A little too much excitement

It's getting a bit chaotic here again, besides life as normal I've managed to get two separate death threats this week and it's only Wednesday. Now I don't know the average a person is expected to get in their life but like everything else when that energy is around it seems to be coming from everywhere at once. The first was on Youtube and probably follows a long campaign for making a video on some gang's council estate. Then a schizophrenic I used to know who I dropped when he turned nasty just rang up and said he's going to kill me for various paranoid delusional type reasons. Anyone who doesn't believe in some sort of karma as described in Autobiography of a Yogi may start wondering after seeing all the phases I've been sent.

Now taking it to the traditional eastern view these events imply my spiritual work has reached a level where karma is becoming almost instant and the issues I've had saved up are all coming at once so I can get rid of them to be clear for enlightenment. Of course a physical death and a symbolic death of the ego is a close thing, as the greatest barrier to enlightenment is the fear of losing it, although it is something we were born to lose, like our milk teeth, and maybe our virginity. It is impossible to ignore the arrangement I see around me more and more and that also means there's sod all difference I can make about whoever wants to kill me as whatever's meant to happen will. Now wasting my future seems a bit beyond the purpose of any sort of karma, and more likely to see how I deal with it to see if I'm ready. Detachment is probably the best move as it's all meant to be an illusion anyway. Dreams can be easily created to any script so why not the dream we think is reality?

So besides the attacks on my peace I've been reasonably busy in the proper summer weather that may well be a week in a year of British cold and wet. Visitors today although one didn't make it, too hot for any gardening but did some food shopping and washing up. And more accounts which almost seem to be working now for the annual returns which are beyond me and normally checked by an accountant. No doubt if they are rubbish they will be sent back and have to be but all the programming has been updated and seems to work although balancing accounts was one bit I never got at college when I did it. There's a trick they used to take the two parallel figures of income and outgoings and then use the owner's equity to make the difference up, a bit like lining up the two layers of toilet paper when they get out of line. But nowadays the balance sheet is done by the computer and we only get involved when it flags up an error. Now having seen a few before I didn't this time so can but hope. Under law you don't need an accountant to do quarterly and annual returns so I am a lot cheaper. But if they want them to balance as well then I'm not the man.

Normal obligations the rest of the week, clearing my late grandma's house, gardening and a work booking on Saturday. But my road sign collection is nearly complete now with one of the rarest appearing on Monday. Assuming neither lunatic carries out their threats I can then look ahead to the following week, football friendlies, no school annual reunion as it's the day I'm working (unless it finishes before I expect to) and who knows what ahead.
I did stop reading blogs for a while for the simple reason everyone on my list stopped writing or deleted them altogether. It took a while to add a few new ones to read and being on the road so much this year and Streetview to help me search I've had little time for other sites besides my daily quizzes. My scores continue to improve as not only do I keep learning new facts I get the same questions over again until they become familiar. I'll be back though as when all the other stuff gets done I'll have more time to wander around the other places again. Before the buggers cut off the profile links for a year I was getting 50 hits a day. I'm lucky to get double figures now. Search me.

How intuition works

Firstly welcome to another Funtrivia style refugee who has taken her full talents where they will be appreciated. And I don't mean swearing either as I didn't when I started here but having to avoid certain subjects altogether. A time and a place for everything as Mary Poppins would say. When she's got it up the wrong 'un... Ha ha.

Anyway. After making a pun hardly anyone else will understand I will stop avoiding the fact that basically sod all has happened since my last visit. I've had some time clearing my grandma's house as expected with more to come (4 bedrooms and 3 floors). I've walked round one of Britain's most dangerous areas taking photos that often look like it would have 100 years ago and earlier, and didn't go into see Ray Davies performing outdoors as it was flooded although still on an hour late. Outdoors is good but not underwater, I wasn't dressed for that as dry when I left home earlier.
My plans are even less interesting than the previous week. My achievements of late were both useful and essential but besides being able to have almost a complete sign collection in 2009, 46 years after the last were made, I still have empty freedom and at least started meditating again which always follows lack of alternatives although should still take priority.

