Monday, November 29, 2004

What is a master?

This is a quote from Nick Roach's site, and since I found in writing my 100 things that the only 2 people who understand things as well as me that I've found are my own two masters, Maharaji and Nick Roach, does that mean there could be something about me that's singled me out for that path?

Nick is enlightened (following another point on my list 'If that's possible') as until I can experience it I can't be sure. Maharaji dislikes the concept, instead preferring spiritual experiences, which he does have, and I know are real. His mastery is both as being one of only two people who can teach 'Knowledge', his line's method of meditation, along with his brother in India, and regular lectures (about 300 a year) on life, which is how I know of the level of understanding. He makes every problem look trivial the way he puts it, and can really seem to be just speaking to you as he knows life so well.

Nick Roach is head and shoulders above every enlightened master, as all the others either blur the message using religious jargon (OK, mainly the Indian ones) but they did write most of the first literature taken to the west in the 1940s, or only know parts of the picture and though quite probably enlightened, haven't got enough understanding to teach it, and only convey part of the picture.

Nick spent much of the hour answering questions at random, and clearly (at the age of 31) understood each situation (though most hadn't been within his own experience) and gave similar advice on parenting and phobias as I do as a therapist. He is a qualified nurse, but there are plenty of others who don't have his level of understanding as a result of it.

So my question is, if someone has a known ability they can demonstrate to others, and then finds that this is really only shared by masters, is this a sign they are in the same mould?

I'd be happier to be enlightened and not too bothered whether I taught or not, especially as I find very few people interested in it anyway, and far better nowadays to put all my efforts into my own path. But masters tend to be appointed by others, and have found most of my life people told me their problems, somehow knowing I could help. And though I'm not enlightened, I know I wouldn't have too much trouble sharing Nick's lectures as I believe everything he says is right, and would probably answer the questions in a similar way, except not being able to describe my own enlightenment journey of course. Maybe this is my first lesson!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

100 things about me

Inspired by fellow blogger T.O. though I hear it's quite popular, I decided to write 100 things about me. Another related idea came to me this week when trying to think of people like me, realised that when I meet 2 people who are similar it's actually the exception rather than the rule, as most people have no one anything like them, and that includes me.

