Bugger all Friday

It can really be like a geriatric home here at times. I just saw Neighbours where Karl's father had finally lost the ability to look after himself and I realised there but for the grace of god go I. He hadn't paid the bills, fed himself or the dog or done any cleaning or repairs.
Thank the same god my cleaner arrived today, having got my message but not left one in return to let me know she'd got it and was coming. Now I realise the difference she makes I'll know that 3 hours every 2 weeks makes it all as it should be and even if I took 30 hours I couldn't do it, though I loaded the dishwasher yesterday out of necessity. The only reason that's a problem is it's not in the kitchen, I have to go to the next room with virtually each item separately.

I finally got round to going to the ironmonger for a few jobs today (though cutting keys was a last resort as one split in the car and cost me an arm and a leg to replace) and they were closed for a family bereavement. So I bought some more food and things next door and returned relatively empty handed. That's all I do when I'm not working or taking photos, and only went today as I had been working the last two. I still see myself becoming like my late 92 year old next door neighbour, but without being married and having a family first. Straight from home to old age with nothing in between. Having realised going to places for the hell of it was over now, the other two areas, women and fame, are not things I can do just because I want to. The other is seeing friends and besides few friends not working during the day when I usually don't they are few and far between now and need to start again with new ones for the first time in my life.
Instead of dying they have made themselves unavailable which is exactly the same in practice.

I also have a cold, not even noticeable most of the time except it also makes me tired as if nothing else did already. So I'm at half speed though there isn't much to do at any speed today. Little or no philosophy today though. At this rate between the cleaner and I and having nowhere else to go all the housework will be over. I did the filing yesterday, not in the normal way but by emptying the old file box which was full of stuff from the 90s and just putting the new stuff in there instead of the folders. I have ordered more photos which will probably arrive on Monday when I'm not here unless the postal fairy makes sure they come a day late or early. Next I have to buy a new fridge, not because the one I have which may be old enough to be sold as an antique, but because it makes a foot of ice in a month, which can't be a good thing. I've had it getting on for 10 years as a secondhand bargain so letting it go now is probably right. Short of a miracle this entry will summarise my life until it ends, as technically there is nothing likely to happen to alter this. Buying a Thai bride is not the answer, besides the lack of English in many cases everyone knows they're not real wives but paid slaves. If marriage doesn't happen on its own I can't fiddle things to make it happen. Moving house if I had the money would simply shift the dung heap from one area to a better one, but once indoors (where I spend most of the time) life would revert to normal.

Whether the terms acceptance and surrender apply to my position where I know what I want but can't do anything about it, exactly like a paraplegic, I don't know. But accepting terminal boredom seems perverse. Did the lepers enjoy their lives in the colonies despite losing bits of themselves all the time, or prisoners accept and enjoy a 30 stretch? I don't think so. We are designed to enjoy the good and suffer the bad, and try and leave one for the other. I am unable to do this and besides drugs and meditation nothing else offers a way round it, and I won't do the drugs. At least I've analysed the situation, but like the drifting boat know it won't solve itself as you wish it will when you can't do it. No, it will just go round in circles until there's a storm and then it's random where that moves it.