David Howard's Jewish Rappaport
Come on everybody, come on everybody, come on everybody and do the shpritz!
I'm a good frum boy, I'm a haimisher Yid
I'm here to tell you I'm the kosher kid.
I may be white and I may be a Jew,
but I can rap and I'm here to show you.
Let's rap to the Cohen, rap to the Cohen, rap to the Cohen beat, oy vay!
Don't look at me like I'm a shmo
I'm the man as you'll soon know
I'm not that rough and I'm not that shabby
and if you diss me I'll tell my rabbi.
I'm a shloch oy vay, I'm a shloch oy vay, baruch baruch atah adonai.
I served my time learning rap from the rov
I passed my test and they said 'mazel tov!'
I told my booba and I told my ma,
they said 'go David, you will be a star!
hava hava hava nagila, hava hava hava nagila!
So I hit the streets and I crashed the scene
I covered every yard of Golders Green
I rapped in Hendon and I rapped in Mill Hill
I haven't rapped in Kenton but I certainly will.
Yossi, Yossi, Yossi, hey! All the people shout 'oy vay!'
I'd like a job where I can stay
with a lively crowd to make my day.
I haven't made a profit but I haven't made a loss.
The only job I got was a gig at Brent Cross.
Make me an offer, make me an offer, make me an offer I can't understand.
I'm Morris Portnoy the kosher kid
some people still call me a Yid,
I don't care 'cos it is true
There's nothing wrong with being a Jew
I like to get my food from Blooms
chandeliers adorn my rooms
I fly to Tel Aviv and
and watch the Spurs at
White Hart Lane
My wife gets borscht and beets at Yarden's
We go to shul at
I've got a tub and I've got a sauna
I left my heart at Henly's Corner
I thumb my nose at yellow lines
traffic lights and warning signs
Let the goyim use the code
there's ain't no rules on
We like to hang out at the gym
Our kids all go to Habonim
They go to camp and they go to cheder
and ask four questions at the seder.
Golders Green and Hendon Central
Taking pills 'cos they say we're mental
Onyx taps with golden fixtures
Going out and dating shiksas
Osem Goshen lockshen mayim
and the melech
Esther Moishe Ruben, Dov,
you finish your barmitzvah and they shout 'mazel tov!'
Don't be afraid your identity is showing
be proud to be a Levy or a Cohen
Even though they think we're British
we speak in English but we think in Yiddish
We like to relax, we're always chillin'
we say our prayers when we lay our tefillin
the bible says we are the chosen
our greatest poet's Michael Rosen.