I'm back again. It seems like a phase of little things at the moment, and I just read that it's not our circumstances that make us happy but pure chance in the moments when things allow us to feel as we should, and then teaches us to hold on to that whatever's going on. I will see. I've used the time to check more roads and go to Hampstead Heath and did discover a road with only old speed limits on (12 in all) which wouldn't be much of a big deal as they are all the same, but these were proper raised characters on 8 of them which I'd never seen before. So far the highlight of the week besides being able to read easily again and getting my hair cut (yes, I'm scraping the barrel now).
I will be painting a local sign after offering to do so, hopefully next week. It will be good to be able to read the lettering again. I also made a 3 minute video for Sky News who now accept videos on the case for carbon, as it has never had a fair trial with the climate Nazis. Sky is such crap it can't read one of the commonest video formats so had to put it on Youtube instead and will see what I can do to find a way for them to see it somehow. I'm still getting more teaching videos online, each maybe chipping away a bit more at the false ego until it finally lets go altogether. It seems to work in two stages. Firstly you become aware of yourself as the space rather than the body within it, keep doing that until that becomes who you are. Not yet.
Besides painting the sign I'm not really expecting a lot, someone did find another no through road sign in Clapham (would be my 11th) but one with cats eyes which is very rare. That should be on Sunday if not the following one. Back to the teaching it does seem whatever they teach they can't get people to change very easily whatever they get you to do. Some claim to know it all but we really seem to be made the way we are and besides the stories of success through years of constant effort we tend to revert to normal very quickly whatever insight or magical methods we use. I found environment plus people really did the most for me, and can't get that by choice as I can go anywhere I like but without the right people will be dead. Any effects I've had from meditation last ten minutes if I'm lucky, and each new trick I learn looks good to start with but I'm apparently the same whatever happens, which is our DNA really. I won't give up though just in case as I can't get worse, only get better if I actually get it.
I'm fully aware all my collecting is trying to recreate the 60s as they were the best years of my life. And no road humps, parking meters outside city centres and cars made for appearance rather than political considerations. The music and hippy movement moulded me very early on, and really everything was better made and designed with the technology as it was then. We now have the ability to do so much more but the hardware is cheap and nasty and falls apart very quickly. I don't want to see everything from the 60s I liked go completely. The people die off gradually of course, and when I see places look almost the same as then but the details soon give it away I do wonder why no one else makes the effort to keep some of the past alive as so many people would like it.
Of course I had the security of the family and lived in nice places with good friends around, and besides never getting a decent girlfriend for long and having exams every year till I was 24 life wasn't bad. So basically I see outer circumstances very much driving how I felt, whatever the teachers tell me. If my health is good and I'm not left on my own and given crap work to do then it's a good foundation. Take away each element and I react accordingly. But I continue to try and transcend that as it's the same for all of us and use every event to lead me to enlightenment. But before I'm too old to do much about it please.