Wednesday, October 06, 2004

What a wally!

As you can see, the computer's returned, and I discovered (too late to stop it) that it was the dodgy mouse (amazingly donated by a certain unnamed woman mentioned here) that was up, not the computer. I only discovered this when I connected it to the laptop, and by the time I got back to the shop they'd already done a £35 virus scan on it. OK, it's now got a few upgrades, but had the repair staff worked when the shop was open, I could have explained the problem directly rather than write it down and hope for the best, so it wasn't all my fault.

Otherwise, a woman whose opinion I greatly value said she can't understand why I'm not married. So many others tell me to change or go out more that I could get the impression that unless I altered most aspects of myself it was my own fault I was in the shit partner-wise. At maybe 20 or so there's a lot of advice we can all take on that front, but at 44 I know my faults, and if anyone can accept me as I am (as many have) then what's to stop someone I actually like from accepting me as well? And since being given the advice some years ago to narrow down my requirements to the few important ones, I've found tens of women I'd marry, not because I'll take less, but because I know what I'm looking for and can see it in them. And amazingly, if she HAD a heart, the bitch from round the corner/bend would still be the best all-rounder since my neighbour when I was about 8.
Technically and emotionally she was good company, conversation/inerests, liked doing similar things, looked incredible, right age (for me, not vice versa!), and actually showed me exactly how it could be once I was with the right person, but shot through once the fantasy she probably had about me previously became reality. Having discussed with many whether these types can learn, the general conclusion is no, as until they are in a position where they realise it's them not the other people, they'll always find just enough people to leech onto without having to evolve to the butterfly that may or may not be within their capacity to become. If she loses a job, she'll blame them for victimisation, make the next lot feel sorry for her until a year or two later they realise what lies under the sheepskin (as in the bible). Same with friends. And as for men, unless she's had her batteries removed (like that's actually possible!) sooner or later those dang hormones will make her wake up with the female equivalent of 'morning wood', and she'll have to (and with people like her it really happens) go out and pick up a man. This usually happens within 24 hours, and once the genie's out of the bottle, it won't go back in, and the celibate days will be long forgotten.

Maybe I should have a little online poll, should I send her a link to this? I'd always be delighted if I heard from her again but have no idea how this could ever happen as at present it would be similar to a cancer victim putting their tumour back after an operation as far as she's concerned. And due to the fixed nature of the type this should last for life. So only drastic methods with high risks of persecution in return could ever get her back in my life, and though it's incredibly dead without her/someone similar, going back to try and beat the dragon again after escaping already has reckless written all over it. So far though, at least she's shown me what I should be looking for and what it could be like. I've had various amazing women around in the past, including a few girlfriends, and she reminded me of everything that was possible until, like a dodgy doughnut, got to the middle and found there was nothing there.


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