Being myself

I was taught lateral thinking long ago, found I was pretty good at it but had to keep practising or I'd lose it. Exams and things took over and although I just remember the principals aren't even sure if I now use them naturally or forgotten how to apply it entirely. It is bloody useful though if you ever want to check it out. I do know if you do the opposite to normal it's one way to do it, and where your actions lead maybe your fate follows. I will see.

It's still chores and to add to the phrase 'Hull, Hell and Halifax' I've got to add Hendon which was today's little anticlimax. I saw a shop with a rough location online that had something I needed and was it there? Was it bollocks. I've asked now and hope it wasn't taken years ago and now closed down as I suspect. My digital camera went funny on the dodgy video function since I dropped it, but at least hasn't affected the camera part I use most days. And I have a proper video camera but don't always carry it unlike the other.
So besides a potential booking on Tuesday my three fully free days are almost done with two of work ahead. And not all paid in case anyone's concerned about it. All I really did in that time was two photo trips and chores that needed to be done, but far from all of them. And with no grandma to go and see have not spoken to a single person in front of me besides in shops. But I'm so used to it I barely notice but wonder how many other people below 80 can say that?

Just for fun I've had two calls from Aktiv Data on my mobile supposedly trying to get hold of some debtor I've never heard of. They are all over the complaint websites and although it's easy to be given the wrong number or make a mistake as soon as I told them it was the wrong number they tried again a few days later. I'd say 50-50 on another but now I know who they are as I checked I am really going to wind them up if they do as I have plenty of spare time. I may give them the address of someone else who is owed one, or ask how they found me or whatever. If they want to waste my time and theirs I may as well get them to do it properly.
I am still collecting no-replies from messages to various people in authority. All I gained was enough material for a quite long article on authority and its abuse. The one thing I am thankful for is my qualifications make people read my articles before they decide whether to reject them or not. You do need some experience in the job besides being qualified and I'm now nearly 15 years into that so quite supplied with case histories to apply to my theories.

One reason I'm so crude and outspoken here is I'm not allowed to at work or was in my online work for 5 years. You have to let it out somewhere and my ex line manager there who taught me 80% of what I know about running websites showed me how to relax afterwards as well. I know if most people here met me they wouldn't expect the filth and rage I drop off here to be possible, but it's only ever used in writing unless someone attacks me directly. I'm a laid back hippy who likes nothing more than a very quiet life with as much sex as possible. I've fought, won and achieved and approaching 40 let alone 50 am ready to settle down like one of my furry pussycats and stay at home. Why the hell not as long as I can get a woman who wants to join me?
Further ambitions as reported already include benefits from my meditation, published work, more TV appearances, moving back to where I used to live and various others. None of which may happen of course, laterally or not.

Everything is trivial at the moment

I think the theme for over a week in my life has been everything that's been done and happened is trivial. You know the major important events and incidents that make any day or week worth doing, well none of them. I've been getting locally and privately made signs all over the place which don't count in the official collection, except one I found today where the jury's out. And that's the highlight. Otherwise I've been doing a bit of everything. Work has been fairly busy, and sorting out my late grandparent's house. The rest has been local photo trips taking variations of the other 10,000 photos I've put on Flickr, seeing no one (grandma was two evenings a week till last month), hardly any gardening as it's rained a lot, and that's about it.

Besides a cancellation today meaning it was free after all the next two days are as well so far. I haven't a clue what I'll do besides my annual football predictions and maybe finishing the non-urgent accounts. I've got used to not having any plans after a few weeks of it, and am working Friday and Saturday to save me thinking of even more. My first daydream when it goes quiet is to slip into the past, but I think I've recalled every possible memory between 1961 and 1980 or so now and can't do a thing to bring any of them back besides finding the road signs like there were then. And also my aims for the future are far more based on what I've had and missed than any imagination. Just recreate something like I had but without as many bits missing. And of course I appreciate everything good I took for granted and then lost, although little has come back.

So the obvious future is like the past, but needn't be. The local sign should officially be painted by this week although I bet they don't tell me even if they do. The woman who wanted to see me has done nothing (big deal), probably as she may have now remembered who I am (big deal again). But people who do avoid me on remembering me at 14 always forget we are all immature at 14 but usually grow up as I have. And did they act like angels as teenagers? I doubt it. And however long I live I'll hope for better. So far the majority of good news has been the end of a bad situation rather than actually adding anything (besides finding old signs that is). But I won't get the few I missed before I officially collected them and were the last in the country. Did I know that at the time? Of course not. As I said years ago most mistakes are from lack of information and given the right status of anything around you will allow you to deal with it as you should. Including who you can trust as well. Most people are either reliable or indifferent, only a few will stitch you up but they're not always obvious. And if you trust the majority it's easier to rely on the wrong 'uns.

That was a phase a few months ago when everyone I requested things from dropped me right in it. Thank goodness one finally let me paint the no entry sign, otherwise I got sod all, unless the second sign is also painted as promised which is a bonus. But every single fucking journalist (well their editors who are the biggest arseholes) has let me down, which really confirms what everyone else said about them. That phase ended with others already described to follow. I just read in the Celestine Prophecy (which I didn't even know I had) more than average (1000s of times in my case) coincidences point to more happening and are the first insight. And when enough people share this everyone will try and find out why as clearly it means there's a hidden force at work. Well as a) I'm free tomorrow and b) I'm bored and c) I'm ready for more then I'd like the hidden force to operate tomorrow and provide something else for me, with no effort (another 'old' concept) but just arrive as I'm ready to get it. And if effort was limited per lifetime I think I've spent all mine already. Time to retire from that treadmill.

Anyway, if the force can provide signs every time I'm stuck then it can provide other things as well when required. And the second misconception is having to wait for things. No effort and no waiting. And again I've waited 49 years for many things on my list so done waiting as well. Not just I deserve it, we all do.

Over half the week done

I'm not quite sure if there is such a thing as a typical week, but if so it's been one so far. Work Tuesday, a bit tomorrow then a little walk round Golders Green, and today totally free. Besides the inevitable seeing no one (as today) the freedom is never a bad thing. I surveyed all the private estates in St Johns Wood (sorry to the 99% of both readers who don't know where any of these places are but all on Streetview now) as I found a lot on there, and got 5 old signs but all unofficial, three were privately made and two were for cyclists. Then I cashed more vouchers for a couple of week's meals and that was it. I've also got the hedge cutters repaired but was raining when I got back today so got the front done at least that people see.

Everything's what you'd call just above neutral, as free and have still managed to find some more proper old signs as I keep looking until I've covered everywhere. But guidance either exists or not, and since it's worked by leading me to the signs, then it's now helpful as well and should extend to the other things I need. I'm past suffering for my benefits and as well as believing I've done enough for the lifetime simply can't take it any more either. No restaurants or theatres to impress a woman as I'd be like a plane phobic half way across the Atlantic. Just my nature and need a woman who won't mind. I want a woman to have around my normal life, I'm not 16 any more and neither are they and most people get all that shit out of their system when they get old enough to settle down. And nearly 50 should be well old enough.

I'm still refining my big article, not spiritual enough for the spritual magazine and too important for a few professionals to see who probably already know it. It includes the formula of someone in power taking something away from a lesser being simply because they can. It makes no difference to them but can ruin the victim's life. It's happened to me on and off as long as I can remember and once they've moved on a few minutes later I've been left with something permanently missing for no reason. I doubt I can reform any of these as they're beyond repair in most cases, but still want to draw everyone's attention to it least of all so they can collectively avoid such people. We all have our natural abilities and I see what happens around me and fit each piece in until I see enough of a picture to point it out. Whether a single person has learnt is another story but as it costs nothing to share then I continue to do so.

With so little of the ordinary making a lot of difference you can see why I and so many others look to the extraordinary for excitement, in the form of the supernatural. Precious little of that around in the way of stories but the way life has now fitted together from similar phases, words and synchronicities to total arrangement is the most supernatural thing of all as it's affecting everything at once. But still out of my hands and only visible when it chooses to happen. Other things may take days or more to create while I'm on a road but not aware of it, so when everything seems normal and dull in fact it is heading somewhere. I hope. And I don't expect too much as most of what I want is based on the past rather than an imagined future. I've seen what's possible and just want it for myself. And very little outside the very narrow bounds of business can be earned by sheer effort. Far from it.

