parents' friends I've barely met one new one despite regular courses and groups. No idea why, just how it happened.
I did meet one girlfriend online in 2002 but her own problems stopped that short. Otherwise I either meet attractive women who run a while or marginally interesting people amongst generally boring groups I never see outside more than once or twice. The few right people click, I meet many online but all way too far to see more than once when they come to London for some reason. I don't travel now (as any regular will know) and even if I did you can't have a regular friend more than 20 miles away, mine have vanished when moved the other side of London before. I'd done the groundwork on all the others already and whatever split us up before may be fixable.
Is there a reason to be on my own? Maybe if temporary as I get a heck of a lot done. I've also learnt a lot to do without anyone else around but why have to make the best of it for the rest of time? Even a marriage/partnership of convenience would be an improvement now, but the calibre of possibilities, either mentally backward or ill or both is more trouble than it would be worth, even if attractive. Unless I had a palace where you could lose someone much of the time we'd be on top of each other and I suppose if you sleep with a woman she'd expect you to take her out as well even if you agreed it was only out of desperation? If a man (not just me) would drop his standards after 50 years because it was that or nothing don't any women? Or are all women the right sort of age all with someone unless mental? I suspect that is the case, although not necessarily abroad as I meet some lovely women elsewhere online. A few are potty as well but at least not every single one.
So more questions than answers on that one, but may find one once I've started. At least I can go to bed now. Amen.
Maybe it's to get me to read something here after this, or think of something I wouldn't have otherwise. That's the sort of indirect lateral thinking you need to develop and see more and more in the apparent gaps. On Facebook (there, the one place I have forgotten to visit till now, first job done) four women from the 70s/almost ignored me last week, I rarely find so many in one go now and in order one) didn't like me then either, two) doesn't remember me, three) thought I was a twat, and four) even I don't remember what or who now.
Look for new people? I could write a book let alone an entry. Suffice to say suitable new friends are maybe 1 in 1000 or more. I met a handful over my lifetime and stuck with them for decades. Since school and regular holidays, which provided them plus the children of my parents' friends I've barely met one new one despite regular courses and groups. No idea why, just how it happened.
I did meet one girlfriend online in 2002 but her own problems stopped that short. Otherwise I either meet attractive women who run a while or marginally interesting people amongst generally boring groups I never see outside more than once or twice. The few right people click, I meet many online but all way too far to see more than once when they come to London for some reason. I don't travel now (as any regular will know) and even if I did you can't have a regular friend more than 20 miles away, mine have vanished when moved the other side of London before. I'd done the groundwork on all the others already and whatever split us up before may be fixable.
Is there a reason to be on my own? Maybe if temporary as I get a heck of a lot done. I've also learnt a lot to do without anyone else around but why have to make the best of it for the rest of time? Even a marriage/partnership of convenience would be an improvement now, but the calibre of possibilities, either mentally backward or ill or both is more trouble than it would be worth, even if attractive. Unless I had a palace where you could lose someone much of the time we'd be on top of each other and I suppose if you sleep with a woman she'd expect you to take her out as well even if you agreed it was only out of desperation? If a man (not just me) would drop his standards after 50 years because it was that or nothing don't any women? Or are all women the right sort of age all with someone unless mental? I suspect that is the case, although not necessarily abroad as I meet some lovely women elsewhere online. A few are potty as well but at least not every single one.
So more questions than answers on that one, but may find one once I've started. At least I can go to bed now. Amen.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Drawing a blank
This is an interesting test. Each day of freedom shows me it can be used despite no plans until I get there. I got some nice pictures in Harrow School today and then got a few chores done before getting in front of the TV and computer as normal. I've got a counter here now with enough numbers not to get busted in a few years, and finally (I hope) repaired my Internet Explorer as it was only loading pages every few attempts. I still can't use my recent documents but the two went together so may be connected. Tomorrow is free again and besides making a possible video haven't made any decisions, although in the evening do plan some paperwork now it's dark by before 5. I haven't checked the hit counter yet a day after I set it, but will be commenting on others again now it's too dark to stay out very late.
The green taxes hit hard today, with meat to follow the fuel already set to double or more. As if I didn't see it coming and shame on all the gullible fools who thought it was about the planet. I hope one by one these people learn a lesson the governments are bigger crooks than the convicts, and no different from Soviet Russia or even the Nazis, who were arguably more honest as they said exactly what they planned to do and the people happened to agree. I don't of course but I don't agree with the current bunch of wankers either. The era of truth has begun though, the immigration plans are now out of the bag and as long as an MP or two force an enquiry the issue may be discredited as it should have been via the last election that kept these clowns in. The BBC were forced to admit the climate figures, probably before everyone else left them behind to look like climate stability deniers. Boot on other foot now isn't it?
It's always a balance between the personal world and the outside world, any good news on either always helps but comes as and when it chooses. As I have 32 blue panel direction signs already the idea of travelling the London equivalent of an Indiana Jones journey is allowed to discourage me, after getting some far rarer ones just as far afield but on much easier routes. Then is Knockholt, a lot further but in the country, and Sevenoaks which is on one route there. Saved for later if I can be arsed that is. The woman whose sister claimed she wanted to marry me in a few months is not behaving like anyone who even wants more than a free evening of entertainment to me. I don't want more than her body as her mind sadly is a very large echoing void. Quite harmless but the mind of a child. If not she'd have been married years ago.
So I hope for a lot, although hope is second to greed as it's smaller child. But I don't expect it which is the child of unintelligence. I expect nothing as even the usual events can change either way, and only dare to hope as things have happened before so set the precedent. There is a line to cross for every event in my life from darkness to light. Women, fame, sorting out each news issue, and everything else affecting my quality of life. I blog besides living alone as there's no community in London. People in Liphook 50 miles away were saying on TV they all know each other, and had I grew up in a small town like that I'd be part of something and know lots of people nearby. As it is the only neighbour who bothered with me (usually to cadge favours) was sent 60 miles away by a court in his absence, my best friend fled the country in 2002, and my nearest two relatives to me are both dead now. There's Ms Medication, the nearest thing to a relationship currently who does live round the corner and gives little but grief and aggravation, besides getting me out doing things again, someone a few miles away who works nights, my parents even further (in different directions), and currently that's it. There was the creepy lizard literally round the corner who entertained herself visiting for whatever she could get out of my personal abilities till I didn't do her a favour in the way she wanted and let all her poison out by email. Not that that was new, she'd just saved it as if I couldn't tell until she didn't want me any more and let me know what was always in her mind.
