Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My latest work record

Since it was requested a little about my working history. My last job was bloody ages ago, I was made redundant and after 18 months applying for jobs as required had a few interviews and no offers. The Job Centre then wanted me to take the cack they offer for people either with no qualifications (ie no graduate positions) or so obscure no one can qualify (fluent Japanese etc). This pushed me over the edge, I saw the doctor and they signed me off with anxiety. The new tablets calmed me down and sent me looking, another 100 or so applications and I got a job in a branch of a local optician's. Trainee manager. The shop was so far from the others no one came in the first week and the boss rented it out the week after and let me go.

I then returned to home study as my counselling qualifications were academic but not professional so no work available outside private. That mopped up a couple of years and passed them all in the end, and applied for new jobs which could now accept me. I got an interview in 2003! That was it. I decided to return to retail and worked the High Streets speaking to bosses and handing in CVs. Not a squeak. Then I became ill and that progressively got worse and it was clear going to the shops was my limit for some time, and that on good days. Luckily during that period I got my TV breaks, as they all filmed me at home so didn't have to do any more than perform without needing to travel which would probably have been impossible. I am gradually recovering now, I had problems with my immune system and infections that confounded the best of London's specialists. This in turn brought back the anxiety and although physical problems often improve the anxiety can last much longer, especially when the old tablets became able to imitate amoebic dysentery on one capsule.

So to my doubter/s, this is why I no longer work, when I tried I was shunned and spat out by the system, and then my physical health followed my mental health and finished off all possibilities of a job. Normally I'd say such details would bore people so I rarely mention it, but as things can only be fitted into the big picture this is it.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A week of cack

As per bloody usual, when little is happening something comes in to fuck it up, in this case (the government, the standard offender) has stepped in to do an investigation on my dole (yes guys, I'm on the dole, sorry), in the form of an interview next week. I've no idea why except apparently someone has pretended to be me in the past. Enough said. I won't let it ruin the week before it occurs though, it's not the investigation but the effort required to take the interview I dislike, but it's not as bad as many I've endured in the past.
So besides that little piece of mucus on the lens of life, nothing else has happened of note and is known ahead. I went all the way to Clapton today for photos, covered an area previously well known when I collected train tickets and lived nearer to it, and it's not really changed since then either.

I haven't got many plans outside the following day routine I've used for weeks, except none for tomorrow, although a tray of work accounts waits so I'll probably get that shot of before any leisure time. There's a friendly match on in the evening and I hope to go to that as well for the first time in ages. Things were actually going a lot better than they had for some time, so probably due for some balance. The teachers say if you live in a world of duality then the good is balanced by the bad, and here's some for me. The good admittedly has been a combination of lack of bad and my own efforts of travelling all over the place to keep busy, I've still barely seen anyone besides neighbours and visiting my grandma in hospital, and is due for a parole hearing on Thursday. I can only hope. I've also collected some fascinating old (and one newer) on stalls over the weekend which are some of the best I've found yet on local history and interiors plus one more on enlightenment. The theory is becoming more and more understood, except my real teacher says understanding it intellectually makes no difference although others disagree. I will see.

So a test ahead to dismiss fear from my mind while I carry on with business as usual, it seems I am being tested to overcome all the earlier problems I've suffered with, and this is another regular I've had to deal with all my life. It's really as if I keep being presented with situations until they stop distracting me from enjoying life and this is another. You can't have too much each time or you'll break and not bend. When I go out it's a little further each time and then I barely notice and that's how I work to recover.
There's little else I can think of and Big Brother is now on so I may as well stop before I bore everyone as usual.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I have returned

I am keeping busy and the only thing missing are any people, especially now my grandma's been in hospital so I haven't got anywhere to go in the two evenings a week I went there. Of course I missed a number of Tuesday football matches in the past as a result but you can't do everything. I've been shopping like a lunatic mainly due to eating more at home for the same reason, and exploring new places for variety, in particular more Jewish food which my grandma sometimes has and I wouldn't have otherwise. All the normal household chores (besides the gardening) have been done due to opportunity, and I took the camera on the train yesterday for some inside pictures and a bit of fun. I discovered a bit of Stanmore common I don't remember outside the station which is the best part I've seen, even though I lived there for nearly 2 years and walked there regularly. Just shows.

One place I can live without going to is hospitals. Not that I haven't, I just hate it now having visited so many times already. Just a little thorn in my side. Besides that I have freedom and besides the people to share it with am using it as best I can. There are two very unliely chances for success on the system as well, a woman and a possible job (as in the sense of one off, I can't see myself working again somehow...) well maybe but only if I had to. But they are weeks off if at all and totally unreliable so can only work with what I have. Being the 8th top internet quizzer in the world (from over 1000 players) is nice but doesn't affect you're life a lot, except you don't have to spend 4 1/2 months playing quizzes 3 times a day again. Except I am, as out of habit I joined the hard quiz a couple of weeks after it started and am doing too well not to play till the end, although I pick and choose the games as they don't all count anyway.

