Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Wednesday, just

Wednesday, 12.19am. My activities have been more mental than physical recently, planning the next ones but only getting the one trip to Belsize Park for some photos, and then after thinking I'd run out working out a few new places to go next.

Now the blogs are alive again I can read and link and comment like I used to. How long it'll take to get the numbers up remains to be seen but in the meantime I'm learning new tricks to add to my current method of releasing emotions as a barrier to peace and enlightenment. Whether or not we're designed like that, they say our emotions cover the peace below and only by dissolving or releasing them can we escape their effect on our lives. The good ones are still not as good as the alternative, we are told, and I believe it. They last such a short time anyway there really isn't much point in having them again once we know what they're like, and they are all energy, whether good or bad. And that energy is blocking something better apparently.
The old method which I have used a little for a few years seems to rarely have an effect, the new method which I have added may help faster and is actually aiming at the identical thing so they don't conflict.

Meanwhile I'm on a mission to prove whether or not oven chips are potato or man made stuff as my grandma doesn't believe they cobble them up from scrapings. I just discovered Pringles are so shaped as they are sawn off a block of potato cement, although they still taste pretty good unlike the inedible dreck produced by the company that isn't MacDonald's but just as awful. Since my own chip fryer died I don't make them and rarely buy them, but my waist is a few inches smaller so have made a profit. But I remember when oven chips first came out they said they had to make them from powder and chemicals otherwise they wouldn't cook properly in the oven. Well guess what, they don't. If you want a chip that has a texture like it's come out of someone's arse, then be a lazy sod and cook them in the oven, or almost as bad, in the microwave. But if you actually want a proper one you have to fry potatoes. That's the only way and always was. It's nigh on impossible to find this stuff online so I had to put out an appeal on my usual site.

Otherwise I am carrying on day by day, my albums will arrive this week and when I can be bothered will show them to the library in case they want more. Then 200 prints looking for an album, so off to Woolworth's whose are a third of the price of the rest. Various bits of plans for the week similar to the last few, but they turned out OK more or less. Of course the planned TV release online for August has been and almost gone, and I doubt the next few months will show any more. Next trip is to be Crouch End and hopefully on Thursday. What an exciting life I lead! But the results, in the form of albums as well as many station pictures used in a London guide site (unpaid but happy to be used) do mean they have a future use once taken. Despite every person on earth with a couple of fingers can equally take a good photo from day one not everyone does. I've no idea why but my only talent is knowing what to take rather than taking it. I see potential places waiting to be taken and just collect them. Some of my best recently were even people who got into the shot and when I blew them up afterwards found they looked really interesting. Now I take people I see deliberately but none have been quite as weird as the accidental ones, besides a dog. One woman today turned round before I could get her and I didn't have time to zoom in either. The others looked very ordinary and random photos of people are just that, random, good and bad photographically. So now I snap them almost at random and collect the good ones, as the places can all become used up but you'll never see the same people there together. Now whether any of these pursuits will make me famous or enlightened I have yet to see but they are better than not.

Saturday, August 25, 2007


Back again, I've been too busy till now to read many blogs or comment on them but glad to see hundreds active and many are new. Today was warm for the first time in weeks, although I spent it indoors playing a live quiz and ordering my 2nd photo album to get a two for one offer before next month. I managed to get enough new photos this week to pad it out as getting 100 plus photos worth immortalising in a book is not that easy. I made the second of mainly people, most who had accidentally crept into view when I took somewhere else and turned up when I uploaded them. I've started doing a few choice ones deliberately but the main ones didn't show up till I got them on the computer and I blew them up.

I've been consistently busy this week although nothing in particular was done it was all done well. It's a relief having a mobile phone working again, I really rely on it and am waiting to pick up someone's spare one when he bothers to bring it so I have a reserve. The unexpected highlight of the week was being told I look like Manfred Mann. Now if you compare any Jewish guy with dark hair and glasses we all look like relatives, David Baddiel, Ian Broudie and the not quite Jewish Ben Elton, so hardly a surprise I suppose, I'll need to ask a few other people to decide as well. There is clearly a basic similarity we all share but I'll be interested to see if there's more than that- another reason to grow that beard again, although mine would now be fairly hard to define as not much colour is left in it. At least it would give my grandma something to moan about every time I saw here, 'Oh no, you're growing a beard, what do you want a beard for?', 'Why do you keep that beard, you look homeless' etc etc. All I need. But I will see. 4 weeks is all it takes for the full rabbi or just a goatee. And 5 minutes to get rid. I am approaching 50 so looking old is hardly something worth trying to avoid any more, and Manfred seems to have had his since it started growing and no one complained then, although till the mid 70s beards were a lot more popular. No more moustaches for me though, I had them for years and the photos are embarrassing, I just looked like Manuel from Fawlty Towers.