Then there's the list of people I do my best to avoid. These are the tail end of a stream of hangers on I've had since I left school who didn't work and found me around during the day when I was a student or working odd hours (yes, I worked properly till a while ago). I learnt to head them off but one or two still return when they feel like a try again. I have a car, a decent computer and plenty to eat. Then I can do my impressions and similar to complete the full use of my potential with absolutely nothing in return. No thanks. I've done my best to keep the sponge from the door but it keeps trying. I've had enough of being sponged and that was after 2am trips to supermarkets and other minicab jobs (unpaid) before I drew the line. So being almost fully isolated from actual people I have no current choice but the internet. I hope (yet again) that will not last for too much longer.
The green taxes hit hard today, with meat to follow the fuel already set to double or more. As if I didn't see it coming and shame on all the gullible fools who thought it was about the planet. I hope one by one these people learn a lesson the governments are bigger crooks than the convicts, and no different from Soviet Russia or even the Nazis, who were arguably more honest as they said exactly what they planned to do and the people happened to agree. I don't of course but I don't agree with the current bunch of wankers either. The era of truth has begun though, the immigration plans are now out of the bag and as long as an MP or two force an enquiry the issue may be discredited as it should have been via the last election that kept these clowns in. The BBC were forced to admit the climate figures, probably before everyone else left them behind to look like climate stability deniers. Boot on other foot now isn't it?
It's always a balance between the personal world and the outside world, any good news on either always helps but comes as and when it chooses. As I have 32 blue panel direction signs already the idea of travelling the London equivalent of an Indiana Jones journey is allowed to discourage me, after getting some far rarer ones just as far afield but on much easier routes. Then is Knockholt, a lot further but in the country, and Sevenoaks which is on one route there. Saved for later if I can be arsed that is. The woman whose sister claimed she wanted to marry me in a few months is not behaving like anyone who even wants more than a free evening of entertainment to me. I don't want more than her body as her mind sadly is a very large echoing void. Quite harmless but the mind of a child. If not she'd have been married years ago.
So I hope for a lot, although hope is second to greed as it's smaller child. But I don't expect it which is the child of unintelligence. I expect nothing as even the usual events can change either way, and only dare to hope as things have happened before so set the precedent. There is a line to cross for every event in my life from darkness to light. Women, fame, sorting out each news issue, and everything else affecting my quality of life. I blog besides living alone as there's no community in London. People in Liphook 50 miles away were saying on TV they all know each other, and had I grew up in a small town like that I'd be part of something and know lots of people nearby. As it is the only neighbour who bothered with me (usually to cadge favours) was sent 60 miles away by a court in his absence, my best friend fled the country in 2002, and my nearest two relatives to me are both dead now. There's Ms Medication, the nearest thing to a relationship currently who does live round the corner and gives little but grief and aggravation, besides getting me out doing things again, someone a few miles away who works nights, my parents even further (in different directions), and currently that's it. There was the creepy lizard literally round the corner who entertained herself visiting for whatever she could get out of my personal abilities till I didn't do her a favour in the way she wanted and let all her poison out by email. Not that that was new, she'd just saved it as if I couldn't tell until she didn't want me any more and let me know what was always in her mind.
Then there's the list of people I do my best to avoid. These are the tail end of a stream of hangers on I've had since I left school who didn't work and found me around during the day when I was a student or working odd hours (yes, I worked properly till a while ago). I learnt to head them off but one or two still return when they feel like a try again. I have a car, a decent computer and plenty to eat. Then I can do my impressions and similar to complete the full use of my potential with absolutely nothing in return. No thanks. I've done my best to keep the sponge from the door but it keeps trying. I've had enough of being sponged and that was after 2am trips to supermarkets and other minicab jobs (unpaid) before I drew the line. So being almost fully isolated from actual people I have no current choice but the internet. I hope (yet again) that will not last for too much longer.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Friends old and new.
I'm still working my way round new scenes, a park nearby I saw online on Monday for the first time was the venue for yesterday and a bus in Southgate today. I've had two bunches of calls for work enquiries and one actually booked and he hasn't called since. I had a set of accounts to do over the weekend so slightly busier on the work front but that pays peanuts. But better than nothing. I've continued sending messages to people with a complete lack of results, fancy that. I can't find the list of women I was going to try on the dating site (usual occurence here) but keep looking for new ones. You never know. Just for the curious the main focus of my own social life for years now has literally been the YMCA. It took (like most places here) ages before I even spoke to anyone in the gym where I spend most of the time, the cafe everyone keeps to themselves and at least they've had the odd party there where I chatted to one woman and danced with another older than my mother (apparently). I also had a blind date from hell set up with a member which I described at the time. The social side is extra as it's mainly gym related but I've no idea if others have managed more than I have. But I don't hide away like some people think.
Besides there I did work my way through my mum's Polish cleaners (many far higher qualified than me), but got no more than vague discussions of arrangements and no further. She's also introduced me to a few women who were (apart from her friend) disaster areas, but her friend is nearly as old as her and not up for any funny business. Of course there's always the old standby, funerals. I've asked one woman out from one (no), and had one ask me out (no way!). There's little else to do once the service is over and everyone's back at the house eating. It's at least a way to keep in touch with the relatives who forget we're alive till someone else dies, and then forget again till the next one. My favourite local cousin died young about 20 years ago and the other is American. I've been to see him there once but he comes here every few years since I was born. And he shares my dirty mind which is an added benefit. But with only one (late) uncle all my cousins are my parents' ones as my uncle had no children. I have at least 100 second cousins worldwide from up the road (almost) to Australia but never really had a lot in common with them. As soon as they were old enough to go out on their own we only saw them at weddings and funerals and besides being related may as well have met them on the bus. Tragic really.
