Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Dental detail

Blimey, it's a week to wait for the dental work, the 'longest' end of my estimate. Never mind, these buggers can be seen as tests to force me to deal with it. It can be like walking around with a stone in my shoe, but when I'm occupied with something interesting it does go. If it can all the time even better, as I know this appointment's going to be nothing really compared to many.

Apart from that things are still peaceful, and I hope remain that way for some time. There's a little hiatus (I love that word) on the email reply front (what's new there), though if one of these arrives at all I'll be pretty happy. Reading some more blogs I've noticed we all share the same shit in life more or less, and frequently express it in similar ways as our feelings are similar. What in hell we can do about these things is a whole other story. I also read a lovely advaita quote from Ken Wilber, who I didn't realise taught it as well. It's more or less what Nick Roach says, just 100 times longer to say the same things... Still, he did make a few important points. It's "http://www.nonduality.com/whatis5.htm" here if anyone wants to see it. The bottom line is what we see as self is actually just something else in the duality of inside/outside world, and if we realise that by watching it it can be no more than just another scene in the outer world, we can detach from it and possibly eventually discard it completely for the true being beyond it. Looks good to me.

Monday, March 28, 2005


After last week's wall to wall occupation, I'm glad to see things have settled down to peace (at the moment anyway) again. There is a new 'egg' laid in my life, as I like to call new possibilities, like Jesus said which may or may not fall on fertile ground (OK, he said seeds, I'm hardly original here...). Currently I have at least what I'd give as 50% of its potential already, but of course I'd like it all. I also hope my experience in such situations may help me to handle it better than some before, and of course updates will follow when here.

Otherwise as it's been a bank holiday weekend I can't arrange a dentist's appointment till tomorrow, so I have no idea whether it'll be a day or a week before I can get this massive hole seen to. I have what could be called a space to be filled ahead (and I'm not referring to my tooth), which may or may not have positive things to fill it. I have no idea. The garden's reached the time for it's first attention of the year (and it's a big garden), so that'll take up some of the time, and the rest will appear here when it happens. I regularly seem to be waiting for a major event that may or may not happen. Till now the only one that did (since I started this) was my 5 seconds on Big Brother (minus the voice part). I know all my hopes tend to be long shots, but as with the machine gun, if I spray enough bullets, one has to hit the bullseye eventually. But in life we don't have such good telescopic sights with cross hairs. Aiming at targets is more like trying to see underwater without goggles on. And even when we get what we want, it may not always bring us what we expected. To give an example moving house may not be what we hoped for, a course may not lead to the job we expected, and a job we got may not be nearly as good as it seemed to be outside. That's why our aims are reached out of focus, and I certainly end up in success far more from luck than judgement, and suspect that applies to most of us if we analysed it. See, from a simple observation I managed to get my philosophy in again, thank goodness for you all I'm not a bloody Christian as well- can you imagine, I'd be like the policeman on TV who gets Jesus into every conversation, god forbid I ever become like that...

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Hell's teeth

These are my own I refer to, of course, following up the recent dentist detail I have to report the tooth in question has just collapsed, so though I don't get the title, I still get the gold crown. I can't say I'm that surprised as it was slowly disintegrating since the filling fell out a few weeks ago, it's just not my idea of fun having yet another one.

Apart from that, the coincidence system is still working very well, today's was beyond even the previous ones as it put around three separate issues together to fit together perfectly, it actually helped me a lot but sadly the pleasure only lasted as long as it took for the tooth to go.
I had an appointment around lunchtime, but as I was out late last night I put the alarm on to make sure I woke up in time. Not for the first time the alarm wasn't set properly, and didn't go off. I needed far more sleep and woke up well over an hour later. Amazingly there was a message the person couldn't make it, and had the alarm gone off I'd have lost sleep for nothing, and the chances of a last minute cancellation is probably less than one in ten from past experience, possibly a lot more. In all the time I've been doing this, it's the first time I've slept through an appointment time, and not only got away with it, but allowed me to catch up on about 4 day's lost sleep.

