Wednesday's summary

Things are fairly balanced at the moment. Nothing nasty around (for a change) though few specific projects to keep me usefully occupied either. Since the last post a few little events have happened, some to me plus the great news France rejected the European Constitution, hopefully to be followed by the Netherlands tomorrow. If common sense has finally taken over in the minds of 'Greater Europe' I can only say hallelujah, and it's better now than never. Melanie Phillips is even more cynical than me (but far better educated, so I bow to her greater knowledge), and says they'll get it through regardless, but I would counter that once the people wake up, the bastards trying to pull the strings will no longer be able to put them to sleep again. We'll see who's right.

I also found yet another 'lost' post from my first week in Funtrivia back in 2000, due to a series of clerical errors on the computer I'd completely lost track of my original membership there, and only found it again a year ago after finding a notebook with the URL written down. As it was so old it hadn't been left on the main site so couldn't be found without using the archive machine, which at times turns out better stuff than the current internet pages. Anyone not familiar with Funtrivia will be losing me by now, but as I spend the majority of my internet time there and have linked it from my profile, there's no excuse for anyone curious not to simply go and look. By typing trivia in most search engines, they always come number one in the results.

Other than that I've read a wonderful piece in a catalogue I use for spiritual books, which has taken me a step closer to realising my true nature. It basically said that human beings (as we believe ourselves to be) can never reach any goals we set by natural or supernatural means, as we weren't meant to. Once we hand the power over to a higher level, we relax and let go of all feeling of responsibility for attempting to make life better, and just let it be. Then a higher consciousness, our true nature, can take over. Believe me, simple things like this can change you if you believe them intuitively. Anyone wanting to learn more, read John Randolph Price.

Finally (deperately dragging my memory for recent events), the little female issue has, along with all others since 2002 (new ones anyway) evaporated, basically I think a woman either becomes a girlfriend within a few days after you meet her or not at all. Anyone you meet, pursue and possibly become friends with has never amounted to anything more as far as I remember (without looking up my little book...). The news is the same usually, when the papers go on for weeks something is going to happen it hardly ever does, but you wake up with a sudden headline when something massive does happen. The war in Iraq, on the face of it, seems to be an exception, as it was hyped for a few years before it finally happened. But like the Catherine wheel that finally lights after the 5th attempt and then goes backwards a few times before going out with a raspberry, the war in Iraq turned out, as my friend Jon taught me to say, to be a right abortion. Little of the apparent reasons for it seemed to have been dealt with, oil has increased dramatically so those who blame oil for the war should ask what benefits we've gained from pushing the price to double what it was. Saddam Hussein may have been a typical third world murderous dictator, but he wasn't threatening me, so all I can say is if that's a reason to go to war, why stop at him? And finally the country now seems in a far worse state than it was before, apart from the fact the killing is now being done by lunatics rather than the government. This wasn't about Iraq, but rather than be asked to justify my opinion later those are the main reasons for it.

But relating back to life in Kingsbury, I am close to the stage of forgetting what a girlfriend is for, and have totally given up any attempts to get one, as they make no difference to the results. I meet people from time to time, and if one of them is female and single, que sera sera. But go and look, unless you live in a country with singles bars, the American equivalent of going to Marks and Spencer's for clothes lined up in different sizes and colours, forget it, such a place is not in the British Isles as far as I know. Putting my wedding tackle on the line yet again, I have another little story on those lines where I'll have to be incredibly careful a person won't recognise herself. As she doesn't apparently read this I think I'll get away with it, though all I am about to say is highly complimentary it is still probably highly embarrassing for the woman in question.

The story starts with the current series of Dr Who. Bear with me, there's method in my madness. The actor playing the Doctor is a couple of years younger than me, the actress playing Rose, the goblin-featured Billie Piper probably a few years younger than the lady in question. With me so far? Currently there is a growing sexual tension between Rose and the Doctor, though in true British style the writers will wimp out of having a full (or quarter) on affair between a teenager and a man her late father's age. Certainly not on a kids' programme. Anyway. Rose has already dumped her original boyfriend, who is very similar to my own subject's one (not chucked though...). The Doctor has introduced Rose to a whole new world of travel through time and space, and I am doing what I can to help this person in her spiritual journey, as she had begun before I met her. It only started fitting together in the last episode that the three of us in so many ways reflected Rose, the Doctor and Micky, the ex, that I realised how similar the situations were. I suspect the Doctor 'would' at the drop of a hat, (though in his world he's actually 900 years old), though I can't see Rose having any of it. But the dancing scene pushed them one step closer to shared intimacy than before, and after a few drinks anything could now happen, though regretted the next day.
Goodness knows in reality if my woman (I'll have to invent a name for her) realises a light comes on every time I see her, and has ever since I saw her the first time. She's as far from my normal type as Rose is from the Doctor, totally opposite backgrounds and ages, but once we meet discover we do have a lot of interests in common behind the surface.
Now at my age time is running out, and I've been looking for long enough to both know what I want, and prepared to take a chance on anyone whose qualities include a few major good ones, and overlook all the others. Arranged and rushed weddings I've seen have shown time is no factor in assuring a good marriage, however long you've known someone before proposing has little effect on the quality of the marriage. So I would be happy to jump into a marriage with any of 100 women I know now (if they were single of course) as it could only be a million per cent improvement on now, even with a few holes in it. The wrong women piss me off so intensely or bore me it wouldn't take long to spot that so would never get close to being on the list. Others, sadly, have wonderful personalities but look so average I know each time I had sex it would be worse until I went off them altogether. Being a typical man I've been up this path so many times by taking what's on offer that I could never impose it on myself for life. I do know two such women now at least, and either would be good company, one is wild and interesting, the other calm and relaxing to be with. Neither are bad looking, but not good either. And of course I bet they're the ones who 'would' as well, partially as I don't care and partially because that's what usually happens.
The unnamed one (a good enough name) is actually gorgeous, not as gorgeous as many where I know her from in comparison, but so way over the pass level the fact there are a few others above makes little difference in feeling I'd missed out on someone better had I really got somewhere. That's a comment made purely from experience and knowing myself well enough to know what works and what doesn't. Her education is probably equal to my cat's, her social background somewhere beneath my cat's, but my reaction to her is hardly affected by this if at all. That's probably just her environment and in her heart there's actually an angel, which is what I am reacting to, and all the stuff on the surface that could easily put me off is just now part of her. So the bottom line is (inspired by reading a similar situation happening to a top reiki master, who's still married) if I was asked to marry her now, I'd say yes. Faults, differences, possible problems, brothers with weapons (aimed at me), family recriminations, age differences, educational chasm, apparent lack of conversation and shared interests etc etc., I'd do it. For after reeling off all the faults, every time I looked round I'd see the same incredible person I noticed from 50 feet away the first time I saw her, and my heart jumps every time I catch her walking past me, and this has been consistent for months now, and is growing (only on my side of course). This transcends every fault and detail, and if she did feel the same way would confirm it was the right thing to do, as she'd be aware of it as well. As there's no relationship in my life really, at least I can wax a bit poetic about one I'd jump into for life given a chance, as it's a little escape to the realms of fantasy, which is the only place I'll find a relationship at the moment.