Friday, December 31, 2004

A good week

Well, is this a first- something positive on my blog? I found expecting good makes me feel good regardless of whether it's logical, and this was followed by my awareness of karma, a second illogical discovery. Since imagining the best (well, trying to...) A few people from the past have all turned up within a couple of weeks, plus another amazing bit of news about someone I've mentioned here I'm just awaiting his permission to publish in full. I will say I have been read on Funtrivia by someone I wrote about there, and I didn't tell him I was a member. Now that is what I would call amazing.

I've been working fairly damn hard one way or another as well, one paid hour, nearly two I had to pay for (comes with the job once a month), and took my Mum to a grotty supermarket for a change. My builder arrived to measure the kitchen, and may actually be about to order the units! (It's only been well over a year!). I also called the radio a couple of times, plus last night Talk Sport kept me waiting at maybe 5p a minute for an hour and fifteen minutes and then ended the programme without putting me on. Thanks Mr Murdoch, you have billions and still want my £1.80 an hour cut from the total BT get even when you know I won't be put on. I also went to Brentford for the third time on a boxing day (a bit late as it was a 1pm kick-off) to see them get buried 1-3 by Torquay, but it was nice to see so many ex-premier players on both sides as well as a few Brentford old-timers. Understandably I'm now knackered, and it's new year's eve already, with people coming over tomorrow as usual. I hope my email request is accepted so I can give the full story here. One last element is it may even get me on the radio (albeit on Sky digital!) but anything is a start, having lost my place on Capital in 1973 due to appendicitis. I shouted 'hooray' once on a Capital Gold roadshow when my request was read out, but that hardly counts...

Saturday, December 25, 2004


Reading some other local blogs, so many people are so incredibly busy both at work and otherwise, though I suspect nearly all are under 30. My life was also like that till then, and I've had enough of that now, and hope most other 'grown ups' also reach that stage, married or not. Now my life is the total antithesis to that. I see interest in people, not events, and though I do go to selected events, they are the exceptions in my life, and I prefer to interact and create, having literally 'been there, done that'.

I love lists. I've already graphically displayed my 10 countries here, and will add duplicates- France 11 times, Israel 3, and USA twice. And that included 10 states. The effort involved now exceeds any pleasure except for day trips.
I also go to football a lot, though having added over 50 matches in about 4 years am now winding down. Nowadays I like seeing all types of masters and psychics, and have seen Uri Geller twice (would go every time he was on locally), Maharaji 5 times, Matthew Manning, Geoff Boltwood and of course Nick Roach, as well as a number of advaita masters such as Satyam Nadeen, Satyananda and Om C Parkin (all new names given on enlightenment). Apart from that I go to antique and toy fairs, mind/body/spirit shows, and steam railways. What I do like doing is filming, and have spent over a year filming the places I grew up and then went in the houses of friends and interviewed each about life since I'd known them. These will be incredible records in 20 or 30 years time.

Otherwise, what has been happening in my little life? It's been fine, I have had a few hours work this week which went pretty well, the builder fixed all the important things as I said, and finally played my first game of snooker having discovered a family friend with a table, and actually got some balls in, which made me happy. I barely did anything else apart from family visits as per usual, but it's been OK, and it's currently (oy vay) Christmas morning at 2.30, and I won't be seeing anyone till 5pm for a late family dinner. I've got my abduction tape to copy, and hope I can get on with that the rest of the day, unless I get a surprise visitor (that was a joke). By the way, no one's commented here for over a month- am I boring everyone? This is really based on reality, so though I try and make it interesting, it is a blog first and Kingsbury is like a waiting room for the cemetery, and this is reflected here! If I die and find out there's more I'll be delighted but till then I see this as a single performance and any more will be a fantastic bonus. But heaven and hell? I've been to both and it was right here. More philosophy on its way, watch these pages.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wednesday's rubbish

It's been a typical week here, a bit of work, a bit of socialising and my builder finally came and did all the outstanding small work in less than a day in total. I can use Videoplus again after about 2 years as my video is now connected to an outside aerial.
Kendall is still on messenger every day, and (well, I was encouraged to post my progress so it has to be straight) I can see I am working through a number of her 'issues', appearing to myself at least that as a trained counsellor I am able to work on each issue as it arises and I really believe these will be sorted out as a lucky coincidence of our meeting. Our aims have been more equalised now, as having never met anyone from abroad before, I am not going to assume anything about anyone, even someone I'd watched on TV for 5 years, compared to really meeting them. Kendall had been of the impression (to me, at least) that meeting online and on the phone was as good as any other way, and could judge the future by that adequately (though she did finally admit her doubts, which were identical to mine!). This showed common sense is universal as I see a minefield, and risking a life in a foreign country, possibly on the basis of a week's visit seems a bit like the journeys of Indiana Jones... I will see.

Generally speaking, at 44 my caution is based on many past experiences where plans didn't turn out anything like I expected in reality. This included a trip to Israel, intended for a few months, where I spent 5 days sleeping on various floors before being told the family set up to stay with had had a bereavement and buggered off abroad, and I had to go home. I had been to Israel once before, was quite at home there and had no wish to leave at the time, and never got a chance to go anywhere longer than 4 weeks since.
Secondly I was hooked into buying a house because it was large and cheap. It backed onto a railway line and was in a nondescript and heartless area I didn't really know, and was depressed for over a year and a half and decided to bail out and move to an area I knew and liked. With women you normally get to know them for months and more before commitment, but in our position, though it's not compulsory, it's on the cards after a week. I hear alarm bells ring, plus it won't be me who's moving their whole life to a foreign country (though at least it's the best in the world!).
So there is some time before the trip can take place, but I try and tell Kendall everything more or less prior to posting it here, as I'm not intending to give her any surprises deliberately. I would welcome opinions though from neutral readers (do I still have any readers?) on transatlantic and similar relationships.

So that has been the week so far, my current binge on nostalgia (gleaned from the memory bins of my mind at random) have unearthed information on Nadia Cattouse (you either know who she is or not), Jeremy Taylor, the South African comedian who was often on the BBC, and a cult classic schools programme, an 8 episode series from 1973 called 'Joe and the sheep rustlers', part of the long running 'Look and read' series. This summed up childhood in the 70s for me, though it was a shame you had to be ill before you could watch most of these, as colour TV had only just arrived and it was still ten or more years before video recorders became affordable. If you visit look and read you can see all the programmes plus the words to the song about the Beasleys in my favourite. The good news is since CBBC they've been showing it twice a year from 2003, and I hope to see it if broadcast in 2005. The effort put into children's programmes has always impressed me far more than others, and I'm happy to admit I'd rather watch many of them than the cack the main 5 channels serves up nowadays. To think 'My family' is actually one of the better comedies of 2004, purely due to total lack of better competition. Plus James Hendrie, the writer, sat behind me at school. But as raised on Monty Python he could have done a little better...

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Alien communication 2

I saw my client again today and continued (very fluently) the dialogue with the alien called Zaphos. Here are the main points.

1) We come from Delphis 3, 84 light years away in earth physics, but we can exceed this speed using cosmic physics. The (worker's?) planet is 55-57 light years away. We travel here at the speed of light, but send the air crew (greys) and control them from our home planet

2) The greys don't use eyes and ears, but hear and see telepathically. The black eyes are visors to protect their remaining eye areas which are very sensitive to light

3) The ship is powered by a positron generator beamed upward in a spiral by a waveguide. It attracts the negatively charged atmosphere and electrons are simultaneously beamed downwards to repel the negatively charged planet, propelling the craft.

4) The alien's appearance is like ancient Egyptians, who are hybrids between the resident apes on earth and the alien people. There was also a colony on Mars, which the face there represents their appearance.

5) We are needed to keep their race going as they have badly polluted their own planet. In exchange for the genetic material taken from abductions we are given some of their technology, but only that we can use without danger (such as anti matter which wouldn't be safe to use)

6) The first and best example of a higher being was sent to the Dogon tribe in Africa long before biblical times, and was called Nommo.

7) Certain gifted individuals on Earth are Merlins (which is a qualification level rather than a specific individual). Jesus was a complete Merlin, having all the powers shared among the others separately. They are working for the good (eg Uri Geller, Matthew Manning etc) and against those that control governments such as the Bildeberg group, who will soon be reined in by the aliens as they are ruining the earth in pursuit of power

8) Global warming is not the threat we are facing. Nuclear radiation is, and cannot be cleaned once released.

9) There was one original creator we call God, who is the origin of us all, and lives on in spirit

10) Our pets are more advanced than most realise, and we really work together with them on a more equal level, much as aliens do with us, they look after us the same way we do pets

11) The religious texts of all religions point to the same truth, but current translations have lost the message

12) The reason we don't see abductions is they're cloaked from view. Spaces are made in walls and cars, and the piece is returned and repaired at a molecular level with no trace of damage

13) If you read the work of Eric Von Daniken he was actually closer to the truth than many people realise.