I just hope whoever is responsible behind the scenes for these 'arrangements', as only some form of intelligence could be responsible for creating these scenarios, could extend my own examples to putting me in a position I'd like to be with a woman at last. And fix my bloody teeth for a change... It is starting to do more than just demonstrate coincidences and actually get some useful things to happen, now it just needs to go up a level, please!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Time to spare

As I have a bit of downtime, though I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write, that's been the start of a few epics (in my opinion only) so opening the window usually starts me off regardless. One idea I did just get from reading some other blogs is politics/news. The bottom line is I stopped giving a damn some years ago, completed when I was reading a paper at my grandparents and thought this sums up all the crap stories we get in one page, wars, crashes, weather disasters, political arguments etc. It then transpired the paper was about 30 years old (grandparents do that sort of thing, I find) which showed me it's basically all the same crap going round in a cycle, and the only news I mind about is that related to London and local petrol prices. Selfish? I don't think so, just realistic. It's not that I don't care about people- quite the opposite, but by hearing about things that we'd never know or care about unless someone who should have better things to do travelled half way round the world, got on a satellite phone and blethered about internal politics, scams, murders and other disasters we can do little about does not improve my quality of life, or yours either if you think about it.

Unfortunately the brainwashing obsession with world events as if they matter is a ruse to divert your attention from local matters, rather than provide a service. The more you can worry about Iraq and that fucking tsunami the less you'll realise that people are having to pay more of their income on fuel, transport and accomodation than at any time in history. Pardon my French, but disasters have been occurring on a similar scale in far-off places since the beginning of time/the media, and just because some Brits copped it in the tsunami we suddenly have to go all charitable. No-one shed a tear for Sudan or Rwanda despite the deaths there all being deliberate and preventable. Our minds are being manipulated by selective reporting to only focus on the issues they want us to, normally those where we can do little to change and make good TV, including long drawn-out discussions on newsnight. Now if you think about what actually affects you, then the Daily Mail is possibly one place that actually bothers to address many of those concerns and gets accused of being fascist as a result.

Meanwhile, the issues which every Brit is subject to every day include: Longer queues and waits for every public service mainly due to overpopulation from immigration. Filthy hospitals which are infecting people at random with far worse plagues than in medieaval times, as now we have antibiotics, but like the dark ages they still have no effect on the current germs. Fuel which costs approximately 5 times as much as many western and poor countries alike. The most expensive transport and hotel rooms in the world, as well as the highest house prices. Apparently Hampstead Garden Suburb, where I lived for 28 years, has now overtaken Hong Kong and Manhattan and I'm not the least bit surprised.
London alone has been converted to a typical third-world capital in the short time Ken Livingstone has had his dirty hands on it. The roads are now clogged due to bus lanes being taken out of already narrow roads, humps on many routes including A roads, plans to extend the congestion charge from Central London west, and increase it from £5 to possibly £15 after saying there was no reason to increase it in the next 10 years. The bus lanes and parking restrictions are currently being reviewed to go all-night instead of stopping around 7 pm. The North Circular Road which crosses North London is 6 lanes until you reach half-way along, when there's a 2 mile stretch of 2 lanes. That's because after the houses had been purchased to widen it before he came into power were never demolished, so he had a reason to block the widening scheme and has now been forced (don't ask me how) to accept a partial widening but probably not where the houses are. In fact the only thing he did I approved of was to plan to build some sci-fi type skyscrapers near me opposite Brent Cross, which were stopped by the other Stalinist (if the left can exaggerate, then I will) John Prescott, also single handedly responsible for the possible demise of my local football club, Barnet, by stopping every plan they had to move to an approved stadium from their sub-standard one.