Jobs done

A bit of Jungian analysis here (I have read the book). As I was so repressed from letting go in work and in many places online among others, the blog has become a release for my dark side, like Tourette's. There are no restraints there and the alternative is to push your boundary walls so hard by holding things in they come out when random people speak to you. Rather than reach that stage I'd rather eff and blind here from time to time than let it slip or blow out with people who won't either expect or appreciate it. Some people live from that place so becomes normal but I never have but certain words do apply to certain situations as do opinions but few places in real life allow me to use them.

Well I'm free now, the Funtrivia.com global challenge, over 4 months of daily quizzes, has just ended, and after playing the lot once before I again came in the top 10 at 7th although the rounds were set twice a day to allow people with jobs to play everything. So even against anyone free to do so I can still do it. No more running around when the broadband packs up to ask neighbours to play there or spending ages working out word games. I wanted to see if I could do it again and am very pleased I did. Busy working this afternoon and free now, and just wandering around websites as there's no TV and little else to do. I will probably take up the lounge carpet this week as the dirt is more than the carpet and there's proper wood flooring underneath. That'll save me a fortune if I can and get a rug to cover the centre. On the social side a couple of people are nibbling at the edges but have to see what happens. Any nookie will be a bonus of course.

Now the quizzes are over I will do what I can to read more blogs again, I stopped for a while simply as nearly all on my list had stopped writing so had a job finding any new ones as many bloggers have a profile but no blog. The hits here are diabolical at the moment and only increase when someone has a go at me, like Big Brother viewing figures do. Well for those looking for excitement go to my Youtube site (satguru) as I've been getting death threats there as well as on the phone from a paranoid schizophrenic. None for 49 years then two in a week. I learnt if I don't like anything to go in the other direction but many people have not. You get rid of 1 bad person and you'll find others, that isn't how it works.
Tomorrow is one booking, a search in Golders Green and a probable visit to clear more books from my late grandma's house, two suitcases full to deliver somewhere else until they are gone. There are only two left in her family and my mum is 75 and sticking to the paperwork. My dad's 81 and in Surrey so not expecting him to get busy either. So I do what I can and when it gets to the big stuff will need the van drivers to come in.

I also have my hedgecutters working so that will be done as well in the week, anything else remains a mystery.

Gone a bit dead

It's interesting how I think the best you can do is roughly aim for something and then whatever will come takes over, like fishing but far less precise. I found someone on Facebook who wants to see me, of all the hundreds of people I've contacted this is only the third. I will see. And I actually found another old sign using Streetview which wasn't at all hard to get to either. I also reckon where the meeting is and what happens is also pretty well out of my control besides keeping it out of the centre of London. Like many things I see a certain age looming ahead and don't want to be past it before the good things finally arrive.

Besides a few work bookings there's nothing else planned ahead although the football friendlies are on so may actually get to one if convenient. I think expecting things is against both practical and spiritual rules and far better to get used to only being concerned with the present, however boring that may be. But the mind also assumes that will continue indefinitely if there's nothing ahead known to change it, but we never really know in reality.
So for a change it has made my mind a bit blank as well, which considering it's time for bed and I'm working tomorrow may have a good reason. I had no idea how much I'd written last time till I just scrolled through it and was amazed how so much can come for so little. I don't know how many people can be arsed to read more than about an A4 page, I suspect not many, but when I've something I like reading I can read quite a long way.

I'm sorry I haven't got much more to report for a change, it was too early to go to bed and for a change I'd run out of other websites which happens a couple of times a year. Those of you who are not single wouldn't have a clue what it's like to have to fill nearly all a day on your own. It's also inclined to make you appreciate the rare times you do speak to interesting people and make the most of it. Work doesn't really count as I can't even talk about myself as part of the rules. That's work and not conversation however interesting some of the people may be. I suppose there could be a place for counsellors who also light their farts (no I don't but others do), discuss their sex lives (never seen the need either), although one area that could never help is comparing your own problems which is the very thing many untrained people do (like my late grandma always did). 'You think you've got problems...' is the most pointless way to try and help anyone as you've instantly ignored them and switched to you. Still, I get well paid for such discipline and don't really slip up as it was always how things were done.

I also believe the offers so many counsellors claim they have for sex, male and female, is a bit of false advertising. After 17 years I've had no more than a couple of hints and from the stories I've heard in private the ones who claim more frequently act on it. It's one thing restraining your self interest but another rejecting it totally. Not that I believe many of them, unless I really am such a turn off. So having all these yawning gaps for a very long time I have just read they are the basis of stress and disease. Holy shit, what a surprise. Counselling aside I tell everyone you can't think of many problems when you're on the job with someone you actually like. And very few people disagree. That was one of the things nature got right, but then fucked up when it made women treat it like a currency that had to be earned. Bad mistake. People appreciate things when they have them, lose them and get them back again, not when they are rationed permanently. That's just socialism.

Well I think I've even bored myself but now stopped myself going to bed early which is a mixed blessing. There's always something that stops me, obviously excepting sex. In fact that's the only reason I go to bed early excluding illness. When there's someone to go to bed with then no reason not to. So any of you guys not appreciating your partners learn from those who have none. And if it's that bad then drop it as it's even worse being with the wrong person than alone as it's like a ball and chain. Empty freedom is better than that as I just about remember.

Multiple dimensional control

It's a nice free week again, sod all in the way of constructive ideas but have got some chores done as little in the way of distractions. I have realised how one thing that would make me very happy is to have even one person who's treated me like shit in the past to realise the error of their ways and apologise. I still feel guilty for all the times I've done it to people and wonder if many who've done it for me still think they were right. I know if I've deserved anything and these were just nasty. I also fantasise about what I'd like to happen besides that when it's quiet, and includes discovering old friends, more rare road signs, getting replies from long dead messages, and getting the real data on global warming out of the shadows. Some may happen sooner or later and others are daydreams. We all have them though and do show how little say we have in what happens, whatever we think we can do about it.

Nothing in the way of plans besides some work next week, and the new three step version of my original active meditation. This moves you beyond the immediate awareness and then tries to dissolve any blockages to what lies behind it. It gets you deeper to start with and then a way to clear the path altogether (if it works). As a natural teacher even though I'm just doing this for me if I found it worked I'd probably be the first to want to tell everyone. The main reason is I've been listening to the teaching for 12 years and most complicate it so much they dig people in even deeper a lot of the time. And anything that works for me will work I am certain.

Another interesting phenomenon I've come across and tested is seeing something coming just before you get it. Technically if you play golf with a blindfold you'll just keep hitting the ground and never know where the hole is, let alone hit the ball in it. But when I've taken a quiz and nearly won was often when I was just about to win the next one. Heads and tails, same odds each throw but it happened. And then when you want to find something and just guess somewhere you've just thought of is the likely route. There is some logic there but only a little. I was checking names from school again and thought I must get close to one on my list on this search and soon after one turned up. Having searched for 9 years very few new ones pop up now, and there they were right after I guessed I was on the right track. And maybe the same applies to enlightenment. You suddenly realise you're on the right track just before you find it. And women and anything else for that matter, you often seem to be able to tell just before it happens like when I went to my friend's house a couple of time when his sister had friends over. Having a friend's sister's friends over wasn't an automatic passport to crumpet for me but at least one of these occasions sensed it was going to happen and it did.

I am ready for something decent to happen now. I may or may not deserve it or have put the effort in but either way I am. And miracles know no size or quantity, once the door is open all is as easy as one small one. I know what I'd like and possibly who. Anyone who's read The Secret knows it's not cheating and having had no control previously does not feel any worse for getting it with the control as if cheating. It's just working for something constructively if it's true. I've used it twice so far for some pretty big things but will wait till the list is a lot longer before I connect the cause and effect.