So to digress my friend who introduced me to enlightenment became cynical although I personally listen to as many teachers as I can and concluded it can happen, and he then said I should now teach even though I'm not enlightened. If I tested myself to see if I could make it happen maybe I would but I can't even recognise it in others so not much of a teacher there. And as I follow all I know to make it happen with probably no results how do I know the power of what I'm teaching besides parroting what the rest say? I was shown a guided meditation online which had shown a flash of reality by asking what and who I am before the thoughts etc come in. The answer of course is nothing besides awareness. The rest is learnt and added to our identity after we are taught our name is who we are rather than a way to be identified by others. We don't need it ourselves as we never lose ourselves. Male and female are similar, they are aspects of our body we only become aware of when pointed out (literally) and unless we do look down we wouldn't be certain from inside.

So direct experience is the only way we can work on ourselves. The teaching strips away concepts and doubts by explaining what's going on, to leave the channels freer to let the methods work. The energy transfers a few teachers do remove the blockage in one go but they are few and far between and a bit of a luxury for most students. But without that I'll have to use my own direct experience of what is before my mind can name it.

I think the other examples of guidance before the road signs were the negative ones which stopped me suffering but didn't add anything. This was when I had a lousy arrangement and was cancelled the day before or so so I didn't have to be there. But if things can be arranged and regularly now they are not limited to any area. So my other aims have to be followed as well as the signs are near used up and unlike fame or a woman don't change my life actively. I do however want the psychic powers and/or enlightenment, partly as having a few already and lost the best one seeing auras know how much better life is with more than before. Superpowers are in every kid's story and most grow out of it, except mine was told by Uri Geller who claimed to be real. That was all I needed and I've been following it ever since with at least partial results.
Unlike enlightenment they needed no effort, my teacher got us to open our chakras (just feel they are) and go right ahead. No telling us how except with the tree auras, just do it. My intuition about people now means I am one of the few who mistrusts Barack Obama, knows Gordon Brown is working for someone else, as is Al Gore but at a much higher level. He is close to the top and has more influence than probably any other person alive, followed by Rupert Murdoch who is from the same mould but independent.

The trouble with intuition is even though these guys show others after the event I can't prove it before. Obama took a few weeks before making CO2 a pollutant which shows he was put up to win to continue the agenda in the USA after Bush refused to. He was there to make wars not to rob the public and lie to them, whatever you thought of him. And really Iraq is their problem not ours, although it adds to all our taxes we are unaware of any changes here from what's happening there, as with Afghanistan which is a stinking hole of criminals and deserves all it gets from what I've read about the drug barons who still run the country whatever we're meant to be doing there. Other areas I pick up include many laws which are there to keep the best for the elite rather than stop anything bad happening. That's about power and keeping it at the top. Obviously immoral laws that we all know now like making money from tobacco and alcohol which do no favours for anyone who actually uses them, the well recorded levels of crime in illegal and dubious immigrants (just reported this weekend, 5 times worse per person than home grown, as if that was a surprise to anyone), the fact black, blind, deaf, spastic, crippled and all other named people that have been renamed by the fully able white wankers at Camden Council despite hardly any of the supposed victims wanting their well understood labels to be changed, and every other issue and person that's blindingly obviously wrong (or sometimes right) to me but I can't bloody well prove it yet. Global warming is an interesting exception as I felt very uncertain after it didn't correspond with my reality and used propaganda methods drawn up by the SS. The truth about it is all over magazines and the internet but all media people listen to are threatened to mention the party line on whatever penalties are threatened.