I could never think of any reason to drift away from any of my long term friends, besides when they move away, but a few chose to drift away from me for whatever reasons. Fair enough, I did better than most with nearly all my friends being met before I was 17 besides one who also drifted off since. I don't think most people average 20-30 years for most of theirs but I always have. That's another reason I look from the past as even if just one old friend wanted to get involved again it would take the chance element out of the equation. The character from Crouch End clearly got fed up so can't see him bothering although I only have a rough idea where his brother is since they left the area and none about him. One who went back to Holland in the 70s for reasons unknown didn't keep in touch as of course he knew where I was but not vice versa. He was another character and very entertaining. Jacob as described before was run over and killed long before anything could be revived here. Another one ended up a career criminal and vanished once he'd done his last stretch and got married (and then divorced). We went back to 1965 and had looked after me till he buggered off to his new life of crime some 20 years later. He followed me through three schools and regularly bought my lunch (he just did that sort of thing) although it turned out later he'd probably nicked a lot of the money he spread around on other people. Easy come easy go. But he didn't do it to his friends, only made up stories to get me in trouble sometimes but nobody's perfect.
Then there were the people who weren't friends but the class comedians. Maybe if I name a few here someone will find them. I've had it happen before actually although one had a very unusual name, and sadly another death but at least I know everything about her life now. Malcolm Cohen was a Scottish eccentric who'd moved to London and loved to show off 'my father's a lawyer you know' was the main routine (although both my parents are, his were millionaires). He was the class comedian when I was off duty, and could sing and do improvised comedy like a professional or nutcase, depending on your point of view. But bloody hilarious. But there are thousands of people with the same name including a couple where he used to live so that's a dead end. Then a name few could confuse with another, Neil Ralph Dourmashkin. He loved the name so much he'd go around shouting it out at break and was another albeit more anarchic entertainer. He's probably in insurance now with a few kids. Most go that way. Then there was the 'Jewish brigade' at primary school. Not because they were as most of us were, but because they'd kept the names my family and so many others had rejected, and sounded like a roll call in The Bronx. Berger, Berglas, Portnoy, Rappaport, Goodman, Rifkin, Levene, Cohn, which are like music to my ears when reminded whenever I hear them now. I hope more people hang on to their European names as it's an identity lost when each is lost to an English version or worse still something randomly chosen. Cohen for Horsebox as a comedian pointed out.
Well now I know if anyone googles Neil Dourmashkin my blog will turn up as probably the sole hit. The number of times I've googled something to find the only reference was my own when looking for them initially. I think the whole of life seems to be doing that to me for some reason, like the oozlum bird, eventually disappearing up my own fundament (arsehole to you). God forbid.
Besides there I did work my way through my mum's Polish cleaners (many far higher qualified than me), but got no more than vague discussions of arrangements and no further. She's also introduced me to a few women who were (apart from her friend) disaster areas, but her friend is nearly as old as her and not up for any funny business. Of course there's always the old standby, funerals. I've asked one woman out from one (no), and had one ask me out (no way!). There's little else to do once the service is over and everyone's back at the house eating. It's at least a way to keep in touch with the relatives who forget we're alive till someone else dies, and then forget again till the next one. My favourite local cousin died young about 20 years ago and the other is American. I've been to see him there once but he comes here every few years since I was born. And he shares my dirty mind which is an added benefit. But with only one (late) uncle all my cousins are my parents' ones as my uncle had no children. I have at least 100 second cousins worldwide from up the road (almost) to Australia but never really had a lot in common with them. As soon as they were old enough to go out on their own we only saw them at weddings and funerals and besides being related may as well have met them on the bus. Tragic really.
I could never think of any reason to drift away from any of my long term friends, besides when they move away, but a few chose to drift away from me for whatever reasons. Fair enough, I did better than most with nearly all my friends being met before I was 17 besides one who also drifted off since. I don't think most people average 20-30 years for most of theirs but I always have. That's another reason I look from the past as even if just one old friend wanted to get involved again it would take the chance element out of the equation. The character from Crouch End clearly got fed up so can't see him bothering although I only have a rough idea where his brother is since they left the area and none about him. One who went back to Holland in the 70s for reasons unknown didn't keep in touch as of course he knew where I was but not vice versa. He was another character and very entertaining. Jacob as described before was run over and killed long before anything could be revived here. Another one ended up a career criminal and vanished once he'd done his last stretch and got married (and then divorced). We went back to 1965 and had looked after me till he buggered off to his new life of crime some 20 years later. He followed me through three schools and regularly bought my lunch (he just did that sort of thing) although it turned out later he'd probably nicked a lot of the money he spread around on other people. Easy come easy go. But he didn't do it to his friends, only made up stories to get me in trouble sometimes but nobody's perfect.
Then there were the people who weren't friends but the class comedians. Maybe if I name a few here someone will find them. I've had it happen before actually although one had a very unusual name, and sadly another death but at least I know everything about her life now. Malcolm Cohen was a Scottish eccentric who'd moved to London and loved to show off 'my father's a lawyer you know' was the main routine (although both my parents are, his were millionaires). He was the class comedian when I was off duty, and could sing and do improvised comedy like a professional or nutcase, depending on your point of view. But bloody hilarious. But there are thousands of people with the same name including a couple where he used to live so that's a dead end. Then a name few could confuse with another, Neil Ralph Dourmashkin. He loved the name so much he'd go around shouting it out at break and was another albeit more anarchic entertainer. He's probably in insurance now with a few kids. Most go that way. Then there was the 'Jewish brigade' at primary school. Not because they were as most of us were, but because they'd kept the names my family and so many others had rejected, and sounded like a roll call in The Bronx. Berger, Berglas, Portnoy, Rappaport, Goodman, Rifkin, Levene, Cohn, which are like music to my ears when reminded whenever I hear them now. I hope more people hang on to their European names as it's an identity lost when each is lost to an English version or worse still something randomly chosen. Cohen for Horsebox as a comedian pointed out.
Well now I know if anyone googles Neil Dourmashkin my blog will turn up as probably the sole hit. The number of times I've googled something to find the only reference was my own when looking for them initially. I think the whole of life seems to be doing that to me for some reason, like the oozlum bird, eventually disappearing up my own fundament (arsehole to you). God forbid.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Busy new year
It seems I must have actually been doing things this year more than having time to write about them. Now that makes a change. Few have been very life changing, if any. I have seen a number of friends, as many were off over the Christmas period, and heard from a very welcome one as well. There are a few plans on those fronts but can't report unless there's anything to report after the events.
My American TV series started on Saturday, I'll be on in 2 weeks but until I get a DVD can't actually see it. Meanwhile my own Big Brother connections are slowly growing after seeing someone I know arrive in the celebrity cock up version they started last week. Being well over twice their age (it's a school leaver's edition) I really can't relate to any of them as however similar any may have been to me at that age (which none are) I can't really enthuse about meeting anyone of that age, except for a shag of course.
