Keeping busy

Well, though a bit of a mess I do seem to have been living a bit more this week. The video idea has taken off as when I take them I also find many new views of old places to take photos of. So Golders Green and Temple Fortune have been totally blitzed, plus a very nice walk in the park along the North Circular I don't remember using for ages.

I just found a name on Friends Reunited who is in my top 5 women of all time. Nothing happened as I met her here but she returned home 100 miles away that night and that was it. I phoned her a while after and she had a boyfriend and that was it. Now we're 47 or so, almost 30 years later, I have never forgotten her as one of the few who got away and she probably forgot about me the next day. I think it's the right person although she seems to be in a different place but the age is right and not a common name, I then need her to actually want to reply if it is indeed her although many can't remember who I am when they do.

The new boiler is promised for the weekend, it wasn't as cold as yesterday thank god so just coping. Nothing much else either way but the accounts appear to be over at least although I have sod all other work at the moment although the advertising I just bought may change all that soon. The cat's asleep on the keyboard now so rather than type round her I may as well stop while I'm ahead. Maybe I should write a few entries made up of questions so I can get some comments. Didn't work last time though...

Dross, bogies and a few farts

I've been fairly busy farting around so far. The video idea has gone well, 48 seconds of blurry underwater scenes with barely audible sound to share on youtube has got me poking around old haunts again and taking photos from motorway bridges. I've got to do something with all this dead time on my own. No work this week (not a bad thing) but the boiler is now officially dead (prayers were said earlier) and my next prayers were for the new one to be in by the weekend. It was old (when I bought it as well) though.

I'm still working on bending forks having had an official online tutorial, no luck yet but now I somehow believe I can. Tomorrow is free plus a possible visitor in the evening. I have a list of little errands to do, none urgent but all useful and keep me busy. At least I've managed to take someone with me a couple of times recently as for a few years now I've done most of these trips alone. I think everyone knows a few people who always fart in the car and at least the current people don't do that. Opening windows seems to have no effect and our local petrol station used to sell the most amazing little car air spray in the 70s my father kept in his Mini and pointed back to me regularly as I was the person back then. Once I learnt to eat slowly it stopped happening. Simple remedy really.

My other little job working at Funtrivia has gone into meltdown, for some reason everyone is fighting regardless what we do or say and has kept me far too busy recently. If I could give classes how to get on I would as I do this privately and know how to myself. It's the easiest thing on earth, based on being passive or assertive depending if you're on the attack or defence. Arguing is basically superfluous to life and can be stopped forever in minutes if anyone really wanted to. I think it's often a way of relieving pressure in life and also keeps people busy. It also pisses off nearly everyone else and starts many others off who are normally quiet. Bad news.

I stopped sleeping with a parcel (not even for me) and then a plumber this morning, had I been busy tomorrow I'd be going to bed now but what's the point. I hope all this blog trawling may attract a few more visitors as it's more active than ever before, but not yet on mine again. At least the new arrivals haven't read all this before but then again I did used to write about philosophy, but really run out. I am told there is a paradise beneath our emotions, taught how to slowly get there and have found none besides that from meditation which is a peak not a trough so won't last. A bit technical but you can't get north if you travel south and that is why I can't find that place from meditation. The other place is pretty good but lasts for minutes when you are lucky enough to find it.

Typical entry

Strangely now links have been returned my hits have now halved! So people maybe finding this never return? Who can tell (espcially as hardly anyone comments). But my own readings of this see it reflect my life as an endless weekly repetition which bores me in reality and again when recalling it, so I can't blame anyone else for giving up.

I can't provide much more philosophy as there's none left. I do read and learn new bits and pieces, some potential and some even less certain, so why mention them unless they work? I have read why emotions are unhelpful, in theory again, but says they are all hiding the true peace beneath, good or bad. How we were made to be better after working to change ourselves is odd, but true as meditation opens new places up as well I doubt many people will ever see if they don't. So if there is a total peace underneath then finding that should be enlightenment. There can only be one constant higher state and that is not a peak state either but our true nature hidden by the energy in its way. Apparently. I have the methods from the book so will keep using them. They follow Nick Roach's view, but are less general and more direct so seem like a focused way of applying them. I will keep doing it and see.

Otherwise last week was much like the last 30. Photos, plus now a few local little video trips, broken boiler and a little work. I am fascinated after an online lesson how to bend metal and will be working on it for some time now in case it does what it appears to. If I can get one reliable and useful power then I reckon I'll have a door open to a superior way of life. Look what it did for Uri Geller's. That would get me some TV coverage for sure. And it should get paid as well. Actual qualifications and talents are lucky to get you much now unless they are part of the few chartered ones I never managed, mainly through lack of a maths O level. My profession works as well as others, better in many cases, but is unlikely to get chartered for whatever reasons they invent.
The little list of hope is my 3rd TV appearance is advertised within 3 months. No date, but they would look pretty stupid giving that timescale if not decided yet. My 4th is not in doubt and is pencilled in for January although not in the UK. When I read lists of TV and film appearances and chart hits I always wanted my own, and not a short one that peaked and dropped suddenly. I intend this one to continue for many years and reach the proper channels and audience eventually. I've no idea how many satellite programmes end up on real TV but the more you do then there's always a chance one might make it without even needing a new show to make.

So I'm back with a fork in my hand like in 1973, but with instructions this time. Bend! Bend! If I never go anywhere again I've still seen Uri twice and the day comes when you are fed up seeing others perform and want to be the performer instead. Behind the scenes I'm working on this and like a pupa appear asleep but inside something is being created to be released at an unknown date. If it paid for a move back to civilisation it would be a bonus, even on my own. And with enough money I can forget about having to earn more and let it all hang out. I may even try growing a beard again as far as image goes. Partly as the hair is beyond growing any more. And I just need one attractive woman who understands and accepts me as I am and it'll be made.

Figures everywhere

I've actually been pretty busy this week. Routine stuff but little time to stop and think crap thoughts. More accounts (will it ever end, and will I ever get paid?), saw a friend after and took photos from a motorway/railway bridge yesterday. Working tomorrow, fine but they wanted a (feh!) early appointment. Early for me anyway. The boiler was down for a few days, fixed on Monday and lasted a day, and magically came on again this evening. Fingers crossed. The cat was defleaed as well so should be a lot happier now. There's little else besides hoping to see my 3rd online TV programme this year. Each is a step to fame and I think maybe 10 minutes of scene will do more for recognition albeit in a different continent.

Otherwise there's nothing really to do one way or another, business or pleasure. I did realise like when there was nothing on TV before I had the internet I would meditate, and when all else stops I can always do that. You can't meditate too much. And if it works your actual circumstances matter less and less. I've still been too busy with work to read many more blogs so not surprised few more people have arrived since we've been linked again. Or I've become boring. Life has become boring a lot of the time and this reflects my life. What else I can mention besides that I'm not sure, except to say a few people are now beginning to recognise my abilities. They were finished by so much time on my own that it forced me to work out a lot about life and that is what taught me most of what I now know. It is of no practical use to me yet but does help others and answer most questions I'm given.

Unlike usual I am running out of material. I've used my time well today and deserve more really. More money for the work and any sex from the women. Not too much to ask really.

Another few days

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble Grubb. Inigo Pipkin, it's Inigo Pipkin, Inigo the puppet maker. On and on I go, covering the first 15 years of my life as that was the best. Then it got more and more difficult. Exams, work, I stopped growing. All that. Then my mother left home. Then I left home. Nothing's changed since then, hence my preferred return to the early 70s and before.

A few things have actually progressed this week, as well as getting my TV clip online there's a trailer for the next one (did I mention it already??) meaning it should happen. I had a good abductee session on Thursday (my unpaid job) and apparently connected to an alien myself. From little spots on obscure TV stations to being recognised in public may follow. Before they were famous clips always involve people already on TV, basically once you've been used you can equally become famous with anyone else. The accounts got every waking moment between clients and taking photos and I still can't produce a thing they actually want. I can't do any more than my best and if they don't tell me what I must do then I can't do it and just waste days of my time.

Bloody wore me out as well. At least I took one lot of photos with someone else again yesterday, makes all the difference. No sex or anything like it but it's an improvement. Unlike my blog hits. Even though there are more active bloggers than ever and the links are back only a couple of new people have found their way here. The counter is still as low as before and I haven't had time to read any since the accounts demand arrived on Tuesday. If the company goes bust and I don't get paid they'll be the last accounts I ever do. Thank god I'm not expected to be a fake surgeon instead of a fake accountant, at least no one can get physically injured, only financially, as I am employed to 'save money' but my lack of ability means it costs more in the end and I'm not surprised.

I suspect (as it hasn't been my experience for more than periods of a day or so) if I was part of a household again we'd share such burdens and life would be 3 dimensional again. And having someone else around takes my mind off the empty thoughts when on my own for days in a row. Terry Waite had his freedom taken away in ways we can all understand but having to live alone is the nearest thing without actually being in prison, and can make the sanest people lose it after long enough.
Well, let's see what the other bloggers have to say, there really are a lot of mentals out there now, I won't leave messages as they seem quite wrapped up in their own worlds and probably wouldn't even understand a normal comment compared to the weirdness they write. From spiritual philosophy to a diary of very little and complaints which repeat as regularly as my grandma's I can see the appeal of reading these entries going, but I see little or no spirituality in life having looked, and have reached reporting my days as they arrive with a few toilet words added for the salt and pepper. Izal, Bronco, Portaloo, Understains, Enemas, Fellatio, There's a pubic hair in my soup and Don't spit in the subway. I rest my case and my sanity.

Updating very little

Before I start looking up other blogs as I have the time and the means, I may as well report my own little activities. Firstly the activity hasn't changed here since the links were returned, whether people don't get me any more or the huge volume of new active blogs (at last) means there are too many to go round. I wonder if like radio callers some people prefer to read blogs than write them but as I am more of a writer I wouldn't know.

I've done very little more than usual, my father reminded me of some places round Sudbury and Harrow on the Hill which I did yesterday, and mainly got the stations. More crappy accounts today, the accountant left a request from May till now although urgent, and assumed we received it then as well, which we hadn't. He wants me to learn a new trick and get it done by Friday. He'll be lucky. Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel, if I wasn't so desperate for work I wouldn't take stuff which means I can be called any time of the day or night, often to do things I'm not qualified to do, and be paid the same as I was in 1998.
And get no thanks for it, only complaints after saying some of the work was beyond me.

Otherwise besides spending the rest of yesterday getting the video clip sorted for youtube it's been business as usual. Each week I have plans and hope for a little better, but just get what I expect. Maybe forever. Technically I have broken into the media now as planned for 46 years, although only just, so as will be shown over and over again may attract the attention of someone important eventually. Meanwhile I still have a little list of jobs fair and foul to keep me occupied for a week or two. If that's the best I'll ever get then so be it, and maybe it will force me to just stay in and meditate which is not dependent on outside events. Maybe if I start talking about bodily functions again, or worse, I'll get some readers back, but I may have used up that rich seam of faecal material. I've been doing it all my life and have to run out of combinations of ways of saying poo, fart and fanny eventually. But I know there are some people around like me who titter at the slightest mention of droppings in any form, so maybe that will return as my trademark. Not that I can help it anyway.

I'm on the telly!

You can now see me in my Mystery Hunters programme on Discovery Kids on Youtube



There was a little more at the start of the programme but it was easier to show the main clip without any more fiddling around.

Spiritual progress

The current theme is theory and practice. Someone finally noticed what I knew already, I can answer most people's questions about life. If they ask me anything technical that's another matter, but situations that affect us all I do know. But they also mean that I realise our limits. Understanding also means recognising what we can't do, and so far it appears most of life is damage limitation once it starts to unwind. But when other people only have one or two specific problems in an otherwise OK life I can probably fix it. Just what I do. The next step, the one beyond this is the spiritual. Feeling good despite the outside shite. Plenty of that, no shortage, and we need to become immune. I know the general view which was really born with the Buddha's enlightenment. But in fact since then a handful of individuals ever reach such a point, the rest devote their lives to that aim with some or no progress. Their answer uses reincarnation but that is a naive way to fix an equation when the true answer is it's almost impossible to achieve whatever you do.

There are two spiritual paths, the peak and the trough. They do not rule each other out, as the peaks often precede the trough, the same as a normal orgasm and a tantric orgasm. Now these are real as I can attest, and put the others to shame. Much harder to repeat though. The normal meditation can produce temporary highs but true enlightenment is a constant peace. Apparently. Now whether the teachers used the methods they recommend to reach their own is debatable except for Nick Roach, but all recommend one thing, focus on the now. Whichever aspect they choose it all involves altering your awareness to the present and the rest gradually wears away. But that can take a lifetime even if you follow it religiously. It took Nick 17 years and he's probably one of the few who made it at all. But Tony Parsons did suddenly with no practice at all, but recommends one very similar which he slipped into spontaneously. For peak experiences Maharaji did what he teaches, but we get random results despite identical practice, and even the peaks last for minutes so far, so I understand the limitations of that type of process. But I've got a million times more from that than the other sort which barely does anything. We can all switch our awareness from normal to witnessing where we are and what we're feeling, but little usually comes of it.

Buddha does describe stages of enlightenment, and this would mean if you practice presence you ought to work your way through these stages, some going all the way to the end. I appear to be going backwards in mine, but at least know there are no better ways to improve. Slow appears to be the word, whatever you are going to do, even if something happens quickly as it may it isn't easy to repeat. But what's the alternative? There isn't one. The effort I've put in alone should have shown some results, but I'm very dubious if there are any. But I'll carry on practicing as the alternative is not even trying.

