Saturday, June 21, 2008

Bollocks on Friday

Another week of freedom, which is good. My post reflected this exactly as for the first time since having my own place I didn't have any for 3 days. This was the same as life in general as most post is bad, but a little is good, and if you get none you have nothing.

So the nothing continues, I've emailed Christine, the ex from long ago, another ex who replied after years, another hasn't called back after giving me her number and only having a few minutes to talk. I added to the list by emailing Will Self at last after finding a contact, someone from Big Brother and someone's sister from school. That's a perfect 6/6, and it's not that always happens, but instead either most reply or don't. Always in bunches. Search me how.

So what have I done with the freedom? Two days taking more or less every nice road in NW11, followed by Pinner and Kentish Town. One almost girlfriend visited telling me should she actually dump her boyfriend she wants to dump I'll be next. After a 7 week holiday. Could be worse. The thing about my 'after 40' rule is that if someone has a couple of really good qualities I overlook the others, so rather than an ordinary and uninteresting type I get those with all sorts of major problems and enough good qualities to live with them. Like me I suppose except many women say I haven't got the good ones.
I've had more accounts to do, no other work and that was more or less it.

So with a clear day ahead I just manage to think of enough to do with each one, and had a couple of people who wanted/needed to see me as well which made a lot of difference. There are always elements we don't mention on the blog, in my case I don't want to put people off reading, but when I get rude comments I reckon if they knew why things were a certain way they'd leave off. I've had a selection of health problems that slowed me down for years, and although they are lifting you take some time to get over them, if you ever do. Without the camera I'd have had no reason to go out besides the park when it's sunny, as why the hell go to Kentish Town on your own after Pinner just for the hell of it? I don't go to the shops or anything, I don't need anything there and they don't have anything I can't get round here.

So more empty days lie ahead, indefinitely, like shadows defined not by the presence of good but the relative absence of bad. Like everything in my life this should be a phase but what the next one is could be up or down. Don't wish for change when nothing's wrong as destruction is always easier than creation. I can understand why I used to watch the news in case any predicted or unpredicted crisis ever happened, and basically they haven't and even when they do they only affect the people in the immediate vicinity (eg Iraq) and not us in London. Except being bombed which wasn't on my list of possible excitement. Life is bog standard and normal most if not all the time, I do have some evidence of psychic power, albeit of little practical use, and the only other action has been in the form of females and meeting the odd celebrity. Now I want to be the celebrity the next step in my career needs to happen to allow that, which is basically on the edge.

The lower part of my mind still pops up sometimes imagining something will suddenly happen to improve everything, but we are given such mental weaknesses only to overcome rather than use, which is why I'm not religious, which is just a larger version of the same thing.
There are definite patterns in life, but no happy endings.

2 comments:

questionsaboutfaith said...

Very interesting blog.

As a therapist, how would you analyze my blog? (ha)

No really, how do you differ from my philosophical perspective. You seem to be quite the realist.

David said...

Thanks for that, I'll check it out and let you know. I doubt many of my clients would exepct the sort of stuff I write here but people shouldn't be restricted.