Sunday, December 19, 2010

Changing my thoughts?

I hope I'm slowly finding my way. Firstly, when I hear advice and criticism I always check it out. I suspect either I'm missing a bit with the changing your thoughts formula or it's not as it seems. All I know is our thoughts and feelings come first, we can't change our feelings for the better directly, we can learn to get more information so we understand what we're doing, but changing your thoughts to me is about learning and no more. Breaking habits is not exactly changing but suppressing your thoughts, as if you see negative thoughts they're no more your fault than a headache, but do have a choice to act on them. In fact even negative thoughts are only based on a lack of information and if you knew the full picture would either go away on their own or know the unfortunate truth and have to live with it. Only meditation is the indirect way besides drugs to make yourself feel better, but without poisoning yourself. That tends to be slow, intermittent and unreliable so unless you go on antidepressants, which won't make you happy either but stop you sinking too low, that's just how it is. Enlightenment is the only escape and we can't get that quickly or easily either but all I can aim for ultimately as the next level above our lower level of emotions.

Logic aside, just knowing I am awareness doesn't get you or me enlightened, but is a doorway to it in seconds. I am aware of this, it changes nothing for me but focuses my being from the body to the space in the present. The more you focus the further you go through this doorway, and you can do it anywhere. It's not based on understanding but persistence and direct awareness as a result.

Back here the snow came today and stopped me going anywhere besides walking around to see the carnage, one total anus was driving his van down a sideroad while continuing to use the phone as he would on a motorway or other road in normal weather. The trouble is in a van he's far more likely to kill someone else, blame it on the snow and get no consequences whatsoever. Not my problem or business as I well know but they are everywhere and we can only ignore them as we do the dogshit all over the same streets, and just avoid it when we see it. Other than the live chat christmas quiz not letting me in tonight, the normal one has worked weekly or more for seven years and the one new event I can't attend and join in, but not the worst thing that could happen. The snow isn't expected to go in a hurry and may not be able to carry on what I normally do for some time. Even the main roads are unusable so unless that changes suddenly without the temperature rising above zero that will continue.
I have also started Falun Gong, having found the exercises in the book are online so no need to turn pages while exercising (I presume they expect someone else to do it for you), and will continue as long as I can now. It looks like good stuff and although I'm not yet sure how you get your initiations without the master no doubt will discover more.

Last week demonstrated what a waste making plans is. The builders never arrived despite tying me up for three days waiting to hear from them, whether they went yesterday when it was dry is anyone's guess but don't have to go back now as far as I know. I had plan Bs every day, even if only thought of on the spot, but collected videos, photos and more quiz victories online and did a little work as well. Last night I actually heard a piece of music from the 60s in a dream I'd forgotten about over 40 years ago, and now posted it in the usual places to see if anyone knows which TV programme it was from. Needless to say it was impossible to get the car serviced as it was on standby each day, and no call back from the barber as usual, in fact nobody except the Open University who informed me why they don't sell videos. But they may now add some on Youtube so may still get to see some again. Anyway, I will sum up the changing thoughts situation I have so far, if I know exactly what's happening then I can do the right things about it, if not I'm not sure, and without information our minds tend to try and protect us and assume the worst. That can be ignored but not prevented as it's natural, and our feelings only react either to events or completely at random. Often they barely react to thoughts so whatever you think or do that is how you feel till it passes, just like the snow. Now if I'm missing a bit I want to know what it is as I'm a bit lost here.

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