Thursday, October 07, 2004


Following yesterday's entry, when I (in my opinion) ended up shifting from the current story about my computer to some quite interesting observations, I've run out of sites to surf so I thought I'd come back here and see what happens. As the title states, it's boring up Kingsbury way today, I've done sod all this week besides the 1 client, and though there are few jobs besides the garden that need doing, there's not much else in the fun area either.

I was saying how interesting my clients and friends from abroad are, but both are basicaly off-limits as potential friends, and surprisingly since the last exodus in 2002 I haven't met anyone new apart from the ones I mentioned worth sharing a pint with, let alone whole days on a regular basis. This is the first time in my life this has happened, though hardly unpredictably, as all but one of my friends dropped me when they had their kids (just recapping for new readers), and the one who didn't left in 2002. I got a girlfriend after he left, but she ended up in the place I cannot reach for most of that year, and I gradually realised things had gone dead. As I didn't create the friendships I had before- many were lifelong, and others from school, holiday or social events, but that was long before any were married. I have been left in the limbo of unchosen singledom in a society of relatively happy couples.

So technically, I'm excluded on both fronts, and as I didn't have any control on the previous friends, and the places to meet women up till 30 were fairly organised, I'm now in a position where logic and practicality have no place, and those are my two assets. Just for some history, once I left college at 31 (postgrad.) and had more time to look, I joined every agency going, and though I took many women out a few times, the only one that succeeded (twice, but it did) was off a premium rate phone service. Then I joined psychic groups, and saw one younger woman from Cambridge just the once, as she announced she'd just met the new love of her life at a bus stop. Over the following ten years I joined a few more psychic groups, and met one woman with a lovely nature, but the largest nose I'd ever seen on a female besides one honker at college that was barely human... When I met her I had another girlfriend, but thought she liked me. The girlfriend went, the nose remained, and gradually, after looking at the legs, body etc., finally got used enough to the nose that I asked her out, and as I fully expected, she said yes.
Unfortunately that day I'd just had a blazing argument with my tenant (the ex-girlfriend, long story) and was in no mood for a first date. I spent the whole day complaining and she never spoke to me again.
Other than that, I met a lovely looking six-footer (I'm 5'5'') sitting next to me at a Uri Geller lecture, and somehow I knew she was going to speak to me, and we spent the rest of the time going round the stalls together, and I got her email address. After the first exchange she was off.

Is there a point to all this? Just a view of what I have done that could have led to a 'result', but in fact only got me one. Since 1990, my only successes have been from one singles dance, the telephone service, a girlfriend from 1982 who rang me 10 years later to see if I was still single, someone who knew a friend, someone who was backward introduced by my friend's backward girlfriend (this was official, they were all from a home) who was so after me I couldn't say no, one from the internet, and someone I'd met about 15 years earlier who'd gone to America, been married and divorced, and I saw her on a quick visit here for a week. IE, there is no particular way to meet, and the ones that look to others as suitable are a waste of time, as I've demonstrated. As this situation is becoming a mystery to other women I know, I'm beginning to wonder what I'm up against. It was only in 1995 I met the first woman I felt I wanted to marry (and she was a bossy cow, religious, had an abusive boyfriend already etc etc) as before I was wondering if anyone would actually be good enough. But once I knew, many more came along who were just, basically, not interested. Many were, but I wasn't in them. Last mutual relationship was in 1975, so her mother stepped in and broke it up just as it was about to become fulfilled. So I have been there, know exactly what I'm missing, and there's sod all I can do about it. So I write on the computer. Now that, I can do.

No comments: