Thursday, February 24, 2005

A good day

This is the first day I can remember for a long time where everything felt right. I did nothing special, I didn't even go out as it was raining. I was free all day, planned what I could do, and just got on with it.
Firstly I started copying my second tape of music from the computer. I have amassed a good deal of theme tunes from childhood TV programmes, and while I was looking for the link to the flagship 'Salute to Thames', by Johnny Hawksworth, which began the day for many years on London's ITV, I came across both of the rude Rainbow videos I'd been after for ages as well. I'm still looking for the Thames track as well, but I found it before so it should turn up again.
In the background I was also playing a new computer game, which is the nearest board game I've found as satisfying as Scrabble. You can play it in the arcade at .mumu . Then a friend came round and we had a good laugh at the Rainbow video, as well as some other filthy stuff I'd downloaded before she left and I returned to the computer and BBC Radio 4.

It just showed me again how it's the simple things in life that make the quality, and I was free, in nice surroundings, and with nice people. What else did I need? All I really need is the people around most of the time, like they used to be. And that can always happen again, of course.
I've managed due to a combination of the internet and my own memory's operation, to bring back many of the best elements of the past, including the Jeremy Taylor record 'Ag pleez Deddy', a picture and lots of information about the singer Nadia Cattouse, loads of music and clips of the Look and Read series 'Joe and the sheep rustlers' (though I missed the recent repeats...), lots of Rainbow nostalgia (clean and dirty), and my first ever ebay purchase, a book that was serialised on radio 4 in 1988 'Slambash wangs of a compo gormer' by John Leeson (don't ask...) which I would recommend to everyone, as well as theme tunes not heard for twenty or more years including Ask Aspel, Sceen test, Simon in the land of chalk drawings, Watch and of course as I love to repeat Joe and the sheep rustlers. Plus I just discovered a psychedelic poster I got of the Beatles for a few pounds in Portobello Road years ago is worth about £200 now. Now if only I'd bought all four- I'd be able to buy a new computer! Hang on, I already have...

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Privacy or disclosure?

Having been doing this for a while now, and causing a few potential ructions as a result, I am putting it out to the bloggers of the world (and possibly beyond) how they manage talking about their lives in public without upsetting others they know. Even when complimentary, suddenly wearing our hearts on our sleeves can still potentially embarrass the people we know who may not realise we like or even care about them enough to mention them in our blogs. Well, the world of gossip being private seems to have ended with blogging, and as I find people and life (at times, anyway) fascinating I have always been among the worst gossips, but previously to selected people rather than the world.
The number of posts that I've had to edit after giving away all but my credit card details mean I am learning boundaries for myself, but though the others usually remain anonymous, I know some read this and would identify themselves immediately. A pre-emptive campaign, maybe along the lines of 'Fame is fun' or 'It's better to be written about than not written about' would be a start, to encourage our near, dear and enemies not to curl up in embarrassment when they read what we really think of them, and all I would say in my own defence is if they want to write about me on their blog then I'd consider it an honour I was important enough to be included even if not complimentary. So many people are in our lives, so to choose someone to mention means they matter, whatever we say. The woman I used to mention (no names etc...) was there because I did care. If someone wasn't important whatever they did wouldn't make my blog, and there are many people I meet regularly that don't as they form the banal or annoying side to Kingsbury life I wouldn't want to extend any further than the direct experience of it that I have.

Well, how many gems do I have saved up today, since I've clearly been leading up to it? OK, I'll give the tip of the iceberg (well, more of a coconut pyramid or sponge, it's not actually that big). I have noticed that compared with regular dreams I've had all my life of girls like angels, there are a comparitive group in my life, some I know and some from TV. Examples would be Patsy Kensit, and for any real anoraks out there Carey Born from Grange Hill (c 1985) who I knew long before she was in it. Now the reason I mention it now is two have entered my life but not any more than at a distance. One I spotted the minute I saw her long before I knew a thing about her, and then discovered she had many qualities. The other is someone I knew long ago, and fits the description perfectly. I'm not idealising anyone here, as another I met on holiday 25 years ago turned nasty after a while, but everyone who saw her photos commented on her appearance. And her personality was the same to start with, but she probably grew up with the wrong sort of local pikeys and ended up more or less like them. She won't read this so I can say what the hell I like, and it does feel good!

Finally I'll add the 'Karma network' of people is now growing almost daily, with two new ones added last week at least. I'll have to organise something official online somehow now where everyone can add their own experiences, probably another blogspot (if they allow it?). Of course the reason for this would be to make me get this off the ground to widen the awareness of it as yet another karmic plan, as I seem to be some sort of contact point where so many people tell me of the coincidences and connections in their lives, as well as my own. If is available, it may be up soon. So get your own stories ready, it'll be logged sooner or later.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Days in Kingsbury

Sometimes it's the ordinary little things you do locally that count to the quality of life, and somehow I am beginning to appreciate the normal world of North-West London as somewhere to be. Of course, it would be infinitely better if I wasn't on my own, but one thing at a time...
So, apart from work which can be overlooked in my blog at least, it's been a pretty typical week so far of little jobs and climaxed with a late trip to Tesco's before I came in tonight. Yes, that's basically it here sometimes, except to add the great LBC presenter David Prever said recently he uses the same branch, so at least I felt I was walking in the footsteps of the stars. But as my friend took him to work on his first day there, he trumped me with that, but I think I beat him overall with my surprise appearance on big brother. To be honest, I won't really feel like I've made it till I'm the one people say they've met. And believe me, I suspect I have a thousand times more chance of that happening as getting married. I am not (as some might say) mouthing off bollocks here, as I do actually have a few possible routes to fame of some degree, and as I have chosen from about the age of 14 to follow that path (after my studies though, which is why it hasn't happened so far) I am doing whatever I can now to get there if I can.

