Having recently read that guidance does not stop just because it seems to I must continue to trust it and see it in all the smallest areas as well as largest. Like today when I had various dubious plans for an otherwise dead saturday, and slept so badly I stayed in. That allowed me to both plant the new flowers I'd been given before they died and scan more photos online as there was little else to do, and also caught up on my recorded videos besides the one last night that didn't work (Mr Ferguson say 'Record three programmes a day, we kill one. It's the law of the video'). I can't think of a day I recorded a few programmes and they all got done, it's like it becomes fed up and tells you to fuck off. And despite some programmes going on demand they aren't all.
I am just keeping up with the free time. Being let out of school or prison is the same. You feel great but not when you run out of things to do. Business may be taken care of but pleasure has different rules. I have managed to keep busy each day without knowing what I was doing the day after. I know exactly the levels I need to reach, partly the ones of the past when I lived with a family and in a more civilised area, and partly the career level of being at the top. I haven't rushed. I started drama lessons at 14, started performing at 16 in clubs and whatever else I've done have never neglected that side without being able to join the all powerful union. That is like trying to do a marathon with one leg. It is possible but will take 100 times longer than someone with two. As it has in my media career. But they didn't stop it, they just delayed it as loopholes were found and I am now seen worldwide without the need to join any acting or journalism union. It's the hard way but not impossible.
Now I need to finish what I started before I'm at retirement age, what's the point of a successful media career with too few years to exploit it? You don't get many groupies at 60 do you? Currently the media career is over as in no more projects left, but the way it works is I get a call from a producer or a journalist, we have an informal chat, some call back and do a full interview and maybe a fifth end up being used. But it's now quality rather than quantity, one national paper or terrestrial TV station is all it needs and I can do satellite stuff annually and not make a scratch on the mirror of fame. It's watched by a lot of people worldwide but very few in each country, terrestrial is all here and watched by millions who recognise you the next day in the street. Having experienced that once it's not an illusion. Five seconds on Channel4 peak time, no speaking, I was mobbed when I went to the gym. That is power. Get in the paper and old friends who'd lost track of you can all the paper and find you again, these things all link together and fill in social gaps as well as career ones.
The guidance can't just be to a normal life as that happens with none and always randomly, good and bad. Instead if guided it must have an aim and being directed to actual ambitions whatever I do in response. It's about aiming in a direction and seeing how you get there with no map. There's no direct path to fame, enlightenment or marriage. You just have to choose it and want it to happen and see how you get there. The guidance fills the links that aren't there otherwise and allows a project to be complete. The old road signs allowed me to see it work, four steps or more to get a goal and in the case of the woman at the library maybe two goals at once. And the first ever example when I had run out of signs and activities, googled old signs for 3 hours, found one, went there a different way from usual and found another on the way and a third by making a wrong turning as someone had named the wrong road which was the one I was on next to it.
The no entry sign was the same, I found speed limits in Pinner, lane directions on the way home, realised there would be an extra one, went back, took it, went home and got caught at traffic lights where the no entry sign was, but illegible as the paint had worn off. Having time to look properly (in the dark) I worked out it was too big for a new one so should have writing in and it did, offered to paint it and is now like new. No alternatives as since Pinewood Studios pulled their two out last year the only known working one in Britain is in Cornwall plus one two miles from me. Had all those steps not happened I may never have spotted it as it was totally illegible as a text sign and not somewhere I often went.
I have told both these stories already but recapped for new readers who wanted to know what I meant by guidance. One example was enough for me, two is beyond any odds in any universe. I just wonder how long it'll take and where it'll go as although I have all the signs now they only save me looking for them and don't change my life otherwise. Plus there was no response from the local papers about painting the sign so another lost media opportunity. I know where I should be guided to but although I just about trust it's always there even when nothing seems to happen I'm ready for something big now. I know the difference and it also has to be something with lasting effects, although another old sign with a red triangle would do as well.
Showing posts with label fame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fame. Show all posts
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Monday, June 16, 2008
Will it ever happen?
So many of my posts are about what I'd like to happen I expect some people are wondering if any ever will. Especially me. So here's a list of some and then some which have come to pass.
Firstly ever since attending a lecture in 1996 I've been told there's a thing called enlightenment. I can now just about accept this having read accounts of people on LSD who seem to be able to create it artificially. Of course if you do it naturally and it's possible then I can, especially as I've worked my way through a number of teachers to show me how.
Marriage. This is out of my hands and is far less important than simply finding a compatible sexual partner, ie one I actually want.