A few other people have finally tuned into my 60s pop videos, I posted them all over Funtrivia but only weeks later have a couple of people responded, both Manfred fans, and although my own musical abilities are going to need at least a year of work to play well enough to get 3 minutes without a mistake at least I feel more the part now. I played in practice bands for years, most were shit and one was OK but boring, and we never played in public, they just seemed to want me to practice the songs with as I could play them all by ear. I think I only ever played in a real group playing folk songs for someone's leaving party at work a couple of times (the room was too small for one party). That was me on keyboard/drum machine, a rhythm guitarist and three singers. Great fun actually, I must listen to the tape again now if I can find it, that was 22 years ago!
I did however play a number of solos, besides the only other time when I was 20 and my musician grandpa asked a bar band in our hotel in Washington if I could play with them, and I spent about 15 minutes playing blues piano with about three others on drums and guitars. That was pretty amazing although there weren't many people there to listen. My usual performances were boring routines as background for parties, although once I played in a comedy evening interval (OK, I've told this one before) when the main act didn't turn up and they let me fill in, where I sang Ivor Bigun songs (I'm a wanker, I've farted and My Brother's got Piles...). It went down pretty well except my friend's mother didn't speak to me for 6 months. Her problem. Jenny Eclair topped the bill talking about periods so I reckoned I was only continuing the theme.

Since then I've rarely played at jewish functions, the last being about 6 years ago. I was fed up playing the same bloody routine to many people who didn't care or listen, and am now branching off into other related areas, but youtube at least gave me the chance to try out some new ideas which I did totally unrehearsed and often improvised, just for the fun of it. Just look up user satguru and you will see them. Had I got a digital video (not a still camera with a few seconds of extra movies) I would polish them a lot better, but they are purely experimental. But I think I've proved it's not how old you were in the 60s that counts but whether it left an impression on you. I was formed then and am now being reformed in that image regardless of the decade around me. Like a time slip, an oasis of 1967 in permanent existence, growing more and more into the authentic person I would have been had I been this age then, until it becomes my total being and affects those around me. Already just the memories that have come flooding back from my own efforts finding material to remind them has set the ball rolling, and if I end up looking the full part then it'll finish the job.

I was relieved Jonty lasted the eviction in Big Brother last night (by 0.1%). Sadly looking around people think he's mental so is unlikely to win, but he's not mental, just too interesting and intelligent for the plebs to understand him. He is easily the most entertaining member since Eugene and Jon Tickle and deserves to win for that reason alone. You can't put on a character like his, it's pure realism. If you're in the UK give him a chance, stop the evil twins from shitforbrains land winning. That'll be the lowest point in BB ever. Class not banality or curiosity (Nadia) should win for a change. I got on TV myself as I told Jason in 2004 I voted for him 5 times and he shook my hand, which was shown on C4 in winner's week. I spent £1 and got my reward 100 times over. I didn't even remember them filming that bit but they were follwing him the whole time he was with us.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Blogging revival

Well blogging is alive and well, fuck knows how any others actually found the thousands of active new blogs (and one from 2001) I am coming across now we can search again. So I will be writing like a dervish again as I know people may read it. It was raining most of today although I got half an hour on my bike for some exercise and photos, and then ordered 220 photos as there's a free offer, and will order a second photo book next for a two for one offer.

Not that amazingly I can't remember what I did yesterday, although I know I was busy. If I work it out now I'll get it, but straight off the day is a blank until I went to grandma. It's because there really isn't any reason to remember yesterday or any other unless something happened worth remembering, otherwise you should move on and stick in the present. Oh, of course. I stayed in until a friend from Manchester arrived for a quick trip here before she had to get the train home. I knew I did something. First time for a couple of years as well but it's not a big deal.
The rest of the week is free, I have kept a list going to make sure I'm not stranded with nothing to do, depending on the rain. The optician is away this week but have just thought of a new photo trip to Belsize Park which is one I can exploit for a few decent shots. Other than that routine shopping and indoors order the next photo album. No work this week but no great loss. A friend just said how much better it would be if I worked instead of went out and took pictures and I thought no way thank you, it's a privilege to be able to go out and take photos and as long as I pay my bills who cares about the detail. Once I run out of photos I'd like something new to keep me busy but it needn't be work.

