Life playing God

I've been unusually busy today. Wednesdays are usually free as today was, and having shlepped to Wood Green yesterday (it's a shlep from even a mile away) didn't have to go anywhere special today if at all. As it was it was sunny so went to Kensal Rise nearby for another bus photo, and with my stool got over another railway bridge to see the view from there. Then shopping in Golders Green to return home to clear an old set of drawers in readiness for a desk I'm being given on Friday. One whole box of crap now binned I'm glad to say. Then I fixed my bike tyre (as not a puncture) and went to the supermarket with a hard back tyre for the first time in weeks.



I've started sending the NASA global warming (negative) findings out already, first to a local MP and called the radio but didn't get on. If we don't spread this data when we find it people will assume it isn't there. The BBC or regular papers all steered clear of this bombshell at the time and I was very lucky to find the item at all myself. The others can all be doubted by the globally religious types, but am wondering how they'll twist this one to claim it makes no actual difference to their evil satan of CO2. There have always been with hunts, as stated on the radio today. There are in Nigeria and by one good speaker thousands of naive people believe it and torture children as a result, as demonstrated on an hour long TV programme last week. People love an imaginary enemy and like God, the devil and spirits CO2 can't be seen or heard but believed in. From allowing plant growth and keeping our oxygen balance in our blood, it has turned into the 21st century version of Hitler, condemned worldwide for numerous crimes against humanity, except, unlike Hitler, it is not guilty. You have leaders who know they are lying and followers who either think they aren't, or are getting something out of it. This is the worst example I've ever come across and am terrified if enough people don't wake up sooner or later we'll be stitched up as well as if Hitler had won the war. No blood shed but loss of freedom and cash at alarming rates. It's impossible to see it happen and not speak out against it or I will be as bad as they are.



On other business, tomorrow is free again, I hope to get some phone calls out of the way and maybe a couple of sales visits. I suspect my inability to go out has put off all but the most hardened lonely gits from calling me any more, and friends like that are clearly not worth it. I value the person not the activity and when my friend came from America after 3 years away for a week it was like someone had returned from the dead. People mean more to me than anything else, and could never drop someone for their lack of activity. It took me 40 years to collect those friends, it's not going to be easy to find any new ones. So I keep as busy as I can but rarely with anyone else. We can all see people we find boring if we wanted to but they hold me back and am used to being on my own and keeping busy. Looking for interesting people from the past is fascinating but unlikely to get back people who dropped you already as I've discovered. All the usual crap that happens to everyone else carries on, including a parking ticket for parking where they claim it had been suspended. Telling them the bay was in use and no signs were up made no difference as it's so easy to add extra money by tricking people, plus I asked the warden if it was OK when she was looking at my car and she said it was. Yes, OK for her to add to her collection of souls for the month.



These happen to us all the whole time but are a lot easier when shared. You can't avoid getting into trouble, and they have made roads the equivalent of a Monopoly board where they collect money round every corner. I do my best not to get fined but you can't own a car and not do. Even my mother who was a judge got a ticket, although it was refunded. My father gets even more and he was a lawyer who drafted statutes for the government but still can't decipher the deliberately obscure parking notices. These are the people they feed on. Drug users and vandals get a caution, decent people with no criminal record get (and pay) unwarranted fines. If they get them they either haven't registered the cars so needn't pay them, the cars are worth so little they let them take them in lieu of a fine, or just trust they won't have to pay them as they have no money. Just watch the police documentaries if you want to see it.

I really accept and understand now I can't keep a clean record any more. They can't prosecute me for anything I've done as I won't do anything illegal, but besides that I've realised I can't maintain any type of defence against other black marks as it's unavoidable. I've dodged trouble all my life but only delayed the event. Now I'm resigned to accepting any that comes my way and hopefully bounce back quickly when it happens as it has to.



It is strange that as I see more and more how rare and possibly impossible good random events are, but how unavoidable bad ones are. Destruction takes seconds, contruction takes time and skill. I do see many of these as tests as one by one I'm given situations to stop me caring about them as I did before. It can ruin your life and although I stopped being rejected by women bothering me as a teenager as it was necessary to, being in trouble with the authorities has always been a sore point with me as I was brought up not to be. I am in professions which are not meant to misbehave, law and therapy, and that makes me even more sensitive to appearing to be 'on the other side'. Now I must stop giving a fuck. If it takes a parking ticket and various other relatively harmless situations to teach me that then I've done fairly well. It forces me to realise these reactions are there and then get rid of them, but rather than any reward I just get more lessons, and plenty of other crap where I can't see any lesson at all. Most people are too busy working and bringing up their families to care about all this shit, but having neither I suppose it allowed me to think about things others are too busy to. I get fuck all thanks for it most of the time though, but then again neither did Jesus... (note the John Lennon reference there?).