Other activities have included the usual photos despite the light going by 3, and sorting out the video so the buildings are now the right shape. I've been working on the car the last two days, with the garage's help, and a bit more booked for next week. After clearing the clothes cupboard for the first time since it was built in 1999 I still didn't find my decent trousers but did find some other long lost items.
This week the plans are slowly building up, work and things tomorrow so won't be out, possible visitor the next day and then I'm not sure, but if free am going to Dudden Hill to take photos since seeing a picture of it and finding something worth looking at there. Due to finding the 'Things to like about West Hampstead' group I decided to search around the roads there and did find a few very interesting ones plus some over the line in Cricklewood. And yes, I've taken a few people with me to take photos now so not the solitary pursuit it usually was. You can't tell by looking of course but once or twice they've taken a photo of me to spot the fact.
If I can add to this picture of suburban life with any more exciting news I will be only too pleased. I have many starts but not enough finishes, and of course the more major the plan the less likely the finish. I have a few on the go at the moment as I said, but always prefer to reveal the rare finishes than the hundreds of starts. That's normal but what isn't are the few finishes I've had outside the academic area and buying my house. Others mean looking back to my childhood period. No wonder I'm so stuck in nostalgia much of the time.
My American TV series started on Saturday, I'll be on in 2 weeks but until I get a DVD can't actually see it. Meanwhile my own Big Brother connections are slowly growing after seeing someone I know arrive in the celebrity cock up version they started last week. Being well over twice their age (it's a school leaver's edition) I really can't relate to any of them as however similar any may have been to me at that age (which none are) I can't really enthuse about meeting anyone of that age, except for a shag of course.
Other activities have included the usual photos despite the light going by 3, and sorting out the video so the buildings are now the right shape. I've been working on the car the last two days, with the garage's help, and a bit more booked for next week. After clearing the clothes cupboard for the first time since it was built in 1999 I still didn't find my decent trousers but did find some other long lost items.
This week the plans are slowly building up, work and things tomorrow so won't be out, possible visitor the next day and then I'm not sure, but if free am going to Dudden Hill to take photos since seeing a picture of it and finding something worth looking at there. Due to finding the 'Things to like about West Hampstead' group I decided to search around the roads there and did find a few very interesting ones plus some over the line in Cricklewood. And yes, I've taken a few people with me to take photos now so not the solitary pursuit it usually was. You can't tell by looking of course but once or twice they've taken a photo of me to spot the fact.
If I can add to this picture of suburban life with any more exciting news I will be only too pleased. I have many starts but not enough finishes, and of course the more major the plan the less likely the finish. I have a few on the go at the moment as I said, but always prefer to reveal the rare finishes than the hundreds of starts. That's normal but what isn't are the few finishes I've had outside the academic area and buying my house. Others mean looking back to my childhood period. No wonder I'm so stuck in nostalgia much of the time.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Life goes on
Life seems to be returning after an absence. Why it takes a death to reunite us with our friends and family is a sad reflection on British cold and uncaring society where each person gets on with their life until they need you.
So the death has reunited many friends of a lifetime with the family of the bereaved and restarted many halted friendships as people were reminded they still existed.
I have cleared the latest work obligations for the time being, and besides one late appointment hope to blitz Golders Green tomorrow with my camera. Until I left the area I never appreciated it besides the people I knew there, but when you are pushed into average suburbia you notice the difference compared to the truly affluent. Face it, most places are a dump, certainly in Britain. Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester, Bristol, all have miles of what in London we'd call slums but for there are perfectly normal. I hear some of these cities have some nice areas but in all the circuits I've made around Liverpool can only say they've hidden them pretty well. Imagine spreading Harlesden across a 10 mile diameter or more and this is what these places are like. And no wonder most Brits are so miserable having to look at such dreary views all their lives.
Otherwise my media progress has made its little jump at last, and have a 4th date to film pencilled in the same time my 3rd showing has been. Women are however not so positive and the single female friend around has been unable to hook up with me the last few phone calls as each time one of us couldn't talk. I hope she is calling for the same reason I would but will have to wait to find out. Meanwhile I'm still looking round blogger.com to see how other blogs can be found and will ask them although they tend to use automated replies if you email which means there is probably no one there to answer actual correspondence. Otherwise the sites wouldn't be free to use so I can't really complain as I pay for two sites now which I really rather wouldn't. And having had one comment in 2 months here would be very unlikely to waste money apparently talking to myself.
I now hope the large amount of new supernatural evidence I've heard recently allows me to use them more and experience them for myself. Enough people have reported bilocating while the person they visited said they had been seen while also in another place. These sort of double viewings can't be dismissed as if you have a witness in both locations who say the person is present it can't really be faked as although you know where the physical body is you won't know where the etheric will project, the projector rarely knows either, so can return and say 'I visited X', and you then call X and ask if they saw anyone in their room, and many say they did, often calling first to ask what they were doing walking into their bedroom. Ghosts are far more likely to be bilocated living people as remote viewers have been collated over many years accurately describing locations worldwide, and if you are that way inclined you don't just send your awareness there but an image of your body made of visible light energy. Just because these events are rare means a handful have actually witnessed them so few even realise it's possible, but as it's my mission to learn about it I seek them out and trust the few I've heard.
On a final note I am batting away social invitations at the moment which have come in a pack like the old 26 buses did along Finchley Road, as my tiredness doesn't permit normal arrangements yet and they'll just have to wait unless sex is involved/offered. I'll come out of my hole for that but little else besides the TV cameras at the moment. Suits me.
So the death has reunited many friends of a lifetime with the family of the bereaved and restarted many halted friendships as people were reminded they still existed.
I have cleared the latest work obligations for the time being, and besides one late appointment hope to blitz Golders Green tomorrow with my camera. Until I left the area I never appreciated it besides the people I knew there, but when you are pushed into average suburbia you notice the difference compared to the truly affluent. Face it, most places are a dump, certainly in Britain. Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester, Bristol, all have miles of what in London we'd call slums but for there are perfectly normal. I hear some of these cities have some nice areas but in all the circuits I've made around Liverpool can only say they've hidden them pretty well. Imagine spreading Harlesden across a 10 mile diameter or more and this is what these places are like. And no wonder most Brits are so miserable having to look at such dreary views all their lives.