Here goes:
(In no logical order)
1) I'm an only child
2)Besides a few tenants, I've lived alone since 1992 (and hated it)
3)My online family is at, which I discovered 2 days after getting my computer on 17/2/2000 and have since met 7 members, so far.
4)I have suffered on and off with a degree of agoraphobia for around 20 years but I am now quite used to it.
5)I discovered as a child I knew certain things without being told about them.
6) I learnt to meditate in 1997 with Maharaji at the Brighton Centre
7)I've had 3 cats full-time since 1968, currently Lucy, who arrived in my garden in 1999
8) I've worn glasses since 1974, the current stronger lens being -3 astigmatism/short sight
9) Any reference to bodily functions can make me laugh
10) I love collecting experiences like going abroad and football matches, but the pleasure of adding to my lists now far exceeds the pleasure of the actual experiences
11) My first girlfriend was at the age of 12
12) I've never had a regular girlfriend longer than 8 months
13) As far as I'm concerned, everything in the world started going downhill in around 1975
14) I was born in Highgate, London in January 1960 (Aquarius)
15) My musical tastes are mainly between 1955 and 1975
16) I have visited 10 countries, the longest for 3 weeks, (USA) the shortest a couple of hours (Canada). The record was my last trip to France, which was a minute on the platform at Lille station on the way back from Brussels
17) I've collected British train tickets since 1970, and many other things.
18) I'm Jewish but not religious
19) I most identify with Woody Allen, Jason Alexander and Ben Elton (though his mother's not Jewish, but Irish, Kathleen to be sure).
20) I have a law degree and qualified as a psychotherapist
21) Due to circumstances beyond my control, I've been almost retired since 1997, though it allowed me to finish my studies and am prepared to work again if I get the right offers.
22) I like all animals except parasites
23) I like doing impressions and accents
24) My current favourite accent is Nigerian
25) I support Manchester United (after my father) and Barnet football clubs
26) My favourite TV programmes include Crossroads, Star Trek, Blockbusters, Big Brother and Monty Python
27) This year I met 4 Big Brother housemates, and was on the programme for 5 seconds with Jason Cowan
28)I've never had a full time job for longer than 2 1/2 months
29) After 10 years of lessons I can play the piano by ear
30) I'm 5 feet 5, which took me well into my 30s to get used to
31) As everyone's noticed, I love talking about myself
32) I've always been fascinated by the supernatural
33) My major inspiration was Uri Geller in 1973, who I've seen twice since
34) My next ambition is to talk on TV
35) I avoid Central London as I'd avoid hell itself
36) I believe nothing without evidence
37) My mother left us in 1981 which may have been the start of my decline
38) I have studied enlightenment since 1997, and finally understood the logic when I saw Nick Roach this October
39) My car is 12 years old, is just coming up to 100,000 miles, and still works like new
40) I have always spent time filling in unused diaries with jokes and pictures, and they have evolved into more of a blog format over the years. No one except me reads them though.
41) I also have no first cousins, I only had one (married) uncle altogether who died some years ago
42) I prefer to carry on a job till it's finished than go to bed and carry on the next day. Therefore I often stay up past 4am
43) The only relationship I've had where we both felt the same was ended by her mother in 1975 before anything really 'happened'. Thanks Mrs Toper.
44) Doing this is the most interesting thing I've done today
45) I often prefer children's TV and radio programmes to adult ones
46) My best friend left the country in 2002, and I've been pretty left behind since then
47)The longest I've spent between girlfriends was nearly 4 years, and the longer I live the longer it takes each time
48) I also hope to become famous eventually, how I don't care. I just believe I have the power to entertain and don't want to waste it
49) If I ever have the money I'm moving back to the area where I lived till 1993, if I could I'd buy our actual old house back.
50)I can never understand fashion. If something's good it's good. If not, don't use it. Much easier to understand.
51) I love tracking down any information, and since the internet have become even better at it
52) I can't believe the incidence of mental illness among my friends is average
53) I have never got a job through filling in an application form, though I've filled in many hundreds. Most have been from people I knew and going and asking.
54) My best relationship that lasted was with my neighbour Debby, who moved away when I was about 9. It set the framework for what I'd look for ever since.
55) I am always prepared to forgive everyone if they genuinely apologise. Every friendship can be revived. The only reason I drop people is if they're boring, not bad.
56) I almost never argue with anyone.
57) I like wearing gold rings and bracelets
58) I live a few hundred yards from the house I lived in till I was 5
59) I have found I can understand virtually anything if explained to me clearly. I know of very few people who can also do this, in fact only my two teachers Nick Roach and Maharaji have shown this quality so far.
60) The nearest I've got to fame is making hundreds of calls to the radio, all logged
61) I keep records and graphs of everything I've done since losing track some time ago and having to discover all the details over again
62) The furthest I've been from London is Miami
63) The longest I've been away from home is 4 weeks, a number of times on my regular Devon summer holidays
64) The game I'm best at overall is Scrabble
65) The sport (if it counts) I'm best at is pool (British rules)
66) My politics is best described as libertarian, not left or right wing
67) My main jobs were: Shop assistant, estate agent, van driver, teacher, despatch clerk and my current self employed therapist
68) My best life skill is handling money
69)My worst include approaching women and working long hours
70) I believe children have the right to live with their parents until they are married, if that's what they prefer
71) I tried singing once since my voice broke, never again
72) I have done a number of cabaret performances, playing the piano and doing impressions
73) I am qualified to drive on a normal car and an unlimited size motorbike licence
74) The largest motorbike I've ridden was a friend's Honda 550. I couldn't pick it up when I went to park it though.
75) I have never broken a bone, as far as i know
76) Though I was desperate to get married as soon as I graduated in 1984, the closest I got was a 3 day engagement in 1997 which didn't have time to become officially announced
77) The least entertaining TV programme I've seen is East Enders. I'm surrounded by these sort of people already and it concentrates all their worst features to the exclusion of all others. What's entertaining about that?
78) If I could choose a job I'd like to do but I'm not qualified to, it would include: London taxi driver, librarian, social worker, researcher and (due to obsolescence not qualification) train ticket collector. Hang on-I am actually qualified to do research so maybe I'll check that out.
79) The two things I find it impossible to improve are my handwriting and my accent
80) I don't see any need in lying. If you don't want to admit something say you don't know, otherwise tell the truth.
81) I can do mirror writing as quickly as the world record holder
82) My eyes are said to be cat's eyes, as they tend to change from the grey-blue they are basically depending on the light. Interestingly, no one in my immediate family has eyes lighter than green
83) When I make mistakes, they're really big ones. Few but major.
84) I have to sleep 9 hours per night, if I don't, I always make it up later
85) I am fascinated by natural disasters and car crashes. I would love to witness a major earthquake as it shows whatever we do the Earth can undo all of it when it feels like it
86) One of the best discoveries I could make is finding life in other dimensions
87) I have never 'done it' (or anything else) in the bath
88) When I was 11 I had an IQ test, and was pretty good. I've never managed it since in informal tests. I hope you only need to count one for life.
89) Out of every nationality I've met, I always get on best with Americans who are far more open and laid back than any others
90) I am 1/4 Polish
91) Cats regularly run across the road or from gardens to me
92) I have never smoked
93) I have been in hospital twice, once for my appendix and once to straighten my nose inside
94) I love having an audience but hate being in one
95) When I was 14 I had a project to find every possible name for poo, and got friends to make lists for me from everyone they knew
96) I have received genuine information in dreams for some years which was almost impossible to find by chance previously, convincing me we all have absolute access to all information if we know how
97) I spent a year altogether in weekly psychic development classes
98) Possibly the most knowledgeable person I ever met was my biology teacher, Peter Runnalls. Whatever I wanted to know about, including philosophy and problems, he usually had the answer. He was a great influence on showing me what I could be like.
99) My dancing is nearly as bad as my singing, but though I'd like to be able to sing i can live quite happily without dancing
100) I still haven't had sex with anyone I really fancy since the first one.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Chaos in Kingsbury