I just read a psychotherapist who was admitting to personality faults. I think in fact they weren't faults, just things other people don't like. Selfish and cynical? Well we have to look after ourselves first, so guilty, and cynical? Well spend 47 years in London and the UK and who wouldn't be? So I can't see either of these as faults. I've been accused of being arrogant and childish. I'll analyse these, firstly the alternative to arrogance is false modesty, which is far worse if you are actually able to do things better than most. And being childish is the way Jesus said would get you to heaven, so I'll keep that one as well and laugh at farts, bottoms, toilets, holes, incontinence, sanitary protection, Basil Brush, fanny batter, foreigners, mucus and enemas. If that's childish I'll literally have the last laugh as at least there's plenty left to laugh at when most people claim not to. Anyway, it's quiz time, the only reason I stayed up, so I'd better get on or it'll be another late one. I'm watching the stats closely now to see if the hits start rising again. Fame is approaching at last? My arse...

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Blogging is back

Well I think now blogger have set our profile links this medium will soon be revived, maybe even busier than 'old blogger' which was 100 times better than the new one, like most modern transformations. Where simplify means ripoff and streamline means abolish. Labour bollockspeak.

Anyway, it's been a mixture of weddings and funerals, metaphorically speaking, in Kingsbury at the moment. Women of various types are coming and going, with none providing all my needs and few providing more than a bare minimum. More than usual anyway. I'm also running out of places to take photos, inevitable really, although I have to order some prints soon while there's a free offer and 2 books for the price of one. Otherwise business as usual, no work at all at the moment which doesn't really matter, and little else. Back to planning no more than the next day if possible, but today not at all in advance as there was nothing to do besides a couple of things either stopped by the rain or a person's holiday absence. None more than routine trips, although at least my mobile phone was quickly and easily replaced yesterday so my 100s of customers (both of them, one who seems to have finished) can call me.

But hopefully I can now write expecting people to read it, and remind the new arrivals I've been blogging for the last year with no links so may be worth doing a bit of searching back for anything you would have missed. There's plenty there if there's nothing on TV. Like right now. Or the radio or really the internet. Hard with no one here to talk to. The seeds of insanity, stress and depression there. Anyway, I hope I find many more blogs to read now I can and it'll soon be like the old times or better. No comments for months till then.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Randomly speaking

As I had a bit of time to spare I just wondered what would happen. Watching the hurricane approach Jamaica on TV, it wouldn't really bother me much now but as my friends in Florida had none last year I wonder if any will hit them now, but it's a big state and needn't pass their part. Maybe if it does they may wonder if they should have come back or not. I have no idea what is going on there now as I'm not told. Big deal, it's thousands of miles away and doesn't change whether they stay or not so fuck it.

Otherwise a little progress in a few areas although after 2 weeks the charger on the new made in China not Finland mobile phone packed up, and I just hope the shop can replace it on its own. I don't want to reset another one already. It seems my 3rd (web) TV appearance could drag on indefinitely. August will move to October ad infinitum. A magazine I wrote an article for a couple of years ago they put online now say it won't be published for 2 more years. That's a fuck up of real proportions, as they aren't funded by Murdoch as my programme is. I can't ever see it happening, a real one man show and I've seen his work over a couple of years which I can only compare with an honest version of Nick Leeson.
I have also seen just now they are linking our profiles here again. I will check, I assume it isn't a lie and wonder why they stopped them for so long. If true I should bump up my hits again, at last. I think it's 3 months since I had a comment although I still get 10 hits a day (from 50).