Otherwise my media progress has made its little jump at last, and have a 4th date to film pencilled in the same time my 3rd showing has been. Women are however not so positive and the single female friend around has been unable to hook up with me the last few phone calls as each time one of us couldn't talk. I hope she is calling for the same reason I would but will have to wait to find out. Meanwhile I'm still looking round blogger.com to see how other blogs can be found and will ask them although they tend to use automated replies if you email which means there is probably no one there to answer actual correspondence. Otherwise the sites wouldn't be free to use so I can't really complain as I pay for two sites now which I really rather wouldn't. And having had one comment in 2 months here would be very unlikely to waste money apparently talking to myself.
I now hope the large amount of new supernatural evidence I've heard recently allows me to use them more and experience them for myself. Enough people have reported bilocating while the person they visited said they had been seen while also in another place. These sort of double viewings can't be dismissed as if you have a witness in both locations who say the person is present it can't really be faked as although you know where the physical body is you won't know where the etheric will project, the projector rarely knows either, so can return and say 'I visited X', and you then call X and ask if they saw anyone in their room, and many say they did, often calling first to ask what they were doing walking into their bedroom. Ghosts are far more likely to be bilocated living people as remote viewers have been collated over many years accurately describing locations worldwide, and if you are that way inclined you don't just send your awareness there but an image of your body made of visible light energy. Just because these events are rare means a handful have actually witnessed them so few even realise it's possible, but as it's my mission to learn about it I seek them out and trust the few I've heard.
On a final note I am batting away social invitations at the moment which have come in a pack like the old 26 buses did along Finchley Road, as my tiredness doesn't permit normal arrangements yet and they'll just have to wait unless sex is involved/offered. I'll come out of my hole for that but little else besides the TV cameras at the moment. Suits me.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Real life
Strangely, regardless of other circumstances, real life seems to have returned this week. At the prayers after the funeral of our oldest friend's father I saw my past. The family were the centre of my social life from birth, and most of the people I knew were somehow connected with them. So despite London as it is having few if any communities I found myself back in the only one I had outside Devon, which was my summer community till 1989.
However long it had been since I saw anyone, a few years back to about 25, they were all part of my life and vice versa, and shared many memories going back as long as we could remember. So despite a large gap that continuity at least will carry on.
Yesterday I also met a neighbour from 4 doors away, except he left in 1955 and returned for a few days from Australia after 40 years away, and turned out we had a lot in common as well as our roots- I lived in the road opposite until I was 5 from 1960-1965. And he has revived some of my faith in the supernatural, with some reports showing he is clearly at one of the highest developed levels. I mix in those circles and rarely meet anyone like that, including the pros- they are in the main just good at talking and selling and I'm as psychic as many of them. The really good ones tend to be working quietly and rarely get any media attention. Peter Walker was one, and Geoff Boltwood who actively avoids publicity (sorry Geoff!) is another. Uri Geller has the personality but also the ability to probably imitate all the tricks he claims to do, and even he admits they may not be genuine at times. It's very simple to me, I either witness it for myself or don't believe, like anything else.
Big Brother (sister?) is now on, and as would happen I had to record the opening night as I was at the prayers, and heard the lot on the radio in the car home before I saw the tape. All women? I think they are beginning to realise what I already knew, same sex groups become very dull after a short time and however much many claim to dislike men few will not be missing them by now. It's not natural. I spent 3 years at a boy's school and my parents really should have known better than send me there. Just because half of them ended up at Oxford or Cambridge isn't the only point. I bet there are enough with mental problems as well, although I can't prove it. Will Self was one who did the usual route, school, Cambridge and media success, although from all my 7 or so schools I kept up less with the people there than any others, mainly as apart from a few I didn't get on with them. And the few on friends reunited didn't reply besides one I was never friendly with who invited me to America. How people can change. OK, I did correspond with a few but nothing compared to the other places.
Besides a dodgy appointment on Tuesday I have cleared the diary for this week, and unless a disaster falls will now finally be on TV again (3rd speaking role) next month. With the biggest audience so far. That is so important as the media career is the one thing that has improved in recent years, with my health, love and social life almost disappearing. I have a couple of extra TV ideas, and have saved up a summary of a walking tour of North London I want to try and get off the ground. With agoraphobic tendencies making a programme that gets me to walk around familiar roads is also very good therapy. Chronic fatigue was the real killer though and that's nothing to do with phobias, just stops you doing very much. On the mend now but I really have to limit my activities so far to one at a time. It does mean a lot more housework gets done though which is pretty useful.
I am now off to see what photographic gems I can see in NW11 on the way out, someone just posted a few classics in my local photo group which I had missed so it proves it can still be done. If they had to find one I'd put the new centre of London right in the middle of Finchley Road, Temple Fortune. Then you could watch the news on CNN in America and see them say 'And here's the news from Finchley Road'. We'd be on the map at last! It's the centre of my London already though.
However long it had been since I saw anyone, a few years back to about 25, they were all part of my life and vice versa, and shared many memories going back as long as we could remember. So despite a large gap that continuity at least will carry on.
Yesterday I also met a neighbour from 4 doors away, except he left in 1955 and returned for a few days from Australia after 40 years away, and turned out we had a lot in common as well as our roots- I lived in the road opposite until I was 5 from 1960-1965. And he has revived some of my faith in the supernatural, with some reports showing he is clearly at one of the highest developed levels. I mix in those circles and rarely meet anyone like that, including the pros- they are in the main just good at talking and selling and I'm as psychic as many of them. The really good ones tend to be working quietly and rarely get any media attention. Peter Walker was one, and Geoff Boltwood who actively avoids publicity (sorry Geoff!) is another. Uri Geller has the personality but also the ability to probably imitate all the tricks he claims to do, and even he admits they may not be genuine at times. It's very simple to me, I either witness it for myself or don't believe, like anything else.
Big Brother (sister?) is now on, and as would happen I had to record the opening night as I was at the prayers, and heard the lot on the radio in the car home before I saw the tape. All women? I think they are beginning to realise what I already knew, same sex groups become very dull after a short time and however much many claim to dislike men few will not be missing them by now. It's not natural. I spent 3 years at a boy's school and my parents really should have known better than send me there. Just because half of them ended up at Oxford or Cambridge isn't the only point. I bet there are enough with mental problems as well, although I can't prove it. Will Self was one who did the usual route, school, Cambridge and media success, although from all my 7 or so schools I kept up less with the people there than any others, mainly as apart from a few I didn't get on with them. And the few on friends reunited didn't reply besides one I was never friendly with who invited me to America. How people can change. OK, I did correspond with a few but nothing compared to the other places.