Blimey, what a week, and it's only Tuesday... Well what I said about waiting for eggs to hatch and being tested is reaching its next level and I wish it wasn't. Of course, you have a set of good and bad eggs at any one time in your life, and actually few of either sort ever hatch, training us not to assume anything may happen in advance but only to concentrate on what's around now.

So I'll carry on as usual, paranoia and anxiety are easily spread like the flu, and I am prone to catching it at times, and if I'm being tested to learn to become immune to worse and worse possible imagined fates then I'm learning. But it sure takes it out of you.

I don't believe in karma as it means God controls our lives and as any regular here will know, I can't go along with that until I have my own out of body experience to know this directly as many have claimed to before. Of course, if it was true, it would all be good, as if there is a system controlling the universe intelligently, we're looked after, everything's looked after, and it's just a game where we don't really get hurt or killed. So this would have to be hidden from all but the masters as if you found this out you may not learn any more as you wouldn't take life seriously any more.

It starts this afternoon. I was waiting at a local bridge with my father, which is one lane and controlled with traffic lights. Well today they were jammed at red both ways so we had to ignore them as the traffic was backing up the length of the road. But I said they always stayed red for a long time and people were now reguarly overtaking the line to cross them at red, and it would serve them right if they had an accident. But he said what about the person they hit, and he had a point there.
But tonight, as I was driving through West Hendon planning my blog entry here, a twat in a Mini with his fog lights on did a rally turn into the road with the bridge at almost 30 mph (turning right before turning left to show off), followed by driving through the red light over the bridge, with a few other sheep which is happening more and more every day as the lights can often stay red for up to 5 minutes. It is actually the closest country lane to central London, all winds and twists, little pavements etc., and as I turned the worst of these bends there was a group of cars pulled up in the middle of the road. The total tosser had followed Marcus Gronholm's recent example in the Australian rally (on a very similar road) and taken the corner at 180', ending up sideways across the road with half the front of the car hanging off. I've no idea what he hit, as the other two cars had stopped to avoid him as they'd followed him through the red light, and I'd waited for them to turn green a few seconds later. They seemed OK, so he probably did a Marcus and hit a tree. Of course no one was hurt as I wouldn't have been so happy or reported it here either. They were just standing studying their wrecked car, hopefully to treat public roads with more respect in future. So the point about mentioning karma was that as I sat in my car imagining if there was karma my current predicament would be to teach me to ignore all 'eggs' that hadn't hatched, good or bad, and thought how unlikely that would be, when I saw someone receive their own apparent karma in the matter of a minute. And I've never seen an accident there in 9 years, so it's not a regualr black spot. And I've only ever heard of one accident before then in almost that place. What did I say about the scriptwriter making his presence obvious at times?
It's the third time I've seen 'smart' drivers caught immediately. The first was at a traffic lights where I'd fallen off my motorbike on a wet road when the lights turned red. The next day someone jumped them and was pinched by the police. The second time I was overtaken on a left turn. The car appeared round the next bend on its roof (and of course the driver walked out unhurt). So when you see your next wanker in a car who looks like they're heading for an accident, I can tell you, sometimes they will be, and in all my examples no one else was affected either. If karma was real, these would have been perfect examples.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Alien communication

