Insanity

If I write for long enough, like meditation, will I eventually get a point? Like psychoanalysis, if you go over everything in your life by free association sometimes not only can you work things out but possibly even get an ultimate answer. My arse it is.

Anyway, sore throat today, usually the start of a cold. Trivial but just something to take the edge off any possible pleasure I may have. But the neutral phase almost comtinues with a slight creep downwards. But not enough to drag me down. One appointment today, money always welcome and all the alternative shopping is not urgent for a change. I reckon writing my diary every day for the apparent silent majority (many read, few admit it) is a way of dragging something of interest from life even though nothing remarkable is happening in it. I have realised that there was a time where like in a dream where you are in a far off country and you wake up and find you are actually still in East Finchley you then need to make some things happen like the dreams, as the dreams of foreign trips are clearly telling you that's what you want to do. Well from dreams to reality that list of adventures is somehow complete for me now. After the last football match and spiritual lecture if I never do another on that list again I won't feel I've missed anything.

The genuine point here is that the things I want to do now, as if woken from a dream, are not by choice. If anyone wants to go abroad they can, and I did. If they want to go to football ditto, or the theatre. Going to Wembley to see a concert is the easiest thing on earth should you want to do it (especially when Wembley's about a mile away and your friend has a car park) but wanting to go on TV or find a girlfriend are the next stage of dreams I have and they happen when they want to not when you do. You can't say 'I want a girlfriend' or 'I want to be on TV' and then do it like I could hop on a train and go to Belgium. So I realised my life isn't over as I no longer care if I go to another place or event as I'm ready for a new list of experiences, but one I have only a small say in. That's a useful thing to know.

So, one more discovery has been made, and it shows that on my own with only a pen and paper or typewriter things can be worked out. Besides that this week is day by day becoming as predictable as predicted, but money is crawling in which is what people are supposed to do, isn't it. I'm still waiting to get the cleaner back after being away on Tuesday, and will always realise the difference she makes doing in three hours what I can't do given as many weeks. She tried to call last night but I was out. All because she doesn't speak English, not my fault.
I've also established fame over the internet is like winning the lottery. With the millions of people writing blogs and posting videos only a few make the papers, so it's only going to help me by using the material I've written elsewhere if anyone will even look at it.

So as there's something on the radio and I'm busy later I can't be arsed to go out for less than an hour for stuff I won't need for weeks, just for the hell of going out. So I will choose more photos to be printed as when the days have been long I've had all the time to collect hundreds more since the last lot, and have so far printed 170 pictures from the digital camera since November when I got it. Once the clocks go back it'll be rationed again, but there are few places left to take and especially paths and fields all look so similar despite being miles apart some are beginning to look hard to distinguish. Shops are hardly photogenic (except in America) and I already have enough house pictures for a London guide. I wonder if my executors will value any of the piles of stuff they find when they clear the house out or just burn the lot? I suppose it depends if any of them have the patience to bother and the discrimination to appreciate it. And if I died tomorrow?