Sunday, May 13, 2007

I've been

Where do I start? Slowly things are beginning to be done and I'm still seeing pretty clear connections all around, in the form of bunches of similar events. It does make life more interesting and challenge every aspect of science which seems to limit our scope and ability to progress in life. I think all the news as such was in the last entry, and since then I've been back taking some very nice photos though I say it myself, road signs, gardens and a block of shops with a huge name on it. The number of details you notice when you go up every street in turn is quite fascinating. There's little point going to distant or foreign areas as I know most places beyond the existing scope and there are only a few worth visiting, and I will sooner or later. Swiss Cottage station is a real carsey from outside though a massive subway system underneath. I was asked to join 2 Harrow groups but besides the station it's not very photogenic, the Hill is the best part but well photographed already and not as good as where I went so far.

It's satisfying to have got so many crap jobs out of the way in one go, and shown I was up to it. One of our staff just went crazy at Funtrivia so a few cobwebs have been blown away as a result and the few of us left are having to pick up the pieces. It was someone I never really rated as well over the top, and by the look of it finally lost his pieces. The only drama via a computer and thousands of miles, but drama nonetheless. I'm back trawling blogs and have seen a few new visitors although no comments. If anyone actually knows how people on blogspot are meant to keep in touch now the links are gone please let me know as London is only a small fraction of my lost audience.
No major plans now, one female friend (no more yet but friend for sure) and there is a chance it will extend further. I also saw the woman I was busy with at the gym at last, and sorted out the little issue I had to sort out, and am confident she doesn't go online so can say I'm still in love with her. No reason ever not to be, she brightens the whole place up and whatever it is she's got I need more of it, wherever it comes from.

Knowing one of the three possibly best women I know is still interested in me after 32 years is no practical use unless her boyfriend disappears and then somehow I found a way to bridge the 60 mile space between us. She'd never live with a man again so that wouldn't be the solution. If it could happen. But knowing she wanted me (in theory) and is as good as it could get I know I must have whatever is needed to do it elsewhere. Not many like her about though. The one in the gym is not in my standard mould. Looks wise she is but is what you can only call working class, with standard associated lifestyle. Lovely woman and otherwise perfect but someone who probably expects all their problems to be solved in the pub wouldn't last very long with me. You know how you can divide people into those who want to ask questions and those who don't care about the answers. They can never mix and never change. She at least has some questions which opened a door between the class wall that may have previously totally blocked any dialogue between us, but I'd already been showing her how to do crosswords (reluctantly I have to say, she would rather have gone off and had a fag or something, had she smoked) but when it comes to her I could probably devote a separate blog to her as when I think of her I'm happier.

I never mind if anyone reads what I say as it's all fair and honest, and if she read this at least I wouldn't have to wish she knew how I felt every time I saw her. Having a wife who wanted to go to bingo, the Costa Brava and the disco every bloody weekend would force her into an affair as if she went it wouldn't be with me. It would be a real Pygmalion relationship, me the teacher and father figure and she would be mixing with her own friends and society while I looked on at a distance from my study. I hear Des O'Connor had a son at about 73 so I shouldn't feel too old at my time of life, but would still rather be seen as a father not grandfather.

I wanted a family and kids as soon as I was free at 24, I dreamed about it and babysat since 16, with many glowing reports from the kids. But not even close to my own results. Any and all of my mental and physical problems could get in the way but they don't stop anyone. Criminals, psychotics, all have no shortage of kids. It's not a requirement to have all your marbles or limbs. In fact this odd government prefer people without faculties apparently as they are favoured over others for adoption, lottery grants and laws so I'd be in good company. OK, my poor kids would have to admit their father didn't have a job but at least that's one form of diversity I do want to promote as having a job is no big deal either way. Paying the bills is a big deal, how you do isn't important if no one gets hurt. And if you wanted to blame anyone, blame the youknowwhats that didn't give me a job when I was prepared to work, not me for never finding one. The longer you're out of it the less likely you'll want to get back in. The aristocracy know that better than anyone. Only plebs actually have to work for a living according to them. Pretty impractical but no one really looks down on them for not working through reason of millions in the bank.

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