But if I could see anything good coming I'd get just one woman from the past who was ready and able for me, at least one apology from some total baskets who need a week on basket camp to learn their lessons, see a few heads roll where people have overstepped their authority, have a major name take up the cause to kill the lies of global warming, get me on terrestrial TV or a daily paper (got close so far but need to cross that line), get enough money to move where I used to live, catch up with some old friends I've lost track of, get one home from abroad, get a relative to pay back the money he stole from us, get the second last series of Grange Hill (the one that wasn't broadcast on TV) shown so I can see it at last, find the music from children's TV in the early 60s, find out what happened to the old roundabout sign I missed in Surrey, get another old red triangle sign, get the truth on ufos from whoever already knows it, find anything I'd lost in the house, and anything else I haven't thought of.

Of course we all have similar lists, but I believe there's no reason life can't actually be like this. I've also read about dimensional shifts and one example was losing something in plain view and then turning up later. This happens to me and people I know quite often, and the roundabout sign was an area I passed from time to time and only noticed once. Someone took a photo there a couple of days later and it wasn't there. The council had no record of removing it despite the location and date I saw it go. Unlike others it wasn't in a seedy back street but on a major dual carriageway thousands of people would pass daily. That's a mystery. I thought I'd got the place wrong but after many checks I couldn't have done. And I'd wake up tomorrow to find some people had gone, some people had arrived and many things were different. And if there are multiple universes that explains how my own can change so much without bothering anyone elses.

A summary of 5 years

I remember once when anyone in my family asked me what I'd been doing the usual answer was 'not much'. Having a blog somehow made the sort of things I'd never bother to mention into an essential part of an ongoing story. Looking back (as there's little to add since last time) I've seen various themes since I started this from memory. Technically I wonder how much my life has changed in the last 15 years let alone 5 since I've been doing this, but I can say I had a job for a while and said friend and employer buggered off abroad in 2002 leaving me more time for nothing. That was all before the blog, and had a regular girlfriend for a while after and then I suppose it settled down into more or less how it is now.
I got my TV break in 2006 followed by a few more, but no actual effect as a couple of minutes a go on obscure channels is not the same as TV was when I was younger and there were just a handful of channels everyone watched. But a start.

I did recently sum up the reason for my discontent with most things in life was that in all areas of pleasure I'd barely got more than a few crumbs. I can't think of many other people who have serially missed out on so many areas most people fill sooner or later. And if you've got to nearly 50 you get the impression if you haven't managed it yet, whatever it is, you may never. Who knows. None of these things can be had directly, like enlightenment. You can't just say you want it and do something to get it. That's the main difference, in business you have some pretty clear routes and depend on effort and skill. Combine the two and sooner or later you will succeed. But having friends, partners and especially family they come and go as they please. The nearest you can get is getting a cat but hardly the same. I'm fairly used to life with all the gaps but would be so pleased if any became filled.

So it's taken me to this point. A more or less neutral equilibrium. I still react to good and bad things as I'm not enlightened, and maybe it can still even happen then at times. I expect nothing more but will be happy if it happens, and know whatever I do it can't change anything that really needs changing. It's almost impossible not to meet women you like and ask them out, but up to them what they do about it. That's just one example but applies to every area of pleasure. If I could afford to move house I'd just be doing the same thing in better surroundings, and remember the number of times I've been in a room and a woman just walked in and that was it. I did nothing, I was just there and we couldn't avoid the reaction. The only difference now is hardly any are single like they were then, so the supply is at a trickle so whatever I do I'm going to meet 25 and 70 year olds. And even the 70 year olds wouldn't want someone my age should I be interested. I've tried that already.

I'm not actually complaining here, just summarising everything since I started here out of lack of anything else to do. Today was a typical day of my freedom, I went to Regents Park, did a bit of essential shopping and watched TV. With no grandma I have more freedom but one less person around. And to complete the circle you can't attract people like cats. And god forbid I encourage retards who I spent months or years trying to get shot of. It's far better to be alone than suffer the ramblings of the rejects who hook onto me as I'm free during the day and basically only they are besides the few so rich they needn't work. Like me (ha ha). And it's no wonder I've always looked for more in the supernatural as superpowers don't half make life more interesting.
Tomorrow is free as well although I may have a visitor later on, or maybe two. And the teacher I'm following this week says we can't change outside, only inside. Then outside doesn't really matter. Very simple in theory and know what to do, but how the fuck long does it take (if at all) to notice a difference? I doubt even he knows as it's different for everyone. But no better method I know of.

Not much to report

The last few days seemed to take care of themselves really, I found two more one way street signs and had the arrow going the other way to the one I had already. They are rare. I'm free ahead so far, no grandma to see any more but besides being on my own for longer find plenty to do with the spare time. Nothing special planned work or play, I got to the library on Saturday and got an ad there to be checked at least although the object of my affections was off that day. Meanwhile I keep hearing teachers say our enlightenment is in looking at our awareness and can come with effort, so I still make the effort. They've experienced something I haven't and everything in life will be better if I ever do so not just the best aim but a very easy method to get there.

I still assume everything must be guided, even yesterday I wasn't planning to go on the road with the signs on it but my father wanted to see somewhere there as we were passing it, as soon as I turned right there it was. So if every other thing I want in life comes next the same way I don't actually have to do anything. These signs have turned up either found by other people or just when I was passing them randomly. I can't say I want to find a sign and look in a certain area. Some have more than others but no rules really. And the same for enlightenment. The teachers just turn up in my Youtube inbox and remind me what to do and why. The same thing in many different ways. It's like God, you have no idea what it's like until you get it. Except people are experiencing it here and now and can describe it whereas those who claim to know God have a lot less to claim. And really are probably describing the same thing except in a religious context.

Few of the authorities have replied to me besides the one who are painting the sign. Nothing new there. Nothing else known or expected at the moment but always keep busy if free. That's what I learnt at 2 when my mother started working again and was either left with her while she did paperwork or with my nanny. I made traffic jams across the carpet and then got myself sent to school to keep me busy just before I was 3. Had I known it would last 16 years I'd have held off a bit longer although I did have fun in the nursery school. I noticed the opposite sex straight away and was hooked on two of the teachers who I held hands with in alternate playtimes and one girl I was close to till we moved a few years later. I haven't managed to track her down yet though. I pass her old flat where I went for tea regularly as only live round the corner from where I did back then.

So, it's a blank slate at the moment, the football friendlies have started so may go to one of them sooner or later, and will leave the rest to guidance.

Work and routine

It can be pretty annoying when you and others know the truth and others are lying and getting away with it. But normally in these situations it can't last forever as you can't build a house from words alone. We will see. I've also collected much of my work together in some new articles and am saving them for someone who may actually choose to pay me for them. Why the fucking hell should I study for 6 years, practice for another 17 and share my knowledge for nothing? Who else would for so long? It's one thing having the odd individual client but over the years you see and learn patterns and want thousands of people to learn rather than a handful. So I put it out online and professional journals where none of the people who need to learn read it. I've been writing for courses endlessly so have just about sewn up what it takes by now and besides not swearing when a magazine finally agrees to print my work for money pretty much everything else will be as you read it here.

Actually I suspect it would be more popular if I did swear but you need to be well established to get away with risks like that. The biggest shock I got at 14 was when my therapist swore freely (considering I was punished so heavily when I did at 8 that I was terrified of the words for years after). But basically if people swear and they're not working for someone else they carry on all the time. You get used to it after a while. Since then I've had bosses who never stopped from the minute they arrived to the minute they went home. But they were just common rather than saving it for when it was useful. Big Brother has been noticing that this year with housemates commenting how pointless it is to swear the whole time as it has no effect or use. I never said a bad word in writing till I picked it up here either. But I realised if I am happy to say them and let them go I should be able to write them and leave them indefinitely.