Basically, if the media proper focuses on the crap that seems to take much of the public interest (as reflected in blogs, forums and radio phone-ins) the Daily Mail and people like me are the only way to push the local stories that we really need to worry about. Granted there's sod all we can do about it besides complain, and hope if enough people complain we may get a repeat of the fuel protests and others that did change government policy on fuel tax albeit marginally. The French create merry hell whenever the government make a silly law until it's changed, it shows democracy can work, but only if we show them who's the boss and they are working for us, not vice versa. Finally, I'm not a tory, the last time I was was a protest vote to dump Labour in 1979 from what I remember. At the moment I think UKIP, having just released their complete list of policies besides withdrawal from the EU reflects my views the best, but my politics are personal single-issue stuff, and I don't align myself with the views of any party, though I am a member of one as I believe they are the most harmless of the lot should they ever get in (Lib-Dems), rather than squeezing my own opinions to fit in with all of theirs. Just to say if people want a bit of a glance behind the scenes, I'd recommend reading David Icke, as though it's peppered with way-out stuff, the technical stuff at least demonstrates pretty clearly how the media make us believe what they want us to think what's important- until we are made to realise it isn't.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Coincidence city, Arizona

The coincidences continue to come thick and fast. The Baader-Meinhof effect, where you come across a new word then hear it again at least once within a short time, is happening big time to start with. This time I discovered on Funtrivia the gap between the eyebrows is called the glabella, just in time to answer a University Challenge question the next day. Previous ones have included the band Bourgeois Tagg, never heard of until played on the radio, and I then found a record in a charity shop. De Guise, an old mystical family, mentioned a few places including Funtrivia in about a week, and the slang word 'dutchess', as in the song 'my old dutch', which also turned up a few times in about a week. Then once proven as bunches, they vanish into obscurity, likely never to be heard again. A couple of others I heard on the radio with my father I actually said were new words so I should hear them again, and both were heard again later on on the television, so he was my witness.

I also had one at work, all I'll say is the odds were pretty high against it, and finally one which guided me to a £10 note in my garden which was behind something, and had I not been guided there at the exact time would either have blown away or been picked up by a passer-by.

Technically if these mechanisms do guide our lives, I'd like to choose some. So far the only events that do seem to be controllable is cancellations. More and more now when there's an arrangement I really don't want to do it gets cancelled at the last minute. That's nice in that it gives me freedom from something, but I have yet for it to bring in something extra. I accept picking a particular woman as a target is anti-karma, as it's more or less victimising someone, but for god's sake, if I get them once they have the free will to piss off afterwards if it's not that hot, so it's really not trapping someone. Therefore, I can't see a problem with it. The current equation is: There are two very desirable and unsuitable women I like, one is a friend who has already made it clear that's all she wants. Fine, the second is just a one-time acquaintance who could be married for all I know (though no evidence for it), and though on paper we don't match very well, it feels pretty good in reality, which is all that counts. Unfortunately, though I realise there's nothing particuarly wrong to put women off me or anything wonderful to attract them, (so I'm averagely likely to succeed) I meet most women under circumstances that aren't social, so they don't expect anything from it. And they are women I wouldn't meet otherwise, and ones I am well aware of that are my type. But how the hell would I meet them in a place the size of London? If I came from a small town I'd have come across half these guys locally and tried them already just through mixing naturally. But here if someone lives half a mile away you'd be unlikely ever to meet them except in work.

So, to finish the point, for a bloody change, my guided arrangement ought to be that I 'demand' a particular woman to give me one chance at success, if I don't reach the mark she's free to send me on my way, but only after the event, thank you. I have sent my request to the universe, which also knows the person's identity, and I'll leave it there. I know where she is and intend to follow things up but she also knows where I am and so it doesn't entirely rely on me making the next move. Who needs 'Neighbours' when you can follow real life dramas? OK, I do, but real life is far more interesting when something actually happens.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Mobile style R.I.P.

As a great fan of mobile phone accessories, I eventually found a firm with the widest and cheapest range I'd come across, who also did everything in a mail order catalogue.
So imagine my disappointment when I realised the catalogue was 2 years old and it was time I got a new one, and found (to roughly quote a long-time ad in Private Eye magazine) some c*** and his dog were there instead. I typed in www.mobilestyle.co.uk , expecting to see an array of fascias, batteries and hands-free earpieces, but instead found a page of motorbikes. I rang the 0845 345 3045 number to investigate, but of course got a mystified woman at the same bloody motorbike emporium sounding mystified I hadn't picked up the fact my firm had gone belly up by telepathy.

