Time to catch up with the spiritual development. I've spent the year from spring onwards (due to the long days) working on my photo project, and now covered enough of the map to be satisfied, and means I can now both relax locally again and work on myself. This involves being constantly directed from one situation to another, mainly to give me the chance to learn how to deal with them and occasionally to reward me.
I know where I'm aiming, probably higher than 99.9r% of the population, but because I'm not satisfied with the alternative. I don't want to react to anything any more. Masters have no response at all to news at all, good or bad, but are at peace. You can enjoy the good stuff but no longer affected by the outside as if it actually matters personally. You can access this for moments through meditation and it can happen, you are so calm you know anything could occur and it wouldn't make any difference. I would rather have that all the time now. I'm adding new methods the whole time now I've found a decent teacher who emphasises the powers over enlightenment, as few reach enlightenment but anyone can learn powers one at a time. I now see auras most times when I try, despite seeing them very clearly a few times when with my teacher and a few without. That all but stopped after I stopped lessons 20 years ago, and finally able to do it again albeit rarely as bright so far but happy to see anything at all.
The stress level is always tested after a few day's relief at most. That's the string of situations where I must learn not to react. That's like telling someone not to eat the meal in front of them when they're hungry. I'm being tested now at the highest level, being made to attempt to challenge and ignore the survival instinct itself. It does mean I've covered every other level, but until you beat the devil nothing changes inside, you don't yet feel any different to before but have learnt how to handle everything else besides the worst. I don't even know if the last level is possible besides hearing it from others, but can't do very well otherwise. My patience does wear out at times as my ultimate aim is to reach the end (again, so I've been told) and am running out of energy to handle more tests as like anything else the more you do, like driving miles for my photos, the more you wear out. No teacher pushes the student further than they can manage or it's wasting everyone's time, so am hoping I reach the stage where outside events compensate for the dreadful ones. I don't want or need to be perfect, for example I simply don't care if I ever sit in an audience or go on a holiday again. I've literally been there done that to the maximum and now content without ever doing either. I don't want some new age therapist saying I can't make it until I can happily do everything I can't, as you'd have people picking up spiders and snakes and jumping with parachutes before they could even prepare for enlightenment. We're not designed to be perfect, we are human and have a list of things we can and can't do for everyone, and no one becomes enlightened because they've learnt how to cope with everything life can throw at them. That's not just a psychological process but physically impossible as no one is made to do that, ask yourself what I can't do and you can, and then think what I may do and you can't, it probably evens itself out in nearly all the examples.
So I'm not attempting the impossible by trying to fix nearly all my issues, as a few I know try and make me do, I am however being presented with the regular challenges to my sanity by events arriving I would far rather not attend but know I need to or miss out on something as a result, ie paying a HUGE fucking price for something I need but technically can't afford. It's the same as offering a starving man a sandwich for £10,000 and expecting them to pay or die, but not quite as clear cut. Referring to my point, no teacher ever makes the lessons that tough, but like weightlifting you must work your way up gradually so no single step is too much. I know my boundaries and of course life crosses them for everyone, but I can see how it's being done to me now as a pattern and wonder what I need to do (the teaching says we ought to be able to take over the control as an adept) to stop it. Adeptship comes before enlightenment, and many stop there as the power is almost omnipotent and leaves little desire to continue to full liberation. In the end you get bored with writing your own script and want to release from the outside world altogether, and you are liberated, but may be some time to do so.
My greatest gap is feeling the same now as I started 21 years ago. The day after I left college and started my spiritual classes I picked up the basics in clairvoyance and meditation very quickly and never got much further. I can tune in better and more reliably now (that's just practice) but still feel like shit when life is, and get extremely little from any meditation I do. I am clearly being guided, if not all but most of the time, as I see the clues more and more now, but so far have been on the train 21 years and yet to reach the first station. That's not impatience, quite the opposite, as many people give up at that point. I didn't, half because I don't want to stay as I am, and half because I've been given enough gifts from outside to know I've earned something, but those are like Christmas presents, they are nice when they arrive but your life is the same the next day. Nothing yet to change my life, and it seems if the outside world reflects the inner world mine is stuck, all the outer situations, the politics and people's attitudes in general have reached rock bottom, with criminal psychopaths in charge and a majority of simple minded fools underneath who believe they're all father christmas while having their pockets picked by them. Having taught myself how 21st century politics works and posted it here I and many people know the truth, but we're the high IQ brigade, and the nature of high IQ is it's only distributed in a minority, those who are outvoted.
Until the fraud and corruption is exposed and punished we are stuck with vast prices and restrictions on our lives, and it's as if my life and the world's are both stuck and can't free ourselves of the dark energy. Personally you detach and no longer affected whatever the energy outside, but as above so below each is simply a reflection of the other, so when one breaks the other will follow as linked. So I look at my own life and see it stuck, and outside. And know when either shifts the other will as a result. But can they ever do that at all?