Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Am I complaining too much?

Glad to see many more visitors now we are all linked up again, and an encouragement to keep going.
My current state of being is returning to peace for a short time (after very little for a long time) only for something small medium or large to interfere with it, testing it's strength. Some are real, some fear based, but all genuine challenges to my wellbeing until they pass. I'm not as bad as the true obsessives I know who make every small possibility the end of their lives, but without the support of any other person every stone in the shoe of life is a lot more painful. Technically I am fairly free so far, tomorrow has a few plans and more I can do throughout the week if I bother, and may also buy a DVD camera so my youtube videos can look professional as I said before Argos couldn't cope with people looking at their site. Only Hotmail ever did that before but I still haven't checked the prices and specs yet after that glitch.

My female situation has moved on as well, I face putting up with one of the least inspiring individuals on earth for two reasons, no others left and she looks good. The menu is limited and starvation is not an option. Strangely I got the first social call on Friends Reunited ever in 6 years ( the only other was a funeral invitation) but this was from some mad Greek woman who I didn't even know! Go figure. I'll be interested to know what the reason for calling me was as not being a paid member all she could do was ask me to call her. I can't see it leading to anything somehow.
I also have a list of spiritual and psychic techniques I picked up recently and so far none have had any effect. I have a few which have small effects but could do with more as a result. You can't get to the moon on a bike. Having looked around there are probably few if any better, and the others which claim to work are so complicated and demanding they are like every other method I had to use for business advancement, and don't feel like doing the same for pleasure. There are only two possibilities, either these things work or not. Having seen a few which do it implies many more will, and if they don't for me doesn't automatically mean any or all will not. I just keep trying.

Each week I wonder if I'll ever get more than just the normal and expected. It's a start to have no problems each week, but imagine eating rice every day, you'd survive but wouldn't really enjoy eating. We are designed to need more than survival with little bad or good. Having had a reasonable family life long in the past know that is the foundation most people need, and with none of it at home means without any extras life gets pretty dead. Extras are so rare they may average once a year or less. And from them most last a short time and have no lasting effect. A few are set up in advance, like my next 2 TV appearances. One has a date but I can't see it, the other has nothing but a provisional screening time, and not on TV at all. It'll be nice when they come along but otherwise each week is a repeat of a routine designed to make the best of the toys I've been given. I did notice I should do some things differently just to break the boredom and I am, which is an improvement. It doesn't make up for a lack of good news but can break the monotony when done well.
Post strike allowing one or both of my DVDs will soon arrive so I can watch Rainbow for the first time in about 30 years and Peter Paul and Mary, whose music is nothing special, but message and setting is. Having the 60s to anchor me in my existence is not an ideal method as it doesn't actually exist any more, but the best I currently have. Most people look to the past when their friends have all died off at about 80, I am at it already. Why does life keep letting me down?

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