The bottom line (and I don't mean skidmarks).

So far I'm finding that before one becomes enlightened, whatever they've achieved in life doesn't really help them get through the inevitable tough patches. I expected it to, having high academic or professional status (not that I have) ought to insulate people from all but the worst traumas. but underneath we are just ourselves and these only operate when we use them for work. I didn't want to join Mensa for status but just to meet similar people, and as I already had an astronomical IQ result didn't need to join them to prove it. So the message now (I've been watching a lot more teaching recently provided online), is that all the other work is just tinkering around the edges. Without enlightenment the same crap will keep coming round as nothing's really changed. At least I now believe it's a real state as described clearly enough for me to understand, and while the little piles of dogshit in life keep causing me stress is the only way out.

Yesterday was my busiest work day for ages which paid my electricity bill, today was just bits and pieces preparing my grandma's house for her planned return from hospital tomorrow, I hope. I also found a third old sign on Streetview but when I got there it had already gone. Bound to happen as months old and at least was a local one. So today I end empty handed, as far as I know, with nothing to look forward to. But it was the same on Monday and look what happened, so the pattern should continue. My little list, learnt from watching The Secret, is now being worked through one by one, and so far has actually worked. No need to understand how as long as it does. Making things come easily at my time of life is a great relief and had the rest of it doing things the hard way. No need for more if possible not to.

So tomorrow will not be completely blank, gardening needs to be done (it rained most of last week), I need stamps to send things abroad, and am then waiting to hear when my grandma needs me there if she makes it home on time. That looks bloody boring from here but then again tomorrow is not now so will look different then. I keep sending more emails for media work and sign enquiries and slowly the replies arrive. The only open door so far is a possible magazine usage next year, which would be enough to get me in the business. I hope my material is seen as esoteric enough for them though as it's pretty down to earth stuff on ways to manage in life better. Important but may not be their area. I could write about the synchronicity but besides being just for my benefit and not really for teaching anyone anything, can't really prove much with it. You have to be there to do that and anyone with me has seen it happen directly over and over again.

Just for fun I'd like to think of all the things I've missed or lost and would like back. Most are gone and not reversible, like burning the negatives, but a few can be regained if people cooperated. I thought I had more photos of Routemasters after two afternoons taking them, and they turned up (one set so far anyway) but all the rest on the list are not going to be here already but need replacing. Now when your cat's bollocks are removed you can't put them back, and how many of my losses are the equivalent I'm not entirely sure, but even the ones that could be sewn back and function are very hard to persuade others to find them and do so. I've lost loads of things as well as we all have, and some have turned up in the past so never know there. And that includes people, most buggered off deliberately so wouldn't want to see my face again, but a few just drifted away mainly abroad. But although some may be the equivalent of raising the dead body of Lazarus some are a little more realistic although maybe as likely.

But one thing is I learnt not to moan to live people some time ago, so save it for here. Not like the live people who moan to me non stop. Gets them nowhere and just spreads the manure further over me as well. Thanks a lot. You can't solve other people's personal problems, and just unloading for the sake of it gets no one anywhere verbally as it achieves nothing. Before blogs I wrote it down for me to read and that was enough. And of course the ones that moan the most often have the least to moan about, as the ones who have the most are too busy suffering to stop and waffle about it endlessly. Many people want it all and don't appreciate what they do have as it doesn't measure up to what they expect. Do they really need to lose it each time to realise they have something many people don't at all? And they moan about it to those people? Yes. At least by saying it here anyone guilty or able to tell others who are may be saved from not appreciating everything they do have as well as boring others moaning about its shortcomings. I can but hope.

The bottom line is I deserve better. 49 years of less and less in my life is quite enough. It's no use when I get things I want and then no more as it's people that make life good, things just keep you busy and comfortable. But they can't make you happy. Why should I be condemned to live alone from 32 till I die where even the thickest most boring individuals manage to find someone they want who also tolerates them? I shouldn't. Why should I be the one everyone tells their problems to when I usually have far worse ones than they do? And finally why should I be the guy who is nice to everyone 99.9% of the time so gets into major trouble the one time I'm not? You can see I do have a point here.

Edmonton sign

Edmonton sign
Originally uploaded by satguru.

Update on last night's entry. I saw one like this online over the weekend, said I needed one last night and one arrived in my inbox a couple of hours later. No one can dismiss this evidence.