Anyone wishing to leave an email of condolence on my behalf with the company who have bought all their assets can email them at sales@gpgear.com expressing sadness that such a wonderful firm had to be bought up by someone with so little connection to the original business. That's life, but it's my right to moan about it.

Canaan Banana

Inspired by the picture of Ofeibea Quist-Arcton, I've added a few more names I wanted to share that I like, all of whom also happen to have been African politicians.

Canaan Banana, also a late ex-president of Zimbabwe. I am also looking for a picture of yet another African leader with an amazing name, the late Odinga Odinga of Kenya, and will add it when I do. Posted by Hello

Ndabaningi Sithole

Ndabaningi Sithole, late president of Zimbabwe. Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Things seem arranged...

This week (so far) has shown an incredible degree of apparent arrangement. Following the wave of people who were telling me independently of coincidences, the last 2 days have worked as if someone has been putting them together tidily, in almost every detail.
Yesterday I was unexpectedly free (in a good way) and used the time to do many other things, and then arrived at my grandma to deliver the dodgy watch (which had been fine with me) after forgetting it the previous night to find she'd just got home. I even saw half of something on TV when I switched it on there, though my video was meant to record it, and when I got home I found it hadn't, so it was lucky I turned on at a random time and channel to find it there. Each element is small, but adds to the picture things appear arranged.
Today I was meant to be working elsewhere, and couldn't get a response so went back home, intending to go out. Instead I got stuck in to various jobs that needed doing, and then the person I was meant to be working for came over to say he'd been out. I was given time to do my urgent shopping and went back at my leisure. There were many other elements over the 2 days, but these were typical examples of how both days had official arrangements, both of which were cancelled or delayed, allowing me to do far more useful things, and the timing of where I was to the minute meant I turned up at places just when I needed to, or in one case didn't turn up, as I was diverted away by phone at the last minute, saving me a job I could do without.

On top of that, my writing critics can think on this, the article I just submitted for publication privately on the benefits of therapy won the quarterly article prize. I was almost thinking of giving up the idea of getting my work used professionally but if I can manage that then I must clearly have something going for me. I don't write my blog for literary purposes or to entertain as I do profesionally. It's to share my day online, that's it. If it then extends to philosophy that's what the day made me think about, but it's not the only way I write so can't be used alone to judge what I produce. I tend to like other blogs that both share my interests, outlook and are well written. After some time here I can see a variety of specific types, the technical, the film review, the teenage waffle, and the ones I like to read. And of course I often find I am writing and experiencing similar things to others when I read the regular places I look at as well. If one person reports one coincidence it's ignored, if they report three they take it seriously and others think they're unhinged. But if half the people you meet all report multiple ones it can't be dismissed.

So to apply this to now, one or two positive diversions from plans can often happen, but every moment from the time I got up yesterday till now seems to have had a force allowing me to get through each day the way I preferred to rather than the way it was originally planned by others. If this was to continue, my life would become tidy and ordered, and all the issues would somehow resolve themselves, as I had no part in any of this myself. Just for fun, to project this ahead, it would involve one of various women I know coming for me for a change, something I've already written and long-since submitted being accepted by a newspaper, and all the efforts I've put into meditation finally coming at once (this may actually be happening). On their own, each of these is possible, and similar things have occasionally happened, but till now not for a long time. The final piece in the picture today is 'current theory', which explains many things I report using purely esoteric science, where we move from one current to another in life, rarely by choice, and once in it, most things that happen around that time are consistent with it, like using a coloured lens to look through. So when I entered the coincidence current, my life started to produce regular and multiple coincidences and with others around me. The chaos current unfortunately can come up alongside the others, and works in the same way. In fact, it just seemed to stop yesterday as my 'arranged' current is the exact opposite of that. If I read www.realityshifters.com these sort of experiences are the norm, and almost feel that's how things can be all the time (they involve miracles far beyond what I usually report), but as I've read, there's no such thing as a size of a miracle, as it's either miraculous or not. If something seemingly impossible happens, it's a miracle regardless of the effect, big or small.