Besides a dodgy appointment on Tuesday I have cleared the diary for this week, and unless a disaster falls will now finally be on TV again (3rd speaking role) next month. With the biggest audience so far. That is so important as the media career is the one thing that has improved in recent years, with my health, love and social life almost disappearing. I have a couple of extra TV ideas, and have saved up a summary of a walking tour of North London I want to try and get off the ground. With agoraphobic tendencies making a programme that gets me to walk around familiar roads is also very good therapy. Chronic fatigue was the real killer though and that's nothing to do with phobias, just stops you doing very much. On the mend now but I really have to limit my activities so far to one at a time. It does mean a lot more housework gets done though which is pretty useful.
I am now off to see what photographic gems I can see in NW11 on the way out, someone just posted a few classics in my local photo group which I had missed so it proves it can still be done. If they had to find one I'd put the new centre of London right in the middle of Finchley Road, Temple Fortune. Then you could watch the news on CNN in America and see them say 'And here's the news from Finchley Road'. We'd be on the map at last! It's the centre of my London already though.
Monday, April 09, 2007
In a world of my own
If possible we should laugh at life. Take nothing too seriously. It's marginally easier to do this with other people's problems than our own, but it can work. I can't see much to laugh at, do or anything else at the moment, though I am getting to know someone better and better who is taken, too young, unsuitable and one of the only women I know at the moment besides one who thinks I'm too young (as if that was possible) who has any effect on me. I get more from spending a little time with her than a lot with most other women, even if something actually happens. It's the quality that counts and I saw it the first day I ever saw her and it grows each time since. That's one example of letting it happen out of my control, it's got its own momentum and however unlikely any progress would be I am happy the way things are going as they are.
So, possibly for the first time blogger removed 2 paragraphs. I removed a third as it made me look like more of a geek than I really am. Yes, it is possible. I basically was repeating the same story as usual in different ways and may have done everyone a favour losing it all. So I have to replace it with something. It was only because there was nothing else to do and I was listening to web radio I came back here at all. I also said I seem to have lost everyone but family and cat, the other people being either like the sort of people you see every day on the bsu and recognise but rarely if ever speak to, and the others less than useful. Worse than neutral. But even in prison people usually prefer to be sharing a cell with a couple of perverts than solitary. But my experience with tenants showed this not to be the case. I've met a number of evil men but possibly just the one woman, who shared my house for 9 months. Anyone who saw the witches in Dr Who last weekend she made them look like Margaret Thatcher and Shirley Williams. She was the real deal. One person (I was aware of) wouldn't even come in my house because of her.
So I appear to be surrounded by a cast of Twilight Zone meets One flew over the cuckoo's nest. And a bit of Rain Man, not that I saw it. Even Forrest Gump would be an improvement but I do know a few as well. Having a diary I can mention the week ahead, having done the station photos last week, despite very few variations it's bus photos next. That or sod all. Then mow the lawn, work on Wednesday and the rest is mystery. Predictable possibly but last week was actually pretty good. Five straight days of photos, no work as described yesterday, and a little necessary shopping. Maybe the lack of life will force me to meditate more as whatever else happens that is always the same. Not the results but the system. And it can't make me worse and usually makes me better, even for a few minutes. Just for fun (I am bored) it's April so I'll quickly review 2007's little highs so far. I have:
Interestingly the computer ate this paragraph. Just read the earlier entries and you'll find out, it was fuck all really, who was I ever trying to kid.
I may have missed a few things and as this clearly has a bug and ate another paragraph the angels are trying to stop me. I did point out this is as good as therapy, free and get as much feedback as many in analysis, and if I can work things out here others may learn as well. Though people vary I can only assume we all share the same spectrum of feelings, as do animals, and problems are the same whoever you are. Only so many with personal variations. Well before this arsehole of a computer kills any more of my writing I'd better save this and piss off.
So, possibly for the first time blogger removed 2 paragraphs. I removed a third as it made me look like more of a geek than I really am. Yes, it is possible. I basically was repeating the same story as usual in different ways and may have done everyone a favour losing it all. So I have to replace it with something. It was only because there was nothing else to do and I was listening to web radio I came back here at all. I also said I seem to have lost everyone but family and cat, the other people being either like the sort of people you see every day on the bsu and recognise but rarely if ever speak to, and the others less than useful. Worse than neutral. But even in prison people usually prefer to be sharing a cell with a couple of perverts than solitary. But my experience with tenants showed this not to be the case. I've met a number of evil men but possibly just the one woman, who shared my house for 9 months. Anyone who saw the witches in Dr Who last weekend she made them look like Margaret Thatcher and Shirley Williams. She was the real deal. One person (I was aware of) wouldn't even come in my house because of her.
So I appear to be surrounded by a cast of Twilight Zone meets One flew over the cuckoo's nest. And a bit of Rain Man, not that I saw it. Even Forrest Gump would be an improvement but I do know a few as well. Having a diary I can mention the week ahead, having done the station photos last week, despite very few variations it's bus photos next. That or sod all. Then mow the lawn, work on Wednesday and the rest is mystery. Predictable possibly but last week was actually pretty good. Five straight days of photos, no work as described yesterday, and a little necessary shopping. Maybe the lack of life will force me to meditate more as whatever else happens that is always the same. Not the results but the system. And it can't make me worse and usually makes me better, even for a few minutes. Just for fun (I am bored) it's April so I'll quickly review 2007's little highs so far. I have:
Interestingly the computer ate this paragraph. Just read the earlier entries and you'll find out, it was fuck all really, who was I ever trying to kid.
I may have missed a few things and as this clearly has a bug and ate another paragraph the angels are trying to stop me. I did point out this is as good as therapy, free and get as much feedback as many in analysis, and if I can work things out here others may learn as well. Though people vary I can only assume we all share the same spectrum of feelings, as do animals, and problems are the same whoever you are. Only so many with personal variations. Well before this arsehole of a computer kills any more of my writing I'd better save this and piss off.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Personal summary
Before I start why the hell have blogger stopped linking our profile interests? I only found the linked blogs (which 2 people have just pulled, thanks guys...) and now we have these fucking pointless keywords which only link to topics in our own blogs, and I write the same damn topics every time so are redundant anyway.
