Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Jewish rap

David Howard's Jewish Rappaport


Come on everybody, come on everybody, come on everybody and do the shpritz!


I'm a good frum boy, I'm a haimisher Yid

I'm here to tell you I'm the kosher kid.

I may be white and I may be a Jew,

but I can rap and I'm here to show you.


Let's rap to the Cohen, rap to the Cohen, rap to the Cohen beat, oy vay!


Don't look at me like I'm a shmo

I'm the man as you'll soon know

I'm not that rough and I'm not that shabby

and if you diss me I'll tell my rabbi.


I'm a shloch oy vay, I'm a shloch oy vay, baruch baruch atah adonai.


I served my time learning rap from the rov

I passed my test and they said 'mazel tov!'

I told my booba and I told my ma,

they said 'go David, you will be a star!


hava hava hava nagila, hava hava hava nagila!


So I hit the streets and I crashed the scene

I covered every yard of Golders Green

I rapped in Hendon and I rapped in Mill Hill

I haven't rapped in Kenton but I certainly will.


Yossi, Yossi, Yossi, hey! All the people shout 'oy vay!'


I'd like a job where I can stay

with a lively crowd to make my day.

I haven't made a profit but I haven't made a loss.

The only job I got was a gig at Brent Cross.


Make me an offer, make me an offer, make me an offer I can't understand.


I'm Morris Portnoy the kosher kid

some people still call me a Yid,

I don't care 'cos it is true

There's nothing wrong with being a Jew

I like to get my food from Blooms

chandeliers adorn my rooms

I fly to Tel Aviv and Spain

and watch the Spurs at White Hart Lane


My wife gets borscht and beets at Yarden's

We go to shul at Kinloss Gardens

I've got a tub and I've got a sauna

I left my heart at Henly's Corner

I thumb my nose at yellow lines

traffic lights and warning signs

Let the goyim use the code

there's ain't no rules on Finchley Road.


We like to hang out at the gym

Our kids all go to Habonim

They go to camp and they go to cheder

and ask four questions at the seder.


Golders Green and Hendon Central

Taking pills 'cos they say we're mental

Onyx taps with golden fixtures

Going out and dating shiksas


Osem Goshen lockshen mayim

The Land of Canaan and the melech Mitzrayim

Esther Moishe Ruben, Dov,

you finish your barmitzvah and they shout 'mazel tov!'


Don't be afraid your identity is showing

be proud to be a Levy or a Cohen

Even though they think we're British

we speak in English but we think in Yiddish


We like to relax, we're always chillin'

we say our prayers when we lay our tefillin

the bible says we are the chosen

our greatest poet's Michael Rosen.

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