Do we have the power?

I am still working on understanding how life turns out like a TV script. So much seems arranged, good or bad but similar phases. If the theory is true I am dreaming it all then I'm not writing this for anyone else as there's only me here. As god. I create everything, but not as the bible but hell, chaos. All is random and uncontrolled, until I learn to control it (possibly with the law of attraction, if it works) and become an adept. And whatever the mind conceives the control and awareness of the true situation is better than before, as that is in the messages.

Why it would be arranged to start with so much, lose it all gradually and end up with a house, qualifications and sod all is a mystery. I have family but have to make the effort to see them/vice versa, none live with me, and anyone who's read this will know my last regularly seen friend went away in 2002. One good thing about the internet is I've discovered there's no shortage of decent friend material, but obviously few I meet online live close enough to see, at least no more than once so far. But I can explain success in every aspect of life as I did before, it's like meditation. We all do the same thing but the results vary dramatically. We can only start success, others finish it, hence my predicament. I know exactly where I could be but can't buy a ticket there. Like the past. As my friend Gabriel says, if we want something whose fault is it? Who gave us that desire? No one. It is there already, it's how we are designed. We have no say in it so no blame, only over what we choose to do with said desire, ie pay or steal. But the desire has a life of its own and is no more under our control as any other feeling. Every method I learnt to change our feelings is hit and miss and at best works at random. Often if I meditate for an hour I feel one or two ticks better than before but it probably doesn't last that long.

But it removes the blame and responsibility as well, as we start everything but can't finish it. Even if I paint the best painting in the world I may never sell it. That happens all the time. There's more decent art and music around that will never be seen or heard by many or paid for that's as good or better than what is, and we can only do our best. And whatever we are not doing that we feel guilty about most are doing something else of equal value, and we can't do both. Don't ever feel if it doesn't hurt it can't win, that's oppression, like the twits in the gym who push too far. I stop when it's an effort and as a result have nearly 5 years with no injuries. Well, there are the facts, I haven't had time to read many blogs this week but will do, and with most comments I gain a reader. We'll get the network going again now it's been repaired, I just wonder why it was off for so long. And is Carla still reading I wonder?

Well the net froze but I managed to copy and save it and this is my second try. And had it decided not to keep it then I couldn't. A good example.

Energy shifts?

Besides reporting a week of average proportions, I am moved to describe a possible energy shift, from almost impossible to opening up. No actual clues besides a feeling, for ages now whatever I want to do seems almost like the dreams where you can hardly walk, and whatever I have got seemed to be with the maximum effort and delay. I don't believe this is chance, you seem to get into energy currents and unless there's a trick I don't know, leave them at random. I can't really say what made me start feeling this is about to happen. Nothing's really happened to point me to this view except one little female success, I have just gone about the normal sort of stuff with the normal sort of results.
Examples of past situations was the long drawn out plan of my friend to live abroad, the years of visa applications where each step was finally approved, the date announced and despite disasters on arrival the 7 year plan being fulfilled regardless. Hurricanes, financial problems and who knows what else were not enough to make them flee, worst of all he said he wanted to come back and then changed his mind. That represents probably the last few years of my life. Then my Sky TV filming. First it turned out it wasn't for TV (search me) and then when they were choosing how they were going to show it the constant delays over choosing the date which is no closer to a decision than a year ago. Remember I don't get paid for these, my payment is being seen. The crew got paid whatever happens but we didn't besides the presenter. That's fine but basically another example of the same energy in action/inaction.

Of course (until the recent example) all the women went the same way, the last exception having taken 12 years to reach that point which wasn't very far on the scale believe me. Work was the same (although I get enough to pay my bills which is all I need), and really every project beyond the most trivial have gone that way. The odd exception was getting filmed meeting the Big Brother finalists a few years ago today (I couldn't be bothered to drive there from Finchley where I was tonight), a rare high point in a sea of mediocrity. We all need patience but being unmarried still at my age, as well as many other missed landmarks, it seems time is running out. Meditation is another example. You learn how, all do the same thing and all get different results. We do our half in life and life does the other. How it works. Unless I discover I can manipulate the possibly bogus 'law of attraction' those are the rules I experienced all my life. I'm not saying the other is wrong as it may also explain how phases are so consistent, but so far have not had any control over any results, just been a witness.
Why I have started feeling a shift now I can't explain but hope it comes soon, and not just for one time.