Otherwise a productive week, possible woman on the scene although far from perfect but adequate where required to be. That makes a change believe me. Photos as usual all over the place, although hard to think where next. If the weather stays crap it'll be indoor work, writing or drawing. Can't produce too many creations and all articles have been published so far. One day if I was paid I could have a real job, or at least the makings of one. That pays well. Well it's late and bedtime so better stop before I say anything even more banal, not banana as it appeared to start to say. I have already gone bananas but only from stresss not insanity. Plenty of that in my life over the years. And sadly I'm not one to exaggerate. More than anyone's fair share.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Kundalini, God and siddhis

Sometimes it's better to wait than repeat the same daily dross which is life here. My friend in America said he wanted to come back, 2 weeks later he doesn't. Nothing new there. Meanwhile I'm being bombarded with arguments for and against God. No one can show god to others, if it's there we can only find it individually. No sense in the concept at all, if there's a gap in the wall I hope to find it, but although if you look you find a lot none are close to what god is supposed to be.

I have begun to poke around what they call kundalini (look it up guys!) and siddhis (ditto) and believe me many are real. I used methods known and secret which actually worked equally well for what they were meant to do, but either peak too soon or tail off very quickly. But what I've seen shows without a push we have latent powers within us all that in my case took minutes to release the first times I was given some help. People know how to do this and the easiest by far is clairvoyance. The stuff I pull in at random and when I tune in is as accurate as any film or photo when it works, and we are only simple 2 way transceivers of data. Tantra introduced me to the full power of sex, not even with anyone. Or anywhere 'downstairs' at all. That's just the 'usual' place to find it but it's everywhere once you open it up. No effort at all. And I've seen auras, coloured, grey and clear, but need to learn again on my own without the teacher's help.

But god? I don't think we can stray far from classical definitions. A power which is everywhere, created everything and knows everything. But what the fucking hell does he do once he's laid this enormous egg and left it to its own devices? Absolutely bugger all. If you buy a cat at least you feed it and clean after it, to him we'd be dumb animals and every mess we make we are left to tread in. No way Jose. It just doesn't fit together. Remember if god does exist it is within. Drugs release the closest experiences to god (apparently), of not then meditation as I do it. But it's not much and it doesn't really mean anything, just feels good. And god didn't make us all just to become hippies and drop out. Which is what I did in about 1997. Dropping out that is. I dropped in again in 2000 but the system spat me back onto the irresponsible pile where I remained, looking after my own needs rather than those of a greedy employer.

I'm virtually unemployable now, as my record confirms. I don't mind, I'm no longer used to work and use the time looking for god instead. And if I find clues, besides in me where were they? The 1960s. Youtube videos I often hadn't seen for 40 years, especially in black and white. I believe in 1967 something came into the world for a few years that took over many people between 5 and 35 and made them the closest to enlightened anyone has ever been before and since. All the slander of the hippies at the time and since has not been based on any more than contempt, as the real meaning was there for anyone to see and behind all the different faces of it at the time. So having confirmed the best route unfortunately as soon as the music stops I'm bac in 2007 and very little is left of it. So far. But it's a flame alive within me and now I know it was always there maybe it'll take me over and then spread to outside. It may not be god but at least it's real and accessible. Look at the faces of the singers in 1967. They were different. At peace. A deep happiness that came through everything they did regardless of any surface tension. Checkout Peter Paul and Mary or The mamas and the papas. They all had their ups and downs (especially when some died since) but they had it, whatever it was. Forget church, the Toronto experience, and LSD. Maharaji began his shtick at 14 in 1971, at the arse end of the hippy movement. I was lucky enough to find it (again, in 1971 I saw the posters but hadn't a clue what it was) in 1996, and is now my very weak route to inner success. No idea why at the moment it rarely has any power but it's the best I can do. And now and again it gets the voltage up, especially in a group.

So at the moment I see life as so. Everything we see is exactly all there is. No higher forces or intelligence, and any there are are what we can do when we try. We have hidden depths but life itself is random and cruel with no order or meaning. Coincidences show we must be connected at a level like telepathy, but aren't helpful, just evidential. All the ones I see just tell me they happen and not for any actual point. But people say they know god exists, you ask why and the answers you get are like the message you get in a dream. They are so weak they evaporate as soon as you wake up. Totally hopeless. I've never got a word of sense about why people are certain god exists besides they feel it. I feel a lot and the best way I've found to god isn't the way they find it. Unless they do. But that doesn't really last and you need something permanent which I have yet to get more than 1% towards if that isn't an illusion. Please add any new information as this is as far as I get.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Running out

How long can you have no job, friends as such or girlfriend and not run out of material? I've taken photos of every area besides Swiss Cottage and besides people in the street that travel opportunity is now running out as well. The new mobile phone's nice at least and have ordered the usual extras for it as it's pretty hard to find them in shops. Otherwise I am struggling for ideas.
The blogger scene has dried up more than a dead woman's fanny, I still can't understand how removing links from members is an 'improvement'? I used to both get regular comments and read new entries and now if any on my links get one a month besides the two busy ones it's a miracle. My hits went down 80% at the same time and they make themselves virtually impossible to contact although before they were taken over they did help me with a bug by email, although I think it fixed itself before they said they knew nothing about it.

