Friday part two

I really shouldn't be doing this but the alternatives barely exist. I see a wide panorama of nothing in front and behind me as well as around me. It's a challenge to fill this space with something for you all to read and maybe even come back for some more.

My hopes at the moment would be specific were they actually alive. The first (suitable) woman has deserted me whereas the second (unsuitable maybe in her eyes) is on a process so slow the snails would be whizzing past wondering why we haven't moved yet. The dance of the dead almost. That would all matter as nothing if I were to give her one. Anything's possible until it's been ruled out but I'm not getting the diary out yet. TV is almost as bad. Eventually when the programme is finished I've been promised a DVD of the programme no one else will see. It'll be the same as my home videos only more people have probably seen them by now. I have an almost definite appearance in about 6 months on a tiny channel and that for the moment is it.
It's really funny how so many people offer advice about my 'social problems'. Like it's possible. Actually I very much doubt many of them have actually succeeded in meeting people the ways they suggest, it just seems to them because I'm not doing it, by doing what I'm not I'll get what I want. As if they hadn't told me maybe if I went to more clubs (I mean any clubs) I'd find a girlfriend in two visits. Or an evening class. Thirty years of clubs and evening classes behind me and the total success was zero. I met a woman once at my latest day class who seemed up for it, but then I met someone else and lost the chance, especially as she was some distance away. So besides offering well meaning but pointless advice, they assume I must be a cretin as the answers are so obvious and I haven't tried them.

Well it's a shame so many things in life can't be worked out to simply or no one would ever suffer from anything with their lives as the solutions would be so totally obvious they would be fixed as soon as they arose. So all the people in London and round the world living alone despite being surrounded by strangers are missing the obvious ways to sort it out. I don't think so. I meet women who are regularly in division one, and they treat me like the elephant man, but without as much tact as they'd give to him. 'Oh, we're only friends', 'You're more like a brother', 'You need a makeover' and all the other cliches why they want to talk to me but not actually touch me. If I was that bad none of the 82 or so women I have succeeded in getting to at least first base with would have done so, it's just the ones I really liked hardly ever reached third (whatever that is, I'm not American) and left me waiting for it from somewhere else but it never came. It's not about quantity as I just want one. But the right quality. Even once, I'm not greedy. If she stays that will be a bonus, and if not I wouldn't care as I'd have done my deed and could relax. And die happy. Until then I guarantee I won't be joining any classes, going to any dances or singles clubs, though I do believe speed dating may be worth a try which has only been going a couple of years and not locally for most of that time.

Apart from that I meet women randomly. The YMCA is one source, except most are taken and it's nowhere near where I live. My mother's cleaners are another, though the closest I got was asking two out. Enough said. Then I meet the rare person via work who all end up as friends and no more despite my wishes. Other than those relatively stable sources others were from the internet, someone I knew at school (found from the internet), my grandma's nurses, a friend of a friend, two in fact, and a friend of the family. Out of that list (I think covering this century, 5 1/2 years, two succeeded, one lasted and if any of the others in division one had been interested I wouldn't be writing this now. One was OK (borderline, I'm not sure any more) but went off after a while, not as in left, but as in food. You get the picture. I tried for a couple of years but couldn't take it any longer when it all went off the rails in every possible way. I got enough chores and arguments from the family without a girlfriend as well.
The point is, without going to the places I did 20-30 years ago I still meet women, I just get a shit deal at the end of it. I am definitely not against chatting women up at funerals and have been myself, by a mentally disturbed bisexual from what my grandma said. Not my type, though not because of either of those qualities (been there, done that). Anywhere is now a possibility except formerly conventional places. Someone tell my family...