Fame. That is the best of my bunch, something I was determined to have all my life and on the verge now, having missed like Lee Westwood in the US Open golf last night by a hair's breadth when the article I did via interview for The Sun wasn't used. I know the rules to become famous, use them religiously, and this would have done it. Not on its own but would inevitably had started the ball rolling. I'm currently in the penumbra, or whatever the astronomers call it, just on the edge. It can't be long before someone lets me finish the job.
Finally I want to return to where I lived for 28 years, Hampstead Garden Suburb or Temple Fortune if not, just across the Finchley Road.
----------------------------------------------
I have of course in 48 years covered many ambitions already, although the time taken was at times way beyond what was planned. My degree took me till I was 24, and my final professional qualification was at 41. But I got them.
I bought my first flat at 28 and house at 32. They taught me business is the easiest, any spiritual development in between, and people the hardest. You can't herd people like you can sheep, or rely on them like you can with money. Not even your own family can be relied on at all times so basically you can't arrange a fucking thing when it comes to living with someone, who your friends are, or marriage. People who never had to try think it's mechanical. If you join a group all your problems will be solved. Bollocks. Since I left college full time in 1984 I've joined:
Psychic development groups
Meditation group
3 1/2 years of part time courses
Voluntary work in a community theatre
6 years as a volunteer counsellor, split between a youth club and community centre
5 years at a gym (ongoing)
and any more I may have forgotten.
In that time I met at all these:
One woman I saw once on a date, one more as a friend.
One woman I shared healings with.
One woman I could have met had I not met someone just after I called her.
One visit to see a fellow youth worker who may have fancied me (not mutual).
One good friend I wanted more from for many years.
Been to a couple of parties (no success).
So in all those activities which covered almost 20 years, I only gained one new friend who I wasn't even successful with the way I wanted to, and basically joined those places to do the activities, anything else was a bonus.
Prior to that before my degree I'd been to a few years evening classes in drama, 7 years art, including pottery and sculpture, 5 years horse riding, and any others I may have missed.
Not to mention all my jobs.
There I met:
Two people I was invited to about twice
One au pair who turned me down
and that I think was it. I think it was mainly the type of people, as wherever I was with people like me I met lots of people who remained friends for decades. But school and the music holiday I went to for 22 summers are over, and there's nothing to replace it. So I try and pull at funerals, cafes, people I see on TV, the internet, women in shops, and domestics who work for my family. Nothing.
My last women have actually come from the internet, a party, a blind date from Yorkshire, a blind date from Hendon and a friend's friend. Totally random. But never from groups. Not in my whole life. Forget it.
----------------------------------------------------------------
So my business plans remain on target albeit late, totally due to lack of getting an Equity card which is a passport to success for those who can show any talent or effort. My career was also stopped by no O level maths, so no teachers training and many other professions.
The supernatural is based between experimenting and meditation and both continue but results are never predictable.
The rest is out of my hands as it always was. It's happened before but does that mean it can happen again?
Firstly ever since attending a lecture in 1996 I've been told there's a thing called enlightenment. I can now just about accept this having read accounts of people on LSD who seem to be able to create it artificially. Of course if you do it naturally and it's possible then I can, especially as I've worked my way through a number of teachers to show me how.
Marriage. This is out of my hands and is far less important than simply finding a compatible sexual partner, ie one I actually want.
Fame. That is the best of my bunch, something I was determined to have all my life and on the verge now, having missed like Lee Westwood in the US Open golf last night by a hair's breadth when the article I did via interview for The Sun wasn't used. I know the rules to become famous, use them religiously, and this would have done it. Not on its own but would inevitably had started the ball rolling. I'm currently in the penumbra, or whatever the astronomers call it, just on the edge. It can't be long before someone lets me finish the job.
Finally I want to return to where I lived for 28 years, Hampstead Garden Suburb or Temple Fortune if not, just across the Finchley Road.
----------------------------------------------
I have of course in 48 years covered many ambitions already, although the time taken was at times way beyond what was planned. My degree took me till I was 24, and my final professional qualification was at 41. But I got them.
I bought my first flat at 28 and house at 32. They taught me business is the easiest, any spiritual development in between, and people the hardest. You can't herd people like you can sheep, or rely on them like you can with money. Not even your own family can be relied on at all times so basically you can't arrange a fucking thing when it comes to living with someone, who your friends are, or marriage. People who never had to try think it's mechanical. If you join a group all your problems will be solved. Bollocks. Since I left college full time in 1984 I've joined:
Psychic development groups
Meditation group
3 1/2 years of part time courses
Voluntary work in a community theatre
6 years as a volunteer counsellor, split between a youth club and community centre
5 years at a gym (ongoing)
and any more I may have forgotten.
