It's just saturday

And I have had an average week. They either seem to be crap or average. No really good news or events since my TV appearance in March. The rest were either only starts (filmings, which proved being filmed often won't guarantee being shown) or little ones like yesterday when I found my broadband speed was doubled for no extra charge. Sites don't seem to arrive faster but uploads sure do.

Otherwise I really am in day to day mode. I took some more photos today but realised that many I was going to take were all rural paths which nearly all look exactly the same. It'll make a nice walk but only repeat versions of places I've flooded the album with already. By the way the image uploader here has been off for a couple of weeks and I've had to email them from the album. Bloody pain in the arse and other people have posted their pictures with no effort. My female situation is on ice, I've hit the balls into their courts and am awaiting a return eventually. Can you imagine that, delayed tennis? A sure formula for mental illness if anything would. Wait, worry, expect nothing, get nothing etc etc indefinitely. That's summed up this year plus poor health. Anything that seemed to promise anything to improve my life has delivered nothing. As I'm not paranoid I can only assume the world is not the sort of place I'd have designed and everyone is subject to the same chances of failure as I am, currently standing at about 99%.

Tomorrow is free and England are playing their least important (possibly ever) competitive match, Euro qualifiers against bloody Andorra. That'll offer a real challenge and even that bunch of jessies can beat Andorra, unless they draw with a goal let in just before full time as per usual. Apart from work I've had no one here this week, trouble is half the so called friends who do visit are not the ones I'd choose and others only come for free help which I've decided to draw a line under. How often does life imitate some of the older films from the 50s and before, when someone in trouble got a stranger who rescued them and took them where they wanted to be? If a rich single woman met me and decided she wanted to get me out of my position and with her money actually could then the job would have been done for me. It's not about effort. Effort is for work, personal matters are luck. Of course if we need serious therapy for bad behaviour we will screw it up, but actually many men like that do far better than most so even that isn't really relevant.

I just found Woody Allen's band's website and sent a link here. He could get me out of the mire if he liked my work, but I doubt he reads his own emails, he has a servant to do that and sadly unless these big shots can make money from strangers like me (not that they need any more) they won't take any notice of their fans even if they write good stuff. I did notice that since the jews have been waiting for the messiah for thousands of years, maybe as an archetype of all jews they missed the clear and obvious candidate there? He is one of the few major icons of mine I haven't seen in person (I do tend to follow them whenever I can) and a contact from him would be amazing. I have had a reply from the slightly lesser known and celebrated Dave Gorman who has a flickr site, which is something but one day I hope someone will be saying the same thing about me rather than the other way round. Step one, taken, step two, removed, step two b, coming next year. I believe even if I'm wrong and we should need to work or suffer before we succeed I put in plenty of work in the past to pay me back by now, even if I haven't done so much the last year or so. Like a pension I've paid in steadily over many years but unlike a pension I see no particular benefit connected with it. Totally random as many others agree, but very sad if true.