Test- theory into practice

I will use this entry to see if I can apply the new system to the current situation. The main tool is pivoting, changing your focus from whatever is wrong to whatever is right.

So currently I have my freedom, but looking back on the week do feel most has been wasted and although have created the potential of another article may not know about that for a while so dropped that one out of the present. Other than that I have totally run out of ideas besides a little photo run on Sunday, although I don't plan more than a day ahead now but I've got nothing to do tomorrow at the moment. So how can I change being bored and fed up from running out of material and achieving very little to something closer to optimism?

Tool 2 is the same as The Secret- think of what you want and feel what it would be like to have it for a while and that attracts it. I must do a few of those again as well as that would of course fix things directly if it did work. So that's the formula, there are other little details but I want to start simple and get the basics before I go A Level.

This year itself has produced far more than the previous few though- the first published articles, the best old road sign and getting lots of work out of the way. So there is less to do or worry about but the gaps of people and other things I'd like for the quality of life rather than simple lack of problems or stress is the next area to cover. I am still on the enlightenment path of course, and learning it's likely to come either from severe constant practice for the very strong, or longer term relaxed practice for the rest of us. They'll both do it, the methods vary to suit the people. If there is a state beyond this you relax into when whatever blockages have been removed then it's always possible for all of us. I expect every student on the path shares what they know with total beginners as compared to them we have learnt quite a bit- if knowledge/theory was the criterion many of us would be out there teaching as well. But many enlightened teachers didn't learn much if anything themselves, as it often happened on its own so their power comes from knowing the state but not quite certain how to show people how to get there, which I'd say is of less practical use than someone teaching a potential way that can work even if it hasn't for them yet. If someone told me how to become rich then if it worked it wouldn't matter if they were or not- passing on knowledge should be independent of the messenger, I can't answer questions from experience but the formula 'enlightenment is better than before' is all you need to cover it, as actually trying to describe enlightenment directly to others is basically impossible to follow anyway.

So I do see today as a test to give me something to work on. If I can turn this round it should work with just about anything. And the fact I can't see a direct way out makes it the perfect test to try it.

Back again

I will report the excitement of the last few days of relative freedom- of course I remind myself now to switch from the negative to create a new habit, and this is when there isn't that much wrong to focus on besides a bit of isolation. Besides my usual weekly visitor on Tuesday it's just been me the rest of the time, and with all the major jobs now complete (just an eye test and car service to get done now) can relax with good teeth and enough tablets for some time. The magazine I had to stall as my article went to the new people now has an article I wrote for them and hope they like it.

As it was just on I may as well mention the second TV programme about child genius, the followup after 5 years. If there was no other opportunity to mention it this would be it, as it reminded me so much of my own childhood. I had exactly the same route through playing up at school, being sent to the psychologist and having an impressive IQ. I think all I gained from it was knowing I was sane and clever. A couple of years ago Mensa changed their rules to allow outside tests at any time but my letter (if there ever was one) was long gone. Apart from having to drop the master's degree I think I've more or less fulfilled any potential now, having 40 or so years to see what happened since. And I'm glad I've followed my parents in a variety of areas- law art and music as well as my own as a therapist. And high intelligence appears to stifle social skills so should explain the absence of ability with women. Basically if I like them I do whatever puts them off but if not interested they all want to marry me, all or nothing. I have to fix that before I end up with nothing.

I've still got nothing else planned at the moment, am looking forward to the American elections (first time ever I've taken any notice) as their result is going to send a message to the world either outcome. Not long to go now. It is always nice to have something to look forward to, many are uncertain of course but something on the horizon. I have the usual sort of routine planned out for when I'm free like everyone else on their own as we can't just sit and talk to someone when we're not busy. If the weather's good I usually go for a walk in a park somewhere with the camera if no specific photos to take, and then get on with things at home when I get back whether online or housework related. I did of course see my grandma once or twice a week till last year but 99 years is a pretty good run and couldn't have lasted all my own life obviously. Combined with the main friends lost to the colonies in 2002 and the girlfriend lost to the loony bin soon after that gap has never been adequately filled. Not a complaint for complaint watchers, just descriptive.