I'll end with a public appeal to 'the system' to deliver a good result on the women situation, as currently there are at least two women I know who may be what I'd call suitable, and though one has already rejected me in that way we remain friends. I have no preference of the two (or more, if there are any more around) but will accept whichever comes as right. But for christ's sake (I almost used another word there) I'm 45 and still living alone, isn't it about my turn now before I draw my pension? I'll even admit unlike my pre-40 self who needed perfection, both these women have faults, but I said in the past once I reached 40 I'd accept them, and know that as I know them in advance though I'm aware of them I won't let them sabotage any future possibilities but take them as they are. I know many women exist I've met with no faults I can see, except they're not going out with me. And there's not even a shortage, I come across women like this all the time, but rarely get a chance to get to know them. The ones I am after I have got to know, and feel good enough in their company to have made a conscious decision to give them a chance 'all the way' regardless of the details.

My Indian boss told me this is how their arranged marriages work, they meet once, decide if it's got potential, and if so, get married and make the best of it. And it worked well both for him and most people he knew. Plus people who marry between 25 and 30 have 15-20 years less experience than me in narrowing down what they do like. Put me in a room with a woman for 5 minutes and I think I'll know now. I'm not psychic in that way, it's just years of focused practice. It's a pity women seem the exact opposite and become more choosy with age. Just for realism, I will add I do see women fairly regularly, but for the combined reasons of diplomacy to protect the innocent, and the fact none are serious means it's better not to mention them here. But I didn't want to give the impression I'm stuck (if you know what I mean) as it's far from that situation, and rarely ever has been. I've probably had up to ten hints/offers of marriage to me and from me, the trouble is neither have been mutual. The one in 1975 didn't get as far as marriage proposals as we were teenagers, but had mummy (hers) not pissed on our chips, it may have done eventually, like my grandparents who met at the same age and were married for 67 years as a result. And it's been downhill since. That was 30 years ago now, I turned down one woman in about 1984 because she lived too far away, and this, looking back, was my second potential opportunity as she was still inerested in me after 10 years but at that age I was still pretty easy to put off. Since then it's been losers, weirdos and trolls, and that's just their opinions of me...

Monday, March 14, 2005

Does it get better?

It's only trivial stuff, but the last straw proverb, like the Chinese water torture, does apply very accurately. In my case, a trip to the dentist took that role, as though the good news was I needed no more than a filling replaced, I was told I had to wait a week for them to have the time to do it! Bloody hell! That's half an hour for the dentist, and means they're totally booked for all but the odd emergency space and checkup till then. Obviously you've gathered I don't like the dentist- that meant I had more dental work in my life already than most families have in their whole lives put together. And no, I never get used to it. The psychological theory of 'flooding', which means you repeat the thing you don't like over and over until you get used to it is based on the philosophical theories of my grandma, and Freud would probably turn in his grave. So basically I have got over and got used to it now, as I know exactly what they're doing and it's not much.

Apart from that black cloud, I met another alleged alien abductee on Saturday, and just got through the preparatory stages and hope to have some more sessions. The week ahead is best ignored until it happens, there's nothing much beyond Tuesday written in pen in the diary but I can guess some of the possibilities. And there is something that could help, but past indiscretions stop me from saying it here. At the gym women keep arriving and the latest blonde tonight was stretching herself seductively on the mat for 15 minutes until her boyfriend came over and asked her how she's doing. Two years there and not a bite. Like fishing in the bloody bath really, or looking for gold in the garden. You can tell I'm still pissed off after the dentist, as there's little else of any interest happening for any balance. There's little I can do about it at the moment so I'm writing it here instead. I just saw a birthday card where a woman said to the dentist she'd rather have a baby than have a tooth out, and the dentist told her to make her mind up so he could adjust the chair. I know how she felt...

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Another day

Today was actually such a typical day I thought I'd just record the events one by one. Hopefully, though it was quite innocuous, I'd hope for more in the future...