As a researcher, one of my jobs is debriefing people who believe they have been abducted by aliens. Yesterday I met one, and underwent almost 90 minutes of hypnosis, not to recover a possible abduction, but to fill in the gaps of two suspected ones, which we did. I always ask if I can communicate with the aliens through the subject, as under hypnosis most abductees are somehow able to speak with the voice of an alien (using their own voices) or be in communication where I ask a question and they pass it on and receive an answer.

Yesterday I received the first comprehensible report from one after a number of other attempts, and until I get a transcript of the tape, which I didn't have time to copy, I'll summarise the messages from my notes, and as soon as I get a copy I'll add the whole lot on

I went through my usual list of questions, and actually got answers which fit what I already know, and were consistent with each other. This is the list:

1)What is the reason for abducting people? "They are experimenting on life forms, reproductive units (how they see us) after creating us as their farm animals. Thus they have a duty to look after us as we do our own animals."

2)What do you get from the experiments? "We provide a gene pool, so what benefits humans benefits us as we are all the same, with the same genes."

3)Where are you from? "We have the same origins as you. We are one, we have polluted our own planet just as you are now polluting your own. We also had a community on Mars which is the origin of the face and other markings we can see on it. That was us, that is us."

4)Can you harm us? "We are totally safe in their hands, they see us as part of themselves. We all share the same origins"

5)Why do we forget abductions? "Sometimes we wipe memories, but usually the human soul cuts off such memories itself"

6) Can you heal our illnesses? "Not all. We can kill cancers without removing them, but some disorders are genetic or damaged organs which we can't always help"

7) How do you travel here? "We use channels which you are polluting with your wars, killing and pollution which makes it harder for us to use. We are the universe, we are everything. When people die they come into our channels and killing so many people blocks them for us. You must learn as we had to to stop war and polluting the Earth, which in turn pollutes the gene pool and creates new genetic disorders"

8) How do you hide your craft from us? "We can select certain people to see them, it's often the ordinary people we want to see us as what you call important people are more likely to ruin our messages"

9) What are your plans for mass disclosure? "We are planning a revelation in 2012. Meanwhile we have contracted with your governments to maintain secrecy. "

10)How do you decide who is abducted? "Your subject today needed more guidance, so we chose him for it"

11) Have I been abducted? "Yes, once, in East Grinstead in 1972, from a car, heading for Croydon" Could it have been 1982? "Yes, quite possibly 1982, we have problems converting to your time" Could it have been 1984, that was the first time I went there? "No, it was 1982" Who was I with? "A man was also abducted from the car, he was about 30 and had black curly hair and glasses called Sam or Zam/Zamm".

On reflection, I hadn't been to East Grinstead in 1982, I went with my father in 1984 and not to Croydon. But in 1982 I collected a friend from Gatwick airport, and the road home went through Croydon. At the time he was 20, not 30, but did have curly black hair and glasses and was called something like Sam or Zamm. His name was Jonathon, but his last name does actually almost have Sang in it! Though he had glasses, he rarely wore them and probably not on that day. Crawley is a few miles west of East Grinstead, and both have a road to Croydon. Were it not for this small detail the facts would have corresponded perfectly, as the subject had never met me till yesterday and I had to think for a while where I'd been 22 years ago. There were too many details to dismiss that. I was told I'd be abducted again soon, retain more memories and get some back from the first one when they chose to return them.