And forget about work. For the people who didn't read my job search entry that basically ended some years ago after walking along numerous town centres looking for job notices in windows and dropping off my CV. Bugger all. I was happy to work then as long as part time (all I got since I left college so totally used to it and no more) and even before then the only reason I did work part time was no one employed me full time when I applied. Then I got health problems that made any thought of a job like running a marathon for Douglas Bader (OK, he probably would have on false legs but that's why he got a medal), and as I can manage without more than the work I do from home have no need to start looking again although always seeing if I can add to that amount in any way. But it does leave far more time to occupy usefully and although I do my best after a certain period you do suddenly notice it's very quiet and you can't think of anything particular to do. I must remember that's usually when I meditate as that's what really fixes things better than any other, although seeing any results is another story I have to say.

I don't think I've missed anything else, I've been out in the rain on Tuesday, did some local photos yesterday and went out on the bike today. The spare room is nearly as it should be now and if I can find somewhere for the spare mattress can then make the bed up again. Nothing special but maybe getting more done than I realise?

Getting there

I have actually been pretty busy since even before the last entry. Thursday night I was doing a standard search for old road signs and one turned up in the centre of London, I couldn't get the exact spot so spent a couple of hours checking the following day and then got a photo that night while there was a lot less traffic and free parking. I was supposed to take the camera with me for a non-official one at the weekend and as I forgot ended up discovering a totally new part of Richmond Park I will now be returning to with the SLR and tripod for the 180' views of London. I am also working on an article for another magazine I originally wrote the previous article for but was used before their date to see it. I hope I can now produce something else they want but have a good few ideas.

While being fully aware of my own shortcomings, mainly in the reactions area, it's going to be an uphill haul changing any one of them. I know what they are but my own symptoms of anxiety are so acute it'll take a lot to bring them anywhere near close to normal but can only work on it. This week is pretty routine- I realised there was something I wanted a photo of I actually passed on Friday night so didn't need to go twice but now will, have to take the memory card to be wiped after it got corrupted again and will finally get an eye test, twice as frequent due to glaucoma in the family. Free but still takes up time and may cost a lot if I need new lenses again. Then the builder says he should fix my garage roof after what must be a few year's wait, and coincides nicely with clearing out the spare room which I'll do tomorrow while I have to wait in for the planning officer to check on work being done next door.

I am getting there and using the new methods as I go along, and of course anyone reading this can see things have been improving. And I am slowly learning to focus on the good things and less on the rest as taught. There's a long way to go, mainly with the anxiety issue, but have to start somewhere.

Continuing progress

I really can't be arsed to go through the Firefox revelation routine just to get a different font so will just have to captivate with the words rather than the presentation.
The car was in and out within an hour today thank goodness, with 7000 miles on the clock no reason to fail an MOT but less chance they'd be free straight away as I also had absolutely no alternative plans after finding some yesterday. I also had to stay up till nearly 4am last night as they were talking about psychic readings on the radio and had to phone up as someone earlier didn't believe them. The presenter and a few more listeners certainly do now.

So only the car service (at my relative leisure) and eye test left. That's three dentists, a doctor, a garage and anywhere else I've forgotten out of the way. Once these were all routine, especially when I had my father to take me to the garage or the mechanic collected the car. Now it's just me, my neighbour used to help (as I did a lot more for him) but he's gone now as well. The spare room is now virtually clear, the bed is now going through the washing procedure, pillows done and cover to follow. I also need somewhere to put the spare mattress or the proper one won't fit. I expect I'll carry on with that tomorrow rather than just go out for the heck of it.
Beyond that is outside my awareness, although someone just discovered an old sign not just in the dead centre of London but some way from a legal stop. I hope I'll be able to get a photo though as it is quite a nice one. I doubt there are many other capital cities where they've made it almost impossible to access.
Meanwhile now I understand the formula I've been listening to I am applying it, it's obviously a gradual process as very few are miraculous allowing people to jump near the top, but climb there slowly or at most gradually. If anything does happen I'll certainly notice it though.

