Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Totally lost

I could do with escaping now. However high you rise it only means you can drop further, so despite finding one of my best signs on Saturday looking on Google, I couldn't follow it. I found four no through roads since, although one was guarded by a gang of youths who wouldn't have appreciated having a camera pointed near them, so left for later although it was only exactly the same as the others. I wouldn't have taken more than one type of standard (non place) sign when they were normal, but now I try and get them all as obsolete and can add a mark on my map. I had bugger all to do the two days following and did the Winchmore Hill trip today which almost killed me. Avoiding traffic is universal so any alternative route is just as bad as everyone else is doing the same. And when you reach a target there's nowhere legal to stop so you just put on the brakes, take the photo and hope no one is behind you.

Besides 1 hour of TV I've then had the phone non stop, nagging as I don't seem to be able to discourage people as most would, so they find me and drain my energy for them. Despite increasing my collections it only changes my life in that I need to add other items less and less, although besides a little one in Tulse Hill I also found, there are quite probably no more within a reasonable distance anyway. The result is besides my mental energy being almost worn out my physical is now following and if it doesn't return then my arrangements for the next week or so will be almost impossible to carry out. I'd never expect anyone to do what they can't do, I'd just ask someone else, but people assume you are the only one who can do it, or what they want to do with you is the only thing they want to do with you. Sod who I am, if I don't go to the specific place a woman wants to go at that exact time then she doesn't want to know. I am just happy to be with them, anywhere. Women however seem far more interested in where you take them than who is doing the taking. Bull shit.

So I am cash (as in things anyway) rich and income (as in new things and people) poor. The pyramid arrangement of hierarchies still means each event is at a certain level, and the higher they get the smaller as well. Each event is classified and even the ones which come and then go can still leave you with a lasting satisfaction having covered that item, like speaking on TV. Nothing I want can be bought, and it's all free anyway besides the house I want where I used to live. Like collecting old train tickets, taking photos is free, meeting friends and girlfriends is free as are all the best things that happen. Meditation is free as are the results that may come from it, but like the women you put in the work but have no control of the success of the outcomes. And when something that can work indirectly but rarely does, then you stop doing it as the hour is not worth the rare benefit it gives compared to whatever else you could have done with it. But I still look for guidance in it all, but the tests of faith get larger and larger and how I could overcome some I imagine are possible would be beyond anyone in my opinion. I already see these hazards in advance and unless I was somehow connected to god itself then I see no other way to do so.

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