Thursday, December 11, 2014

Extending the climate industry

Following a suggestion of climate change dating and training for pets, my suggestions for widening the scope of the climate machine was as follows.

There's already an unofficial climate drama movement, TV programmes and films with subtle or overt messages designed to frighten the kids to do something about their parents' carbon footprints and freeze to death as a result if they actually do by turning the heating down. There's already a very successful Climate Change Investment Fund, run by a BBC director, so that niche is already filled, as is the proposed UN climate currency, annual credits which expire when are left over and stop you using energy if they run out too early.

Then I would open climate change wards in hospitals for those so terrified of the consequences (I'd prescribe an umbrella myself but where's the profit in that once the demand has been exhausted?) where instead of driving ordinary people crazy the whole time and then calling them murderers when they are politely told after the ninth time of harrassment to go fuck themselves, could share predictions and compete to imagine the worst of the worst case scenarios, like Mount Everest being the only place left above water, or the gulf stream sweeping away Al Gore.

In fact not only would the patients benefit (well we would as the world could be eliminated from the worst believers) but the doctors could go on grant funded courses to become climate therapists, trained to administer therapy to those obsessed with different weather at an unspecified moment in the far distant future. In fact they would only lessen the symptoms rather than find or administer a cure or they'd lose a rich fund of customers. If a cure existed the last thing they'd do is share it let alone use it as then the funds would dry up within a few months or so.

Then the UN could coalesce all the media worldwide into a single Climate Channel, run 24/7 through every free TV system, preaching non-stop about how the seas will rise and IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR BEING HUMAN AND WANTING TO LIVE AT A CONSTANT 22C INDOOR TEMPERATURE. And finally the ultimate application, the climate change prison, for everyone involved in misleading the public, and taking their money and energy systems away from them.

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