Monday, June 16, 2008

Will it ever happen?

So many of my posts are about what I'd like to happen I expect some people are wondering if any ever will. Especially me. So here's a list of some and then some which have come to pass.

Firstly ever since attending a lecture in 1996 I've been told there's a thing called enlightenment. I can now just about accept this having read accounts of people on LSD who seem to be able to create it artificially. Of course if you do it naturally and it's possible then I can, especially as I've worked my way through a number of teachers to show me how.

Marriage. This is out of my hands and is far less important than simply finding a compatible sexual partner, ie one I actually want.

Fame. That is the best of my bunch, something I was determined to have all my life and on the verge now, having missed like Lee Westwood in the US Open golf last night by a hair's breadth when the article I did via interview for The Sun wasn't used. I know the rules to become famous, use them religiously, and this would have done it. Not on its own but would inevitably had started the ball rolling. I'm currently in the penumbra, or whatever the astronomers call it, just on the edge. It can't be long before someone lets me finish the job.

Finally I want to return to where I lived for 28 years, Hampstead Garden Suburb or Temple Fortune if not, just across the Finchley Road.


I have of course in 48 years covered many ambitions already, although the time taken was at times way beyond what was planned. My degree took me till I was 24, and my final professional qualification was at 41. But I got them.
I bought my first flat at 28 and house at 32. They taught me business is the easiest, any spiritual development in between, and people the hardest. You can't herd people like you can sheep, or rely on them like you can with money. Not even your own family can be relied on at all times so basically you can't arrange a fucking thing when it comes to living with someone, who your friends are, or marriage. People who never had to try think it's mechanical. If you join a group all your problems will be solved. Bollocks. Since I left college full time in 1984 I've joined:

Psychic development groups
Meditation group
3 1/2 years of part time courses
Voluntary work in a community theatre
6 years as a volunteer counsellor, split between a youth club and community centre
5 years at a gym (ongoing)
and any more I may have forgotten.

In that time I met at all these:

One woman I saw once on a date, one more as a friend.
One woman I shared healings with.
One woman I could have met had I not met someone just after I called her.
One visit to see a fellow youth worker who may have fancied me (not mutual).
One good friend I wanted more from for many years.
Been to a couple of parties (no success).

So in all those activities which covered almost 20 years, I only gained one new friend who I wasn't even successful with the way I wanted to, and basically joined those places to do the activities, anything else was a bonus.
Prior to that before my degree I'd been to a few years evening classes in drama, 7 years art, including pottery and sculpture, 5 years horse riding, and any others I may have missed.
Not to mention all my jobs.

There I met:

Two people I was invited to about twice
One au pair who turned me down

and that I think was it. I think it was mainly the type of people, as wherever I was with people like me I met lots of people who remained friends for decades. But school and the music holiday I went to for 22 summers are over, and there's nothing to replace it. So I try and pull at funerals, cafes, people I see on TV, the internet, women in shops, and domestics who work for my family. Nothing.

My last women have actually come from the internet, a party, a blind date from Yorkshire, a blind date from Hendon and a friend's friend. Totally random. But never from groups. Not in my whole life. Forget it.

So my business plans remain on target albeit late, totally due to lack of getting an Equity card which is a passport to success for those who can show any talent or effort. My career was also stopped by no O level maths, so no teachers training and many other professions.
The supernatural is based between experimenting and meditation and both continue but results are never predictable.
The rest is out of my hands as it always was. It's happened before but does that mean it can happen again?


Anonymous said...

Just heard your email read out by Clive and came to read your blog - I wonder if you are trying too hard. Sometimes when you are looking for something you cant find it then you stop looking and it turns up...just a thought. PEACE!

David said...

No, you're right, I said when it comes to the pleasure/social side of life you can't gain much by trying. All I did was record it and all those activities were taken to learn and keep busy, it was others who assumed it would open up my social life.

I't sreally about quality not quantity, you have to be in exactly the right places and they don't always exist where you are at the time.