The Daily Mail managed to do the opposite (although unlike the Australian left out most of the relevant data as their readers probably would have turned the page) but are absolutely right and the BBC and other government arms have not decided to report the fact none of the scare stories they tell us are true. Bits are, ice shelfs are melting, well the parts where it's summer. The others are growing. That's what ice shelves do. But the satellite data (ie not the sea level measurements they tell you) shows they are roughly the same size they were decades ago. Just one example but every point they offer can be dealt with equally. I may attempt to find out why the BBC believe this news is not worthy of reporting as it's not even opinion, it's data. What will happen in 80 years however is opinion and drives their reporting even though it's impossible to be alive when it happens to find out. That's a clue why anything else they say isn't worth hearing either.

The middle of the week/mittelschmerz

What indeed? Looking back over the times since it was impossible to see events in any other way than guidance, as the complex situation repeated itself about four times so far in case anyone thought it was a coincidence the first time. Road signs acting as signs of a greater force is a pretty direct method as well. Now once the guidance works for the good (after a very rough up and down 49 years, with more downs than ups) then maybe I needed the earlier life to become prepared for the next? And if it works to provide me with old road signs then why not all the other things I'd been missing till now? I will see.

This week is the first not seeing my grandma two evenings a week although friends use that as a reason I never see them nowadays. Well they are here now and she isn't so I put my money in the right place didn't I. I can catch up with them but never look back and get any days back I'd missed had I not gone there so often. If any vacuum is filled then I'll see how this one is, I'm working a bit the next two days to fill that space and may waste money seeing Ray Davies (Kinks) over the weekend as I don't intend to stay for more than a few numbers as I can't stick crowds. Except football crowds which somehow is so familiar I have become immune thank goodness. The friendlies start soon, I have the timetable and hope to do one or two now, after five or more in some years. You can only watch Reading and Charlton so many times without the novelty wearing off. Maybe Dagenham and Redbridge (one team that is) or even West Ham (away) again if I can get in to that one.

Having seen a long list online of people who have met celebrities realise anyone living in towns and cities can't avoid bumping into them sometimes so even meeting Elvis (or the late Michael Jackson as people are now recounting 15 minutes since it was announced) is not that unusual as they travelled all over, like the Queen I bumped into although didn't talk to her as she was in her car. So invert the pyramid and if any celebrity connections continue it would be my aim to be it rather than the other way round. Celebrity is cheaper and easier than it was but still a relative handful of people. I've been ploughing and sowing that field since I started drama classes at 14 and will keep on in case it happens. That may also pay the bills and provide the women and friends who have dropped off in the last few years.

Looking ahead (notice the change of colour for the different topic) I must let each day unfold as it comes. I can't control that much, and having been sent a slew of old signs on Monday just when everything had gone too quiet shows how that works. The nearby council said they'd paint the sign but I won't give them the location unless they tell me they won't just take it out instead as many would do. Better a mess than nothing. The one day I was free this week was the one the library was closed but that will wait. And if I see Ray Davies on Saturday that's another for the collection. A hero of old there I never thought I'd see perform. Being a mile from where he lived I can't really see me getting near the place but will see. Well that's it for now, I expect most blogs for the next few days will be about Michael Jackson but Elvis dying was the lowest point for me and that can never happen again.

Guidance and freedom

Life is getting back to normal again although minus the regular visits to grandma. I'll admit some was out of duty and she enjoyed the visits so much but I also made the most of her while I could. Tonight was the first Tuesday for as long as I can remember when I was free (besides when she was in hospital but sometimes saw her there as well) and needed a rest full stop after a hectic few weeks working and then last week's funeral related activities. Besides the worst of the gardening (more was prevented as the hedge cutters have finally had it) and a little walk it was TV most of the day and at least plenty to watch for a change, plus two cold callers I felt a religious duty to convert to being decent people. That is not a way to earn a living or create business, it's begging in the street and in a civilised country (oh, it isn't) would be included in the same laws.