I will leave this as it is and leave others to comment

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A week of karma

Last week followed on very nicely from the instant karma recently reported in the road accident. Karma has a few aspects, and personal growth is one of them. That means when it's time for us to learn a lesson to fix a fault or teach us a new skill the same situations seem to arrive continually (as I described before to myself) until the problems' dealt with, and then they stop and some other hassle replaces it. Maybe I'm on a fast track to mastership, as I get plenty.

Well, 3 other people were involved last week, all with similar stories. Firstly I made my first ever illogical observation that worked. I just realised I was happier if I expected things to be good, like I used to before I found they rarely were. The trouble is I felt better when I imagined they'd be good regardless, and decided that's how I have to be again. Then a friend said the reason I rarely (at all??) had miracles is the bible says you have to believe first. This just confirmed I was doing the right thing as she didn't know I had decided this as she was just trying to explain God to me.
Then another friend said she was fascinated by it as she had instant karma, which is actually a sign of a master.
Finally someone else said how a situation seemed to work out in a planned way, where 3 or more events that didn't usually happen came together as if they had been designed to do so.

I'm now actually looking for lessons and events in advance to fit the theory so I can work with it. But whether we draw things to us or the whole lot is pushed by an outside force isn't worth trying to work out, but just stick to seeing if the system's there and using it. Maybe I can actually shift some of the crap from my life as well as a result?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Speculation updates

As promised, I can update two points from yesterday already:

2) Will my friend apologise? Yes, great relief

5) Will the aerial man come? No. Total wanker. Due to be named and shamed by Tuesday. I may even include (for the first time) his name, address and phone number so other readers (in particular from London bloggers who may come across him) can avoid him like I didn't.

Nice at least for one speculation to result as positive, I think most turn out 10-20% good, off the top of my head. So from these two, I'm already making a profit. I somehow think the others will even things out over time.

And if my adversary does read this, why hide in the shadows? I won't think you fancy me if you add a comment!

Today's chaos

Yes, today was one of those days that needed negotiating with no map or compass to help. I had to get up quite early to collect my parcel from Kendall which was gathering dust at the post office, who closed early today. It was huge!. I was amazed to see the little Indian lady I know so well struggle with a parcel half her own size and weight, and it was full of goodies as promised, which are all being used already.

The third time running (this time with no warning) the TV aerial man didn't turn up. I think it's the end of that lead (pun there) and Video Plus (our automated video recording system) may not be coming to my house in the forseeable future. Once I realised that person (can I say pratt here?) wasn't coming I had the rest of the day to use until I went out at 6. No ideas, but it was dry, so no housework this time. I ended up going to a newly discovered local park with 180 degree views of London, and an assortment of fascinating paths leading to it through ancient cemeteries and interesting houses. Any London bloggers reading are recommended to visit Sunny Hill Park in Hendon if they get the chance, it's usually passed at 50 mph by the A1, A41 and M1 which surround it, and only locals probably stop to walk there.
Once done, I had basically mopped up the remaining part of the day and that was it.

Todays speculation scenario. Worms turning: Miracles, can they ever happen? I'm not referring this time to walking on water, but people. It happened (as she well knows) with Kendall, and she stood out from most others who didn't, and I'd also welcome comments telling me their experiences. I'm referring to people who have left you behind for whichever reasons returning long after they were consigned to the expectation of never hearing from again?
I have a growing list of these people (some who do or did read here, but they have seen my views already), and while I have idle days like this I wonder if, say over the next 6 months, I'll get one nice surprise to show me the individual's human nature is redeemable. I think the last time this happened before October was in 1993 when an old girlfriend called me after almost 10 years as she was feeling 'desperate'. Then in 1972 when the girl I liked on holiday who had then ignored me phoned me after I got home. That felt like one of the best days of my life, and she turned out to become my first girlfriend. The combination of lost hope, losing something valuable, and then having it return having done absolutely nothing about it yourself is one of the best surprises you can ever have.

My list includes: 1) Someone I fell out with earlier in the year and would be extremely happy to hear from.
2) Someone I thought I knew better, called me a bastard for making an innocent comment and told me where to go. I know she's more sensitive than necessary, and had a hard time from people who deserve that sort of treatment, but don't project it on me, please. If she ever apologises the champagne corks will pop (though I don't like it).
3) Will the barely referred to mystery I hinted at recently ever yield any more information? Experience has taught me discretion here, but I will report with a simple yes at least if this happens regardless of having to censor anything else.
4) Email replies: As well as the named and shamed friends reunited baskets who are just bloody rude for joining a site and ignoring emails at will, there are an equal number I emailed out of the blue or mutually and then stopped replying (if they ever did). Plus that damn bitch I wrote to as her new phone number was ex-directory and didn't bother to reply. What did she think I'd do if she replied? Arrive at her flat and propose on bended knee?
5) Builders: This is the 4th aerial man not to turn up, my garage roof and boiler have needed attention for ages, and I'm no closer to getting them done. Not to mention the person who said he'd measure my kitchen for new units over a month ago. He was guaranteed 3 days work as I knew he could do the job and can't even be arsed to come in for an estimate even though he works at the end of my road every day!
6) Any others I've missed but could happen. May include any old friends who evaporated but may become curious about me eventually, existing friends who haven't returned phone calls, returning clients (this is a real phenomenon) and any other reversal of attitude that may actually conspire to make me smile for a change.

Monday, December 06, 2004

A week of mixed blessings

Well, being the verge of another week, it's time to review everything from the previous one. As announced, it's been a 'balance' of ups and downs (nothing odd there) and as the blog is here, you'll have to read it as it happened.

On the one side, I arranged at last for someone to fix my TV aerial after NTL the cable company forced us to reconnect our roof aerials when converting to digital as the videos won't work otherwise. A bit like the Transport for London trick of narrowing dual carriageways down to 2 lanes. What next, a nice epidemic of polio for old time's sake? Anyway, soon after connection, the whole lot (being over 10 years old) disintegrated, and this is the third person I've arranged to fix it. He *didn't* come on Friday but is rescheduled for Tuesday, so hopefully that will move to the credit column. I also applied for a few jobs, one in a bookshop is already on 'reserve', meaning if they need a standby I'm on the list, and once in should become a regular sooner or later. The second didn't reply, and I'm waiting for a form from the third (if I remember asking for it...?). Kendall has sent me a multiple Christmas/Chanukah posting,including a total of 3 cards. So far two cards arrived on Saturday, and I'm hoping if the parcel arrives Monday when I won't be there the postman won't just leave it on the step as some do, as it's not the sort of package that responds well to being left outside, let alone the security aspect. I have never been in a situation where I had to wait so long for anything outside my control and though I am getting more used to it it sometimes feels like I've been caught in the Twilight Zone or similar, and am completely lost in unfamiliar territory. I said I'd be writing all my worries again when we spoke last night, and here they are! She knows this already so hopefully it won't come as a surprise to read again, how comes most women who really appreciate me have only done so at the end of a distant computer? Am I missing anything here, as in person it seems to happen about once every ten years, and I'm pretty much the same person now, just a bit more mature (for Christ's sake, if I'm not going to be at 44 then it's unlikely ever to happen!). And the ones who like me at the end of a computer are sane as well, which amazes me even more, and quite unlike most experiences locally!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Time for more

Well I can honestly say nothing's happened since my last entry, but there comes a time when things stop outside, and you feel it's time to write in the blog. And something always comes from it, so this is one of those times.

In the last few days I have been fairly busy doing little things like going for tea and shopping, though as usual it was when I wasn't intending to buy anything I actually found a number of things I needed and couldn't find elsewhere, though the one item I wanted and didn't expect to find having discovered the original firm stopped making them was actually just where it always was (though the shop had moved a mile or so) but just with a different label, and wasn't even too expensive.

Having got all that banality out of the way, what else? More banality I expect, but this is just a soap, only in real life with all the boring bits left in. At the moment it's a good time to accept things as they are in the Buddhist sense, as whatever action I'd like in my fantasies based on possibilities, this is what's real and there was nothing I could do about that. So whatever I'd prefer now this is what is here and I can only accept that which is. It's very tough when your memory reminds you what you could be missing from previous action, but really you had little control over what and when that was just as you do now. So it sets up a preference but doesn't allow you to satisfy it directly (or often indirectly either). The presents life has to offer are given by either random chance or God (the answer to that I can't say) but not by our own action based on choice. We make the starts but not the finishes.

As this is turning into a philosophy essay I'll do the academic thing I'm so used to and give examples (but no references!). If you join a dating agency, you have no say who's there and who replies or sends you a message. That has already narrowed down your choice by well over a half. Then the compatibility factor between you and whoever may meet you is going to depend both on how well you fit and what both of you want at that time, narrowing down your say again. Finally, if it works out, do you think if you'd chosen anyone else in that agency you could have engineered the same result? Come on, the bit you did was join the agency and use the facilities in full, the rest is out of your hands. You may increase your overall chances of success in any field by improving your skill levels, but as we all know, success is rarely from talent alone, it's only the top few in any field of equal ability who make it. We only make the starts, the finishes are not our department. It's very demoralising at first to realise this (as I have) as it means every ambition we ever wanted is outside our control besides starting off the process. But at least it save us the effort of trying to make things happen once we realise it's not in our power.