Space ahead of me

Space, the final frontier. I must use it well but all has so far been provided to me rather than chasing anything. I hope it continues. Meanwhile I have a few more items in the arsenal for enlightenment, Jackie O'Keeffe has shown me in a way it's impossible to contradict, if you grow up and no one ever tells you you are a person you'll think you are nothing (what you see looking ahead), a body with parts that come and go (as you see it) and no actual difference between what the space ahead contains and you. That is our direct experience, but with conditioning we learn something else. Then someone Like Jac comes along and tells us we were right originally and we have to deprogramme that just as she has. Ditto with time. We actually see things happening now. Nothing more, ever. Nothing ever happened a few minutes ago or tomorrow, although we retain a memory of the past nothing happens there. And there can be no future as once we reach tomorrow it's now again. But again if we weren't told about calendars we'd just assume everything happened now, as it of course does. And finally who we are is just what we are now. Nothing we did in the past determines who we are now, and put all three together I am really a space containing the computer and room surrounding it, my identity is an empty awareness and I only exist now.

That is my direct experience and yours, and by experiencing your own identity as that before or without the conditioning that is meant to be how we should be, given everyone who says they are feel a lot better than before. It covers all the healing and therapy in one go along with all the drug induced attempts to get to the same place we all ultimately are. All the search for pleasure is ultimately for enlightenment, the wish behind the wish is for more, until that is the final one left. I picked this up long ago although all work to get it has been on a purely mind level, which may only partly serve to break down the mind that stops me experiencing my true being now. I have met plenty of these teachers and none seem to be dishonest and not many are very rich from it, quite the opposite.
I am also checking with my friend who now lives in India if he knows her as they both lived in the same town for some time.

So I have almost nothing known ahead. There are the usual emails for work and road signs I'm waiting on replies for (some fucking chance really) although one magazine just said they'll have a look at my work next year when they need some so not all zeros. The gardening and eye tests will be done, and tidying the house since a search for a (still absent) computer cable discovered my photos and started digging the house up for more. So if all I do is go out on my bike and to the local parks and work in the house it'll be something, although it would be nice for a little more. All the last events happened outside any of my control (normal) but were good (new experience) so have a track record to follow. The last few days were nothing special besides one new possible sign making opportunity, but more of a test for my trust than anything else.

My 4th TV programme has been fully distributed by me now, and as I've had a new client now from one of them shows it does work eventually however few people see it in the UK. That area is now complete but besides a comment the journalist wants to add to my national paper interview her editor hasn't used, there is nothing new on the system. I was not designed to be patient, if I'm asked or required to do something I do it first then fanny around. It can be done and is, but most people would rather do anything than something quick that is best out of the way. So as I can deliver instant service I expect it, well prefer it as well. There isn't always much to do when you're waiting. I'm currently viewing every road on Streetview in the London area (only as they haven't done anywhere else within 50 miles) in case I find more old signs, as they are going too fast to wait. I have found two so far I'd never have otherwise so does happen, and is free unlike the visits I still make in Surrey where they haven't covered much of.

I missed the red triangle sign in perfect condition off my old road till about 2005 but with great patience found another this month (albeit with a bit missing), and missing a couple of local direction signs motivated me to drive a lot further to never miss another. The furthest I've been is along the Sussex border where Surrey have kept the old signs on their A roads (23 I think), Aldershot, but only Hertford in the other direction as that was the last one I could find before Harlow (no thanks). Others are much further and beyond the call of duty. I think I've got more or les every type for the directions now and a small selection of the others, many very rare indeed. And with the red triangle the set is complete now but all new ones are welcome as each direction sign is unique and there were plenty of other generics I haven't got. Dual Carriageway, Keep Left, all other red triangles besides the few I've got (missing the triangle or circle besides one), No Entry (illegal so very unlikely), and Halt (about two in the whole country). Some were so rare I don't even remember them first time round. But the time-effort equation now is almost 1-1 million and only continuing as all done virtually online. Fills the time though and learn every road in vision as well.

Everything fits

Normally when someone has a nutty theory it seems to run out of legs very quickly when reality takes over. But since the event where I decided something had to be guiding my life and would probably continue to do so it has done, for now over a month. Three possibilities only exist. One, I am wrong, two, God is in charge, and most likely, three, this is a dream of my own making and I've started learning how to direct it. Either way I can say that when life is arranged and gives you what you want it is no less satisfying and a lot easier as well.