1-2 work, lunch, 3 visit to opticians in Edgware to collect very smart new frames, 3.30 to Kenton to get aforementioned (in blog) grandma's watch checked as it is stopping after a repair. 4 home, 5 to mother's for dinner, 11.30 to Budgen's all-night supermarket in Hendon, saw the same old bloke who paid in front of me for the third time in a row. What are the chances of that happening (though I always go around 11.30pm). 1am posted photos on blog since getting new photo upload software, which is totally superfluous by the way, it's still possible to cut and paste the HTML tags they give you without the need to download about 8MBs worth of unnecessary software.
I also lost a small filling after lunch, quite painless but needs fixing on Monday. Just what I wanted, not. Would have been a nice day otherwise though I must learn to ignore these little things better. Oral sex would help take my mind off it...


My friend Peter with me in our early 20's, before he left for warmer climes in 2002. Posted by Hello

Ofeibea Quist-Arcton

This is Ofeibea Quist-Arcton, a reporter for the BBC among others from Ghana. I just liked her name so much I had to share it with everyone. Posted by Hello

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Life as we know it

Life having got back to normal after the filming on Friday, it seems as if nothing has happened but potentially my life could change drastically for the better once this programme is aired.
I've just been seeing friends since then, no work (it goes like that, in bunches), and have just sat down after a busy day. Apart from that I'm just thinking how to write something mildly interesting about life here based on more than trips to Oriental City (the Chinese equivalent of Brent Cross shopping centre up the road in Colindale) and buying cheap boxes of Whiskas. Plus hours of online games... As this may not be possible as this is how I've actually spent the time, I may just leave it here and write more when something actually happens worth reporting.

Number plate

This is the second shortest type of number plate available, a custom plate from Queensland, Australia. Taken in Edgware, England. Posted by Hello

Monday, March 07, 2005

In the now

I can update a few little details from last time- I was right about the lady at the gym having a boyfriend, though I can't confirm whether he's psychotic. My idea for a singles night there has been a partial success as they agreed to it, but want a barbecue in the summer. Well, I'm single now, and see little reason to wait, but to quote Harry Hill who may actually have an answer for everything in just four catchphrases, I don't make the rules.
In 'other news' (Jon Tickle's quote, I like to quote my heroes) an email I sent 4 months ago has just arrived at its destination, digging up a few dead dogs in the process and may be one of 'the scriptwriter's' little jokes, managing to use an inefficient server to bugger up an already terminal situation. I have been ordered not to mention any names here so I won't, but the results of the little joke have been pretty weird.

I have various projects to keep me busy while trying to forget about the upcoming TV showing, starting with the continuing article one. I'm also about to start a home study course in post traumatic stress treatment, part of my annual continuing education, and this time bloody expensive to boot. But if fate has successfully given me something positive, exactly the way I hoped, then maybe trusting the rest of the year should be easier. That means not planning or predicting too far ahead, but just letting things go on as they do, and hoping something comes of it.
I'll just mention here I am trying to get a list of other blogs linked to mine, joined blogroll etc., but so far haven't got a thing to work. I have a number of blogs I read and who comment here and if someone can tell me how, I will link them on my homepage here.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Friday- the result

I said something may happen on Friday- well it did!

I had my third session with my alien abductee (alleged), but it was filmed for satellite TV (more details later in the year as it's only the first day of many months of filming the rest of the series). It was booked just over a week ago, and now I feel like a pregnant woman who knows the potential, but can't 100% guarantee the successful birth. I can say the filming went well, the nature of the session was fascinating, and oddly enough, he did say in the previous one I was on the edge of a breakthrough. As this is an international channel if the programme does go ahead (and no reason why not) it'll be on more or less worldwide.

So for four hours this afternoon my downstairs became a TV studio, including outdoor shots, and my HQ (where I use the computer and work from) will hopefully become known around the world! So I now have 6 months to wait for the preview, and then for the actual showing later on, but I'm happy, it's happened and went as well as it could have. Technically little if anything else was on the system otherwise, and it did make me realise that in contrast. I hope I'll be able to address all that now, as basically the woman situation is dire, though one at the gym (probably with a psychotic boyfriend) is on the verge of being approached sooner or later by me. And if I remember correctly it may be the first I've tried with a tatoo, which will be original. At least it won't get in my way like a piercing would... (yech!).