Well, I said if I started something would come out. And you should see the stuff I had to edit out!

Monday, November 29, 2004

What is a master?

This is a quote from Nick Roach's site, and since I found in writing my 100 things that the only 2 people who understand things as well as me that I've found are my own two masters, Maharaji and Nick Roach, does that mean there could be something about me that's singled me out for that path?

Nick is enlightened (following another point on my list 'If that's possible') as until I can experience it I can't be sure. Maharaji dislikes the concept, instead preferring spiritual experiences, which he does have, and I know are real. His mastery is both as being one of only two people who can teach 'Knowledge', his line's method of meditation, along with his brother in India, and regular lectures (about 300 a year) on life, which is how I know of the level of understanding. He makes every problem look trivial the way he puts it, and can really seem to be just speaking to you as he knows life so well.

Nick Roach is head and shoulders above every enlightened master, as all the others either blur the message using religious jargon (OK, mainly the Indian ones) but they did write most of the first literature taken to the west in the 1940s, or only know parts of the picture and though quite probably enlightened, haven't got enough understanding to teach it, and only convey part of the picture.

Nick spent much of the hour answering questions at random, and clearly (at the age of 31) understood each situation (though most hadn't been within his own experience) and gave similar advice on parenting and phobias as I do as a therapist. He is a qualified nurse, but there are plenty of others who don't have his level of understanding as a result of it.

So my question is, if someone has a known ability they can demonstrate to others, and then finds that this is really only shared by masters, is this a sign they are in the same mould?

I'd be happier to be enlightened and not too bothered whether I taught or not, especially as I find very few people interested in it anyway, and far better nowadays to put all my efforts into my own path. But masters tend to be appointed by others, and have found most of my life people told me their problems, somehow knowing I could help. And though I'm not enlightened, I know I wouldn't have too much trouble sharing Nick's lectures as I believe everything he says is right, and would probably answer the questions in a similar way, except not being able to describe my own enlightenment journey of course. Maybe this is my first lesson!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

100 things about me

Inspired by fellow blogger T.O. though I hear it's quite popular, I decided to write 100 things about me. Another related idea came to me this week when trying to think of people like me, realised that when I meet 2 people who are similar it's actually the exception rather than the rule, as most people have no one anything like them, and that includes me.

Here goes:
(In no logical order)
1) I'm an only child
2)Besides a few tenants, I've lived alone since 1992 (and hated it)
3)My online family is at, which I discovered 2 days after getting my computer on 17/2/2000 and have since met 7 members, so far.
4)I have suffered on and off with a degree of agoraphobia for around 20 years but I am now quite used to it.
5)I discovered as a child I knew certain things without being told about them.
6) I learnt to meditate in 1997 with Maharaji at the Brighton Centre
7)I've had 3 cats full-time since 1968, currently Lucy, who arrived in my garden in 1999
8) I've worn glasses since 1974, the current stronger lens being -3 astigmatism/short sight
9) Any reference to bodily functions can make me laugh
10) I love collecting experiences like going abroad and football matches, but the pleasure of adding to my lists now far exceeds the pleasure of the actual experiences
11) My first girlfriend was at the age of 12
12) I've never had a regular girlfriend longer than 8 months
13) As far as I'm concerned, everything in the world started going downhill in around 1975
14) I was born in Highgate, London in January 1960 (Aquarius)
15) My musical tastes are mainly between 1955 and 1975
16) I have visited 10 countries, the longest for 3 weeks, (USA) the shortest a couple of hours (Canada). The record was my last trip to France, which was a minute on the platform at Lille station on the way back from Brussels
17) I've collected British train tickets since 1970, and many other things.
18) I'm Jewish but not religious
19) I most identify with Woody Allen, Jason Alexander and Ben Elton (though his mother's not Jewish, but Irish, Kathleen to be sure).
20) I have a law degree and qualified as a psychotherapist
21) Due to circumstances beyond my control, I've been almost retired since 1997, though it allowed me to finish my studies and am prepared to work again if I get the right offers.
22) I like all animals except parasites
23) I like doing impressions and accents
24) My current favourite accent is Nigerian
25) I support Manchester United (after my father) and Barnet football clubs
26) My favourite TV programmes include Crossroads, Star Trek, Blockbusters, Big Brother and Monty Python
27) This year I met 4 Big Brother housemates, and was on the programme for 5 seconds with Jason Cowan
28)I've never had a full time job for longer than 2 1/2 months
29) After 10 years of lessons I can play the piano by ear
30) I'm 5 feet 5, which took me well into my 30s to get used to
31) As everyone's noticed, I love talking about myself
32) I've always been fascinated by the supernatural
33) My major inspiration was Uri Geller in 1973, who I've seen twice since
34) My next ambition is to talk on TV
35) I avoid Central London as I'd avoid hell itself
36) I believe nothing without evidence
37) My mother left us in 1981 which may have been the start of my decline
38) I have studied enlightenment since 1997, and finally understood the logic when I saw Nick Roach this October
39) My car is 12 years old, is just coming up to 100,000 miles, and still works like new
40) I have always spent time filling in unused diaries with jokes and pictures, and they have evolved into more of a blog format over the years. No one except me reads them though.
41) I also have no first cousins, I only had one (married) uncle altogether who died some years ago
42) I prefer to carry on a job till it's finished than go to bed and carry on the next day. Therefore I often stay up past 4am
43) The only relationship I've had where we both felt the same was ended by her mother in 1975 before anything really 'happened'. Thanks Mrs Toper.
44) Doing this is the most interesting thing I've done today
45) I often prefer children's TV and radio programmes to adult ones
46) My best friend left the country in 2002, and I've been pretty left behind since then
47)The longest I've spent between girlfriends was nearly 4 years, and the longer I live the longer it takes each time
48) I also hope to become famous eventually, how I don't care. I just believe I have the power to entertain and don't want to waste it
49) If I ever have the money I'm moving back to the area where I lived till 1993, if I could I'd buy our actual old house back.
50)I can never understand fashion. If something's good it's good. If not, don't use it. Much easier to understand.
51) I love tracking down any information, and since the internet have become even better at it
52) I can't believe the incidence of mental illness among my friends is average
53) I have never got a job through filling in an application form, though I've filled in many hundreds. Most have been from people I knew and going and asking.
54) My best relationship that lasted was with my neighbour Debby, who moved away when I was about 9. It set the framework for what I'd look for ever since.
55) I am always prepared to forgive everyone if they genuinely apologise. Every friendship can be revived. The only reason I drop people is if they're boring, not bad.
56) I almost never argue with anyone.
57) I like wearing gold rings and bracelets
58) I live a few hundred yards from the house I lived in till I was 5
59) I have found I can understand virtually anything if explained to me clearly. I know of very few people who can also do this, in fact only my two teachers Nick Roach and Maharaji have shown this quality so far.
60) The nearest I've got to fame is making hundreds of calls to the radio, all logged
61) I keep records and graphs of everything I've done since losing track some time ago and having to discover all the details over again
62) The furthest I've been from London is Miami
63) The longest I've been away from home is 4 weeks, a number of times on my regular Devon summer holidays
64) The game I'm best at overall is Scrabble
65) The sport (if it counts) I'm best at is pool (British rules)
66) My politics is best described as libertarian, not left or right wing
67) My main jobs were: Shop assistant, estate agent, van driver, teacher, despatch clerk and my current self employed therapist
68) My best life skill is handling money
69)My worst include approaching women and working long hours
70) I believe children have the right to live with their parents until they are married, if that's what they prefer
71) I tried singing once since my voice broke, never again
72) I have done a number of cabaret performances, playing the piano and doing impressions
73) I am qualified to drive on a normal car and an unlimited size motorbike licence
74) The largest motorbike I've ridden was a friend's Honda 550. I couldn't pick it up when I went to park it though.
75) I have never broken a bone, as far as i know
76) Though I was desperate to get married as soon as I graduated in 1984, the closest I got was a 3 day engagement in 1997 which didn't have time to become officially announced
77) The least entertaining TV programme I've seen is East Enders. I'm surrounded by these sort of people already and it concentrates all their worst features to the exclusion of all others. What's entertaining about that?
78) If I could choose a job I'd like to do but I'm not qualified to, it would include: London taxi driver, librarian, social worker, researcher and (due to obsolescence not qualification) train ticket collector. Hang on-I am actually qualified to do research so maybe I'll check that out.
79) The two things I find it impossible to improve are my handwriting and my accent
80) I don't see any need in lying. If you don't want to admit something say you don't know, otherwise tell the truth.
81) I can do mirror writing as quickly as the world record holder
82) My eyes are said to be cat's eyes, as they tend to change from the grey-blue they are basically depending on the light. Interestingly, no one in my immediate family has eyes lighter than green
83) When I make mistakes, they're really big ones. Few but major.
84) I have to sleep 9 hours per night, if I don't, I always make it up later
85) I am fascinated by natural disasters and car crashes. I would love to witness a major earthquake as it shows whatever we do the Earth can undo all of it when it feels like it
86) One of the best discoveries I could make is finding life in other dimensions
87) I have never 'done it' (or anything else) in the bath
88) When I was 11 I had an IQ test, and was pretty good. I've never managed it since in informal tests. I hope you only need to count one for life.
89) Out of every nationality I've met, I always get on best with Americans who are far more open and laid back than any others
90) I am 1/4 Polish
91) Cats regularly run across the road or from gardens to me
92) I have never smoked
93) I have been in hospital twice, once for my appendix and once to straighten my nose inside
94) I love having an audience but hate being in one
95) When I was 14 I had a project to find every possible name for poo, and got friends to make lists for me from everyone they knew
96) I have received genuine information in dreams for some years which was almost impossible to find by chance previously, convincing me we all have absolute access to all information if we know how
97) I spent a year altogether in weekly psychic development classes
98) Possibly the most knowledgeable person I ever met was my biology teacher, Peter Runnalls. Whatever I wanted to know about, including philosophy and problems, he usually had the answer. He was a great influence on showing me what I could be like.
99) My dancing is nearly as bad as my singing, but though I'd like to be able to sing i can live quite happily without dancing
100) I still haven't had sex with anyone I really fancy since the first one.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Chaos in Kingsbury