In that time I met at all these:
One woman I saw once on a date, one more as a friend.
One woman I shared healings with.
One woman I could have met had I not met someone just after I called her.
One visit to see a fellow youth worker who may have fancied me (not mutual).
One good friend I wanted more from for many years.
Been to a couple of parties (no success).
So in all those activities which covered almost 20 years, I only gained one new friend who I wasn't even successful with the way I wanted to, and basically joined those places to do the activities, anything else was a bonus.
Prior to that before my degree I'd been to a few years evening classes in drama, 7 years art, including pottery and sculpture, 5 years horse riding, and any others I may have missed.
Not to mention all my jobs.
There I met:
Two people I was invited to about twice
One au pair who turned me down
and that I think was it. I think it was mainly the type of people, as wherever I was with people like me I met lots of people who remained friends for decades. But school and the music holiday I went to for 22 summers are over, and there's nothing to replace it. So I try and pull at funerals, cafes, people I see on TV, the internet, women in shops, and domestics who work for my family. Nothing.
My last women have actually come from the internet, a party, a blind date from Yorkshire, a blind date from Hendon and a friend's friend. Totally random. But never from groups. Not in my whole life. Forget it.
----------------------------------------------------------------
So my business plans remain on target albeit late, totally due to lack of getting an Equity card which is a passport to success for those who can show any talent or effort. My career was also stopped by no O level maths, so no teachers training and many other professions.
The supernatural is based between experimenting and meditation and both continue but results are never predictable.
The rest is out of my hands as it always was. It's happened before but does that mean it can happen again?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
How the media works
As I will make things worse saying what I want to the people responsible, I'll lay it out here. After almost half a year the article in the newspaper I contributed to may well be pulled. It was set to coincide with the Ministry of Defence (UK) UFO files being released, which happened yesterday. I finally checked up and was told their priorities had changed. I saw this coming when the interviewer said it would be out in a week or two and months had passed, except they did say it was waiting for the files to come out. My career has taken 48 years to develop (if you include my early years contributed) and as any PR agent will know, a career in the media has a few steps. I took the first and easily biggest, to get on TV.
Stage one TV, small niche channels with tiny viewing figures but repeated ad infinitum. Unpaid. That was fine, it would do but would never make me famous. The next steps were either/and going on terrestrial TV with a million plus viewers/being in a newspaper. Well this year I was interviewed, the media equivalent of having an offer accepted on a house. It's half the job done but not binding or final. The bible has a little very trite wisdom in it and planting seeds on stony ground is one. They work like stink, send photographers (who do get paid) all over the country, and use a fraction of the material. I have no control over who wants me and when, and unless one of these two steps happen I will not have a proper media career. From having a firm date to know about this article (ie yesterday) not only has any timeframe gone out of the window but probably the whole lot. I felt this was dodgy from after I did it, I am very sensitive to these sort of negative vibes although not reading the future (these are picked up from the truth behind the present facades) they can change. But I felt they were not serious about the whole thing and that at least was spot on the money. Except I didn't get any of that either.
Of course you have to consider these guys get paid whatever they do. If their editors and owners are happy for them to use a fraction of what they produce and sling out the rest, in fact it's their choice to do so, why should they care? Our careers, business and pleasure, are by-products of other people's aims and wishes and like a ricochet bullet doesn't know or care who it hits. If someone walks down your road and either drops a £20 note or treads on your tortoise, they don't actually notice at the time or intend the consequences, it just happens to you by chance through their actions. The fact someone's whole career can be made by a single article (trust me, I've studied the business) illustrates perfectly how something irrelevant and everyday to one is the whole life for another. Now as people only state a positive, no one will let me know if it's not going to be used, I'll only know if it is. Otherwise I'll just be reading the signs when I've heard nothing within a month and work it out for myself. NB I rarely if ever call people cunts, but I think I'm justified in this case. Pardon me.