So there is a little too much space, people phone I don't want to see and am feeling guilty for not calling back but don't want to see them anyway, the ones I want to see do exactly the same to me so basically I end up talking to the fucking computer again as always. The highlight of the week was sitting at traffic lights taking photos of the centreof Golders green.Oddly the police were (still?) in the station itself, the reason I hadn't gone inside last time, and can only wonder with all the burglaries around how they manage to spend their time chasing coloured (can I use that word?) people who may not have paid for a ticket. Sod the poor people with cars with no windows or radios, or people whose houses have boarded up windows for £300 while they are off harrassing people so poor they can't afford to use a car. The fares are so high now they haven't worked out it's actually cheaper to drive than use public transport, but it's basically the plebs who use the train besides the commuters in the rush hour and that's why the police love to bother them all.

I sometimes wonder if I said the sort of things that would get me banned from ever going on TV again and prosecuted it might get a squeak out of my non regular readers? I comment on every blog that's worth a reply, and once people did on mine. But the only controversial ideas I have are not for the general public and the rest is only common sense and pointing out things we all think but few say in public. That's not controversial, just daring. I may even exagerrate in the hope it may get someone to disagree, which only happened once when I said women pretend they don't want sex as much as men (not an exaggeration and one of my old friends from school threw a wobbly. Feminists have as much insight as someone who's drunk 2 bottles of whisky plus a few barbiturates. Their emotions fog their intellects so totally it's like trying to take a photo into the sun. The light of the emotions obscures everything else which others can see. I'll say it again here. If women admitted they wanted sex as much as men the crime rates would halve (OK, reduce) instantly. And the mental health problems. Women see sex as an embarrassing irritation compared to men, and when they repress and divert that desire they become like my old friend. Sad indeed.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Time and wind pass

Another day, another bottom dollar. I always prefer to think of these as dollars that come from your bottom than anything else, and for all I know they really are. I've had a usual week of many, highlight so far being stopped at lights in Golders Green long enough to take a complete view of the centre including people passing by. I also had to get a new mobile after dropping the other one one last time, although it did last nearly 4 years as besides not having a radio it did all I needed one to. This is half the weight and does the job, and costed next to nothing so little lost. So life goes on, no plans and the only client cancelled, stopping two others who wanted to come the same evening. They'll be back.

There's little point having many ideas now, I seem to be able to conjure activities each day from nowhere, and the next when I can be bothered is a photo trip to Swiss Cottage to complete the Finchley Road coverage. Fascinating. Meanwhile I wait like a twat for my TV programme #3 to be shown- on the fucking internet. Guess who's going to promote it if it is? Me. I doubt anyone else will bother. Imagine getting a £50 note and hiding it in a library book without telling anyone. Someone will find it eventually but if they don't know it's there they won't even look. Piss up and brewery situation here.
I seem to have almost reached the quota of 60s pop videos on Youtube from trawling the old charts, and my favourite (to watch) is Manfred Mann's 'My name is Jack'. They look just as I remember them when I saw it on Top if the Pops in 1967. That is my main link to the 60s now, and I will gradually revert back to a being of that era as I watch each time. Thank goodness for the internet.

Let's hope if and when my photos stop being inspired I get something else to keep me busy, no idea what until it happens, but it has kept me going for almost 2 years and can't see it lasting that much longer as there are only so many things to take. Meanwhile I just heard (while in the car) Alex Jones uncovered two US documents admitting global warming was a way to raise taxes and control the masses as I always knew. There's just no direct experience of it and only believed as people are told it's happening and fall for whatever they hear from the experts who are paid to lie. I was told of proof of councils and governments being paid off to accept developments, change policies and basically anything you can imagine just to do the bidding of the corporations. That's who they represent and at our expense. Anyway, I can't yet find these documents but if I do I'll make sure everyone knows. With oil at a record high all we need is more tax to stop us going further than the local shops.