Blimey, what a week, and it's only Tuesday... Well what I said about waiting for eggs to hatch and being tested is reaching its next level and I wish it wasn't. Of course, you have a set of good and bad eggs at any one time in your life, and actually few of either sort ever hatch, training us not to assume anything may happen in advance but only to concentrate on what's around now.

So I'll carry on as usual, paranoia and anxiety are easily spread like the flu, and I am prone to catching it at times, and if I'm being tested to learn to become immune to worse and worse possible imagined fates then I'm learning. But it sure takes it out of you.

I don't believe in karma as it means God controls our lives and as any regular here will know, I can't go along with that until I have my own out of body experience to know this directly as many have claimed to before. Of course, if it was true, it would all be good, as if there is a system controlling the universe intelligently, we're looked after, everything's looked after, and it's just a game where we don't really get hurt or killed. So this would have to be hidden from all but the masters as if you found this out you may not learn any more as you wouldn't take life seriously any more.

It starts this afternoon. I was waiting at a local bridge with my father, which is one lane and controlled with traffic lights. Well today they were jammed at red both ways so we had to ignore them as the traffic was backing up the length of the road. But I said they always stayed red for a long time and people were now reguarly overtaking the line to cross them at red, and it would serve them right if they had an accident. But he said what about the person they hit, and he had a point there.
But tonight, as I was driving through West Hendon planning my blog entry here, a twat in a Mini with his fog lights on did a rally turn into the road with the bridge at almost 30 mph (turning right before turning left to show off), followed by driving through the red light over the bridge, with a few other sheep which is happening more and more every day as the lights can often stay red for up to 5 minutes. It is actually the closest country lane to central London, all winds and twists, little pavements etc., and as I turned the worst of these bends there was a group of cars pulled up in the middle of the road. The total tosser had followed Marcus Gronholm's recent example in the Australian rally (on a very similar road) and taken the corner at 180', ending up sideways across the road with half the front of the car hanging off. I've no idea what he hit, as the other two cars had stopped to avoid him as they'd followed him through the red light, and I'd waited for them to turn green a few seconds later. They seemed OK, so he probably did a Marcus and hit a tree. Of course no one was hurt as I wouldn't have been so happy or reported it here either. They were just standing studying their wrecked car, hopefully to treat public roads with more respect in future. So the point about mentioning karma was that as I sat in my car imagining if there was karma my current predicament would be to teach me to ignore all 'eggs' that hadn't hatched, good or bad, and thought how unlikely that would be, when I saw someone receive their own apparent karma in the matter of a minute. And I've never seen an accident there in 9 years, so it's not a regualr black spot. And I've only ever heard of one accident before then in almost that place. What did I say about the scriptwriter making his presence obvious at times?
It's the third time I've seen 'smart' drivers caught immediately. The first was at a traffic lights where I'd fallen off my motorbike on a wet road when the lights turned red. The next day someone jumped them and was pinched by the police. The second time I was overtaken on a left turn. The car appeared round the next bend on its roof (and of course the driver walked out unhurt). So when you see your next wanker in a car who looks like they're heading for an accident, I can tell you, sometimes they will be, and in all my examples no one else was affected either. If karma was real, these would have been perfect examples.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Alien communication

As a researcher, one of my jobs is debriefing people who believe they have been abducted by aliens. Yesterday I met one, and underwent almost 90 minutes of hypnosis, not to recover a possible abduction, but to fill in the gaps of two suspected ones, which we did. I always ask if I can communicate with the aliens through the subject, as under hypnosis most abductees are somehow able to speak with the voice of an alien (using their own voices) or be in communication where I ask a question and they pass it on and receive an answer.

Yesterday I received the first comprehensible report from one after a number of other attempts, and until I get a transcript of the tape, which I didn't have time to copy, I'll summarise the messages from my notes, and as soon as I get a copy I'll add the whole lot on

I went through my usual list of questions, and actually got answers which fit what I already know, and were consistent with each other. This is the list:

1)What is the reason for abducting people? "They are experimenting on life forms, reproductive units (how they see us) after creating us as their farm animals. Thus they have a duty to look after us as we do our own animals."

2)What do you get from the experiments? "We provide a gene pool, so what benefits humans benefits us as we are all the same, with the same genes."

3)Where are you from? "We have the same origins as you. We are one, we have polluted our own planet just as you are now polluting your own. We also had a community on Mars which is the origin of the face and other markings we can see on it. That was us, that is us."

4)Can you harm us? "We are totally safe in their hands, they see us as part of themselves. We all share the same origins"

5)Why do we forget abductions? "Sometimes we wipe memories, but usually the human soul cuts off such memories itself"

6) Can you heal our illnesses? "Not all. We can kill cancers without removing them, but some disorders are genetic or damaged organs which we can't always help"

7) How do you travel here? "We use channels which you are polluting with your wars, killing and pollution which makes it harder for us to use. We are the universe, we are everything. When people die they come into our channels and killing so many people blocks them for us. You must learn as we had to to stop war and polluting the Earth, which in turn pollutes the gene pool and creates new genetic disorders"

8) How do you hide your craft from us? "We can select certain people to see them, it's often the ordinary people we want to see us as what you call important people are more likely to ruin our messages"

9) What are your plans for mass disclosure? "We are planning a revelation in 2012. Meanwhile we have contracted with your governments to maintain secrecy. "

10)How do you decide who is abducted? "Your subject today needed more guidance, so we chose him for it"

11) Have I been abducted? "Yes, once, in East Grinstead in 1972, from a car, heading for Croydon" Could it have been 1982? "Yes, quite possibly 1982, we have problems converting to your time" Could it have been 1984, that was the first time I went there? "No, it was 1982" Who was I with? "A man was also abducted from the car, he was about 30 and had black curly hair and glasses called Sam or Zam/Zamm".

On reflection, I hadn't been to East Grinstead in 1982, I went with my father in 1984 and not to Croydon. But in 1982 I collected a friend from Gatwick airport, and the road home went through Croydon. At the time he was 20, not 30, but did have curly black hair and glasses and was called something like Sam or Zamm. His name was Jonathon, but his last name does actually almost have Sang in it! Though he had glasses, he rarely wore them and probably not on that day. Crawley is a few miles west of East Grinstead, and both have a road to Croydon. Were it not for this small detail the facts would have corresponded perfectly, as the subject had never met me till yesterday and I had to think for a while where I'd been 22 years ago. There were too many details to dismiss that. I was told I'd be abducted again soon, retain more memories and get some back from the first one when they chose to return them.

12) Why was I chosen for abduction? "I am gifted, they chose to use me, I am one of the most able of Earth volunteers"

I hope this is just the beginning of this particular project and will yield far more as I continue with it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Everything and nothing

Prompted to write an update by a certain person (you know who you are!) I'll explain the current progress with Kendall, at least the bits that won't turn all faces red.
The date has now been set for the visit for August, a period of 9 months to wait. We spend hours a day on messenger, plus letters and phone calls, but not being able to touch her till August means the best part isn't here yet. So, as the title says, everything should happen in August (as Kendall is reliable, unlike the only other American I was scheduled to meet and turned out to belong in the LA equivalent of Broadmoor). But this means my life here is technically identical till then, and for me, anything that isn't going to happen within a few weeks doesn't really exist (unless it's something horrible, in which case I may panic about it), so my life carries on as lonely as it was before, though there is something ahead. How someone like me, who doesn't even like waiting a day for most things can so reliably find myself in situations where even something so good is denied due to circumstances appears to imply life is actually guided along the lines 'We'll show you everything you could have, then present your life in the exact opposite way to how you'd choose it, while doing the opposite for most people you know, so you can see it can be different, but not for you.'