Stage one TV, small niche channels with tiny viewing figures but repeated ad infinitum. Unpaid. That was fine, it would do but would never make me famous. The next steps were either/and going on terrestrial TV with a million plus viewers/being in a newspaper. Well this year I was interviewed, the media equivalent of having an offer accepted on a house. It's half the job done but not binding or final. The bible has a little very trite wisdom in it and planting seeds on stony ground is one. They work like stink, send photographers (who do get paid) all over the country, and use a fraction of the material. I have no control over who wants me and when, and unless one of these two steps happen I will not have a proper media career. From having a firm date to know about this article (ie yesterday) not only has any timeframe gone out of the window but probably the whole lot. I felt this was dodgy from after I did it, I am very sensitive to these sort of negative vibes although not reading the future (these are picked up from the truth behind the present facades) they can change. But I felt they were not serious about the whole thing and that at least was spot on the money. Except I didn't get any of that either.
Of course you have to consider these guys get paid whatever they do. If their editors and owners are happy for them to use a fraction of what they produce and sling out the rest, in fact it's their choice to do so, why should they care? Our careers, business and pleasure, are by-products of other people's aims and wishes and like a ricochet bullet doesn't know or care who it hits. If someone walks down your road and either drops a £20 note or treads on your tortoise, they don't actually notice at the time or intend the consequences, it just happens to you by chance through their actions. The fact someone's whole career can be made by a single article (trust me, I've studied the business) illustrates perfectly how something irrelevant and everyday to one is the whole life for another. Now as people only state a positive, no one will let me know if it's not going to be used, I'll only know if it is. Otherwise I'll just be reading the signs when I've heard nothing within a month and work it out for myself. NB I rarely if ever call people cunts, but I think I'm justified in this case. Pardon me.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
My current position
I have a few little and larger possibilities on my system again, having just submitted 8 photos to Garden photographer of the year. My American TV programme is pencilled in for next month and I have various meetings with people on their way sooner or later. Meanwhile I've found a way to get the new video camera to agree with Youtube by going on long play and slowly trying longer and longer clips as I can't edit a thing once I've recorded it as there is no software included or available I know of. Plus it gets dark after 10 minutes out so little more time to take any more anyway at the moment.
The company producing the other programme have changed their phone number, ignored my emails and probably my fax so something very silly going on there. They aren't responsible for the schedule but the only ones I know who know it. Except there isn't one. Autumn is gone on Friday and certainly not on when promised after failing on their July date they advertised first. Having said that they have made the thing which I have so if they didn't do it I always can. But they are pretty unlikely to make it and not use it, I just wish they'd admit they don't have a schedule and why not so I could stop having to chase them.
Otherwise I've had plenty of time to think about my own activities and realised there's no need to do anything just because other people do or to talk about it. In economics they call it opportunity cost, if you're not doing one thing you must be doing something else, in my case furthering my media career and networking. I've built up a huge portfolio of photography and art plus meeting a few people online (so far) who may be able to help. What I did instead was not at all productive and put on 2 stone eating cake out. So I go to far fewer places but produce a lot more. And I can't see friends as the main ones aren't here and the others are minding their own business (mainly the divorce type) and kids so no time for me.
So I don't go out much but write and learn and generally produce. I would see friends more but few are left. There's no point fighting too much against your circumstances, things happen on their own and change while you are doing something else, not because you changed them. When I get my next few media results I'll have proved it was all worth it and the time I've spent either at home or out taking photos has all been in a valuable cause and none would have been possible if I'd been doing what others do or what I used to most of the time. And walking in the parks is good exercise besides the photos, So I have finally become immune to the comments/advice as I realise I'm doing what has to be done and not missing anything I should be. Plus had I never tried all those things I'd have missed out but I've probably done as much as many have in their lifetimes and looking for something else now. It's all about being with the right people (which I'm not) and making the most of your talents, which I am. Eventually that'll pay off and probably help the social life as well. But that is a long and slow process but well worth it if it works.
The company producing the other programme have changed their phone number, ignored my emails and probably my fax so something very silly going on there. They aren't responsible for the schedule but the only ones I know who know it. Except there isn't one. Autumn is gone on Friday and certainly not on when promised after failing on their July date they advertised first. Having said that they have made the thing which I have so if they didn't do it I always can. But they are pretty unlikely to make it and not use it, I just wish they'd admit they don't have a schedule and why not so I could stop having to chase them.
Otherwise I've had plenty of time to think about my own activities and realised there's no need to do anything just because other people do or to talk about it. In economics they call it opportunity cost, if you're not doing one thing you must be doing something else, in my case furthering my media career and networking. I've built up a huge portfolio of photography and art plus meeting a few people online (so far) who may be able to help. What I did instead was not at all productive and put on 2 stone eating cake out. So I go to far fewer places but produce a lot more. And I can't see friends as the main ones aren't here and the others are minding their own business (mainly the divorce type) and kids so no time for me.
