Tuesday, October 28, 2008

People, throw away your beliefs!

Having a bit more time than usual I return here. I've spent the last couple of days filling the last spaces on my London Transport groups for Flickr round Barnes and Ealing, added a little more to the weights in the gym after nearly 6 years next month, and that's about it. I know my email target is busy so is likely to reply when she has the time, very hard working and kids. My cat was enough for me with no help. This week having checked the website will try and sell a few more photo albums now I see they haven't deleted them (my property I PAID FOR) from their website as expected. Flickr and here (which is free) never need to clear space by deleting stuff (and what would it do for visitors?) so why should a commercial site where people store their work to be printed by them? More unanswered questions of life.

I still imagine the chances of anything nice happening to cheer me up (life has becime incredibly boring) almost zero now, having seen more projects die this year than possibly any other time in my life. Two women so far, two major media jobs, all the supernatural leads I followed, all but one sale, and only compensated by that sale (about 70p profit), getting the BBC Trade Test transmissions after 36 years and getting a photo of a dodgy car number plate, which was hardly enough to balance. So many people do moan because however much they have it isn't enough, while I believe few could start so many diverse attempts for them all to go tits up in a row. That doesn't usually happen, even to me. And I haven't got any others still alive that may even it out or ideas for them, hence the vacuum I mentioned yesterday.

So what I should do is ask out the older woman in the library if she wants more albums (very nice but bound to be married), tell the woman in America I'll go there and marry her (that would make it at least her 3rd but who's counting?), Or even better join yet another online dating agency so I can get messages from women in Ghana claiming to love me and can I send them £300 for their mother's operation, talk all night to a divorcee in Essex who can only talk about her ex husband, be stood up in assorted spots in and around London (done plenty of those already), spend weeks emailing before meeting someone who looks like her photo's mother, tell the same stories to ten different women, and the best which has happened at least twice, be told they've decided not to meet anyone off the internet (after paying to join).

That is a truly tragic list of possibilities, which explains why I prefer to call women I already knew (however long ago) and do other things instead. I learnt even longer ago if any woman laughs at my fart and bottom jokes she fancies me, as women just don't tend to think that's funny. I've never known a single clue I'm in there apart from that, and rarely used that trick since I was a teenager anyway. Anyone still on the fence is bound to be put off. One woman I never met (as thousands of miles away) liked poop talk even more (maybe not more) than me, and I actually wrote a few entries here just for her. How many people overall worldwide of my age who can still have a good old laugh about shit must be pretty low, especially among the females. And our sexual preferences also coincided which is possibly even more unusual. I think all the others tolerated the jokes they laughed at as they liked me, rather than actually thinking it was funny. If anyone else had said the same things they'd probably have slapped them.
Tomorrow looks exciting, one new work arrival and then to my grandma's to wait for a washing machine to be collected when she's out, unless they get there before me. I'll start the phone calls then or next, and the usual jobs around the house and garden, and looking back the last few weeks or beyond nothing happened that I didn't actually think of and get done myself. Things I wanted to do that is. No angels or other miracles coming along like a dream to help me out. I'm sure the whole basis of hope is caused by the lack of power we have over life we imagine it suddenly being fixed like in a film. Pointless, if anything does it won't be because we have hope or think about it, things just happen. Belief is the poor relative of hope as most people with hope know in their hearts it's unfounded, but belief is based on lack of knowledge so is only an assumption. I either know something, suspect it or don't know. I don't believe in God, global warming (like I can see and feel it?), the good of mankind, anything nice is round the corner, or we are in a recession. I suspect nothing decent will happen for months at least, it makes no difference who gets in in America (except to their taxpayers), 90% of politicians are corrupt, and none of the women I ever email from my past will ever want to see me, and sooner or later most of these will be known. If people all examine their hopes and beliefs, and then remove all of them they will feel a lot lighter and clearer. They have no use for us, but why learn it the hard way before you do so?

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