Call this cynical, but looking over maybe the last 10 years nearly every aspect of my life has followed this pattern perfectly. The only high spots were 1) gaining my professional counselling qualification, only to find hardly any jobs available per qualified person (I applied for one job a month over a year or more, and got one interview). 2) meeting my last girlfriend only to have her in hospital after 7 weeks for the next 6 months.

Otherwise I have made my own efforts in ways that were realistic, for business and pleasure. The only thing I hadn't done was speed dating, purely because the only venues were in Central London, which is hard to get to from here, and meant half the people would live too far away. My attempts on the two fronts, work and women have been as thorough as possible, and when I met Kendall, I emailed her over a year ago having seen her picture and website to say how much I liked them. Little did I imagine that out of all the messages I'd sent that this would become the basis of a genuine relationship. I was also totally unaware of the obstacles immigration appear to put on visitors to the UK considering how many we actually have compared to the rest of Europe (ie most of them, and many not returning either). But if you enter officially, they virtually seem to require bail money and a reference from a member of the Lords before they let someone in. I hope my own enquiries will find this to be an exaggeration, and take some pressure of us. OK, that was the update, my 'pessimistic/realistic' side coming out in full (depending which way you see it) but I hope I will be able to give better news on the next update. But the good news is if we could meet tomorrow or next week, we'd both be ready for all the fireworks in Woolworths and would be a true week to remember for both of us.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

London tourism

Having just commented on the difference between the enthusiasm of visiting London and the combination of ennui and avoiding the centre for people who actually live there on Funtrivia, I thought I'd reproduce it here as it sums up my attitude to living in what's really a small town that just happens to be 7 miles from a hell-hole that's the capital of England but few barely think about here, let alone visit very much. This was in response to an enthusiastic visitor from 200 miles away, and gave the prevailing local view.

'It's usually the same- as I read your post I was thinking those that actually live in a place tend to mainly circulate around the residential areas, do the tourist sites once or twice, and then return to the suburbs. And now with the congestion charge to drive into Central London, we're almost forced to whether we like it or not! It actually costs more now during weekdays to drive into London from just outside the centre and then park there for a couple of hours than it would to take a taxi. And the novelty wears off the public transport after about 16 years of waiting for buses, and I'm just glad no one referred to our Victorian underground train system...

I feel I'd far rather have grown up in a proper community outside London, and then been able to go in, enjoy what it has to offer and return to the provinces, than live here all my life and like most suburbanites hide in the greener parts for most of the year. You appreciate London so much more as a visitor than a resident from what I find of many people I know here. Oh dear, I hope I haven't poured cold water on the London experience, but this is just the insider view. And it reminds me of what I heard every time I was telling people where I was going when I first went to America- "Cleveland- what do you want to go there for??" "Toledo, what do you want to see there??" - I think it just shows people like exploring, and the grass tends to be greener anywhere you don't live!'

To which I'll add 'Saddam Hussein? what good did it do us in London getting him out of Iraq? Send the tanks in and get that bloody lunatic Ken Livingstone out of London before he f**ks it up for good'

Friday, November 12, 2004

Famous friends?

Having just got back in touch with someone I knew in the 70s (mainly through his older sister) I wondered if anyone else reading knew anyone growing up who later became famous? This was Toby Young, the journalist who has just broken into acting by playing himself in his autobiographical play after the previous actor dropped out.
I also went to school with the writer Will Self, who was the year below me, and stood head and shoulders above the 8 year olds in assembly, even then being taller than many of the teachers! He lived in the next road to me and I went there a couple of times, and it's great when I see him now on TV thinking of him when he was at school!

Otherwise, one school I went to had the children of many actors and celebs including two of the Beatle's children, but actually none (even with the helping hand of their relatives) except Rex Harrison's grandchildren went on to follow their parents in acting. If anyone reading knew anyone who became famous, please put it in the comment box.

Friends (not) reunited

Why oh why oh why...

Do people bother to join friends reunited if they don't bother to reply to old friends? I have decided to start a name and shame, and recommend everyone to add their own, to show up the people who did not reply to their emails.
Now I have manners, and I reply to every email I get from anyone I know, whatever I thought of them 30 years ago, if they have gone to the trouble to contact me. But even if I was a bit of a basket at school, who wasn't? Anyway, the odds of these guys reading their own names are the same as shooting a chosen victim in the crowd at Old Trafford, but if their friends or family see it, please tell them to come in and have a look, and leave a comment. I always say all apologies are accepted, and it'll get them off the list as well!

Anita McNaught
Jill Desborough (Brookland primary)
David Frean (Brookland primary)
Linda Adelson
Pauline Jamieson
Peter Joseph
Suzanne Abel
Simon Harrison (King Alfred)
Mafalda Spencer
Debby Sharp (Brookland primary)
Colette Tanner
Wendy Martyn
Amanda Harman-Smith
Charmaine Bradford (Brookland primary)

There were a lot more, but these were a particular disappointment.

London Bloggers

I've just joined London Bloggers

anorak city Arizona! And I'm number 6 in Kingsbury, amazing! Even includes pictures of Finchley Road, a site after my own heart. And at least it's theoretically possible to meet up with these guys instead of the usual distant separation I come across.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Filling space

Surprisingly, I've had little happening this week, and had to find yet more ways to amuse myself (pretty hard after spending much of the last 44 years doing so). Perils of being an only child really, teaches you how to make a little playground around you wherever you are, like doing this for instance.

Well, having reached Thursday night, a mass of trivial events have been created, from taking another video, phoning David Prever on LBC for the second time and not getting on, actually intending to complain about being an only child as I just did here. I also found a very nice Italian cafe which is hidden in a massive park and sports complex which I'll be visiting regularly in future. The good news is I've found my travelling mechanic is now doing building, so hopefully my kitchen is about to be replaced with a new one. Then my neighbour told me I can do my front garden with a strimmer, and had a spare one. It's 90% better in less than an hour! Otherwise I have started blitzing (selectively to begin with) newspapers with excerpts from my blog, and if I even get a rejection reply I'll be amazed. But I'm ready for a long haul but determined to get this writing business off the ground. I've also begun two more professional articles which will end up somewhere.

I've found a few friends this week with home or work net access, and maybe they'll soon turn up here or on Funtrivia. No one I know in 4 years has ever joined! And I thought it was addictive, well it is to the members, but it must take more than a computer to get hooked in. Well, I just thought I'd summarise this week so far, not bad but nothing clever. Just the north side of boring, compared to many just south previous to this.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

More news

I can continue the story on Kendall here. It has reached a new level, but the part I hadn't said, which is the sole cause of the delay is she lives in America. That in itself makes life much harder than it would be, but the killer is the incredible restrictions on UK entry from there, who are supposed to be our closest allies. Any third world illegals can creep in the tunnel under cover of darkness and get 5 years grace before they may stand a chance of deportation. I know of an American who dared to stay with a friend she hadn't met before and was deported after 3 weeks. This proves the British are quite capable of regulating immigration, but choose to allow people from undeveloped nations over those from Western ones similar to our own. This implies an agenda, and the only one I can imagine is the majority of poor and third world people are more likely to vote Labour, and so once given citizenship will give the current government a better chance of returning to power. Secondly they are prepared to work on the black market, thus saving employers sticking to the minimum wage and keeping the economy going without having to pay much for it.

Having never needed to know this before, any conspiracy theories I've heard before saying the governments will do anything to stay in and socially engineer the world to that end are now becoming incredibly real, and now personal as well. Back to me, it's currently planned to meet Kendall here in the second half of 2005, and due to my own inhibitions will find it hard to get over there first on my own. Though I have travelled, I often found I missed being home a lot, and though it was fascinating to see everywhere, the effort often involved, combined with the disasters that did happen thousands of miles from home shone rather a negative light over distant travel afterwards. The day trip was one way round it, and after a few to France and Belgium, if I can get up in time to drive the hour or more to an airport and catch a plane in time to get back the same day, have a list of other places I can do a day trip to, as I very much want to keep going abroad somehow. Other holidays have failed to materialise simply because I ran out of people to go with, and felt if I went abroad for a week would end up looking round shops, reading and going on public transport which I can just as easily do at home. I couldn't watch TV or listen to the radio as it would all be 'in foreign' and if go alone would have no one to talk to all day. I haven't missed anything as the time I had free where I may have gone on holiday has been used for many other things, and plenty of day trips by car, mainly to the south coast, and many scattered football grounds that take all day to get to and home from. And since I've had my own house the garden could become a full time job in itself if I could be bothered, not to mention the rest of the house. The cleaner stops the fungus from taking over, but general tidying, filing and other housework is enough to fill enough of my spare time when I'm in. Of course (and I know who's reading this) it would be very nice having a woman to share all the jobs and the spare time as well!