12) Why was I chosen for abduction? "I am gifted, they chose to use me, I am one of the most able of Earth volunteers"

I hope this is just the beginning of this particular project and will yield far more as I continue with it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Everything and nothing

Prompted to write an update by a certain person (you know who you are!) I'll explain the current progress with Kendall, at least the bits that won't turn all faces red.
The date has now been set for the visit for August, a period of 9 months to wait. We spend hours a day on messenger, plus letters and phone calls, but not being able to touch her till August means the best part isn't here yet. So, as the title says, everything should happen in August (as Kendall is reliable, unlike the only other American I was scheduled to meet and turned out to belong in the LA equivalent of Broadmoor). But this means my life here is technically identical till then, and for me, anything that isn't going to happen within a few weeks doesn't really exist (unless it's something horrible, in which case I may panic about it), so my life carries on as lonely as it was before, though there is something ahead. How someone like me, who doesn't even like waiting a day for most things can so reliably find myself in situations where even something so good is denied due to circumstances appears to imply life is actually guided along the lines 'We'll show you everything you could have, then present your life in the exact opposite way to how you'd choose it, while doing the opposite for most people you know, so you can see it can be different, but not for you.'

Call this cynical, but looking over maybe the last 10 years nearly every aspect of my life has followed this pattern perfectly. The only high spots were 1) gaining my professional counselling qualification, only to find hardly any jobs available per qualified person (I applied for one job a month over a year or more, and got one interview). 2) meeting my last girlfriend only to have her in hospital after 7 weeks for the next 6 months.

Otherwise I have made my own efforts in ways that were realistic, for business and pleasure. The only thing I hadn't done was speed dating, purely because the only venues were in Central London, which is hard to get to from here, and meant half the people would live too far away. My attempts on the two fronts, work and women have been as thorough as possible, and when I met Kendall, I emailed her over a year ago having seen her picture and website to say how much I liked them. Little did I imagine that out of all the messages I'd sent that this would become the basis of a genuine relationship. I was also totally unaware of the obstacles immigration appear to put on visitors to the UK considering how many we actually have compared to the rest of Europe (ie most of them, and many not returning either). But if you enter officially, they virtually seem to require bail money and a reference from a member of the Lords before they let someone in. I hope my own enquiries will find this to be an exaggeration, and take some pressure of us. OK, that was the update, my 'pessimistic/realistic' side coming out in full (depending which way you see it) but I hope I will be able to give better news on the next update. But the good news is if we could meet tomorrow or next week, we'd both be ready for all the fireworks in Woolworths and would be a true week to remember for both of us.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

London tourism

Having just commented on the difference between the enthusiasm of visiting London and the combination of ennui and avoiding the centre for people who actually live there on Funtrivia, I thought I'd reproduce it here as it sums up my attitude to living in what's really a small town that just happens to be 7 miles from a hell-hole that's the capital of England but few barely think about here, let alone visit very much. This was in response to an enthusiastic visitor from 200 miles away, and gave the prevailing local view.

'It's usually the same- as I read your post I was thinking those that actually live in a place tend to mainly circulate around the residential areas, do the tourist sites once or twice, and then return to the suburbs. And now with the congestion charge to drive into Central London, we're almost forced to whether we like it or not! It actually costs more now during weekdays to drive into London from just outside the centre and then park there for a couple of hours than it would to take a taxi. And the novelty wears off the public transport after about 16 years of waiting for buses, and I'm just glad no one referred to our Victorian underground train system...

I feel I'd far rather have grown up in a proper community outside London, and then been able to go in, enjoy what it has to offer and return to the provinces, than live here all my life and like most suburbanites hide in the greener parts for most of the year. You appreciate London so much more as a visitor than a resident from what I find of many people I know here. Oh dear, I hope I haven't poured cold water on the London experience, but this is just the insider view. And it reminds me of what I heard every time I was telling people where I was going when I first went to America- "Cleveland- what do you want to go there for??" "Toledo, what do you want to see there??" - I think it just shows people like exploring, and the grass tends to be greener anywhere you don't live!'

To which I'll add 'Saddam Hussein? what good did it do us in London getting him out of Iraq? Send the tanks in and get that bloody lunatic Ken Livingstone out of London before he f**ks it up for good'

Friday, November 12, 2004

Famous friends?

Having just got back in touch with someone I knew in the 70s (mainly through his older sister) I wondered if anyone else reading knew anyone growing up who later became famous? This was Toby Young, the journalist who has just broken into acting by playing himself in his autobiographical play after the previous actor dropped out.
I also went to school with the writer Will Self, who was the year below me, and stood head and shoulders above the 8 year olds in assembly, even then being taller than many of the teachers! He lived in the next road to me and I went there a couple of times, and it's great when I see him now on TV thinking of him when he was at school!

