Friday, September 17, 2004

I can be naughty now!

Having spent 44 years trying to keep a perfect record in life, life came back recently to show me I didn't have to. Within a couple of weeks I found myself in two situations where I was the 'naughty boy', and up till then I'd always done 'the right thing' as I believed I had to keep a totally clean sheet on the behaviour front. What an effort that could be as well!
But this time, the 'right thing' option the first time would have got me into so much trouble (I won't go into details of the events, but they were the sort of thing we all get caught in from time to time, just bad calls or mistakes) I decided to keep quiet and keep myself out of trouble.
I felt a bit guilty, but knew I had no choice as I'd have to live with a very irate person had I done the usual 'Jesus' type act, and then I got in another little scrape, and unlike my normal action, kept my head down.

The lesson was, it was normal to be like this. Life and people aren't perfect, even when they try to be. All I'd done was make the eventual failure delayed and like a no claims bonus or clean driving licence, both of which I'd long since lost, life itself has to take a few black marks or endorsements as that's its nature, and the unnecessary effort I'd made to try and keep it perfect in every situation had finally not been effective. It's some kind of freedom now being able to be a 'naughty boy' and not feel guilty about it. If we all made a list of all the things we'd done wrong, like when I peed on the toilet seat at my Uncle's when I was about 11 and my cousin got the blame, or if you'd chucked rubbish into someone else's garden (which sometimes happens round here) it will become clear we can't help being naughty at times, big deal. I'd built up such an aura about never doing anything wrong I'd almost become paranoid about it, and also when we inevitably fail we feel all the worse for doing something once most people do regularly.

So now, after 44 years of attempted sainthood, I'm off the hook. If I accidentally break someone's ornament or spread a nasty bit of gossip I was told to keep quiet, I don't care! What a weight off my mind, I can be human now and not an angel!


Anonymous said...

Ah, what a wonderful realization. So many perfectionists set themselves up as angelic images of flawlessness and it takes many years to break that down and see the real person underneath. Good for you!

Anonymous said...

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found this link on a search thru aol