Progress so far

I'll do today's entry more as a list. I'm trying (with advice) to organise my life more. Look at the good side of everything and see if I can attract it, as per Abraham-Hicks and The Secret.

The garage was closed today so used that glitch to go to the outdoor gym, and then came back and carried on working on the spare room. It should be normal now within a few days after years of storage. I also collected all my global warming data (the flat lines and the hockey sticks for exactly the same periods) and sent it off to see if someone would write an article from it. There is a consistent theme now of massaging raw data to get a hockey stick, Dr Jim Salinger appears to have invented it and may end up barred from any organisation at the very least if gets busted. Madoff got about 120 years and they've ripped off way more than that.

Tomorrow is attempt 2 for the MOT which may well be a week off as Tuesday is blocked as a council inspector is coming 'in the afternoon' to look at the building work next door from here. Otherwise it's just a quick check to see if something I ordered weeks ago has finally arrived, and carry on tidying and gardening. I'll try the law of attraction again now I just about understand it after seeing all the lectures emailed to me, I have the book I read ages ago but didn't make an impression back then. I'll see if I can attract what I'd otherwise have called grace to fill the space ahead of me, as maybe the guidance I've experienced for over a year (and told is constant if you look for it by the Celestine Prophecy) has been gradually controlling things more myself than an unknown external intelligence. That had to use the Akashic Records to find the things I hadn't seen directly, but been connected to that as long as I remember.

If I can now use the little power I know to cover more, clairvoyance has so far only helped convince others it's real while getting me nothing. It occasionally helped me when others did it back for me, but so far haven't used it to help myself. I have shifted two big areas so far (well they coincided with my work on them) using The Secret, which is a simplified version of Abraham, and if all this can tie up together I may sort things out altogether. I do now look for the opportunities when things go dead, and what I can do when something fucks up as today. That is I admit a totally new trick as simple doesn't equate to obvious in many cases. Maybe we see or are told things when we can use them and not before. This is now a project like all others now I get the rules, and will see what happens.

Otherwise there's nothing else to report, and will see if I can use this to shift the stuck or twisted areas like the two women driving me mad at the moment. There's that margin of rather having someone with you than being alone but the person is such a bore or pain they waver between asset and liability. One here is attractive and dull, the other not that attractive, dull but not terminally, but sexually liberated. So I took the only offer on the system, but will see if that can change as well. There is a case now and I'm on it.

Monday, a week ahead

I seem to have a completely clear run at the moment to test the latest teachings- nothing's happening either way. If I can use a single trick (as I prefer to call them as we are cheating our own minds) to make it look better then I'll have learnt something pretty useful. It's basically having an open mind, and then twisting what I know so far round it may start pointing me in another direction.

So very little more to report, it's another week and should clear the spare room completely first, then work on the next room and at least will have got that sorted out. And for a very rare change I've got little more to say. I've collected quite a bit more over the last few weeks- the main thing being the media career addition, plus a couple more old signs and a few calls to the radio as usual. If I can change this vibration to attract women who aren't severely peculiar and prefer not to have around for very long that'll be the biggest thing I can change, and would probably cover a good few other areas as well. The main thrust of the latest lesson is anything's possible if you gradually shift your vibration to it, as we are creating consciously as god. Not like god but as god ourselves. It's an interesting lesson if we create ourselves as humans, forget we can change everything and spend our lives pissing around seeing if we can remember what we could do already, but if that's the game I may as well see. And I'm not sure I know many other people who even dare to claim they can do this besides the crew narrating The Secret. I have shifted two major issues using their method and the one I'm learning now combines goals with feeling good, which is really what I needed to do more as half the other things don't make that much difference.