Free tomorrow as well besides one late booking (I hope, unconfirmed), various little jobs I can be doing and probably will and the rest I will see. Guidance has been apparent again, and what better indication than road signs which can't be missed? I got an email yesterday evening with two locations nowhere near me I was able to get to on the way home, and got five, including two I didn't have already. So I could relax today having covered the width of London and collected a major supply of photos. I'm hoping to get a positive to paint the one I found last week as is nearby and a lot easier than the last one as two colours and my height. I can't do the library trip tomorrow as it's closed, but is on the list.

Now as the guidance is so clear then it can't just be for road signs. Besides running out if life can be arranged that tidily then it ought to work for everything now it's started. These gaps are only temporary so far and when filled in realise it's just as much as ever. Even my own hesitations and delays can't stop the direction. If I don't want to go to a woman that's suitable then she'll come to me if all is guided. Like I was shown signs when the lights turned red the delays make you look somewhere you would have missed otherwise. And when I make wrong turns I find things there as well as if made to. So if I'm being made to not visit some woman it's either as they don't want to know and I'd be wasting my time (been there, done that for 30 years) or did want me and would make the effort to come after me and prove it.

More clues on enlightenment from Youtube's teachers, whatever the route if you stick to your meditation come what may if your mind stops then you do as well. The three legged stool of Buddhism means whichever leg you lose the ego falls down, and when the mind stops it takes the ego with it. I'll keep going. I also found out this guy lives in London and although I chose not to join his school (too much work for me thanks) still learn just as much listening to his lessons.
I have a list of ambitions, raising any area to the level (some I've had and lost and others beyond) that would make me feel better. Many things could make it happen, I've missed out on hundreds of opportunities already but at least known they could have happened. The newspaper article would have been one example and very unlikely if it hadn't led to more. Any of the women who turned me down as well. Enlightenment means peace within so no old crap can get through to you, but till then it's reality first. I do realise however I've done it I have put in enough work now to earn everything I'd like to happen. I know when I get each part, even if I have no idea what form it could come in I'll know when it does. If the signs can be sent to me then so can everything else.

It's all guided at the moment

Back again, I have to begin by announcing the death of my grandma at 99, suddenly with no current illness and all her faculties. I do see it as 49 years with a grandma rather than time without though as we both knew positive thinking and that is exactly how she handled deaths close to her, and there were many.

Life is now getting back to normal in its new form of course, after the funeral and nightly Jewish prayers that followed. I lost a lot of sleep from the related activities as we all did in the family. But as signs are given from above mine have been in road signs, and on the way out of the cemetery was one of the rarest in Britain (3 now known) as maybe her final gift to me. She believed in all of that as well so would certainly have seen it as possible.

But what I said about making plans proved correct, you can't do it and don't know what's coming till the day before at most. The guidance and synchronicity is back in full thank goodness, I told a friend about the old signs who remembered 'danger children' which I don't remember seeing. Today I went back to Radlett as a weird sign cropped up in the background of a photo and I thought I'd better check, and was just a crap home made one for a private road. I rushed back home as I had stuff to do, and while trying to catch the green light at Elstree couldn't and just spotted something in the road off the main one. I'd already passed it and didn't look familiar but as there was no one behind me reversed back and saw an old sign 'No Through Road. Danger School Children'. That one speaks for itself. If I trust the guidance everything is coming my way now at last. And even if not it's filled in some incredible spaces in my sign collection at times which just turned up in the exact spots I was in although not part of an official search. I will see.

The ramblings of a madman

I must become better at making something out of nothing. It's good that work is now stopping me from having too much empty time, and also feel less guilty for any complete days off as I've earned them. How I make something from very little includes the creative side, writing, doing little Youtube performances, painting and whatever else comes to me. Having grown up in Finchley where both Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan lived gave me some local inspiration, although I never came across either. The Goodies and Monty Python team all lived in Hampstead and Cricklewood next door, and occasionally bumped into some of them locally although never disturbed them. Whether an area can effect our personality is unlikely (besides causing depression) but people of certain types often seem to be found in small areas. Kingsbury is no exception.