Otherwise little has happened, happening or changed. I'm here blogging now simply as there's nothing else to do, I did buy some more charcoal blocks for my incense and 2 from 4 brake blocks as they only had the long ones for the front wheel which so far won't come off anyway. This is what I'm driven to writing about. More bleeding accounts tomorrow (error and company checks, wow...) then a very rare free client who wormed his way into a free sample. Then once I'm free I expect to go to Swiss Cottage just to get 2 more station photos (again, look what banality I'm reduced to) and anything else I find along the route. I have found a number of nice roads in Temple Fortune now and decided it's better to move somewhere better than not at all even though it's not perfect. At least my plans are now fixed should the money arrive. Hillcrest Gardens is between other roads and I may never have even stopped to look until last week.
I was also given a lecture on how easy it is to go out and make new friends. At least it reminded me how few people qualify as friends for me and clearly not everyone has to have someone so exactly right. I've been around and the only people I meet who qualify are generally abroad on the internet nowadays. Hard luck for me as the others are my clients I'm not allowed to mix with socially. I knew from a few years old if someone was right as a friend and if not nothing could make it more than a casual rare visit. The others I could spend weeks with and it was a line which was very clearly drawn. My mum asked me and I think the last new proper friend I made was in 1981. Honestly! I did meet someone in 1994 or so as well but was more hard work so only made the margins. And these aren't women, just friends. I didn't need new ones as I kept the old ones. At least when the last one left the country in 2002 I met a girlfriend for a while who ended up incarcerated by the NHS soon after we met so that never reached its conclusion had her health been OK. Then I was on my own, literally.
Now I have my routine and see family instead of friends, who are all alone now like me. I go out, usually on my own (mind you during the day everyone else was working) and sadly hardly ever visit outside the family as nobody really asks me. I still believe things usually change naturally and I pick up friends by chance rather than effort. And I only need one at a time so not such a huge demand really. As I've said before my personal qualities tend to go to extremes, either very good or very poor. My social skills are apparently slightly better than a 7 year old, more like someone with mild autism who's been to classes. My understanding seems to outstretch most, no credit to me, and like in the gym physically I can either do a lot on some exercises or the minimum on others. Even my arms and legs can pull or push the maximum on a few machines and hardly anything on others depending which muscles are used. As someone said, we are all designed differently and this is my blueprint, what I am and not to be tinkered with by critics who want me to be either like them or not like them, depending if they see in me thier own faults or ones they despise. But I'll remind everyone now, my faults harm me and not others, so leave them be. The worst I'll do is not join in an arrangement from agoraphobia, my loss. But I help whenever and whoever I can and know my heart is in the right place
Besides that past Tuesday is currently clear. Swiss Cottage, then I'll have to wait and see. Last week collected a lot, work and then 3 lots of photos, plus at least a provisional decision on moving in the future. Little more past present or future, yet.
Otherwise little has happened, happening or changed. I'm here blogging now simply as there's nothing else to do, I did buy some more charcoal blocks for my incense and 2 from 4 brake blocks as they only had the long ones for the front wheel which so far won't come off anyway. This is what I'm driven to writing about. More bleeding accounts tomorrow (error and company checks, wow...) then a very rare free client who wormed his way into a free sample. Then once I'm free I expect to go to Swiss Cottage just to get 2 more station photos (again, look what banality I'm reduced to) and anything else I find along the route. I have found a number of nice roads in Temple Fortune now and decided it's better to move somewhere better than not at all even though it's not perfect. At least my plans are now fixed should the money arrive. Hillcrest Gardens is between other roads and I may never have even stopped to look until last week.
I was also given a lecture on how easy it is to go out and make new friends. At least it reminded me how few people qualify as friends for me and clearly not everyone has to have someone so exactly right. I've been around and the only people I meet who qualify are generally abroad on the internet nowadays. Hard luck for me as the others are my clients I'm not allowed to mix with socially. I knew from a few years old if someone was right as a friend and if not nothing could make it more than a casual rare visit. The others I could spend weeks with and it was a line which was very clearly drawn. My mum asked me and I think the last new proper friend I made was in 1981. Honestly! I did meet someone in 1994 or so as well but was more hard work so only made the margins. And these aren't women, just friends. I didn't need new ones as I kept the old ones. At least when the last one left the country in 2002 I met a girlfriend for a while who ended up incarcerated by the NHS soon after we met so that never reached its conclusion had her health been OK. Then I was on my own, literally.
Now I have my routine and see family instead of friends, who are all alone now like me. I go out, usually on my own (mind you during the day everyone else was working) and sadly hardly ever visit outside the family as nobody really asks me. I still believe things usually change naturally and I pick up friends by chance rather than effort. And I only need one at a time so not such a huge demand really. As I've said before my personal qualities tend to go to extremes, either very good or very poor. My social skills are apparently slightly better than a 7 year old, more like someone with mild autism who's been to classes. My understanding seems to outstretch most, no credit to me, and like in the gym physically I can either do a lot on some exercises or the minimum on others. Even my arms and legs can pull or push the maximum on a few machines and hardly anything on others depending which muscles are used. As someone said, we are all designed differently and this is my blueprint, what I am and not to be tinkered with by critics who want me to be either like them or not like them, depending if they see in me thier own faults or ones they despise. But I'll remind everyone now, my faults harm me and not others, so leave them be. The worst I'll do is not join in an arrangement from agoraphobia, my loss. But I help whenever and whoever I can and know my heart is in the right place
Besides that past Tuesday is currently clear. Swiss Cottage, then I'll have to wait and see. Last week collected a lot, work and then 3 lots of photos, plus at least a provisional decision on moving in the future. Little more past present or future, yet.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Social life
Updates, like anyone cares... Did get the photos in Colindale but they looked exactly like all the others despite being different places. If I run out of photos to take there'll need to be something new to do to get me out of the house. Then after correctly rememberingthe opticians opened till 6 every day the arseholes were closed when I got there at 5.30. As I was going past it anyway I waited rather than make a special journey assuming they could be trusted, so it'll now be a special journey next week. So the day was predictable but efficient even though of course when anything relies on other people they didn't do their part.
