Wednesday, October 24, 2007


They're talking about Boris Johnson on the radio. Di man is bombaclaat. Im nuttin but pussy maan. I suppose if I'm going to call names I may as well make them more colourful than prat, wanker and shithead, but this total twat is standing against Ken Livingstone but wants to keep the congestion charge! What is the fucking point of opposing a total arse like Ken and parrot his only bleeding policy?

OK, I've got that out of the way, there's little else to say. The dry and sometimes sunny weather has had me out with the camera all over the place, for the two days I wasn't working, and I'm reading this on IE7, my second try as the last couldn't cope with the old computer. All the print is darker (quite useful since my close vision became a little more distant) although I may need to ditch the Yahoo toolbar as it does all that jazz itself now. Otherwise my spiritual journey has got nowhere, although the nightly hypnosis has been making me sleep well so far. Interestingly although I write in little notebooks as well as here (including pictures) I have run out of material for them but not for here. My only inspiration for blogging is the ability to type and the rest just happens, as you'd expect from the quality. I think I never swore in my life in writing till catching the rude bug here, although I suppose if I'd call Ken Livingstone something I'd wipe off the inside of my toilet in person I can in writing, although I draw the line at certain words. I was brought up properly you know.

My list of plans is crawling ahead although the doctor decided not to add my tranquilisers to this prescription. I wonder why he didn't warn me first when I spoke to him although I may survive without them again. If I could introduce something else orally besides tablets more often it would have a similar therapeutic effect. and at 3.30PM today Paul Ross called Alison Bell (on LBC radio) 'The Grinch with a vagina'. Unscripted methinks, she nearly shat herself and he was very embarrassed after 'you said the V word!?'. I was pissing myself. She professionally carried on and said how entertaining he was, while thinking how to resign without losing too much money...

Otherwise the daily and weekly routines are dragging on unabated, no relief from anticlimaxes and non events, I emailed a heap of people, known to me and celebrities last week and just one replied, who was one of the celebrities. What a record. People I knew ages ago, two more celebrities, and a few on Facebook. Not a bloody squeak. I reply to every email I get, assuming I know them and usually if they are for me and not a million other people. Now if I live for long enough firstly my old friend who went abroad will return (although miles from here), and I may meet someone else to hang out with. One celebrity is local and seems like good company, but nothing there assuming he doesn't have a thousand emails before he gets to mine. I just sent another to someone who is both a celebrity and an old friend, I was already in touch with him but just found him on Facebook which is quite useful except women don't use their maiden names (how many men want to meet women they knew who are married?).
That's one way women have the advantage over us, we are who we always were and can be found easily, they change theirs (apart from maybe two I knew who remain single) and although may divorce are impossible to find outside Friends Reunited. One there is still interested in me but not available.

One thing I am not going insane whatever some people suggest. I have one single fault up there, anxiety. No one ever got put away for anxiety, although many put themselves away by hiding at home most of the time. That isn't madness, just a weakness. Given a choice I'd rather keep my intellect and suffer than lose it and be free to travel anywhere like I used to as I'd be far less productive and achieve little. At home all my talents can be used and although I can't demonstrate them in so many places any more that may happen again. I'm wondering if the last two people I didn't hear back from did it because of that but if anyone's that judgemental they really aren't worth the effort. I avoid people if they're boring. Any other fault doesn't bother me unless it puts me or my property in danger. But it scares so many people they assume you're weird and maybe they'll catch it. I wish everyone like that did for a day just so they know it's totally outside our control and as real as any other symptom. I see it change and come and go and is really unrelated to anything I do, it's just an internal problem that is now becoming seen as actual brain abnormalities. That makes perfect sense as any organ that's malformed isn't going to work properly and the brain can produce mental as well as physical symptoms, and mine does both as it can't control my heart rate any more, my tablets need to limit that when required.

Well, the walk I was going to have is on the cards 2 hours late and I won't go very far. Busy working the next couple of days so spending these hours of freedom while I can. And guess what, I'm not getting paid for any of it either. That's how it works...

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