It's been a week of chores and little else besides walks in the parks and woods around here for relief when the rain finally stopped on Thursday. Since my grandma died there's only me and my mother to clear a three floor house of 99 years of tut. We did a lot while she was alive for obvious reasons but a lot she needed so had to leave a lot while she still did. So that's my main job at the moment, and managed to catch up on a lot of gardening since the weather cooled down and then dried up. Otherwise I'm still watching all the satsang on Youtube and am wondering if the true state is just seen by dropping the false one whether it should be quite easy now to do so, especially with 12 years of practice. I'd certainly change if that happened. No plans for either the weekend or the week ahead, the football friendlies start about then and may be one on Tuesday or thereabouts, and the timetable show a nice selection depending on parking and access. Other than that it's a mystery beyond the normal routine which is just like breathing. Necessary but not very exciting.

Looking at reality

As if any ever made a noise in the first place, I've been going through a quiet period the last couple of days. Besides raining until the evening each day I've just been fannying around looking for things to do. That's included a bit of gardening with the newly borrowed clippers, a visit to the outdoor gym again and doing some housework (only happens when all else has run out). But I can't have excitement the whole time and don't need it, rather stability like I had when I still lived at home, better place, better area and with other people.

Until that happens again (my arse), I have to drag whatever I can from the same pool of randomness we all do. A little good news is along with three new scientific books demonstrating how everything I've said about global warming for years is correct the earth's got colder again this month. The actual trend is now towards an ice age but that would fuck up their whole scheme so saving that for geeks like me to discover online. The very fact both the BBC and most papers ignore such vital news demonstrates their attitude to it. They have a task and they must stick to it until the size and weight of the truth overwhelms the wall they've put up for it. While Gordon Brown fiddles in Copenhagen after robbing the world better than Robin Hood or even Al Gore could do. He's a lying scheming bastard and besides claiming he couldn't see the recession coming was partly behind it by allowing unlimited lending. What else could it lead to tell me?

Thank goodness a few other intelligent and perceptive people see things exactly the same way as I do, but like anyone at the top of the pyramid not enough to do very much about it. The majority always being right is a well known fallacy as only a small minority are intelligent enough to see through the crap others will fall for. The leaders know and exploit this and most people are accused of conspiracy theorists for pointing it out. If only that was true. But if the global warming con is seen through and our politicians proved guilty hopefully no one will trust them again.
At least I can know I'm doing my bit on that front.

Ahead is no more than behind. When the highest point on the year's social calendar is half an hour at my old school where I hardly know anyone just about sums up the general picture. I'm quite used to it now mind you, but hope it doesn't go on forever. I'm still self promoting, offering my free counselling services to papers, offering articles, chasing women (online at least) and whatever else comes to me. It got one sign painted at least besides meeting a few people online, and similar to having unlimited tries at X Factor in case you finally make it. Persistence is as important as talent as if you give up because you assume you haven't enough talent you may well be wrong, it's just a matter of competing with everyone else's. Never give up as long as you have more chances.

Another week ahead

Well despite having barely any plans I've been pretty busy. A booking was cancelled on Saturday which meant I could go to the annual school reunion for the first time since 2005. I did go most years but after no one carried on going who I knew I stopped, was working last year and wanted to check in this year again. Same two hard core people only, second worst turn out ever but at least I was there. I kept Streetviewing despite having nearly every reasonable sign on my list within 40 miles, and found a pair (at least) on the arse end of a shitty estate I went to a couple of weeks ago. The illegible sign was a new one and the others repeats but must be thorough and did a couple of others again in daylight as they look better.

The week is free ahead besides clearing grandma's house, which will take some time. I hope to check the roads in Cheshunt as Streetview doesn't stretch more than 15 miles from London so I still have to do many places the old way. I missed the library trip on Friday as it closes at lunchtime but now know only Tuesday Thursday and Saturday are any use for me. It was too hot last week to do the front garden so will be on that next, and the rest is a mystery. No more thank goodness from the nutcases but that is usually their nature. If you live in a fantasy world hopefully most of the actions are fantasy as well. He says...

But most of the guidance has been working as each possibly dead day has been filled one way or another and anything ahead should follow the same way, and hopefully extend over every other area besides old signs.

A little too much excitement

It's getting a bit chaotic here again, besides life as normal I've managed to get two separate death threats this week and it's only Wednesday. Now I don't know the average a person is expected to get in their life but like everything else when that energy is around it seems to be coming from everywhere at once. The first was on Youtube and probably follows a long campaign for making a video on some gang's council estate. Then a schizophrenic I used to know who I dropped when he turned nasty just rang up and said he's going to kill me for various paranoid delusional type reasons. Anyone who doesn't believe in some sort of karma as described in Autobiography of a Yogi may start wondering after seeing all the phases I've been sent.

Now taking it to the traditional eastern view these events imply my spiritual work has reached a level where karma is becoming almost instant and the issues I've had saved up are all coming at once so I can get rid of them to be clear for enlightenment. Of course a physical death and a symbolic death of the ego is a close thing, as the greatest barrier to enlightenment is the fear of losing it, although it is something we were born to lose, like our milk teeth, and maybe our virginity. It is impossible to ignore the arrangement I see around me more and more and that also means there's sod all difference I can make about whoever wants to kill me as whatever's meant to happen will. Now wasting my future seems a bit beyond the purpose of any sort of karma, and more likely to see how I deal with it to see if I'm ready. Detachment is probably the best move as it's all meant to be an illusion anyway. Dreams can be easily created to any script so why not the dream we think is reality?

So besides the attacks on my peace I've been reasonably busy in the proper summer weather that may well be a week in a year of British cold and wet. Visitors today although one didn't make it, too hot for any gardening but did some food shopping and washing up. And more accounts which almost seem to be working now for the annual returns which are beyond me and normally checked by an accountant. No doubt if they are rubbish they will be sent back and have to be but all the programming has been updated and seems to work although balancing accounts was one bit I never got at college when I did it. There's a trick they used to take the two parallel figures of income and outgoings and then use the owner's equity to make the difference up, a bit like lining up the two layers of toilet paper when they get out of line. But nowadays the balance sheet is done by the computer and we only get involved when it flags up an error. Now having seen a few before I didn't this time so can but hope. Under law you don't need an accountant to do quarterly and annual returns so I am a lot cheaper. But if they want them to balance as well then I'm not the man.

Normal obligations the rest of the week, clearing my late grandma's house, gardening and a work booking on Saturday. But my road sign collection is nearly complete now with one of the rarest appearing on Monday. Assuming neither lunatic carries out their threats I can then look ahead to the following week, football friendlies, no school annual reunion as it's the day I'm working (unless it finishes before I expect to) and who knows what ahead.
I did stop reading blogs for a while for the simple reason everyone on my list stopped writing or deleted them altogether. It took a while to add a few new ones to read and being on the road so much this year and Streetview to help me search I've had little time for other sites besides my daily quizzes. My scores continue to improve as not only do I keep learning new facts I get the same questions over again until they become familiar. I'll be back though as when all the other stuff gets done I'll have more time to wander around the other places again. Before the buggers cut off the profile links for a year I was getting 50 hits a day. I'm lucky to get double figures now. Search me.

How intuition works

Firstly welcome to another Funtrivia style refugee who has taken her full talents where they will be appreciated. And I don't mean swearing either as I didn't when I started here but having to avoid certain subjects altogether. A time and a place for everything as Mary Poppins would say. When she's got it up the wrong 'un... Ha ha.

Anyway. After making a pun hardly anyone else will understand I will stop avoiding the fact that basically sod all has happened since my last visit. I've had some time clearing my grandma's house as expected with more to come (4 bedrooms and 3 floors). I've walked round one of Britain's most dangerous areas taking photos that often look like it would have 100 years ago and earlier, and didn't go into see Ray Davies performing outdoors as it was flooded although still on an hour late. Outdoors is good but not underwater, I wasn't dressed for that as dry when I left home earlier.
My plans are even less interesting than the previous week. My achievements of late were both useful and essential but besides being able to have almost a complete sign collection in 2009, 46 years after the last were made, I still have empty freedom and at least started meditating again which always follows lack of alternatives although should still take priority.