In the last few weeks it has given me my red triangle sign, got my 4th TV programme on after 3 years wait, got me to visit a whole lot of my neighbours, got my car fixed for a reasonable price, stopped my broadband being down too long for me to miss a quiz round here or elsewhere, turned up more old signs whenever I was at a loose end, and located boxes of old photos I'd forgotten where they were. Just the ones I remember. There are now many more things I'd like, and no reason not to expect them now. Besides the obvious woman, newspaper article and enlightenment although with all of them there wouldn't be much more needed really. I've completed my main projects now, any council replies are up to them and any more is a mystery.

There is also a list of things I've missed and would like back, some of which are possible. There's a gold ring I was wearing when I moved house in 1995 and didn't put in the jewellery box and was likely to have hidden elsewhere, a TV series I'd like to see again I missed when it was repeated last year all in a single showing, various people I'd like to see again from the past, at least find out exactly where the old roundabout sign was I saw last summer, and many more others like that which may happen if things go my way. Through the internet I've got a record, a couple of TV films, and various other items so rare I'd never have located them otherwise, so can happen. And of course get an article in a daily paper at last.

So, I am free, anything can happen and since the guidance started it's all happened as it should, and when it went quiet very quickly something else has turned up. As a psychic friend says if it happens a few times it's chance, if it happens a few hundred it's real. This has carried on for around two months and no reason to see it ending now. Maybe I've hooked into a kind of energy field, or whatever, but the results are there and speak for themselves. Read back a year or two and you'll see these events have been an exception until now.

At last!

My patience has been rewarded. At about 7pm last night this turned up in my Flickr messages in Bethnal Green.



Being such a huge place it's not too surprising since the last few only went last year on major roads the odd one would be hiding in the back doubles. Looking at them all now it would have taken more than my lifetime to cover enough Streetview for even one of them, and by the time I had it may well have been gone like the last three had. So I am now free to get on with anything else I like. I'll look for more when there's nothing to do, of course one without a lump out of it would help, but that is not unusual. I'm also writing two more articles and will be sending them to mass market magazines now, as with ten or more years having them published within the profession should have reached the point I can contribute to somewhere commercial. No more ideas besides a possible bill for the car that may reach its value, but they do that, don't they. Brakes don't last forever and these have worn to nothing for the second time in my life since I owned a car. And two tyres in a year and a half. Michelin, in case anyone there reads this. If it cost nothing I'd post them both back to France and tell them I'm buying Russian ones again in future as they lasted for years and cost half as much. Or Bulgarian.

I also met my friend Lesley from www.funtrivia.com on Tuesday with her son, which shows the friends we make online are no different from any other way, except they nearly all live too far to see more than once in a blue moon. So I'm more or less free now, no more searching required at last and sent about 10 councils emails looking for these signs, two have come back negative but more are investigating, and I can easily email every one for 50 miles just in case. Maybe it'll be a girlfriend next. It can happen.

In the gap

I am currently battling the boredom gremlin, it comes and goes, sometimes with its cousin the hopeless gremlin. I see the current of guidance continue, but is so bloody slow and trivial a lot of the time it isn't quite dramatic enough yet to take me out of it. Nothing's bad now, but no real profit. No big win. No effort or planning required for those, we all buy a ticket and a few people who did exactly what the others did get a big win. No different from life. Qualifications are the equivalent of being rich enough to buy a few hundred tickets, but the quality of life they give you is not. That is the difference.

Philosophy out of the way I am still hoping for a little more, a larger profit. How long do I need to wait? You don't get a prize when you're no longer able to use it. I could have a child at 80 but how long would I have to get to know it? That's what I mean. Or fame. After months of inactivity my Youtube enlightenment videos have all arrived again though, taking me back to my main plan after a detour. And making a few more videos myself again. Tomorrow is a bit of a test (like the world will listen), I have no plans or ideas or expectations, just time and space. Someone offered a possible sign exactly where I was planning to go on Sunday, although I thought I'd looked there already. That will be interesting. If it's all guided then even the speed (lack of it) is for a purpose. But why make me bored or impatient? I can't do much with that can I?