This would also take most things out of the realm of grace and into the realm of adeptship. That's more or less witchcraft but I can't knock anything if there's no other direction available any better. I must use small goals to start with or I'll only screw up.

Busy so far

I've actually been getting on with things the last few days- Tuesday was decided when my usual visitor announced her imminent arrival, and used the time waiting for the surprise call any time like a furniture delivery starting to clear out my spare room. The lack of a dry garage meant it was lost as a room and despite the garage being the same was fed up with it. Yesterday was free and thank goodness was fit enough to get to Uxbridge where I got a very rare (unique?) studded speed limit. No paint but quite legible and all studs present. Today was free again and just went for a little walk where I used to live (it's still better than anywhere else) as I did all the bigger stuff yesterday. Then I carried on with the spare room and now the majority is done, having chucked a load of stuff the first go and moved it today. I've got a booking tomorrow before going out so that's covered as is Saturday.

I am using what I consider the pretty vague advice from Abraham-Hicks (look it up, it's everywhere) to switch my thoughts off anything negative when I notice it. In these areas it's best to learn one trick at a time and if I get this will then move on to the next one. It still seems too simple to work but nothing to lose. I do have a basic foundation, albeit alone, of having got or done more or less what needs doing long and short term, so earnt the freedom I do now have. My imagination can be stretched for ideas from time to time, but admittedly better than having to do a full time job and get hardly any chance to do what I want in what free time is left. I still believe if there is any other force at work at least half of our lives are grace anyway (ie we can do fuck all about what happens either way), as although I have to make the first step I am a witness to many more events and just have to go along with them, good or bad. Well that's all I can report for now, I don't make the rules.

Hal Lewis the prophet

Back again and under strict instructions not to moan. New trick, old dog, but better than doing nothing. Part of a pretty large and far more complex plan than it appears, see Abraham-Hicks for more details, it's all out there.
The good news being after a gap of a few months after finding the old road sign that completed my collection I managed to find another one, after covering maybe 80% of all the roads I wanted to on Streetview. Otherwise it's business as before, that will always be one way or another so the theory is I have to change. I did see my own recollection of being like a rubber band, I can be stretched a bit but always snap back to more or less before, as that appears to be my nature. If there's any way to fix that it'll be worth it.

So being limited to not mentioning the war or anything like it, I've covered the past, most of my philosophy and am only really left with the everyday stuff only a few of us are moved to tell the world. So I have to look both ways now, see which feels better and follow it. That's the way I've found to start applying these rules, and gradually it becomes natural. Officially. Meanwhile on twitter despite the first scientist jumping ship on global warming (Hal Lewis) many disciples are unmoved, choosing to dismiss any scientist who isn't their version of the Jehovah's Witnesses. And we all know how hard it is to argue with them. But I work one at a time, it's not a problem for me but an inevitable mission. If I am being hurt or others are as well then if I can do anything to stop it I do, as everyone else able to should. With the internet this is the way I can do the most, and if I change one single mind I've won. More is a miracle. And I no longer have to quote myself as a non-scientist, but the new Christ to Al Gore's antichrist Hal Lewis. I don't think he realises that as the first name to leave the bandwagon his reasons for leaving, the same as mine and most other sensible people's, will be quoted as a scientists' and not our own ignorant opinions. Forget Al Gore's lack of credentials, money will buy anything in the short term, but this is now the bible of Hal Lewis. I can only hope one by one more will now have the courage to follow him now they can't be the first.

So this blog is the first opportunity to use my new trick (for all methods which beat human nature must be tricks to beat what is a powerful mind) as tomorrow and ahead are no different from previous weeks besides the actual order of events, but must not be negative about it. That's test one and I'm onto it.
That's as far as I can go at the moment, it's a tall order but the only one worth following.

It should be guided

I will take three alternative scenarios today. That which says there are no coincidences and everything happens exactly as it's designed to, including what we think are our own decisions, the middle new age ground that says we are given opportunities by design but down to our free will what we do about them, implying personal growth is totally down to us, and the third control scenario of science which says there's no meaning in anything and it's all random.

