Monday, December 06, 2010

Got the message

I must have got in a rut as just pointed out, the fact the snow and ice made going out a dangerous ordeal (loads of people have had car accidents and falls etc) and it gets dark at 4pm so little worth doing outside after that till March made whatever situation was here come into real focus. I remember there used to be plenty of humour, and do have a number of people who ring me up every day or two with their problems, and my work which is only that, and seems like nearly everything I've heard for weeks have been other people's problems on the phone while just nodding and listening. You can't boot people out of your life, especially a specific few, so if they're on a roll for weeks, months or even years in some cases you just have to take it as they'd either become very upset if you mentioned it (too old and set in their ways to change believe me) or take no notice and carry on. And the few who do see me are usually the same people so just get it directly instead when I do. No wonder I've been joining in, and deliberately not to any specific person as I know just what it feels like and nothing can be done to help.

I do also talk about enlightenment, which of course is the only known escape from any of this, ups as well as downs as they tend to cancel out over time. But life brings phases for much of the time so I hope this is just one more of those, and as I know from experience, once you become aware of one then it has to go as a result. Hopefully that's mainly what was required. But unlike the friends I had here who have made themselves partially or totally unavailable until the last regular was gone, the people on the internet are like them but unavailable in person purely from distance. Over the years I've gradually met some when they've been in London, and met my last girlfriend online. Even my neighbour who used to borrow me for anything he needed help for is now divorced and miles away, and not speaking to me over a business matter where he expected me to go along with his plans without even telling me, and is now calling me a liar as he's pretending he did. The fact I worked for him for 11 years and know his routines means trying to bluff his own employee who dug him out of similar situations for years means he clearly thinks I'm as much of a moron as he considers everyone else he deals with. But one less person anyhow.

So let's see what happens now. Energy is a neutral driving force, like radio frequency, and when it becomes a low level then everything else reflects it. It's really outside our being as it's actually the fuel that drives our lives, and have yet to find a single way to change it by choice. It is much like the weather and unlike the IPCC I accept we can't change either by efforts, however expensive or complex. But seeing it and knowing it is half the job, things definitely haven't been as bad as it sounds, but realised the high spots that do come are no more than that and while peaks do return back to more or less the same place however high each may be. That is more of an equation to solve than anything else, and so far have mainly see these things change on their own than by anything we try and do to fix it. I'm quite used to being able to solve most problems so don't like it when I finally come across one that doesn't even seem to have a way in to start. That's a challenge and although I trust it will change naturally if there's a rain dance or something I can do to help (like the IPCC are trying) I'd probably be as deluded as they are.

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