Before I go to bed I felt I must come here. Few read any more, even fewer comment but it's my best method of conversation currently so stuff the details. I managed to get out in the car again once I realised my road was the only one left with snow on it, although the ice on the pavements wasn't a good idea to walk on for long. I ended up getting nothing but a free paper in the shops (the one item I wanted to find is apparently no longer being made) but got quite a few photos of the snow and other things so wasn't a total waste of time. I then began my watercolour after being asked about art deco houses, it's looking OK but for some reason I got one window a panel too high and can't really go over it as not oil or acrylic where you can get away with anything. It doesn't ruin it but no longer quite accurate.
Because of the snow I've been mainly indoors besides the quick food trip yesterday and the wander around today, it does become a bit of a cliche when the most interesting parts of the day are deciding what to eat, but you have to find the entertainment where it lies, and also last night did a full circle of online satsang, and realised it's the same as many academic areas where each teacher claims they have the sole answer when in fact each has a part of the picture and I reckon I've put them all together now, although the effects or otherwise are yet to be discovered. The snow's due to melt in a couple of days officially, unless it just stops but stays as ice like last year. So without going back and thinking about it I can't even remember if anything interesting's happened this week. The Test Match began a few hours ago and saw England get three wickets in the first three overs which is always entertaining and extremely rare against a decent team. Besides the usual parent visit in the evening tomorrow is still totally blank, and most of the things I'd like to buy on the way there will be closed by the time I get there so not sure if I'll fit anything like that in as well, and not if it's still icy.
The bottom line of enlightenment is of course what goes on outside is pretty irrelevant as you are no longer affected by it. But till then it's business (literally at times) as usual. I suspect the story may just go on forever unless you get off the train, and how many people honestly manage that? One guy who explains it pretty nicely actually believes it happens when it's ready and nothing we put in in the way of effort makes any difference, but then gives you a pile of things to do so presume it does work like the rest as expected. I'm sure he knows what he means but I'll keep working at it in case something happens.
So my actual plans are now being used up. The builder will be fixing the roof at my late grandparent's next week at least, although my own builder is now ill and may have to get the other guys to do what he was planning as well, as long as someone does I'll be ok. To the enlightened mind you don't care what happens as it's not even real to you and you're fine regardless, but to mine something decent would be nice. I'll keep producing more material for the media to accept or reject and anything else I can think of, and I agree talking about it doesn't change anything either.
It's time for more inspiration, where it comes from I don't know but beyond my scope. The Friends Reunited messages is up to five now, three down and two to add soon I expect. One woman who ran a mile from me and another who only met me when she was engaged to what she described as unstable but is still happily married. And it was a blind date. I do spend a lot of my time helping other people, paid and unpaid, and sometimes it would be nice for some back besides from my family. It's not too much to ask but too much to expect.
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2 comments:
You say and I quote, "Few read any more, even fewer comment". Well I have made a few constructive comments and they are not shown so what is the point of putting any comment, whatever of praise, critic or indifference, if you are selective with what you allow to be shown. Perhaps other viewers have had the same cut-off like me!
I have now got to the situation that I feel that I will give your blog another week or two and if it hasn't improved beyond the Woe is me repetitious epistles and the saga of looking for a woman then you slag of some. Any potential female companion you might get who happens to read your blog would be put off right away and wonder if she would be next to be criticised on it.
I really do think that you need a very good look at yourself and re-read your woeful blogs. Nobody is going to help you get out of your obvious depression other than yourself.
Get away from assuming that friendship is what is found on the internet. You need REAL friends that you can VISIT and they visit you.
You take very interesting photos for Flickr and you obviously have a very dedicated and important archive mission in many of your photos which I hope are put on DVDs and given to some museum. But I just wish you would get over your self-inflicted loneliness and mix with REAL people not just via the falseness of the internet. I have also that it appears to me that you lack humour in your life and the ability to even have a laugh about yourself. You take life too seriously.
I do hope that your next blogs will reflect a more positive change to your lifestyle and the removal of your depression. Oh and before you say I don't know about depression I have been there myself and I had a mother who was in chronic suicidal depression for over ten years.
When I said few that includes people, but when I started this blogger was a thriving community, linked up by places and interests (they are now but lost most readers when they stopped it) and I was getting 50 hits a day and had a small group of commentors at least. I only get about 10 hits on a good day now and can't return the compliment as most people have stopped posting or deleted altogether. I've published all yours just now but Hotmail suddenly stopped telling me I'd had a comment so you had four sitting there as I rely on it to tell me. That very rarely happens.
Of course I prefer a real life, who doesn't, but I'll read everything else tomorrow and reply to them. I didn't realise I was complaining quite as much, although I do avoid doing so in real life as I know people can't do anything about it, so it all ended up elsewhere as you pointed out.
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