Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Up down and sideways

Ups and downs really, in theory I have been told I have nothing to feel guilty for, I do as much as anyone else if I don't look at what I used to do but don't now. And I went to Brent Cross so not all lost. In practice there literally wasn't anything to do offline except a trip to the health food shop and some really shitty chores tomorrow. It's on the borderline of adequate but I know the difference. I think the rest of the week should be free but that means no work either, and the last clients didn't like me. Enough do but the ones who seem to get on fine and then vanish are a mystery. One probably thought I fancied her (the cat was a lot more fanciable, even the neighbour's one which is a male) but it was staring in pure horror if I did... No names so I can say what I like.

Leisure wise I intend to go to Hampstead next, not quite repeats for houses and people in the High Street if I can stop safely there. I am now even paying for meters when available to get photos but you only pay the minimum. The barber let me down big time so at least the old one will profit and she was better anyway. My hair looks like Einstein's now (less but similar) and people are assuming I'm homeless. No, just sexless. An article I just read told me many of my symptoms are from lack of pleasure which made sense to me. I barely touch a woman nowadays which isn't good for me, and barely speak to anyone from day to day. Physical symptoms should improve if life improved. How will that happen I wonder?

Otherwise I have the time to get more jobs done, and there's little light to take photos late so trips will be made elsewhere at last. New glasses (I can't manage with one pair really), cat supplies etc etc. Fascinating and necessary. Then selling some albums at last. No profits, just publicity. I nearly asked somewhere yesterday except I had no sample with me and they had no computer to look at the originals. I'll return and many more places to try.
If any week of my life provides more than I hope for it could be a miracle, but I live in hope.

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