More trivia (it was that or not post for another few days, and I know how I feel when I don't see other people's blogs update for ages), I am using the spare days in the rain we've had for doing long-awaited housework, of the clearing out and tidying away sort. Being alone, I need my entertainment in the form of objects, and reached the point where the house became very close to the museum of shops in Eastbourne, only more crammed full. Whatever you have in your house, it's people that count, so things alone mean very little and are now being thinned out, after collecting all my life.

Finally, I have been told much of my writing implies I'm usually fed up with life. If so, it's just a phase, and only reflects the lows in a larger view of ups and downs. I think, like the news, it just somehow feels more pressing to share the ordinary and crap stuff unless something really major happens in the way of good news. Plus moaning, when done properly, can become an art form, and I've done that all my life, partly as some people find it entertaining, so it became a habit. But in the past, life round here and before Kingsbury was pretty good. OK, I only appreciated the family home fully after some years away, but looking back, apart from the family 'situations' (don't ask...) I had quite a decent life there. Plus I knew when I had the other piece in the jigsaw, ie a decent girlfriend, my life was pretty complete and everything else was a bonus. But that was when life was a lot simpler and I was under 30. All I can say is apart from the 'business' side of things, nothing else went to plan. Simply explained, you can control yourself (business) but not other people (pleasure). So if I f**ked up an exam, I just worked out what I needed to do to pass it and usually did. And if I wanted to work, and then save the money, I did. But my friends were always 'just there' and my girlfriends were gained by the machine gun approach, just going everywhere I could trying as many as possible until I'd get lucky. If anyone's seen Boomhauer on King of the Hill finally demonstrate his technique to Bobby in the shoe store when he just asked every woman out till one said yes. That was almost the way I operate, only I needed to be somewhere where people would meet officially, not in public.

The main problem of course wasn't getting them (till I hit 30 when the normal ones all paired off) but keeping them. Any of maybe five or more would have had potential (one proven) but all pissed off in the opposite direction, plus a couple at least I didn't see the quality in until it was too late. So this is probably why I have so much time to sit and write my blog. I remember a rail station ticket collector once years ago who I was telling about my ticket collecting hobby, and he said 'You're not married, are you?'. Well actually at least half my fellow collectors I know are, and their wives must have the patience of a saint (I think the two wives I actually knew probably were), but technically it can show. Anyway, life isn't all crap here however I make it seem, it's just easier to write about that part. I have no idea what's ahead in 5 or 10 years time, as few of us do, but on balance things tend to stay similar rather than drastic changes either way. If I write a post in a few months saying I've got a job on TV I'll eat my words, but we all have to have some hope however slight.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Just for fun

I have decided to separate the mundane details of my busy week to a separate post, for those that prefer the more 'traditional' blog I also like to write but would have thought more likely to appeal to someone like my grandma...

Anyway, my busy week included in order: Taking said grandma's watch for repair (successful, as within her estimate limit, this is a watch she's had a very long time and means a lot to her). Having a haircut in preparation for same grandma's 95th birthday meal with her daughter/my mother, which went well. Having my monthly supervision meeting, and eating a sandwich in the car at traffic light stops on the way home. Of course there are also the regular events such as shopping and family visits and clients that's not exclusive to any particular week so I don't need to mention more than the once now. But basically that has filled the week so far which has (thankfully) kept me off the computer for more than a short visit per day, and given me some fresh air for a change. So this is the truly banal element of my blog, and for that felt it had to be separated from the pretentious stuff (as it's apparently been christened). As there's a comment box at the bottom, let me know which sort do you prefer? If the banal does win, there'll also be added in future waking times, toilet trips, phone call logs etc., so vote carefully... ;)

A busy week

Warning! Rude word alert in post (near the end).

It's been a busy week in Kingsbury, nearly all business related but useful and necessary. It is satisfying though to look back and know I haven't wasted the whole week for a change as I often do nowadays. Now if my social life could be so busy as well... Anyway, one step at a time I suppose.

I have just written an article on what people actually get out of counselling, which is going into the usual professional journal but also being sent around the mainstream media as it crosses the boundary between my professional style and something people en masse need to know. I genuinely aren't sure whether my standard of writing either is or is potentially up to the level of the professionals, just as few students can predict the marks of their own exams. But I do know I use similar methods and plans as many of the people I read, and regardless of the style, which can be taught, have plenty to say. I'll just have to wait for an expert opinion, and they are being consulted.

