Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Getting where exactly?

I still do my almost daily blog elsewhere simply as that's where the audience appears to be. But people do still visit here so not planning to give up, but think it's site wide and not just my blog as people move over to Facebook. Partly due to the latest photo site encouraging us to travel as far as possible to extend our coverage, and a gradual return of my energy I've managed more this year already than I had for a few years. If your health's up the creek you're stuffed whoever or whatever you are. And having the blood tests come up clear were a great relief, as has now eliminated most of any of the worst (although being initialized couldn't work out what they were all for) and can relax on that front.

Other than that I am fine when things are going well (which isn't a given when you have other health problems and the like hanging about) and just need to stay up when knocked down by events. Things will always break, fall apart and go against you throughout your life, and with no one normally around to help mean if you're on your own there's no one to share any burden. That must make every event worse as I don't remember them causing so much grief when I still lived at home as I always had the support. Mind you, if you can crack that one there's not much left, and I seem to have covered everything on the way to that hurdle. I didn't ask to be super human, but seem to be being gradually broken down to be rebuilt in true shamanic fashion, except over years instead of days.

Losing faith and belief is another part of these tests- although I've always said how the process is cruel in the short term as however much you advance and see the world becoming more connected (the outward sign of that progress) you still keep on suffering. The traditional result of enlightenment is the end of suffering, though some teachers say there is still suffering but they don't associate with it. That's a typical statement you'll never get until you are so no point attempting to analyse it further. Obviously once you see life is being guided at all then it is being guided. And likely even the seeming gaps where everything returns to random can be looked into further to find a purpose. And even though I'm only on this path for my own benefit if I learn anything new my nature is to share it. I've no idea how many people learn anything from my offerings on screen, but do know it helps people when they come to me directly for help. When I was at my worst points it was the logic of my mother who helped me more than anyone else. Of course mine is inherited from her and her parents, as well as my father's academic mind. Looking at the careers of my family then I can see why they expected so much of me.

I don't know what to expect next if anything. I see myself grow from one issue to the next but the new problems never stop. They aren't unusual ones, but just a constant stream as soon as the last ones are fixed. The old story is whenever everything else is sorted then it's time for the dentist, and tends to be the case sooner or later as now. Nothing major at least and should be fixed in minutes but still have to both go and probably be sent to the hygienist as well as they don't do that as part of the checkup where I go now, plus it's private so have to pay the full price despite being an NHS practice otherwise. So it's been optician, doctor, outpatients and suppose the full set was on the cards really. I suppose at least there's no psychiatrist on the list. Anyway, here are a couple of photos from last week's trip to Oxford.

Oxford bridge

St Giles2

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