So to digress my friend who introduced me to enlightenment became cynical although I personally listen to as many teachers as I can and concluded it can happen, and he then said I should now teach even though I'm not enlightened. If I tested myself to see if I could make it happen maybe I would but I can't even recognise it in others so not much of a teacher there. And as I follow all I know to make it happen with probably no results how do I know the power of what I'm teaching besides parroting what the rest say? I was shown a guided meditation online which had shown a flash of reality by asking what and who I am before the thoughts etc come in. The answer of course is nothing besides awareness. The rest is learnt and added to our identity after we are taught our name is who we are rather than a way to be identified by others. We don't need it ourselves as we never lose ourselves. Male and female are similar, they are aspects of our body we only become aware of when pointed out (literally) and unless we do look down we wouldn't be certain from inside.

So direct experience is the only way we can work on ourselves. The teaching strips away concepts and doubts by explaining what's going on, to leave the channels freer to let the methods work. The energy transfers a few teachers do remove the blockage in one go but they are few and far between and a bit of a luxury for most students. But without that I'll have to use my own direct experience of what is before my mind can name it.

I think the other examples of guidance before the road signs were the negative ones which stopped me suffering but didn't add anything. This was when I had a lousy arrangement and was cancelled the day before or so so I didn't have to be there. But if things can be arranged and regularly now they are not limited to any area. So my other aims have to be followed as well as the signs are near used up and unlike fame or a woman don't change my life actively. I do however want the psychic powers and/or enlightenment, partly as having a few already and lost the best one seeing auras know how much better life is with more than before. Superpowers are in every kid's story and most grow out of it, except mine was told by Uri Geller who claimed to be real. That was all I needed and I've been following it ever since with at least partial results.
Unlike enlightenment they needed no effort, my teacher got us to open our chakras (just feel they are) and go right ahead. No telling us how except with the tree auras, just do it. My intuition about people now means I am one of the few who mistrusts Barack Obama, knows Gordon Brown is working for someone else, as is Al Gore but at a much higher level. He is close to the top and has more influence than probably any other person alive, followed by Rupert Murdoch who is from the same mould but independent.

The trouble with intuition is even though these guys show others after the event I can't prove it before. Obama took a few weeks before making CO2 a pollutant which shows he was put up to win to continue the agenda in the USA after Bush refused to. He was there to make wars not to rob the public and lie to them, whatever you thought of him. And really Iraq is their problem not ours, although it adds to all our taxes we are unaware of any changes here from what's happening there, as with Afghanistan which is a stinking hole of criminals and deserves all it gets from what I've read about the drug barons who still run the country whatever we're meant to be doing there. Other areas I pick up include many laws which are there to keep the best for the elite rather than stop anything bad happening. That's about power and keeping it at the top. Obviously immoral laws that we all know now like making money from tobacco and alcohol which do no favours for anyone who actually uses them, the well recorded levels of crime in illegal and dubious immigrants (just reported this weekend, 5 times worse per person than home grown, as if that was a surprise to anyone), the fact black, blind, deaf, spastic, crippled and all other named people that have been renamed by the fully able white wankers at Camden Council despite hardly any of the supposed victims wanting their well understood labels to be changed, and every other issue and person that's blindingly obviously wrong (or sometimes right) to me but I can't bloody well prove it yet. Global warming is an interesting exception as I felt very uncertain after it didn't correspond with my reality and used propaganda methods drawn up by the SS. The truth about it is all over magazines and the internet but all media people listen to are threatened to mention the party line on whatever penalties are threatened.

The Daily Mail managed to do the opposite (although unlike the Australian left out most of the relevant data as their readers probably would have turned the page) but are absolutely right and the BBC and other government arms have not decided to report the fact none of the scare stories they tell us are true. Bits are, ice shelfs are melting, well the parts where it's summer. The others are growing. That's what ice shelves do. But the satellite data (ie not the sea level measurements they tell you) shows they are roughly the same size they were decades ago. Just one example but every point they offer can be dealt with equally. I may attempt to find out why the BBC believe this news is not worthy of reporting as it's not even opinion, it's data. What will happen in 80 years however is opinion and drives their reporting even though it's impossible to be alive when it happens to find out. That's a clue why anything else they say isn't worth hearing either.

The middle of the week/mittelschmerz

What indeed? Looking back over the times since it was impossible to see events in any other way than guidance, as the complex situation repeated itself about four times so far in case anyone thought it was a coincidence the first time. Road signs acting as signs of a greater force is a pretty direct method as well. Now once the guidance works for the good (after a very rough up and down 49 years, with more downs than ups) then maybe I needed the earlier life to become prepared for the next? And if it works to provide me with old road signs then why not all the other things I'd been missing till now? I will see.

This week is the first not seeing my grandma two evenings a week although friends use that as a reason I never see them nowadays. Well they are here now and she isn't so I put my money in the right place didn't I. I can catch up with them but never look back and get any days back I'd missed had I not gone there so often. If any vacuum is filled then I'll see how this one is, I'm working a bit the next two days to fill that space and may waste money seeing Ray Davies (Kinks) over the weekend as I don't intend to stay for more than a few numbers as I can't stick crowds. Except football crowds which somehow is so familiar I have become immune thank goodness. The friendlies start soon, I have the timetable and hope to do one or two now, after five or more in some years. You can only watch Reading and Charlton so many times without the novelty wearing off. Maybe Dagenham and Redbridge (one team that is) or even West Ham (away) again if I can get in to that one.

Having seen a long list online of people who have met celebrities realise anyone living in towns and cities can't avoid bumping into them sometimes so even meeting Elvis (or the late Michael Jackson as people are now recounting 15 minutes since it was announced) is not that unusual as they travelled all over, like the Queen I bumped into although didn't talk to her as she was in her car. So invert the pyramid and if any celebrity connections continue it would be my aim to be it rather than the other way round. Celebrity is cheaper and easier than it was but still a relative handful of people. I've been ploughing and sowing that field since I started drama classes at 14 and will keep on in case it happens. That may also pay the bills and provide the women and friends who have dropped off in the last few years.

Looking ahead (notice the change of colour for the different topic) I must let each day unfold as it comes. I can't control that much, and having been sent a slew of old signs on Monday just when everything had gone too quiet shows how that works. The nearby council said they'd paint the sign but I won't give them the location unless they tell me they won't just take it out instead as many would do. Better a mess than nothing. The one day I was free this week was the one the library was closed but that will wait. And if I see Ray Davies on Saturday that's another for the collection. A hero of old there I never thought I'd see perform. Being a mile from where he lived I can't really see me getting near the place but will see. Well that's it for now, I expect most blogs for the next few days will be about Michael Jackson but Elvis dying was the lowest point for me and that can never happen again.

Guidance and freedom

Life is getting back to normal again although minus the regular visits to grandma. I'll admit some was out of duty and she enjoyed the visits so much but I also made the most of her while I could. Tonight was the first Tuesday for as long as I can remember when I was free (besides when she was in hospital but sometimes saw her there as well) and needed a rest full stop after a hectic few weeks working and then last week's funeral related activities. Besides the worst of the gardening (more was prevented as the hedge cutters have finally had it) and a little walk it was TV most of the day and at least plenty to watch for a change, plus two cold callers I felt a religious duty to convert to being decent people. That is not a way to earn a living or create business, it's begging in the street and in a civilised country (oh, it isn't) would be included in the same laws.

Free tomorrow as well besides one late booking (I hope, unconfirmed), various little jobs I can be doing and probably will and the rest I will see. Guidance has been apparent again, and what better indication than road signs which can't be missed? I got an email yesterday evening with two locations nowhere near me I was able to get to on the way home, and got five, including two I didn't have already. So I could relax today having covered the width of London and collected a major supply of photos. I'm hoping to get a positive to paint the one I found last week as is nearby and a lot easier than the last one as two colours and my height. I can't do the library trip tomorrow as it's closed, but is on the list.

Now as the guidance is so clear then it can't just be for road signs. Besides running out if life can be arranged that tidily then it ought to work for everything now it's started. These gaps are only temporary so far and when filled in realise it's just as much as ever. Even my own hesitations and delays can't stop the direction. If I don't want to go to a woman that's suitable then she'll come to me if all is guided. Like I was shown signs when the lights turned red the delays make you look somewhere you would have missed otherwise. And when I make wrong turns I find things there as well as if made to. So if I'm being made to not visit some woman it's either as they don't want to know and I'd be wasting my time (been there, done that for 30 years) or did want me and would make the effort to come after me and prove it.