Friday, November 05, 2004

favourite websites

To celebrate my discovery of the links button, here are some of my favourite sites: Funtrivia
My website
the answerbank
urban dictionary
Nick Roach, spiritual master #1

Just for fun

[the alphabet survey]

Created by thetoasternetwork and taken 7399 times on bzoink!

Act your age44
Born on what day of the weekFriday
Chore you hatecleaning carpets
Dad's nameCyril
Essentail make-up itemaftershave
Favorite actors/actresseswoody allen, jason alexander
Gold or slivergold
Instruments you playpiano, guitar
Job titlepsychotherapist
Kidsnot so far
Living arrangementsalone
Mom's nameValerie
Number of socks you ownmaybe 40 pairs?
Overnight hospital staystwice
Quote you likeI didn't get where I am today by using quotes
Religious affiliationJewish
Time you woke up today2pm
Unusual habitsgetting up at 2pm
Vicious thing you've doneonly name calling as a child really
Worst habitnose picking
X-rays you've hadankle, nose
Your favorite seasonsummer
Zodiac signaquarius

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

Thursday, November 04, 2004


As real life in Kingsbury contains no genuine events beyond sitting opposite Arsene Wenger on Monday at an Arsenal reserves match, for a bit of fun I have decided to speculate on all the possible behind the scenes activities that may make their way into my awareness.

I've sent the ideas parts of the blog to two places now, one hasn't replied, as I expected, the other just went off today. As people have asked me to try and get some of my work they've read published it has encouraged me to believe eventually it will be recognised as usable, especially as seen through the eyes of a therapist.

I have just written a letter to one of the people I met on Big brother, so of course it would be incredible to get a reply. I don't trust them to forward it, as they probably bin most of the ones they get, but I can't think of any other way to make sure it gets there.

Otherwise, my guess based on experience is 'none of the above'.

By the way, I am fully aware of the times I repeat myself here, but that is because life repeats itself and this reflects my life. I hope each repetition is slightly different to the last similar entry, meaning life isn't actually moving in a circle but going in another direction at the same time as well. The dance of repeated events and progress from one wasted attempt to the next appears to be an endless cycle, not only since I started this but since over 2 years ago.

Just for fun (I've got little else to do at the moment) I'll try and think of any higher spots since life froze in 2002. The most important point is only one has been a lasting one, the rest came and went.

I did meet 4 big brother members, and get my 5 seconds on TV, as recorded here, and saw all 13 from last year from outside the party.
I have had answered all the questions on enlightenment, (ditto) in a recent lecture.
I am in contact with Kendall again.
I've had some articles published.
I met 7 Funtrivia members.

Now I'm struggling. In the same period,

I was turned down by a few women
I didn't get further than one job interview from all my applications
I was accused of being a criminal by someone who should have known better
I had almost two years-worth of friends reunited emails ignored
I've had hardly any of the renovations done on my house I ordered
My best friend's now installed 5000 miles away indefinitely
Ken Livingstone's turned London into a fair copy of communist Russia (for those unfamiliar, he has: Charged £5 to drive into central London, soon to be extended. Refused to widen the busiest road in London, the North Circular, raised bus prices from 70p to £1.20 next year, raised tube prices, invited over and praised Islamic militants, and fought with any council that dares to use its independence to undo any road restrictions by withholding funds.

These are just the ones I remember, any more will be added as they come to me. Is this the same crap as everyone gets, or is it really the pits here?

Sunday, October 31, 2004


My main idea here is to delve behind the facade of other peoples' relationships. I was virtually the only person left behind in 1988 when nearly all my friends got married in one bunch. A few have followed, some being much younger than me, but my main question is 'Love or convenience???' This warrants the full three question marks as no one will admit to marrying out of desperation except one old girlfriend of mine who told a friend of hers and it got back to me. But my guess is that maybe about half the marriages I know of were for love, but others have to be a practical decision. A clue was years ago when I saw a friend at the infamous Brent Cross shopping centre, who said 'It's time I got married now, I'm going to ask my girlfriend'. This was over ten years ago, and guess what- he's still single! But it showed me the attitude existed where people see others pairing off and feel they have to join in now or they'll be left behind and out of it. Surely we meet people we love at random, so how comes about 80% of my friends all married in 1988 and besides the one, still are, and to the same people.

I said already the last thing friends ever discover is someone's marriage isn't doing well. The social iniquity people believe admitting they aren't happy together is so great they carry on like Charles and Diana until suddenly one day you find they've split up. Others just struggle along for ever but frequently sweeten the pill with affairs, which again not a soul ever hears about. I am honest, and can safely say I may have met two women by the age of 35 I wanted to marry, and in the 20 year gap between them genuinely wondered if I'd ever meet one since Vivienne. But rather than plan to settle for someone who was convenient and available because I also felt it was time I was married, I waited till I was 35 and met the next one who showed me it was possible. Since then I was told how to tell who was right more easily and now I know the qualities, I can see them quickly and would never doubt my judgement in following up when I do find them. But am I single because I actually waited till I was 35 before I honestly found anyone I felt like marrying? Does it mean so many people who married at 28 did so as that was the time and they squeezed whichever 'better than average' relationship they had into the marriage mould regardless of their true feelings, hoped for the best, and put on a brave front ever since?

I was present a few times where these decisions were made, and I can say one was definitely genuine as I was the one who got them together, and many years later I was thanked for doing so! The second was at a friend's party. I'll admit I don't approach women at parties, it's a blockage I have but the way round it is to ask someone to go with me and they then leave after we've all got talking (thank you Simon!). So I was sitting with friends opposite a woman about whom I said 'She looks nice, what the hell shall I do' and before I could plan, the friend whose flat we were in went and talked to her. They're still married now. I'm not sure if he knew her already, which would have given him a head start. Finally I had a female friend I met when I was going out with someone already, and that was it for me, my hands were tied as I date one at a time only. I saw her as a friend wishing I could have met her first, and when I'd finished with number one woman, number two, Vicky, had just met someone else, so I didn't get a chance to find out either way. Being a friend I always saw her more than any of her boyfriends, but after he left the scene she said she wasn't interested in me. Then we were in a pub with a group of us, and she said there was this young boy who wouldn't leave her alone. We were just leaving when this kid with woolly black hair came in and started talking to her. Half an hour later we were still waiting. She said 'That was him, he's really boring, he's just a market trader' etc etc., and they got married that year, and are still. Go figure...

I'll open the question to all as always, how many people are really married out of convenience than love? I need to know!

The egg

I just got permission from the individual referred to as 'the egg that will take a long time to hatch' to tell all three readers here the details behind the description.

Well, some time ago I came across a lovely lady on one of my internet forums who had a website and a picture that intrigued me, so I emailed to tell her. She was very pleased, but then didn't reply to my last email and that, I thought, was that. Over a year later a message arrived with an apology, which, following an earlier comment I made here, of course I accepted. (As I'd said it's not terminal whatever anyone does to me as long as they apologise, I never hold grudges unless it's something totally evil, which does happen to me very occasionally). The difficulty is she lives 3700 miles away. As far as we can tell from all the informastion you are able to get at a distance (which we've been using regularly since) we are compatible, hardly any doubt about that. But I have to wait a year to see her when she plans to visit England.

I have likened this to both a fairy tale where the King tests the suitors for the princess, and a Greek myth. Either way, the scriptwriter had decided to write a 'situation' for us, and all I can say today is if a year had passed I may well be in the position I'd like to be in now. Her name I can use is Kendall, so as she's probably going to read this in about 24 hours, hello Kendall, I hope you like what I've written about you, and there's a comment box at the bottom if you want to join in. I have 100 ideas how the next 12 months will pass, and I hope the better scenarios on the list will be closer to the reality, and it doesn't turn out to strain my sanity waiting longer than is comfortable!

Generally I hear more and more people who meet on the internet from great distances apart, of course the complete worldwide nature of it means you come across people who you like you'd never have known existed, but the practical problems (including national rules and regulations) make it incredibly complicated. But in 44 years the local women, as shown on my list, have been fairly readily available and all doomed to disaster. So it means I'm actually living in a social desert here, as previously I have gone to many other events and places over the years I virtually stopped singles parties, and met a selection of lunatics. Now one thing Kendall isn't is a lunatic! Even across the sea, I can tell none of the warning signs are there. In fact probably 90% of all the women I meet aren't lunatics, just most I actually go out with. This is mainly due to the fact that after about 25 to 30, nearly all the normal women without mental and social problems are spoken for. I almost cut myself off for a few years till I was 24 as I had my struggle with my degree as a priority, and when I was 'released' I found the supply had already reduced to a trickle compared to before, and there was a 'hard core' of the same people I'd seen ten years previously, most of whom I've been told still go week after week now.