Otherwise, one school I went to had the children of many actors and celebs including two of the Beatle's children, but actually none (even with the helping hand of their relatives) except Rex Harrison's grandchildren went on to follow their parents in acting. If anyone reading knew anyone who became famous, please put it in the comment box.

Friends (not) reunited

Why oh why oh why...

Do people bother to join friends reunited if they don't bother to reply to old friends? I have decided to start a name and shame, and recommend everyone to add their own, to show up the people who did not reply to their emails.
Now I have manners, and I reply to every email I get from anyone I know, whatever I thought of them 30 years ago, if they have gone to the trouble to contact me. But even if I was a bit of a basket at school, who wasn't? Anyway, the odds of these guys reading their own names are the same as shooting a chosen victim in the crowd at Old Trafford, but if their friends or family see it, please tell them to come in and have a look, and leave a comment. I always say all apologies are accepted, and it'll get them off the list as well!

Anita McNaught
Jill Desborough (Brookland primary)
David Frean (Brookland primary)
Linda Adelson
Pauline Jamieson
Peter Joseph
Suzanne Abel
Simon Harrison (King Alfred)
Mafalda Spencer
Debby Sharp (Brookland primary)
Colette Tanner
Wendy Martyn
Amanda Harman-Smith
Charmaine Bradford (Brookland primary)

There were a lot more, but these were a particular disappointment.

London Bloggers

I've just joined London Bloggers

anorak city Arizona! And I'm number 6 in Kingsbury, amazing! Even includes pictures of Finchley Road, a site after my own heart. And at least it's theoretically possible to meet up with these guys instead of the usual distant separation I come across.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Filling space

Surprisingly, I've had little happening this week, and had to find yet more ways to amuse myself (pretty hard after spending much of the last 44 years doing so). Perils of being an only child really, teaches you how to make a little playground around you wherever you are, like doing this for instance.

Well, having reached Thursday night, a mass of trivial events have been created, from taking another video, phoning David Prever on LBC for the second time and not getting on, actually intending to complain about being an only child as I just did here. I also found a very nice Italian cafe which is hidden in a massive park and sports complex which I'll be visiting regularly in future. The good news is I've found my travelling mechanic is now doing building, so hopefully my kitchen is about to be replaced with a new one. Then my neighbour told me I can do my front garden with a strimmer, and had a spare one. It's 90% better in less than an hour! Otherwise I have started blitzing (selectively to begin with) newspapers with excerpts from my blog, and if I even get a rejection reply I'll be amazed. But I'm ready for a long haul but determined to get this writing business off the ground. I've also begun two more professional articles which will end up somewhere.

I've found a few friends this week with home or work net access, and maybe they'll soon turn up here or on Funtrivia. No one I know in 4 years has ever joined! And I thought it was addictive, well it is to the members, but it must take more than a computer to get hooked in. Well, I just thought I'd summarise this week so far, not bad but nothing clever. Just the north side of boring, compared to many just south previous to this.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

More news

I can continue the story on Kendall here. It has reached a new level, but the part I hadn't said, which is the sole cause of the delay is she lives in America. That in itself makes life much harder than it would be, but the killer is the incredible restrictions on UK entry from there, who are supposed to be our closest allies. Any third world illegals can creep in the tunnel under cover of darkness and get 5 years grace before they may stand a chance of deportation. I know of an American who dared to stay with a friend she hadn't met before and was deported after 3 weeks. This proves the British are quite capable of regulating immigration, but choose to allow people from undeveloped nations over those from Western ones similar to our own. This implies an agenda, and the only one I can imagine is the majority of poor and third world people are more likely to vote Labour, and so once given citizenship will give the current government a better chance of returning to power. Secondly they are prepared to work on the black market, thus saving employers sticking to the minimum wage and keeping the economy going without having to pay much for it.