More clues on enlightenment from Youtube's teachers, whatever the route if you stick to your meditation come what may if your mind stops then you do as well. The three legged stool of Buddhism means whichever leg you lose the ego falls down, and when the mind stops it takes the ego with it. I'll keep going. I also found out this guy lives in London and although I chose not to join his school (too much work for me thanks) still learn just as much listening to his lessons.
I have a list of ambitions, raising any area to the level (some I've had and lost and others beyond) that would make me feel better. Many things could make it happen, I've missed out on hundreds of opportunities already but at least known they could have happened. The newspaper article would have been one example and very unlikely if it hadn't led to more. Any of the women who turned me down as well. Enlightenment means peace within so no old crap can get through to you, but till then it's reality first. I do realise however I've done it I have put in enough work now to earn everything I'd like to happen. I know when I get each part, even if I have no idea what form it could come in I'll know when it does. If the signs can be sent to me then so can everything else.

It's all guided at the moment

Back again, I have to begin by announcing the death of my grandma at 99, suddenly with no current illness and all her faculties. I do see it as 49 years with a grandma rather than time without though as we both knew positive thinking and that is exactly how she handled deaths close to her, and there were many.

Life is now getting back to normal in its new form of course, after the funeral and nightly Jewish prayers that followed. I lost a lot of sleep from the related activities as we all did in the family. But as signs are given from above mine have been in road signs, and on the way out of the cemetery was one of the rarest in Britain (3 now known) as maybe her final gift to me. She believed in all of that as well so would certainly have seen it as possible.

But what I said about making plans proved correct, you can't do it and don't know what's coming till the day before at most. The guidance and synchronicity is back in full thank goodness, I told a friend about the old signs who remembered 'danger children' which I don't remember seeing. Today I went back to Radlett as a weird sign cropped up in the background of a photo and I thought I'd better check, and was just a crap home made one for a private road. I rushed back home as I had stuff to do, and while trying to catch the green light at Elstree couldn't and just spotted something in the road off the main one. I'd already passed it and didn't look familiar but as there was no one behind me reversed back and saw an old sign 'No Through Road. Danger School Children'. That one speaks for itself. If I trust the guidance everything is coming my way now at last. And even if not it's filled in some incredible spaces in my sign collection at times which just turned up in the exact spots I was in although not part of an official search. I will see.

The ramblings of a madman

I must become better at making something out of nothing. It's good that work is now stopping me from having too much empty time, and also feel less guilty for any complete days off as I've earned them. How I make something from very little includes the creative side, writing, doing little Youtube performances, painting and whatever else comes to me. Having grown up in Finchley where both Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan lived gave me some local inspiration, although I never came across either. The Goodies and Monty Python team all lived in Hampstead and Cricklewood next door, and occasionally bumped into some of them locally although never disturbed them. Whether an area can effect our personality is unlikely (besides causing depression) but people of certain types often seem to be found in small areas. Kingsbury is no exception.

So currently there's nothing possible to look forward to in any area. Business is done, time is free outside bookings but there's little else going on. If this is a phase and life actually starts becoming exciting that is the less likely option of two, but not impossible either. I slept too badly on Friday to risk going to the library as you need your wits about you with women. I can slip that in any day except a Wednesday when they close. I never miss an opportunity to make anything happen in life but always find the big stuff comes when it wants to not because I make it happen. Like sleeping, you can go to bed but sleep comes when it chooses to. Everything else of much value is the same. You can go to every disco and party in town but meet the right one when you visit a friend.

I know it's unrealistic but I could really do with something nice happening either I hadn't worked for or put the work in ages ago and given up on. I may avoid tasks I don't like (who doesn't given the chance?) but throw myself fully into the others that are just hard work but tolerable like weightlifting. Once a task is accepted it is done fully or given up. No pissing around like most people you come across who cut corners and make mistakes and just try and get jobs out of the way as quickly as possible or try not to do them at all and make excuses. People hate it when they do it to them but still happy to when it suits them, like the late payers I know only too well. They take out summonses very quickly when anyone owes them but do exactly the same when they feel like it and hit the roof if anyone sues them. Hypocrisy is another human failing and one of the lowest.

One thing I have learnt. What is obvious to me either from experience or intuition is not common knowledge so do what I can to teach others. I work by simplifying situations and removing bad practices rather than offer new methods. It's a lot easier to stop doing something wrong and by default you are going to get whatever it is done better. We all know how to walk but it's a lot easier if our shoes are on the right feet and there aren't any weights hanging off us we don't need to carry. So remove the obstacles and the path normally opens up on its own with no new instruction.
This works for more and more situations, and for me I see similar patterns apply wherever things are wrong, but most people take no notice when you point it out anyway. I see power being abused, and half the fault is those who allow it as it's inevitable it will happen unless the victims stop it as many powerful people get carried away sooner or later. The only power I want is over myself, it is nice when my requests are accepted but that will always be by choice not by any pressure I can exert. Let the Mafia do their job and I'll go straight.

I have used 'The Secret' for about a year now, and two goals at the top of a very short list were reached, so have that as a possible reserve, in the large 'Things you don't understand but may actually work' department. I have a longer list now but must just do one or two maximum at a time or it won't be focused. Now if that kept working it would cut every corner in everyone's life, and is no less enjoyable when got the easy way after 49 years getting things the hard way. I do believe I must receive a lot of my information from another source. When I turn on I can simply write a complete proposition or poem in one go with barely a pause and it all works at the end with no alterations required. That's happened fairly recently and I think I may have just opened up that channel with practice, and something we can all do really.

Finally for those either in London or sad enough to go online to www.lbc.co.uk they've got a newsreader on recently on the late shift, Clemency Norris, who sounds like she's got a cleft palate. It's one thing having equal opportunities but just as I wouldn't choose a blind taxi driver an announcer with a bad speech impediment is not a good ad for the station. If it's a physical disability then work behind the scenes, and if not then spend your massive salary on speech therapy for a while and then come back when you've fixed it. If mynah birds can get every language and accent right then a bloody announcer can. There's another they employed at the same time who can't make the 'th' sound which is a local issue and again should either iron it out or change jobs. That is just irritating and I have no option hearing people saying 'wiv' anywhere in and around London without one being paid to do it on the radio. Accents are great but you don't learn to speak posh and launch yourself on the public before you've completed the job. I'd be far happier if they let the odd swear word out than speech defects. That would lose a few listeners and gain thousands I reckon.

"This is the ten O'clock news: Gordon Brown has fucked up his chances of winning the next election. Sir Alan Sugar has become a Lord, can any twat make it now if he can? A careless bugger has killed three people on the M6" etc. I'd certainly take more notice...

How the guidance has worked

Having recently read that guidance does not stop just because it seems to I must continue to trust it and see it in all the smallest areas as well as largest. Like today when I had various dubious plans for an otherwise dead saturday, and slept so badly I stayed in. That allowed me to both plant the new flowers I'd been given before they died and scan more photos online as there was little else to do, and also caught up on my recorded videos besides the one last night that didn't work (Mr Ferguson say 'Record three programmes a day, we kill one. It's the law of the video'). I can't think of a day I recorded a few programmes and they all got done, it's like it becomes fed up and tells you to fuck off. And despite some programmes going on demand they aren't all.

I am just keeping up with the free time. Being let out of school or prison is the same. You feel great but not when you run out of things to do. Business may be taken care of but pleasure has different rules. I have managed to keep busy each day without knowing what I was doing the day after. I know exactly the levels I need to reach, partly the ones of the past when I lived with a family and in a more civilised area, and partly the career level of being at the top. I haven't rushed. I started drama lessons at 14, started performing at 16 in clubs and whatever else I've done have never neglected that side without being able to join the all powerful union. That is like trying to do a marathon with one leg. It is possible but will take 100 times longer than someone with two. As it has in my media career. But they didn't stop it, they just delayed it as loopholes were found and I am now seen worldwide without the need to join any acting or journalism union. It's the hard way but not impossible.

