Geriatric time

Oy, it's getting harder by the day, and I'm not referring to my body. The blog is becoming more what I didn't do than what I did, and it's usually because I can't do it, if not because no one else will do it with me. Age doesn't affect the mind unless you have dementia, it affects the body so your mind can't always manage what it wants to. So every little thing you do becomes so important because you actually managed to do it. God forbid like my mother I end up finding typing and reading difficult. That and sex are the only two things left I can do indefinitely and enjoy. And she can't watch the TV much which would be another cruel fate for me.

So nothing in life can be taken for granted, anything can stop at any time and in some cases (hair especially) never come back. That's without death. Death we should be used to. Who hasn't lost a relative by the age of 5? It's not nice but it's never a surprise at any age, as because we are alive we can die. Old age is one cause, but there are infinite alternatives, and like any other party, you just enjoy the people there and remember the ones who aren't. We can do no more about it. And people go in other ways. Many choose to leave and some never return. That's just as bad for me, as in one case it was a conscious decision at my expense. No one dies to make their life easier but many leave. I'd leave myself but it's impossible. Work that out if you want a headache.

So I emailed Woody Allen's band manager. I didn't even request a reply, just linked my website and hoped. Maybe he even passed it on but I reckon only the manager knows and if I want Woody to see my material I'll need to tell him directly. In entertainment that is usually impossible but in research most professors reply to requests. Very few exceptions, as that's how they started their work and we all help each other for the big questions. Entertainers work alone and compete with each other so are never bothered what the rest can do unless it may lose them a job. Besides the fact Woody Allen could be my missing relative he would have no interest in a second generation clone who is more like the character in person than in character. It would be like looking into a distorting mirror and probably put him off ever working again to see what it could turn into.
My videos have attracted a few of the usual hate mail, the only time I ever left a comment like that was to a nazi video bringing Hitler's propoganda videos to the 21st century, and amazingly hardly anyone else had objected. But if I don't like a video I do the same as a TV programme and don't watch it again. People have the urge to feel better about themselves by running down others and they really hate life, not me, when they have to exaggerate and get one up on me. They should all learn Buddhism, and that from a jew. Look where our religion got us. We should keep the neuroses and switch the rules to Hinayana and we may end up at peace.

People who either look for god or have apparently found him seem to see something all my senses are blind to. Besides menstruation, which destroys the best place in the universe for a week every month, parasites, viruses and genetic illnesses all point to a truly Darwinist view of life. Even the fact we can reach higher states through meditation and use telepathy are signs of evolution as if you push you can always do more like in the gym. But the basic building blocks we all share, from the potential for panic attacks to anorexia tell me like every other machine we are work in progress. So far no one or nothing has been made that can't break down on its own. Cockroaches are pretty tough (would god do that?) but every animal on earth suffers illness and pain at times. It's a random mess and the coincidences that follow me and many others must mean something, but I don't see god in it somehow.