Saturday, April 11, 2009

In the gap

I am currently battling the boredom gremlin, it comes and goes, sometimes with its cousin the hopeless gremlin. I see the current of guidance continue, but is so bloody slow and trivial a lot of the time it isn't quite dramatic enough yet to take me out of it. Nothing's bad now, but no real profit. No big win. No effort or planning required for those, we all buy a ticket and a few people who did exactly what the others did get a big win. No different from life. Qualifications are the equivalent of being rich enough to buy a few hundred tickets, but the quality of life they give you is not. That is the difference.

Philosophy out of the way I am still hoping for a little more, a larger profit. How long do I need to wait? You don't get a prize when you're no longer able to use it. I could have a child at 80 but how long would I have to get to know it? That's what I mean. Or fame. After months of inactivity my Youtube enlightenment videos have all arrived again though, taking me back to my main plan after a detour. And making a few more videos myself again. Tomorrow is a bit of a test (like the world will listen), I have no plans or ideas or expectations, just time and space. Someone offered a possible sign exactly where I was planning to go on Sunday, although I thought I'd looked there already. That will be interesting. If it's all guided then even the speed (lack of it) is for a purpose. But why make me bored or impatient? I can't do much with that can I?

Things appear to finally be aiming where I want whatever I seem to do now, but the pace is incredibly slow. I don't appreciate hours in front of this screen as there's nothing better to do, I get little out of it and expect few others do. But even my inspiration seems not to be mine. I just get an idea. It wasn't one I'd finally worked out, but one that could have come to me at any time. My latest music video is a tune I heard in a dream, and although in the past the inspiration and guidance was rare, it seems once I had an event beyond the random coincidences we all get, the guidance has now been continuous. Each time I think I've run out then something arrives, for weeks now. I hope no more signs turn up the other side of London, that's beyond the call of duty, but any others within 30 miles are welcome if they arrive. I've now emailed some councils asking if they have any hiding as Streetview is good for direction signs at junctions but not any others. I will see there. But it seems now I've run out of this project the enlightenment one may pick back up, as if that comes then the ups and downs won't matter, so I'm told.


diver said...

Great compact lucid post David, I really got a feel for your current battle with those baaaastard bored and hopeless gremlins :(

I hope the universe lobs a nice surprise on you or something. If that's what you want. Cheers.

David said...

Thanks Diver, I could be expected to be thankful for what I have but you know when it's not enough. And these are the ones we can't control but follow like a soap unfolds as powerless observers.