Now I need to finish what I started before I'm at retirement age, what's the point of a successful media career with too few years to exploit it? You don't get many groupies at 60 do you? Currently the media career is over as in no more projects left, but the way it works is I get a call from a producer or a journalist, we have an informal chat, some call back and do a full interview and maybe a fifth end up being used. But it's now quality rather than quantity, one national paper or terrestrial TV station is all it needs and I can do satellite stuff annually and not make a scratch on the mirror of fame. It's watched by a lot of people worldwide but very few in each country, terrestrial is all here and watched by millions who recognise you the next day in the street. Having experienced that once it's not an illusion. Five seconds on Channel4 peak time, no speaking, I was mobbed when I went to the gym. That is power. Get in the paper and old friends who'd lost track of you can all the paper and find you again, these things all link together and fill in social gaps as well as career ones.

The guidance can't just be to a normal life as that happens with none and always randomly, good and bad. Instead if guided it must have an aim and being directed to actual ambitions whatever I do in response. It's about aiming in a direction and seeing how you get there with no map. There's no direct path to fame, enlightenment or marriage. You just have to choose it and want it to happen and see how you get there. The guidance fills the links that aren't there otherwise and allows a project to be complete. The old road signs allowed me to see it work, four steps or more to get a goal and in the case of the woman at the library maybe two goals at once. And the first ever example when I had run out of signs and activities, googled old signs for 3 hours, found one, went there a different way from usual and found another on the way and a third by making a wrong turning as someone had named the wrong road which was the one I was on next to it.

The no entry sign was the same, I found speed limits in Pinner, lane directions on the way home, realised there would be an extra one, went back, took it, went home and got caught at traffic lights where the no entry sign was, but illegible as the paint had worn off. Having time to look properly (in the dark) I worked out it was too big for a new one so should have writing in and it did, offered to paint it and is now like new. No alternatives as since Pinewood Studios pulled their two out last year the only known working one in Britain is in Cornwall plus one two miles from me. Had all those steps not happened I may never have spotted it as it was totally illegible as a text sign and not somewhere I often went.

I have told both these stories already but recapped for new readers who wanted to know what I meant by guidance. One example was enough for me, two is beyond any odds in any universe. I just wonder how long it'll take and where it'll go as although I have all the signs now they only save me looking for them and don't change my life otherwise. Plus there was no response from the local papers about painting the sign so another lost media opportunity. I know where I should be guided to but although I just about trust it's always there even when nothing seems to happen I'm ready for something big now. I know the difference and it also has to be something with lasting effects, although another old sign with a red triangle would do as well.

No aliens, women or fame

Besides Big Brother being on everything is just about neutral at the moment. I've had enough work to save me trying to waste time and money driving around on my own each day except today which was just a rest day. I would have gone to Primrose Hill (they have a free outdoor gym but the parking probably costs as much) but with the Tube strike safer not to go on the roads. The last events on my list had UK Indepndence beating Labour into 3rd place in the Euro elections, the Liberals even worse being so pro-Europe. Labour are still slagging off the people's choice even though no sensible informed person wants to be robbed and ruled as if the fucking Nazis had won the war after all. That does imply they have infiltrated our governments and trying to win politically as clearly can't with the military. Pretty clear now I think. But not really my problem besides the price of petrol and gas.

But my list has again come to an end. Whatever did happen (fixing up the no entry sign and UKIP doing well) happened and nothing else did (article about no entry sign etc), and there's nothing on any system now. But I'm keeping busy enough not to take much notice at the moment. The aims are the same as usual, women, fame, enlightenment and if I'm very lucky add to my old sign collection. I've also started a Facebook group to ban road humps as Streetview revealed they are on nearly every road like chicken pox. As I say, if I could I'd line each of these councillor's wives vaginas with sandpaper so they could get some of the treatment they happily hand out to us (at our expense as well). It is cruel and absolutely pointless.

Otherwise I've been using my time making up poetry and music for Youtube which at least keeps the performing side warm. And although you can get an idea you never quite know which of 100 projects will take off. Write a quiz and 9 will get a few plays and the last 1000, and not always certain which will be that one, and then which will be the highest rated. Life is mainly the same, not the effort you put in or time you take but random elements. And I've been so busy Streetviewing (there are lots of roads in London and must cover them all) I haven't been reading blogs or much else besides upload photos and play daily quizzes as time is of the essence.
There's a steady supply of teaching on Youtube as well which said the other day it's only working like an alarm clock, each person needs a certain level to wake up. So I keep it ringing and see if any works.

So, no plans at the moment, but that's not unusual. Better than crap to do which was a lot more frequent in the past. I've blown out many of the causes of that though as they needed me more than I needed them and it's surprising how many apparent obligations we can drop with absolutely no consequences. Anyone who wanted me just for what I could do for them is better gone, and the ones who didn't don't mind if I avoid taking them places and doing other chores as I'm free.
So if I repeat myself it's only as life repeats itself. If I had a job and was married with kids I may not do this much anyway, but if I did the routine would be just as regular. I will see.

1960s memories

It's funny how memories are like pulling a thread, one comes and the others all follow when you keep pulling. Back to the 60s when I was born, the smells are everyone's easiest route back and it reminded me of a family we knew called the Osterweils with three kids whose house always smelt of poo. Like they'll read this... There were many memories from before we moved from Kingsbury when I was 5, and my mum often went back to the same places after we moved including the hairdressers where there son used to give me copies of dirty magazines while I waited for her to be done. The centrefolds then went on my wall when he changed them over and gave me the old ones. But that was about 1970 and no muff back then so my mother had little to object to.
When I returned to live here in 1995 the shop was still there and only closed a few years ago. The family who owned it then were long dead but a lot of it was the same and I had my own hair cut there a few times.

Back to poo and the story I've probably told already but can be repeated indefinitely. It was about 1964 and my class was in one of the portakabins typical of so many British schools. The walls were yellow and the teacher stopped what she was doing and asked "Tony, are you alright?" "Yes" "Miss there's something on the wall". "It wasn't me" said Tony. It was. There were brown circles smeared on the yellow wall like Chimp art, he'd shit himself and rather than leave the incriminating evidence in his pants decided to do his best to conceal and camouflage it by smearing it thinly on the wall as if no one would notice. That's pretty clever for a four year old really. Unfortunately a couple of years later when I was in the back of my friend's mother's car waiting to pick up his brother I was surprised by a huge weight of turd and had no alternative but release it. I took the silent approach and hoped they wouldn't notice but within seconds the smell was obvious and I ended up in the bath surrounded by brown floating material making its way down the plughole.

I suppose poop is the most memorable area of most children's past, not just my own. Or is it just what I focus on? We went to Bath when I was a year or so older and climbing a stile I saw a huge pool of mud underneath and jumped into the middle as kids would. But it wasn't mud, but my first introduction to cowpats. We had to drive home 100 miles with me covered in it. Of course it wasn't all faecal connections to that period, and of course we had the usual episodes of urinary escapes in the classroom as well. Plus Alan Laurier (anyone know him?) who sat in his chair at school after lunch surrounded by what looked like a ring of snow. Miss Sharp said "Alan, what's that?" "Nothing" "Empty your pockets" and two pockets in his grey flannel shorts emptied the day's mashed potato on the floor from lunch he hid as he didn't want it. Of course that's more of an indictment of the old policy of forcing kids to finish their lunch but made for some good stories.

Obviously we had our doctors and nurses as well, the private inspections when boys visited girls and the public when one or more girls showed boys their equipment in the playground. I was of course fascinated and obsessed with pussy ever since. No better obsession for a man in my opinion. One by one I lost contact with them as we all moved schools and houses, and moving to an all boys school at 9 cut me off totally for 3 years till I managed to escape. Being an only child I was glued to the TV from soon after I was born, Associated Rediffusion channels 1 and 9, Five O Clock club, Watch with Mother, Space patrol, Top of the Pops, White Heather Club, Ready Steady Go, Juke Box Jury and some panel game with Groucho Marx on it. There were many well and less well knowns as well, Wally Whyton, Nadia Cattouse, The Seekers, The Spinners, Fred Barker and Ollie Beak the puppets, Tingha and Tucker with Auntie Jean, Bob Monkhouse on the Golden Shot, up, up, left a bit, right a bit, fire!
Much is now on Youtube for anyone who wants to see it again, and many I hadn't seen since they were last shown 40 odd years ago.