If I'm lucky tomorrow I may get pictures of the North Circular in Hanger Lane Ealing, assuming it isn't dark when I go that way. Besides that over 24 hours how much else can happen? Not a lot comes the answer. Does it put me off? Not at all. The good news was my hits have increased a bit so maybe people were busy in the holiday week unlike me who is hardly ever busy on any part of any year. Of course I used to be but things change imperceptibly until you find your life has moved somewhere else and there's really sod all you can do to beat the greater picture. Ahead now is the day the guy can make my new computer (it's not off the shelf and needs my existing hard drive), probably in 2 weeks. I also remembered Tales of the riverbank after hearing something on the radio and ordered a video of it which was one of my favourite programmes in the 1960s, and actually spent half an hour waiting on Doncaster Station platform with Johnny Morris in about 1982 though I didn't go and speak to him. And there wasn't a zebra in sight (for those who watched Animal Magic like I did).
I also had a conversation with someone (I honestly can't remember who, the subject is usually far more important than the source for me) that I wonder how many people in life find life improves and they prefer the present to the past and vice versa. I saw life peak around 1969 and then fall apart slowly from about 1981 onwards progressively. I can technically catalogue every element and it was just like losing teeth until there were none left. Of course once you lose your teeth that's it, and it sometimes feels what I had was here when it was time and now it's gone that's the lot. I doubt that could be right but in practical terms it's possible though not inevitable. With two more days left of the year I don't believe the number matters. Landmarks count not dates, and besides a birthday every January which really makes me think about time passing the rest just carries on as always. Though I know it only takes one person to change all this but people are like angels, they come when they choose and not you. Luckily I'm not paranoid like some people I know and take it personally, I know they all left for their own reasons and I was nothing to do with it. That's the problem, people can't consider others when they move away. Not even me really. I know my family would miss me and probably an ex girlfriend but the others wouldn't even notice I suspect. I can come half way and make calls but if they don't return I have to let them go.
Unless I've missed anyone the last new close friend I met was probably at college in 1982. It's not that I had no friends since, I just kept the same ones. I barely have women as close friends as sex intervenes. Either I want it and they don't, no friendship there, or vice versa where I rarely turn it down, don't enjoy it and let them go, same result. Had it been mutual I would be telling a different story now. I have met many people since them but the closest to friends were also pains in the arse and however well we got on I had to suffer at the same time. A true friendship shouldn't have faults so I didn't include it. And I kept going to the same holiday place till 1989 but though I pulled many times I didn't meet any new friends there though half the ones I know were met there in the 60s and 70s. Do people rarely meet new friends once they grow up? I don't know. Though I never needed new friends it didn't stop me meeting them and admittedly I had a very close female friend I met around 1984 until she got engaged, though I was still interested in more she was such good fun I still loved to see her, and another around then who wanted more from me but I enjoyed her company and tested her body and unfortunately the mind won. She also left to get married and divorced so maybe I did have female friends as well though both times one wanted more but the friendships were strong enough to survive despite wanting more. So I remembered something more as we do when we talk about it. I'm still only at the early 80s, meaning I can't think of a friend I met more recently than that, but if it comes to me I'll add it in. But a best friend is only one person and for the first time ever there's a vacancy.
If I'm lucky tomorrow I may get pictures of the North Circular in Hanger Lane Ealing, assuming it isn't dark when I go that way. Besides that over 24 hours how much else can happen? Not a lot comes the answer. Does it put me off? Not at all. The good news was my hits have increased a bit so maybe people were busy in the holiday week unlike me who is hardly ever busy on any part of any year. Of course I used to be but things change imperceptibly until you find your life has moved somewhere else and there's really sod all you can do to beat the greater picture. Ahead now is the day the guy can make my new computer (it's not off the shelf and needs my existing hard drive), probably in 2 weeks. I also remembered Tales of the riverbank after hearing something on the radio and ordered a video of it which was one of my favourite programmes in the 1960s, and actually spent half an hour waiting on Doncaster Station platform with Johnny Morris in about 1982 though I didn't go and speak to him. And there wasn't a zebra in sight (for those who watched Animal Magic like I did).
I also had a conversation with someone (I honestly can't remember who, the subject is usually far more important than the source for me) that I wonder how many people in life find life improves and they prefer the present to the past and vice versa. I saw life peak around 1969 and then fall apart slowly from about 1981 onwards progressively. I can technically catalogue every element and it was just like losing teeth until there were none left. Of course once you lose your teeth that's it, and it sometimes feels what I had was here when it was time and now it's gone that's the lot. I doubt that could be right but in practical terms it's possible though not inevitable. With two more days left of the year I don't believe the number matters. Landmarks count not dates, and besides a birthday every January which really makes me think about time passing the rest just carries on as always. Though I know it only takes one person to change all this but people are like angels, they come when they choose and not you. Luckily I'm not paranoid like some people I know and take it personally, I know they all left for their own reasons and I was nothing to do with it. That's the problem, people can't consider others when they move away. Not even me really. I know my family would miss me and probably an ex girlfriend but the others wouldn't even notice I suspect. I can come half way and make calls but if they don't return I have to let them go.
Unless I've missed anyone the last new close friend I met was probably at college in 1982. It's not that I had no friends since, I just kept the same ones. I barely have women as close friends as sex intervenes. Either I want it and they don't, no friendship there, or vice versa where I rarely turn it down, don't enjoy it and let them go, same result. Had it been mutual I would be telling a different story now. I have met many people since them but the closest to friends were also pains in the arse and however well we got on I had to suffer at the same time. A true friendship shouldn't have faults so I didn't include it. And I kept going to the same holiday place till 1989 but though I pulled many times I didn't meet any new friends there though half the ones I know were met there in the 60s and 70s. Do people rarely meet new friends once they grow up? I don't know. Though I never needed new friends it didn't stop me meeting them and admittedly I had a very close female friend I met around 1984 until she got engaged, though I was still interested in more she was such good fun I still loved to see her, and another around then who wanted more from me but I enjoyed her company and tested her body and unfortunately the mind won. She also left to get married and divorced so maybe I did have female friends as well though both times one wanted more but the friendships were strong enough to survive despite wanting more. So I remembered something more as we do when we talk about it. I'm still only at the early 80s, meaning I can't think of a friend I met more recently than that, but if it comes to me I'll add it in. But a best friend is only one person and for the first time ever there's a vacancy.
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