Things appear to finally be aiming where I want whatever I seem to do now, but the pace is incredibly slow. I don't appreciate hours in front of this screen as there's nothing better to do, I get little out of it and expect few others do. But even my inspiration seems not to be mine. I just get an idea. It wasn't one I'd finally worked out, but one that could have come to me at any time. My latest music video is a tune I heard in a dream, and although in the past the inspiration and guidance was rare, it seems once I had an event beyond the random coincidences we all get, the guidance has now been continuous. Each time I think I've run out then something arrives, for weeks now. I hope no more signs turn up the other side of London, that's beyond the call of duty, but any others within 30 miles are welcome if they arrive. I've now emailed some councils asking if they have any hiding as Streetview is good for direction signs at junctions but not any others. I will see there. But it seems now I've run out of this project the enlightenment one may pick back up, as if that comes then the ups and downs won't matter, so I'm told.

Al Gore, leader of the underworld

We rarely get second chances in life but a saviour came my way at the weekend, first finding a sign I missed as it was too dark to see, and then London's only known pre-1963 warning sign (minus triangle on top) meant I was all over East London till today. The first sign had no paint and unlike his daytime shot the flash rendered the first name invisible. No matter, CANNING TOWN below was just legible as well as A13 at the top and can't help the odd ricket when taking photos. But at last I have a London warning sign and may ask if I can get the triangle back on (about £20).

I've been busy working this week, it's been in bunches as long as I remember and followed another drought where everyone starts and stops within a week of each other. Like women who start menstruating together although no hormones are exchanged in these cases. Accounts to enter tomorrow, 3 months have been saved for me, the quarterly entry is months late and out of my hands, I only do what I'm asked to do. It was my only outside job (across the road) until the marriage broke up so the stuff arrives in a bag now to do right here. Meanwhile the councils are behaving nicely, letting me know they are on the case and will let me know when they get a result, except one I will email soon to see what the fucking hell he thinks he's doing. Basically if it's a no, then tell me, and if it's a wait then tell me. You don't just vanish for nearly two months after a phone call and email from me giving him all the information he asked me for. He was a nice bloke but what sort of sense and manners does it make just to leave it alone whatever the outcome?

Plans? Well I was bloody tired after coming in from all directions at 1am (to avoid the traffic taking signs) and had today in this chair to recover. Tomorrow is accounts and some gardening, and Saturday suspect more accounts and gardening. I must trust the future as long as tomorrow is covered each day. I didn't search for the latest sign, besides a tagged photo search, but someone else found it for me. I just need one photo of one complete with a triangle now but not having one I could have got for 40 years made sure I took every one however inconvenient it was to get there, including two trips to New Cross in three days. Whitechapel and Clapton last two as well. I'm Streetviewing every road in London now in case and suspect every humped or metered road ripped out anything old when they were fucking it up for the motorists. I barely see a residential road without humps and I'd like to stick brambles up every councillor's wife's vagina so they know how they make us feel in our cars. Like an eye for an eye but a little lower and ruder.

So I must stop any impatience as although today was relaxing so little happened and so little is known ahead it is getting boring already. The media are still silent, two TV and one paper is currently still alive although more dormant than Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh (a volcano which last erupted millions of years ago). The women are not dormant, they are dead so I must start from scratch with no one from my past now on the system. Without being married 24 years (mostly) doing one woman is getting close. I did stop for girlfriends but got right back on after each. Needless to say she wasn't single or bothered either, just a very long term habit we'd become used to. That's now finally moved on and discovered there wasn't anyone left to fill that space.

How long it will take for the new data on global (not) warming to reach enough people to kill the myth altogether is a sociological conundrum. Each week more data arrives showing ice did not melt in the past or present as temperatures rose, CO2 concentrations are within normal levels and rose after the temperature anyway, carbon credits are fraud, carbon taxes are theft (obtaining money by deception), polar bears are thriving, and most of all average temperatures stopped rising in 1998.

The religious propensity of the warmists is such it rejects all and every item of material that doesn't fit their bible (written by Al Gore, who makes Rupert Murdoch seem human), and they are quickly becoming as much of an enemy as muslim terrorists, who just killed a 7 year old Israeli boy with an axe 'for occupying Arab lands' as quoted by Hamas who carried it out. I think that says it all. So far no green activists have murdered anyone, but by slowly reducing power in poor areas people will die of cold (yes, it still gets cold, you wouldn't believe it after listening to them for a while) and related illnesses so in a way they are just as dangerous and harder to trace cause and effect. Rich people can afford carbon taxes but as we all have to pay the same ones then it will come from the food and heating budgets for many. The warmists are wrong, cruel and mentally naive and their leaders who like me, know the truth, are pure evil. Of course Al Gore knows it's a crock and laughs his arse off every day watching the masses run around and do his work for him willingly. What a fucking arsehole he truly is.