My grandparents had a shop in the West End where I'd sometimes go in the school holidays and my father would meet me for lunch and go to the Old Kentucky (pancakes and a free lollipop) or Lyons Corner House on Oxford Street or the celebrity Vega vegetarian restaurant nearby where many well known musicians (mainly jazz) used to go who my father all knew. Sometimes we'd get the nearby Green Line coaches to Hertfordshire for a few (old) pence each, and although I remember waiting for them and the insides haven't a clue where we ended up. And finally I remember trolleybuses along Edgware Road which I only recently discovered stopped in 1962 when I was just 2. And our hotel in Paris the previous christmas in 1961 where we went with my grandparents and amazed my mother years later when I described the lift man and having breakfast where they'd brought my cereal so they knew I liked it. With clear memories going back to the age of 1 then there's a whole lot of material to get through but these were the highlights, or lowlights I suppose.

Another week passes

For me it was a busy week. A few bookings and more for next week, another trip to the supermarket for grandma (no car since last year) which she thoroughly enjoyed, and a couple of photo trips in between. I suspect the old signs have more or less run out, especially any new ones not repeats, and heard nothing whether they'll write an article about me painting the old sign last weekend yet.
The Euro election results are coming out, at least when Big Brother finishes. I suspect UK Independence may not show the promise they suggested as I switched during the ads, although having it on a final fold in the betting slip (near enough) so you couldn't find it without undoing them completely. I checked the list on the wall first (as they don't always have a candidate at all) and saw they did so just kept undoing the paper till it got to number 13 on its own at the end. Why anyone choosing to vote for them wouldn't do the same I'm not sure but there were a lot of complaints. Like the Literal Democrats a few years ago who fooled a few dyslexics if nothing else.

OK, just turned over to find the BNP got an MEP in Leeds. That'll distract a few people from the real issues for a week or so before they get back to serious business (ie robbing us all). There's no room to reduce petrol tax as our wonderful prime minister has borrowed so much we'll be taxed like fucking Zimbabwe for the rest of my life. Even a new party will inherit that debt, no gold and little oil and no serious manufacturing to make it up. UKIP currently 2nd equal with 3 so a good start though, if they do well enough a few real politicians may lose their inhibitions about questioning our membership at last.

Back to my own crap, I'm free besides some bookings as mentioned, hair is cut, eyes tested and corrected and just got some more shop vouchers to use at Brent Cross. once I know what to get with them. With road signs running out after about 6 solid months something has to replace them and as they weren't planned then I don't expect any more to be ahead. I just squatted 85 kilos in the gym, 5 more from last time and my legs can clearly improve faster than anything else. I will be visiting the library again partly for advertising and partly to check out the talent as described already. I only ask out one or two women a year nowadays and even the ones who agreed pushed me away as soon as I tried anything besides one who I waited about 12 years for one little kiss. That seems to be the return rate at the moment.
I also have a phone lesson to book with the latest teacher who says any efforts to enlightenment should work, so will see what he can do. The rest will either be routine or a mystery.

It must be guided

How's this? I was wondering after a week far more like my previous life whether it meant the guidance had gone, so within a few days I read in a magazine that once we know there is guidance we have to trust it even when we think it's gone. How much more of an answer could I have had than that?

I can't remember what I mentioned last time, but must have been past the sign painting as that was on Saturday. Despite our fercuckter government committee of 1963 choosing the cheap and nasty Euro-symbols to lick the Froggie's arses in preparation to join their gambling club, I mean Common Market, the library manager told me that by adding the words 'No Entry' to the previously empty sign should actually deter more people from driving in the exit. No shit Sherlock... That Mr Worboys who did the same to our signs as Al Gore did for honesty should be sent to suffer a Greek myth style journey of our A roads trying to follow his shite signs for eternity. Especially those councils felt obliged to remove but were never replaced just when you need one. The guy was the word I'd rather not use but we all know. Enough said.

For those (I expect they exist) who feel sorry for me from the drought of females I did have a visitor today who served that particular requirement for some time ahead. If I had nothing else in life decent sex (or even average) would put a smile on my face above anything else. OK, it may have been average but I made up in quantity any other shortcomings. I think it's mainly women who love going into details (they are wired via the heart rather than the eye like men) and I normally only mention it when it hasn't happened, but this was after such a long time I didn't want anyone thinking I was still stuck for any.

Besides that I'm pretty well free, I have what would be called work/chores the next couple of days, and a possible newspaper article about painting the sign if they think it's worthy of one. It'll be about time as I really want this to have a higher profile. And if it raises mine that won't be bad either. I was reporting on a London forum recently about it and someone pointed me to a thread on a road website with all the old sign details and I said I know, I wrote it. The message is slowly being got. I'm also following another teacher, JC Mac, who says basically once you look for enlightenment you ought to get it as the teaching erodes the ego until there's not enough of it left to survive. I'm having a phone session with him soon as well so that should be interesting. I almost feel I've understood so much about what enlightenment is and how you get there I should be on the edge by now as I learn more and more about it as it's put out there, and can see pretty well what it is and how you get to it now.
Despite having no prior events which turn it from a theory to an experience I feel that I must have created a weight that is becoming too heavy to stay put and will soon have to start rolling away. And unlike ten years ago there are hundreds of newly enlightened teachers turning up, implying whatever was holding it back in the 90s when I started learning has now started to free up and the efforts are getting paid off.

As far as the new woman is concerned I've decided to pursue that myself and pay another visit, paying close attention to the ring finger situation. Getting her boss involved is not a good idea so will keep it between me and myself. She seemed like she might be a bit boring but will give her a chance just in case. The old test is whether they laugh at my bottom jokes, a very basic but successful method as it always seems to work. I just can't see her doing that somehow but if I can take her out and then get her into bed I won't worry about other details as she is pretty stunning in her own way and well worth a try if single. She needn't be marriage material for that really. I just wish someone was.

Tomorrow is also the first time I've cared about the European election (like voting for TB or cancer) simply because the UK Independence party may do well. The only commonsense in Britain I know few others share it (we wouldn't have anyone mentioning carbon emissions otherwise by now) but a good test to see how many do. Being in the EU is so fucking obviously doomed to disaster only crookery could get us in (Heath admitted lying about its powers, as I already knew and told everyone at the time). Who would join a club that cost them £40 million and got nothing for it besides losing the power to make its own laws?
Big Brother also starts, another few months of hypnotic viewing again. I almost feel like an addict now as I can't get through each day without an hour minimum on TV, and far more when live streaming. I'd love a person or two living with me as well but would still watch them as I'm nosy and find watching people fascinating.

So if guided (as in somewhere worth going to, not off a cliff) I ought to be getting more and more as time goes on. Up till now the permanent things I've got have been useful in business, and only my degree marginally useful otherwise as allows me to speak with far more authority in a world which values education than without. But I know both my own potential and life's and don't want to miss out. I did a little diagram last week that explained my situation, and discovered that besides qualifications, which even that was curtailed by having to drop my master's degree, I've never succeeded in any important area other than the smallest crumbs. No wonder I'm pissed off. Compared to the full set I've only got the leftovers in each category, just the barest amount more in each than having nothing at all. My modern colour (1978-88) train ticket collection is also complete although the proper colour ones before were the decent ones so only second prize there.

So I know exactly what I'm missing. There are then the categories of enlightenment and out of body experiences I haven't got any of at all (how many have?) but would like at least the first for the full set. Women, fame, collections, and any other top level areas have had only the scraps although fame is one hardly anyone gets at all so relatively way ahead of most but not enough to actually be known yet. But that won't get me very far if I died tomorrow would it? So that is where the guidance must be going to as otherwise there's no point in it is there?

Organising my plans

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