Thursday, July 17, 2008

I have returned

I am keeping busy and the only thing missing are any people, especially now my grandma's been in hospital so I haven't got anywhere to go in the two evenings a week I went there. Of course I missed a number of Tuesday football matches in the past as a result but you can't do everything. I've been shopping like a lunatic mainly due to eating more at home for the same reason, and exploring new places for variety, in particular more Jewish food which my grandma sometimes has and I wouldn't have otherwise. All the normal household chores (besides the gardening) have been done due to opportunity, and I took the camera on the train yesterday for some inside pictures and a bit of fun. I discovered a bit of Stanmore common I don't remember outside the station which is the best part I've seen, even though I lived there for nearly 2 years and walked there regularly. Just shows.

One place I can live without going to is hospitals. Not that I haven't, I just hate it now having visited so many times already. Just a little thorn in my side. Besides that I have freedom and besides the people to share it with am using it as best I can. There are two very unliely chances for success on the system as well, a woman and a possible job (as in the sense of one off, I can't see myself working again somehow...) well maybe but only if I had to. But they are weeks off if at all and totally unreliable so can only work with what I have. Being the 8th top internet quizzer in the world (from over 1000 players) is nice but doesn't affect you're life a lot, except you don't have to spend 4 1/2 months playing quizzes 3 times a day again. Except I am, as out of habit I joined the hard quiz a couple of weeks after it started and am doing too well not to play till the end, although I pick and choose the games as they don't all count anyway.

Apart from that I am just continuing as normal and have not and will probably not get a bloody thing from outside to help. All I have were the TV programmes that made sod all difference to my life as were seen either by a handful of people here or abroad where I won't be recognised unless I go there. And no idea if many people saw them either. I doubt many people get nice things happening to them either, but most have nice lives with friends and marriages and the ups and downs within a family setting are far less effective than when taken on alone. You can't share any problems and if you reach the stage of relying on outside events you may as well be dead as they don't happen. Even when something apparently good happens, like when Ken Livingstone got kicked out after doing in 8 years to London what Hitler couldn't, the replacement is not that different. Even the achievements I make make no difference besides getting me a bit more work and money, basically life is stable for all of us and the highs are so rare they barely warrant including. The nearest to a high is the end of a low which is something quite different, like removing a splinter. The lack of a negative does not make a positive, just a neutral and that's the default at the moment, and the downs can easily take over when they arrive which is certainly not unreliable. I don't make the rules.


tashi said...

"I have returned"
So has tashi (lol).

You sound a bit sad David. You spoke of, "nice lives with friends and marriages and the ups and downs within a family setting are far less effective than when taken on alone" ... that is so true and tashi grits his teeth for you on that one. So good luck with 'the woman'.

What type of women interest you BTW ? And on the same subject, do you have any thoughts on the concept of 'anima' that you'd care to share ? (alternatively please tell me to piss off if that was an intrusive thing to ask).

You concluded by stating, "I don't make the rules." Liked that a lot, tashi's the same, enjoying coasting 'in neutral' at these days (he's 52yo). There was a time when he played the control freak role but thats passed now thankfully. Its sort of like 'we don't live our life, our life lives us.' Make sense ?

David said...

Welcome tashi, I am sad as I have memories to compare what I have now with what I had until around the 90s. I have no control over the people around me and if all leave I am left with the crumbs at the bottom of the cereal box which are not very satisfying.

The women I look for are all similar, my type facially and easygoing and understanding. A brain is a bonus but often seems to make them bossy with it.
Anima, that's a word I've never used before even in my work. But looking it up all I'd say is I'd stick with the advaita view we are all ultimately one consciousness, the rest are angles of the same thing.

I don't make the rules comes from the catchphrases of the great comedian Harry Hill, with 'What are the chances of that happening' and 'You got to have a system'. I've found one of these can cover just about any situation in life, and along with being a genius (he's actually a doctor) he's a lovely bloke I spent a couple of days with when he was working near me on an outside broadcast.

My work record is truly amazing, having been rejected for over 300 job applications, the only acceptance lasted a week before the business closed. There were clearly bigger plans for my life that a job would get in the way of (ie helping elderly relatives). Plus all my research and unpaid media work. Now I just go with the flow as anything else is a waste of effort.