So currently there's nothing possible to look forward to in any area. Business is done, time is free outside bookings but there's little else going on. If this is a phase and life actually starts becoming exciting that is the less likely option of two, but not impossible either. I slept too badly on Friday to risk going to the library as you need your wits about you with women. I can slip that in any day except a Wednesday when they close. I never miss an opportunity to make anything happen in life but always find the big stuff comes when it wants to not because I make it happen. Like sleeping, you can go to bed but sleep comes when it chooses to. Everything else of much value is the same. You can go to every disco and party in town but meet the right one when you visit a friend.

I know it's unrealistic but I could really do with something nice happening either I hadn't worked for or put the work in ages ago and given up on. I may avoid tasks I don't like (who doesn't given the chance?) but throw myself fully into the others that are just hard work but tolerable like weightlifting. Once a task is accepted it is done fully or given up. No pissing around like most people you come across who cut corners and make mistakes and just try and get jobs out of the way as quickly as possible or try not to do them at all and make excuses. People hate it when they do it to them but still happy to when it suits them, like the late payers I know only too well. They take out summonses very quickly when anyone owes them but do exactly the same when they feel like it and hit the roof if anyone sues them. Hypocrisy is another human failing and one of the lowest.

One thing I have learnt. What is obvious to me either from experience or intuition is not common knowledge so do what I can to teach others. I work by simplifying situations and removing bad practices rather than offer new methods. It's a lot easier to stop doing something wrong and by default you are going to get whatever it is done better. We all know how to walk but it's a lot easier if our shoes are on the right feet and there aren't any weights hanging off us we don't need to carry. So remove the obstacles and the path normally opens up on its own with no new instruction.
This works for more and more situations, and for me I see similar patterns apply wherever things are wrong, but most people take no notice when you point it out anyway. I see power being abused, and half the fault is those who allow it as it's inevitable it will happen unless the victims stop it as many powerful people get carried away sooner or later. The only power I want is over myself, it is nice when my requests are accepted but that will always be by choice not by any pressure I can exert. Let the Mafia do their job and I'll go straight.

I have used 'The Secret' for about a year now, and two goals at the top of a very short list were reached, so have that as a possible reserve, in the large 'Things you don't understand but may actually work' department. I have a longer list now but must just do one or two maximum at a time or it won't be focused. Now if that kept working it would cut every corner in everyone's life, and is no less enjoyable when got the easy way after 49 years getting things the hard way. I do believe I must receive a lot of my information from another source. When I turn on I can simply write a complete proposition or poem in one go with barely a pause and it all works at the end with no alterations required. That's happened fairly recently and I think I may have just opened up that channel with practice, and something we can all do really.

Finally for those either in London or sad enough to go online to www.lbc.co.uk they've got a newsreader on recently on the late shift, Clemency Norris, who sounds like she's got a cleft palate. It's one thing having equal opportunities but just as I wouldn't choose a blind taxi driver an announcer with a bad speech impediment is not a good ad for the station. If it's a physical disability then work behind the scenes, and if not then spend your massive salary on speech therapy for a while and then come back when you've fixed it. If mynah birds can get every language and accent right then a bloody announcer can. There's another they employed at the same time who can't make the 'th' sound which is a local issue and again should either iron it out or change jobs. That is just irritating and I have no option hearing people saying 'wiv' anywhere in and around London without one being paid to do it on the radio. Accents are great but you don't learn to speak posh and launch yourself on the public before you've completed the job. I'd be far happier if they let the odd swear word out than speech defects. That would lose a few listeners and gain thousands I reckon.

"This is the ten O'clock news: Gordon Brown has fucked up his chances of winning the next election. Sir Alan Sugar has become a Lord, can any twat make it now if he can? A careless bugger has killed three people on the M6" etc. I'd certainly take more notice...