On the spiritual front (for want of a better general term), I am still hearing from many people around me of clear and accurate psychic messages and coincidences, and was also very pleased to hear Nick Roach has been given a lecture near me following my radio call about him. I am learning more and more about people as well, at the moment from my own conflicts and encounters, and it basically confirmed what I already knew that everyone is different, and you can only get on the best with the ones who are either closest to you, or those who give you something special about them that you like. This sounds like I'm stating the obvious, but I can expand it to say that there are few limits as to what's possible. Anyone who hasn't done basic statistics will have to check the standard bell-shaped distribution, which basically says most people fall in the middle area, but there are extremes of positive and negative at the edges. And as we all have almost infinite range of personal qualities, most people are bound to have at least one or two extreme qualities at each end. Mine is extreme sensitivity to surroundings, for instance, so when one person would say 'I don't like the feel of this house' I'd get a panic attack and want to run out. It's genetic and just a pain in the arse, but we all have our crosses to bear. I suppose if I was to think of my extreme positives I am usually fairly quick on the uptake, including knowing what I want and why. But that is just to illustrate the point to go on to see how these extremes are probably the elements that create both the genius and the most conflict in the world, from personal arguments to major wars. It's the intolerance of differences in others by those with extreme qualities themselves that starts fights on every scale, and at least Buddhism raises many people above these tendencies from childhood, so they're caught soon enough to manage such natural tendencies. But as most people aren't Buddhists, that is the exception to my conflict model, but does go to show education can teach people how to handle their negative traits and though not all will be prepared to change, many will sooner or later, especially when they are the ones who lose as a result of their own shortcomings so have to change in order to succeed.

I hadn't intended an essay on humanity, but these are ways I organise the apparent chaos I often see around me so I can make some sense of it, and then as always share it, being prepared for contradiction though. These ideas I have are often speculative rather than certainties and can always be sharpened at least and sometimes replaced altogether, but that applies to all of science as well, and I'm not actually writing this for a university (though if I had the money I'd love to go back and do a thesis). But writing has always been one of my great loves, and the internet has given me a whole new opportunity to do so, and know it's always read. And if it's self indulgent, it's a diary for fuck's sake! That's the nature of diaries! And as all this crap has been saved up for 44 years it's the first darn chance I've had to share most of it so I'm taking full advantage. And my freedom of speech will always prevail, and if anyone's pretentious, just look up Will Self's articles. He's had awards for it (pretentiousness that is), and is also incredibly successful from it and probably bloody rich as well. Our job is not to please all the people, just enough of them to pay our bills...

Friday, February 04, 2005

Stream of consciousness

Well, time for another episode of 'The Kingsbury saga' regardless of actual events since the last time. The highlight was watching Manchester Utd thrash Arsenal on Sky on Tuesday 2-4, after being 2-1 down at half time. Neither team will win the league now but we truly rubbed the Arsenal's nose in it after last season.

Otherwise, life has passed automatically, but I now seem to have a trust everything is and will be OK. Don't ask me to describe the reasons in too much detail, except to say there may be a system and I may have been able to see it working. I just read David Icke who said the spiritual ones must go through the toughest situations to allow them to learn and grow, as I've heard from many others. It can certainly be one way to get experience and learn survival tools, but another view is once you realise there is always something to learn and actively look for lessons in everything that happens, you should catch situations before they need to get nasty. Ultimately we are all supposed to be able to transcend reacting to whatever occurs outside by residing in our inner peace, but until then we all have to manage with normal lives and often learn the hard way. But as I've mentioned before, I am learning to react to less and less in my life, which shows you can just try it and see if it can work for you with practice.
David Icke is also convinced other dimensions exist in the same way different radio frequencies all share the same space but rarely interact with each other. In about 500 pages time I'll be able to see if he can actually put a case good enough for me to believe it as well (and maybe even tune in to them), which would mean the other half of my personal quest may be opening as well (ie enlightenment and supernatural). The enlightenment side is now being taken care of by the teacher I've mentioned many times, and that alone would be more than good enough if it started to happen, but of course knowing the other as well would be the reward of a long search if it happened.

Looking ahead (as looking back only takes me as far as Sainsbury's...) I have a free day tomorrow, which should either be filled with a friend or the gym, and then the usual sort of weekend. Now though it rarely happens, any UFO sighting, call from an old girlfriend, offer of well paid work, proposition from future girlfriend, good news of any sort, or any other event beyond the norm in a positive way would be very welcome, but I'll be fine otherwise. The last little ray of light in my travels was seeing a very long row of Victorian houses (which always give me the creeps) being demolished in the centre of Guildford. Unfortunately, for some reason (posession by the devil??) maybe 70% of new houses in the UK are now built using Victorian designs, so at least this turns the balance a bit. Mind you, I have no idea what's going up in their place, and as a fellow London blogger I know will also probably guess, probably imitation Victorian buildings. That's the way it is here, they give with one hand and take away with the other (except this is in reverse...). But I wouldn't live anywhere else.