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Well, I've just found a blog more trivial and banal than mine or anything else I've come across. I won't embarrass the individual by mentioning a name, and he actually seems really decent, and it's very well written, but it's also a lesson on how to curtail your detail when it comes to blogging, and try and spice things up beyond just the shopping and gardening.

Prompted by my mother's (my greatest critic) latest comment, viz "Maybe people think your blog's self-centred as you do so little to talk about so talk about yourself instead?".
Added to the (pretty bloody accurate) observation by my father that I can only attract women who aren't 'all there', my parents (separated since 1981 by the way) know how to state the bleeding obvious, as Basil Fawlty so perfectly put it. Well, I'm not perfect, as Buddha told me (well, wrote for me and everyone else 2500 years ago). That's called the state of being human and I really don't mind. In fact one frightening theory behind karma is it's to hassle us so much with shit we eventually become immune to each source of aggravation till we do, apparently, become perfect. Why? This is the only time I can partly agree with Dr McCoy in a Star Trek film (it's on my interests list by the way) in his statement he'd rather keep his pain, that I'd rather keep at least some of my weaknesses. If the price I have to pay to lose them is to have every type of situation thrown at me in this life and possibly many others then it's a system that is cruel and peculiar, and not my idea of 'God's plan'. My preference is the theory once we are aware of darkness just the once, we never need it to return to experience the contrast of the light again. OK, both views, like (hold on to your hats, believers) protestantism and catholicism are both potentially just two alternate versions of bollocks that to me are equally invalid. That just shows the two sides of the coin, that conventionals say this about the theories I explore, and I say about theirs. How's that, judgement from the old age and the new age, and either way it's still judgement and imperfect as a result.

But my final line here is what will happen if we ever find the truth? Then these theories will simply either be wrong or right. Judgement is actually opinion based, and any spiritual theory can never be more than an opinion until we know the truth. That also implies the statement chrisitians quote from the bible 'the only way to God is through Jesus Christ' is no more or less valid than any of the apparent bollocks I spouted earlier, it's just written in an older book. If that makes it valid, all I'd say is the Buddha's books are even older. So really the argument appears meaningless. OK, this discourse has hardly challenged the levels of Voltaire or Proust (like I've ever read any...) but I hope at least it's logical. It took me 45 years of mental equations to get this far anyway.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Bored again

I may well have used this title already, it's actually pinched from an episode of The young ones, but appropriate enough here (now edited to avoid confusion). After a hectic weekend, I'm back down to Earth, and apart from an unconfirmed event pencilled in for Friday (more on Friday itself, lots of fate to tempt, potential egg on face etc.), I have sod all to do till then. Women, dead, work, quiet, news, non-existent. I've even done most of the jobs around the house at last, leaving only the ones outdoors that need around 20'C before I touch them.
These are the times I need to be with friends and family, but am not. There is only so much you can do on your own with a computer, TV, keyboard and cat. I videoed the Welsh Harp reservoir last week for the first time, until the battery went after about a minute. Admittedly, unlike past weeks, there's no crap ahead (well, at least not in the diary), but there really is nothing else. When there's nothing on TV I say Maharaji's arranged it so I can meditate, and that is improving, which is a positive.

Meanwhile some updates (i.e. not) from past posts. The newspaper editor has managed to evaporate after a holiday, having promised to give her verdict on my writing. I emailed to say that as I have plenty of other strings to my bow I wasn't relying on writing for the future career so would not mind in the slightest being told my work was crap and to give up (more or less|). So now I either think she assumed if I didn't hear from her it was caca, or she is involved in something more interesting. She may well read this, and I really don't think it's bad manners to mention it now as I mentioned the start of the story over a month ago, and it needs updating.

Every other egg mentioned in the past has apparently not existed, some better off that way, others probably only were in my imagination. At least it applies to the bad ones as well so far. Apart from that I'm arranging a singles night at the gym, which I don't remember anyone doing before, so at least I'm providing a service, and may profit myself as well. There are certainly at least ten possible candidates, nine of whom probably aren't actually single, but that's the best way to find out.