So I don't go out much but write and learn and generally produce. I would see friends more but few are left. There's no point fighting too much against your circumstances, things happen on their own and change while you are doing something else, not because you changed them. When I get my next few media results I'll have proved it was all worth it and the time I've spent either at home or out taking photos has all been in a valuable cause and none would have been possible if I'd been doing what others do or what I used to most of the time. And walking in the parks is good exercise besides the photos, So I have finally become immune to the comments/advice as I realise I'm doing what has to be done and not missing anything I should be. Plus had I never tried all those things I'd have missed out but I've probably done as much as many have in their lifetimes and looking for something else now. It's all about being with the right people (which I'm not) and making the most of your talents, which I am. Eventually that'll pay off and probably help the social life as well. But that is a long and slow process but well worth it if it works.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Busier than usual
I see the last post appears quite old but I'm sure I added one since. Never mind, they don't get lost here unlike flickr which sends many photos to oblivion and needs checking from time to time. Another week with two dates with two women, it often seems to happen that way though still only friends, ditto on that as well sadly. I need the patience of a saint whether I have it or not. Even my 2 local buses weren't as slow as these seem to take.
I had another major batch of accounts I just completed today, I assume they are OK. Took two decent lots of photos in between, not new areas as they are all done, but the gaps between the old places, and there seem to be many. I'd so much want to do a TV tour of London NW11 and if I ever get friendly with a producer will push the idea. And I wouldn't have to work far away or indoors either. Perfect job. These films have been made before and were fairly popular so is a possibility. And if allowed I'd be the only one to sneak in toilet jokes as well somehow. Or in the case of NW11 lack of toilets. One in the station and that's the lot. Temple Fortune never had any and the Suburb lost the NW11 one with the N2 one recently reopened. So in that area it's not just the bears that shit in the woods, trust me.
So a bit of business and pleasure this week for a change, and saw a few people, and female. You could almost say my life was becoming what boring people call normal. Of course if you enjoy life and don't hurt anyone that's normal, but not for conventional people. The hippies were the best hope to change all that but that died in the 70s and Victorian values seem to rule again. I think I'll ask blogger why we can't link profiles any more, upgrades are meant to be better but we have lost the most important tool for publicity. I literally have no way of finding any but the few blogs they link from the front page. There is London bloggers but that has been hacked by criminals and is now all ads for viagra, or viA^G*rA as they choose to spell it. Any webmaster can delete nonsense but I think the clever guys can block their spam from being deleted and the whole sites end up folding as did my one on enlightenment. Well, one day I'll be famous. People take the piss when you say that but there's no time limit and I think anyone with ambition can do it, as Max Clifford agrees. I am on step two now and just have to be patient. No sign of the web TV gig yet but they won't waste all that effort. My second subject already has a DVD of some so they have it ready to show. That's the news from Kingsbury for this week and anything else is better left out.
I had another major batch of accounts I just completed today, I assume they are OK. Took two decent lots of photos in between, not new areas as they are all done, but the gaps between the old places, and there seem to be many. I'd so much want to do a TV tour of London NW11 and if I ever get friendly with a producer will push the idea. And I wouldn't have to work far away or indoors either. Perfect job. These films have been made before and were fairly popular so is a possibility. And if allowed I'd be the only one to sneak in toilet jokes as well somehow. Or in the case of NW11 lack of toilets. One in the station and that's the lot. Temple Fortune never had any and the Suburb lost the NW11 one with the N2 one recently reopened. So in that area it's not just the bears that shit in the woods, trust me.
So a bit of business and pleasure this week for a change, and saw a few people, and female. You could almost say my life was becoming what boring people call normal. Of course if you enjoy life and don't hurt anyone that's normal, but not for conventional people. The hippies were the best hope to change all that but that died in the 70s and Victorian values seem to rule again. I think I'll ask blogger why we can't link profiles any more, upgrades are meant to be better but we have lost the most important tool for publicity. I literally have no way of finding any but the few blogs they link from the front page. There is London bloggers but that has been hacked by criminals and is now all ads for viagra, or viA^G*rA as they choose to spell it. Any webmaster can delete nonsense but I think the clever guys can block their spam from being deleted and the whole sites end up folding as did my one on enlightenment. Well, one day I'll be famous. People take the piss when you say that but there's no time limit and I think anyone with ambition can do it, as Max Clifford agrees. I am on step two now and just have to be patient. No sign of the web TV gig yet but they won't waste all that effort. My second subject already has a DVD of some so they have it ready to show. That's the news from Kingsbury for this week and anything else is better left out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