Having never needed to know this before, any conspiracy theories I've heard before saying the governments will do anything to stay in and socially engineer the world to that end are now becoming incredibly real, and now personal as well. Back to me, it's currently planned to meet Kendall here in the second half of 2005, and due to my own inhibitions will find it hard to get over there first on my own. Though I have travelled, I often found I missed being home a lot, and though it was fascinating to see everywhere, the effort often involved, combined with the disasters that did happen thousands of miles from home shone rather a negative light over distant travel afterwards. The day trip was one way round it, and after a few to France and Belgium, if I can get up in time to drive the hour or more to an airport and catch a plane in time to get back the same day, have a list of other places I can do a day trip to, as I very much want to keep going abroad somehow. Other holidays have failed to materialise simply because I ran out of people to go with, and felt if I went abroad for a week would end up looking round shops, reading and going on public transport which I can just as easily do at home. I couldn't watch TV or listen to the radio as it would all be 'in foreign' and if go alone would have no one to talk to all day. I haven't missed anything as the time I had free where I may have gone on holiday has been used for many other things, and plenty of day trips by car, mainly to the south coast, and many scattered football grounds that take all day to get to and home from. And since I've had my own house the garden could become a full time job in itself if I could be bothered, not to mention the rest of the house. The cleaner stops the fungus from taking over, but general tidying, filing and other housework is enough to fill enough of my spare time when I'm in. Of course (and I know who's reading this) it would be very nice having a woman to share all the jobs and the spare time as well!

Friday, November 05, 2004

favourite websites

To celebrate my discovery of the links button, here are some of my favourite sites: Funtrivia
My website
the answerbank
urban dictionary
Nick Roach, spiritual master #1

Just for fun

[the alphabet survey]

Created by thetoasternetwork and taken 7399 times on bzoink!

Act your age44
Born on what day of the weekFriday
Chore you hatecleaning carpets
Dad's nameCyril
Essentail make-up itemaftershave
Favorite actors/actresseswoody allen, jason alexander
Gold or slivergold
Instruments you playpiano, guitar
Job titlepsychotherapist
Kidsnot so far
Living arrangementsalone
Mom's nameValerie
Number of socks you ownmaybe 40 pairs?
Overnight hospital staystwice
Quote you likeI didn't get where I am today by using quotes
Religious affiliationJewish
Time you woke up today2pm
Unusual habitsgetting up at 2pm
Vicious thing you've doneonly name calling as a child really
Worst habitnose picking
X-rays you've hadankle, nose
Your favorite seasonsummer
Zodiac signaquarius

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Thursday, November 04, 2004


As real life in Kingsbury contains no genuine events beyond sitting opposite Arsene Wenger on Monday at an Arsenal reserves match, for a bit of fun I have decided to speculate on all the possible behind the scenes activities that may make their way into my awareness.

I've sent the ideas parts of the blog to two places now, one hasn't replied, as I expected, the other just went off today. As people have asked me to try and get some of my work they've read published it has encouraged me to believe eventually it will be recognised as usable, especially as seen through the eyes of a therapist.

I have just written a letter to one of the people I met on Big brother, so of course it would be incredible to get a reply. I don't trust them to forward it, as they probably bin most of the ones they get, but I can't think of any other way to make sure it gets there.

Otherwise, my guess based on experience is 'none of the above'.

By the way, I am fully aware of the times I repeat myself here, but that is because life repeats itself and this reflects my life. I hope each repetition is slightly different to the last similar entry, meaning life isn't actually moving in a circle but going in another direction at the same time as well. The dance of repeated events and progress from one wasted attempt to the next appears to be an endless cycle, not only since I started this but since over 2 years ago.

Just for fun (I've got little else to do at the moment) I'll try and think of any higher spots since life froze in 2002. The most important point is only one has been a lasting one, the rest came and went.

I did meet 4 big brother members, and get my 5 seconds on TV, as recorded here, and saw all 13 from last year from outside the party.
I have had answered all the questions on enlightenment, (ditto) in a recent lecture.
I am in contact with Kendall again.
I've had some articles published.
I met 7 Funtrivia members.

Now I'm struggling. In the same period,

I was turned down by a few women
I didn't get further than one job interview from all my applications
I was accused of being a criminal by someone who should have known better
I had almost two years-worth of friends reunited emails ignored
I've had hardly any of the renovations done on my house I ordered
My best friend's now installed 5000 miles away indefinitely
Ken Livingstone's turned London into a fair copy of communist Russia (for those unfamiliar, he has: Charged £5 to drive into central London, soon to be extended. Refused to widen the busiest road in London, the North Circular, raised bus prices from 70p to £1.20 next year, raised tube prices, invited over and praised Islamic militants, and fought with any council that dares to use its independence to undo any road restrictions by withholding funds.

These are just the ones I remember, any more will be added as they come to me. Is this the same crap as everyone gets, or is it really the pits here?