Then I blitzed dating agencies for two years, and met bitter twisted divorcees mainly, most about ten years older than me, and some 15 to 20 miles away. After that I left things to chance, and found the majority of girlfriends through being introduced by friends and family, with varying results. I am racking my brains to think of anyone suitable since 1990 with Aviva, who is now married and still looks the same as I have seen her on occasional visits here. She didn't seem very cheerful since the marriage so who knows what's going on there. The one I wanted to marry in 1995 was only theoretical, as: 1) She had a boyfriend 2) I looked like her abusive father 3) She was religious 4) She was bossy 5) She was a lot younger than me. Oddly enough, she was also called Aviva, but looking back Aviva 1 didn't have one reason not for it to work besides she pissed off to Israel before she had a chance to get to know me (I say it that way as I was already smitten) but I think the marriage potential wasn't seen till much later. I spent a lot longer with Aviva 2 as a friend so got to know her well enough to feel the pull from the heart despite all the practical reasons that would make it impossible. The two Sarahs had the looks and personality if you joined them together, and then if you dropped the insanity the final result may have been perfect, but Doctor Frankenstein was only a mythical character, and this operation would have been too much of a challenge anyway. I will explore this general topic in the next post as it deserves one of its own. More news as it comes.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Another car

Why the hell is it that only the Japanese sell classic styled cars? The latest to hit the market was the 2000 Toyota origin, based on the Toyopet Corona from the early 60s.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Publishing plans

I just sent a selection from my blog to my first magazine of possibly (God forbid) hundreds. My next project, which has been suggested many times, is to capitalise on my disastrous past with women and write a complete history of my love life.

I will begin here with a summary of every girlfriend/potential girlfriend and how it went wrong (yes, I still have a 100% record on that one...). To make things easier, I'll / tick each one I liked, to see how those went far worse than the ordinary ones or worse.

1) Melissa/ 1st girlfriend, taught me a lot. Firstly, you have to have something to talk about 'after' as well. Secondly, don't chuck anyone nice just because they're boring (unless you've met someone else). I did that, realised what I'd done, and called her back the next day, too late. Big boo-boo.

2) Linda// (she gets an extra tick, believe me). Met on holiday, took out once, scared her off sadly.

3) Liz C. Met on holiday because her friend I liked was already with someone. Invited me to stay with her in England, on arrival found she had a boyfriend.

4) Alison. Nice enough but nothing special

5) Suzanne. First and last girlfriend I ever argued with. Turned out she was having psychiatric treatment which explained everything. Started a trend for the future…

6) Amarylla/ Bad start. First date, her party, she was with someone else. She became a good friend till she got engaged years later, but I never was her standard.

7) Vivienne/ Only mutual relationship of my life. As soon as it was about to get interesting, I brought her home late and her mother stopped her seeing me. Downhill ever since.

8) Judy D. Oh my god, this was the really boring compared to Melissa who wasn't really bad at all. One date was more than enough

9) Caron/ All I can say is I would have had far more luck with her mother, who was a darling.

10) Lorna/ The original local tart. I was one of many, from what I could tell. Couldn't keep her attention very long as a result.

11) Tracy. Her father was straight from Harry Enfield complete with vest and huge belly. One date only.

12) Cheryl. Nothing special, we probably ended up boring each other

13) Pauline/ What a picture. Nothing else, but what a view!

14) Janet K. The most loyal one of the lot. Pity she had little else going for her. I then met

15) Janet W/ Who I swapped her for. A fiery communist (still) who I embarrassed myself totally with and put her off.

16) Ann/ Actually said she did me a favour to go out with me.

17) Helene/ Too in love with herself to have any room for a man as well. And French...

18) Anita. Good relationship (for a change) though she couldn't survive with only one man at a time. Ran its course.

19) Jane/ Met while Anita was chasing someone else at a party. Top drawer aristo, but bored with me after one date.

20) Sally. Another average job, port in a storm etc. Lovely house though...

21) Lucy. See 'Judy D' above

22) Jessica. Lovely girl, but talked from the minute we left the cinema till I got her home, about all her friends I didn't know. I couldn't take any more.

23) Georgina. Very similar to Cheryl, dull as they come, she probably decided I was too highly sexed for her as by then I'd developed enough patience not to chuck anyone for just being dull.

24) Kathy/ American beauty, daughter of a diplomat. I could never reach her requirements.

25) Donna/ Canadian, non-diplomat, from a council estate on a temporary visit here. Mine was even shorter sadly.

26) Liz/ Second best of the lot (after Vivienne, as though Linda got //, Vivienne had the personality as well and it could have lasted a very long time). I learnt how to analyse relationships from her, as when we simultaneously got fed up after a while, I couldn't understand why as I thought she was perfect. But after running through everything found she had no sense of humour.

27) Jan. My major conquest, as she was nearly 5' 10'', but other than that, nothing special. She got bored first though.

28) Linda. A Not bad at all but she didn't share my enthusiasm.

29) Antonia. Probably saw me more as a rather annoying friend. Looked a bit masculine, so I survived the rejection.

30) Lisa. Half witted but hot. Sadly lived in Essex, and my degree didn't allow me enough time to keep going there so she had to go.

31) Sandra. Another zombie. One date was it.

32) Helen L. A bit of a b. Thought I was a neurotic social cripple, good luck to her.

33) Rose. Possibly from another planet. Fell in love with me, but as she wouldn't 'do anything', and was weird, had to go.

34) Clare. Was the sister of an earlier effort (no names) and as she showed more interest, I stayed with her till someone else mentioned something about marriage, and I realised the idea wasn't very inviting.

35)Laura . Was local. A good start, and little else...

36) Charmaine/ What we call in North London a 'real shikser broch'. True working class, provincial crumpet, but wasn't prepared to share it with me. Lived 70 miles away, which didn't help either.

37) Carol/ No personality, but everything else. Didn't share it with me either.

38) Jill. Convenient rather than interesting, I got a wee bit ahead of myself and put her off. No loss.

39) Caroline. She wanted a serious relationship, but there wasn't enough there for me. Good friend though.

40) Karin. The German au pair. Simple country girl with no brains and no looks. Of course something kept me going out with her for a while, at least.

41) Jane. Not my idea, believe me.

42) Beryl. Yes, she really was called Beryl! Said she was a few years older than me but looked a lot more. Nothing in common.

43) Julia. Overweight sex maniac. As soon as I met her her son moved back home and distracted her from anything else. No great loss.

44) Carole. Lived a long way away, she proposed, stayed here for a while to see what happened, realised it wasn't a going concern and decided against it.

45) Sarah// Only other one to get two ticks, but two timed me from day one until the first man won. Mad as a box of frogs.

46) Suzanne. Another slow one, bossy as hell, I had to pack her in when my sanity was running out.

47, 48 and 49. As these are too current, I can only give a summary to protect the living. 44, no, 45 was only in the country for a week, and that's it up till today. There were many more I went out with as well but didn't qualify for the main list (someone's now asking "how do you do that?"). I think the Americans call it 'first base'. There are some on that list who deserve a mention to better illustrate my dismal results.

Aviva/ I met her at a party and was bowled over. When I went to her house I noticed how bare it was. She said 'I'm going away on Wednesday' I said how long for? The house was bare as it was for sale, as they'd already bought a new one, 2000 miles away.

Anna/ Split up with her boyfriend and found we were working in the same parade, as I'd known her for years when she was still taken. Within days he claimed her back, of course, before anything 'happened'.

Christine/ My mistake. Met on holiday, but I was approached by someone I'd already had my eye on so sadly couldn't juggle the two. Ten years later turned out someone I met knew her, and gave me her number. Amazingly, she still seemed to like me. I was still pretty young and naive, and decided she lived too far to make the effort (about 40 miles away). She probably turned out to be the second best one I missed out on after Vivienne.

Pam/ Like Carol, looks in bunches, but dead as a blow-up doll. As she lived 80 miles away was doomed from the start.

Sarah2. I met her when with Sarah1, and apart from a nasal problem (possibly up for a world record) was a much nicer person and prospect. I saw her once after Sarah 1 had ran off, and made such an arse of myself she wouldn't speak to me again. I think the reaction was totally out of proportion considering I had known her for some time already.

and finally, last and not least, the major b. from page one of my blog. I believe it may have been set up in advance, as she said she liked me, which prompted me to say I liked her, then she withdrew it the next day (claiming she never said it as well) and make me look like a total wanker. I feel sorry for anyone who has to bother to go that low, or at least do it without thinking, and if there is a hell, unless she pulls her socks up, she's going there!

Some names have been changed to protect the innocent. Others may be guilty so can get stuffed.