How the guidance has worked

Having recently read that guidance does not stop just because it seems to I must continue to trust it and see it in all the smallest areas as well as largest. Like today when I had various dubious plans for an otherwise dead saturday, and slept so badly I stayed in. That allowed me to both plant the new flowers I'd been given before they died and scan more photos online as there was little else to do, and also caught up on my recorded videos besides the one last night that didn't work (Mr Ferguson say 'Record three programmes a day, we kill one. It's the law of the video'). I can't think of a day I recorded a few programmes and they all got done, it's like it becomes fed up and tells you to fuck off. And despite some programmes going on demand they aren't all.

I am just keeping up with the free time. Being let out of school or prison is the same. You feel great but not when you run out of things to do. Business may be taken care of but pleasure has different rules. I have managed to keep busy each day without knowing what I was doing the day after. I know exactly the levels I need to reach, partly the ones of the past when I lived with a family and in a more civilised area, and partly the career level of being at the top. I haven't rushed. I started drama lessons at 14, started performing at 16 in clubs and whatever else I've done have never neglected that side without being able to join the all powerful union. That is like trying to do a marathon with one leg. It is possible but will take 100 times longer than someone with two. As it has in my media career. But they didn't stop it, they just delayed it as loopholes were found and I am now seen worldwide without the need to join any acting or journalism union. It's the hard way but not impossible.

Now I need to finish what I started before I'm at retirement age, what's the point of a successful media career with too few years to exploit it? You don't get many groupies at 60 do you? Currently the media career is over as in no more projects left, but the way it works is I get a call from a producer or a journalist, we have an informal chat, some call back and do a full interview and maybe a fifth end up being used. But it's now quality rather than quantity, one national paper or terrestrial TV station is all it needs and I can do satellite stuff annually and not make a scratch on the mirror of fame. It's watched by a lot of people worldwide but very few in each country, terrestrial is all here and watched by millions who recognise you the next day in the street. Having experienced that once it's not an illusion. Five seconds on Channel4 peak time, no speaking, I was mobbed when I went to the gym. That is power. Get in the paper and old friends who'd lost track of you can all the paper and find you again, these things all link together and fill in social gaps as well as career ones.

The guidance can't just be to a normal life as that happens with none and always randomly, good and bad. Instead if guided it must have an aim and being directed to actual ambitions whatever I do in response. It's about aiming in a direction and seeing how you get there with no map. There's no direct path to fame, enlightenment or marriage. You just have to choose it and want it to happen and see how you get there. The guidance fills the links that aren't there otherwise and allows a project to be complete. The old road signs allowed me to see it work, four steps or more to get a goal and in the case of the woman at the library maybe two goals at once. And the first ever example when I had run out of signs and activities, googled old signs for 3 hours, found one, went there a different way from usual and found another on the way and a third by making a wrong turning as someone had named the wrong road which was the one I was on next to it.

The no entry sign was the same, I found speed limits in Pinner, lane directions on the way home, realised there would be an extra one, went back, took it, went home and got caught at traffic lights where the no entry sign was, but illegible as the paint had worn off. Having time to look properly (in the dark) I worked out it was too big for a new one so should have writing in and it did, offered to paint it and is now like new. No alternatives as since Pinewood Studios pulled their two out last year the only known working one in Britain is in Cornwall plus one two miles from me. Had all those steps not happened I may never have spotted it as it was totally illegible as a text sign and not somewhere I often went.

I have told both these stories already but recapped for new readers who wanted to know what I meant by guidance. One example was enough for me, two is beyond any odds in any universe. I just wonder how long it'll take and where it'll go as although I have all the signs now they only save me looking for them and don't change my life otherwise. Plus there was no response from the local papers about painting the sign so another lost media opportunity. I know where I should be guided to but although I just about trust it's always there even when nothing seems to happen I'm ready for something big now. I know the difference and it also has to be something with lasting effects, although another old sign with a red triangle would do as well.