Apart from that I am just continuing as normal and have not and will probably not get a bloody thing from outside to help. All I have were the TV programmes that made sod all difference to my life as were seen either by a handful of people here or abroad where I won't be recognised unless I go there. And no idea if many people saw them either. I doubt many people get nice things happening to them either, but most have nice lives with friends and marriages and the ups and downs within a family setting are far less effective than when taken on alone. You can't share any problems and if you reach the stage of relying on outside events you may as well be dead as they don't happen. Even when something apparently good happens, like when Ken Livingstone got kicked out after doing in 8 years to London what Hitler couldn't, the replacement is not that different. Even the achievements I make make no difference besides getting me a bit more work and money, basically life is stable for all of us and the highs are so rare they barely warrant including. The nearest to a high is the end of a low which is something quite different, like removing a splinter. The lack of a negative does not make a positive, just a neutral and that's the default at the moment, and the downs can easily take over when they arrive which is certainly not unreliable. I don't make the rules.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Week's roundup

As my energy returns I'm gradually able to do more and more I could before, and have been the last week or so as well. That is a relief I can tell you. Nearly all business rather than pleasure but have been able to wander round shopping centres again which is not easy with little energy or balance. Youtake nothing for granted again in your life when you were barely able to do anything.

So, life is going on regardless. I've got a lot done and out of the way, small media possibilities later on, and the rest is down to fate and inspiration. More business chores to do but less urgent at least. Where it is heading, if anything ever does, is anyone's guess. Like if I settle for a retarded girlfriend as she is attractive and harmless, that is assuming she ever decides she wants me? Not technically retarded but functionally, meaning that is the actual impression her problems give. That won't change as far as I know, but fate again will step in and make the decision for me, well she will and the fact there isn't anyone else. But better than a kick in the teeth should it actually happen.
Inconclusive events continue as well, my hypnotic regression to see if I'd been abducted by aliens has been carried out and I was fluent and consistent. Rather than focus on the very basic and unconvincing event, not so much a memory as a vision of one, but whether it has connected me to a higher source of intelligence. I was answering questions of a pretty technical nature, often as if being told the answers and it all held together at the end. I'll see if it continues now and report back.

So, looking ahead, various things are possible and others the usual daily plans like a trip to Hanwell for photos of local features. I've run out of many places but Hanwell probably has its moments. I'm also simplifying my global warming message to a list of claims and truth which shouldn't take to long to create. They are the enemy as they are diverting resources from genuine causes and costing the ordinary people (you as well) a fucking fortune. What exactly are they spending the money on to stop global warming once they get it? Mainly to pay for Iraq. Problem-reaction-solution. Once you learn their methods they become totally transparent. I repeat them as until the majority believe it they'll win.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Use your commonsense

I'm going to check my hits after I've done this, but know some people are still around. But my controversial comments must be becoming normal to people now as they haven't attracted any comments despite going out of my way to call a spade a spade. Not that I disbelieve what I say, I'm honest, but don't try and sugar the pill.

Our intuition tells us what's right and wrong, and politicians try and override it. Many people are brainwashed into believing you can't call blind people blind or spastics spastics although most of them don't mind as it tells people what they are. Or protecting ethnic minorities from offence they don't even care about. Lies and bullshit and even I assumed global warming was true in 1998 until there was no evidence of it and then the taxes followed. If you're in a market and you catch the salesman telling lies you walk away, so why the hell have so few people seen the fabrication of the global warming monster? The EU (read Nazi party revisited) have added a 20% global warming tax on already record energy bills, and no one seems to notice or care. I have but who listens to me?

One day I'll hopefully be writing this in a proper publication, Peter Hitchens and Melanie Phillips do now (besides their religion which is clearly deeply engrained) and they seem to make fuck all difference although they speak the truth. The only difference is I wouldn't be able to say fuck, but that's only because I picked it up here and do find rude words quite amusing in the right place. Till then I write it here and if one person reads something I've said and thinks 'Yes, he's got a point there' I'll have won. Besides the entertaining side of this if we can share what we know and demonstrate it to other people then we're helping the world. For instance the money spent currently on global warming research has been taken from worthy causes, people who need help now and not in the generations ahead they claim to be saving. Can you see the flaw in that? The sea ice is very high at the moment, global temperatures are steady since 1998 and the peak years Al Gore picked out were all years of solar maximum activity. That's a scientific fact, Mars had them as well and no one drives cars there. You'd think if you pull one thread the whole thing would come apart, but the investment in the lies has glued the crap together as long as possible so when the gaff is blown the researchers will be running to the bank with our money.

You see the world's authorities can't hold a knife to our throats and mug us individually, although they are managing it very well in Zimbabwe. They won't be able to get us to donate our money as if they were a charity, so they have to invent better and better ways to make us offer it to them. All those poor fucking polar bears and Eskimos baling out their igloos with buckets, my arse. The poor South Sea islanders being inundated with the sea level rise (the one that's been a steady almost bugger all for centuries) and the islands that are being inundated are actually sinking, just like the East of England. If I can learn (and provide linked sources) this why doesn't everyone else? Because I'm a stranger and Al Gore is a rich celebrity. And politicians are honest. What?

I have no career or benefit from telling the truth (except cheaper energy as we all do), they all do. So who's more likely to lie?