Yes, life outside has produced another flurry of chaos. But this time, thanks to the great teacher Nick Roach who I saw just over a week ago, Ican now begin to rise above it, and observe it from a distance. Maybe (if the 'scriptwriter' theory is correct) this has been given as a test for me to demonstrate the effectiveness of Nick's teaching, and especially compared to the total impotence of previous teachers, though they did contribute to my total understanding. So, you may ask, what is the scriptwriter theory?

Well, it simply means that anyone who observes too many connections in their life for chance, the implication is someone is writing a script (for whichever reasons) whether it be ourselves, a higher force or God himself. Many theories abound, but at times like this things fit together too tidily to think they may really just be a random mix of billions of independent human beings.

OK, at the moment, life 'outside' is dull, dull, dull. And no reason why it shouldn't be, I said in earlier posts that what hasn't happened yet (however likely or good) doesn't really exist. So any egg or eggs I have are nothing more than that. And, as a great Funtrivia colleague says, you don't hatch an egg by smashing it, you have to wait for it to hatch. And that may never happen, or take bloody ages!

Monday, October 25, 2004

David's progress report

Minor and major issues balance eachother out here, firstly I walked into Debenhams and saw some perfectly good coloured resin watchstraps, and now have a blue one to match the watch that needed it (sort of...). Well now I've got that off my chest (I started the saga so I had to finish, though it was 10 times more dubious to report than my digital decoder fiasco) I can talk about less stultifying (to quote my old friend Vicky) subjects.
The egg I mentioned is still there, but may be a bit of a large one so taking a long time to hatch, but to quote the fairytale, would be a golden one if it did. More on that as time passes.

Otherwise the moment, ie 'now' has little of any mention, I'll just have to hope things can (in the short term, I still have to live) become a bit more interesting. The business side went suddenly dead following a move by one client and an illness of another, and the remainder are pretty erratic visitors, so maybe I can use the time to get some more jobs done, as I just managed last week. And thank you Mr Babla in Wembley (I rarely give name checks, but he doesn't know who the hell I am) who, though being the best watchmaker I know, told me I couldn't buy coloured resin straps in a shop. It just shows you can only rely on your own research and not the throwaway lines given by bored shopkeepers who haven't got the product you want and just want to get rid of you. Plus he charges more for the oldest watches I've ever seen, (some actually display the date as 1994!) which is another demerit (as they say over the Atlantic, but I can't think of any better word). Anyone got a job for a frustrated writer? All assignments considered.

Friday, October 22, 2004

This week

It's been a free but technically fairly dead week. When the rain finally stopped I managed to do the worst of the gardening and do a bit of shopping. Doing this highlights what a trivial lot of stuff can be done in an average week in Kingsbury. My cheap (not so...) and nasty Casio resin watchstrap went west after a couple of years, and I thought it would be a chance to get a brighter coloured one. Bad idea. I was told only Casio could do this, but the firm's own service department a mile away refused to look for a coloured strap as it didn't 'fit my watch'.
I have checked online and found at least three. Sadly these buggers are charging double the Casio official price (which is itself double the market price) so now I've got to go back to Casio and specify the one I want and hope they'll play ball.
The woman I babysat for had plenty of time to call me, so I can screw that one up and chuck it in the fire (big deal). The chicken counting proverb shows very well here as throughout my life I've had starts, but very few finishes. Sometimes I have no starts, and a finish can happen on its own with no warning, which is always nice. But I'll never celebrate (like buying a house or having a baby) till the egg is hatched. But I'm aware they exist and don't mind mentioning them if worth it.
There is a new egg, but newly laid and too sensitive for here, just to say it's a lot more exciting than contacting an old customer from Finchley who hardly knew I existed.

And just to say NTL are the cheapest company on earth, who raise their prices by around 50%, and supply no services beyond the bare minimum, in fact I have far less (like teletext and TV games) than I had 9 years ago, and that's basically how they just admitted it is. If I can get the phone rental reduced (they claim there isn't one to force us to keep TV and phone together, but I may get blood out of the stone) I hate to say it, but I'm back to BT. The call charges are ghastly, but I can use other piggy-back firms for them, and consider the extra rental a trade off for the far cheaper monthly fee for internet access than NTL. Though a year ago NTL were the cheapest in the country, as they raised the price I can virtually go anywhere for less now, and get it on broadband, which should be fun.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Where was I?...

That sort of sums up today's post, I have no direct ideas at the moment, so will just update the Kingsbury diary with whatever I can think of from last week and the dustbins of my mind.
Well, the whole week/life turns on a visit to the best spiritual teacher I've come across, who left nothing to remain unexplained for me. I believe I have nothing left to ask or wonder about enlightenment as this guy has explained it all and it makes sense. Until another blogger tells me how to overwrite URL's, I'll have to give his in boring longhand . Whatever questions I had before on the blog, he has answered them.

Otherwise, life is still going on in Kingsbury. After hearing the name of a lady I used to babysit for on the radio a few years ago I decided for an unknown reason to finally call her yesterday. She's gone ex-directory so I sent a letter. I'll add any results as they happen. It's weird here as when you write about people you know, chances are many will have a computer and read it. Anyway, back to the point. We write about our lives here, but it's in public. What the hell else are we supposed to write about? OK, many of us don't identify anyone directly, but maybe they'll recognise themselves, and so our whole soul will be revealed to them in a way impossible before, and what sort of reaction do we get? At least it could be a step to realising we're all the same really, and having seen so many clients who think they're the only person with problems, and everyone else would laugh at them if they knew may become a thing of the past if everyone shows their true feelings here. Everyone has problems sooner or later, and unless they involve a crime, there is nothing to hide as what's new in the world really?

This week I have a free diary so far after today, and a few little trivial plans including continuing the tidy up (it rained all last week so the garden was out of bounds). I have emailed Nick Roach to tell him what I said here, and though I'm happy just to have what I already do from the talk, of course a reply would also be nice. My friend from Funtrivia is meant to be here round about now, my phone was disconnected for incoming calls all last week (so hard to realise there was a problem) so she may have tried. But in fact I'm pretty happy now as what Nick taught me on Sunday has sunk in, and I believe is working. So anyone interested in the subject, he's the one to check out. The others, to one or other degree leave out loads of stuff or just confuse much of what they are saying. It's not their fault, they just don't appear to know exactly all about what they are meant to be experiencing so can't communicate what they don't fully understand. But to give credit where it's due, the bits they did teach me prepared me so I understood fully everything Nick did tell me, and may not have been able to put it in context otherwise. Either way, the point has now been got and I'm very happy to be able to say that.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004


A friend led me to an interesting logical point today I thought I'd share as a step on my path to wherever the truth is. I said that though I don't believe in God it does seem that if there's a spirit world which includes God, spirit entities, ex-human beings in spirit and other dimensions of space, then the fact that many people not only report getting there but often agree to the geography and inhabitants, then it's deliberately hidden from us, and only revealed by their choice, not ours. As a result, it's impossible for anyone that's ever been there in history to prove it as it can't be transmitted from person to person, you have to be shown directly.

Well, you can see the formula, if I accept the possibility of a spirit world, I have to accept it's hidden from us by design, and that means someone had to design it. And that, of course, can only be described as what we call God as nothing else can design nature at will. Other opinions that God is an energy fall short, as unless God has a self awareness, it can only be on a par with electricity which is an inert, lifeless process that just follows laws of physics and can't think for itself. A true God would have to be a 'person' ie have at least the awareness we do (and we are supposed to be made in his image) and therefore be able to create a separate universe for us and space, within the infinite space outside where he resides. Therefore there is a barrier from our small three-dimensional realm to the unlimited place where all the visitors that come as angels, entities, aliens etc to chosen people, but it's a one-way door as we can hardly ever visit their side at will unless they give us an invitation.

The weird part is that if there is a design, certain people like myself are designed to search for what's outside our cage here, and unless God's a sadist (I do wonder at times) it would be very cruel to create a desire for something impossible. But how each person qualifies for the privilege of visiting the other side is a mystery, as most are not yogis or the like, but ordinary people who find themselves there by accident and are normally terrified. A few learn astral travel, like those using Robert Monroe's methods, but for most it's not a matter of planning and direct application of methods, but they just 'find themselves' there, and most who have been there once tend to go back from time to time. It seems, like many earthly desires, the very people who try and get there are the ones who put the most time and effort into it with the least results. Well, there's a few things to think about, I have heard some people appeal to God for a revelation (against biblical commands) and got one, but I've had nothing certain enough to be more than another level of communication. OK, here's a request in writing, please can God allow something to happen from this posting that shows me he's there- however it happens, but it must be definite so I can't explain it in any other way. And of course I'll report the result next time, though of course whatever I say won't be able to prove it to anyone else that way. If God gave some faith, he gave me the rational mind and therefore I must be respected by believers that my approach is just as much from God as theirs, and just as valid. Maybe I can form a chain reaction where everyone asks online for God to show, and with enough attempts someone may get a result? Certainly worth a try.