I'll just look at the first for now, that everything including our decisions is planned. That means today everything that happened including my tiredness which led to the very limited usage of the time was totally unavoidable. If that's the case there is a goal and the only way to reach it is for everything to happen exactly the way it does, like a good film with no loose ends. Every event large and small contributes and has a significance, and without a single one happening the final result may not be guaranteed. In my case I seem to be being torn apart, with every fear I've ever had and a few I didn't know about being presented to me as a reality, and although I'm still hear to tell the tale my own being currently has been reduced to almost constant hypervigilance. For those not familiar with PTSD that means you expect the worst in every area relating to your past experience and then have to relearn how to get each area one by one back into normal proportion. The end result if successful would be a virtual immunity to everything as there'd be nothing left to fear, as all your fears had become real and then put away or better still thrown away. That's the theory anyway and then it means I'm clear for future success without suddenly finding a panic attack wrecks whatever gifts I'd been given before being prepared to cope with it all.

So today was day two of my total freedom this week, I was still relatively tired after the builders woke me up again yesterday so in the end with no other ideas went to the shops and came back. That is it. To the random view that was a wasted day, but the planned view means it's a vital route to a final ending. The clues are there to stop a total despair, and my latest career step of having a published article tells me I must be doing something right. There's only one thing wrong with my life now, and that's having to live alone. Women come and go randomly whatever I do or don't do, I've been chasing them since nursery school (I always knew what they were for unlike some men even at my age), maybe it was some sort of instinct or genetic memory. I haven't been rejected by a woman recently as I haven't tried any. I've had offers though and so far turned them all down besides the bedroom ones. Anything else has been from women without all three requirements and am too old and tired to spend my time and effort with one eye looking for someone new. I never did really but in the past normally waited till they qualified or dumped them and waited for someone better when they turned out not to. Back when there were still single women my age that is.

The lack of free will has been mentioned before but for the three of you here who probably haven't seen it I have found even when I've made apparent mistakes they've got me somewhere I'd have missed otherwise. Not just once, take a wrong turning or get stopped at a red light and you see something you'd never have otherwise. Something points me everywhere so presumably decides when I meditate and who I find to watch online for more satsang. I have now reached the stage where whenever I look I am totally aware I am not here. To advaita students that means a step up, but only one to actually having it without having to look and keeping it all the time. But it's no longer a theory, I do experience it, and am aware of it as a reality. Technically I don't experience it actually, as it's a realisation there is no I to experience, only what is happening in that awareness, I is a thought that has been picked up some time after birth.

What the heck is it all leading to though I wonder? The mundaneness of the everyday life at the moment, article or not, is just as it was, as I'm only aware of the higher stuff when it happens and then return to before. Not even a slight colouring of the clear water with the new pigment of energy, but a total return to the ordinary. I think that only starts to happen at the next stage, one which is a lot closer to the final event should it ever occur. It is a series of initiations, starting with my bar mitzvah, then my degree, diploma, and various lesser ones. Each is harder to control or see happening, so can't just take the course, do the exams and pass or fail, but have aims and less and less ideas how to carry them out. Meditation is like insomnia, you can't sleep at will with insomnia, you lie down and sleep or not by grace. As you don't need results from meditation to survive that is even less likely to produce results, or control the few you do get. But you know without it you'll have none at all and there's no other route there besides it happening on its own.

I've been told I've given up, but then again giving up is the final step before enlightenment. I've simply realised there wasn't anything I could actually do, and probably never was besides what was obvious.

I'm not changing

It's all gone very quiet. The work has been done, the muck has been cleared and even the money has been earned, and I'm left with whatever is left. There's nothing wrong, but nothing else really, unless I'm missing it. So if I make the first move, what move exactly is that? No ideas or inspiration coming. And I've got yet another bollocking for complaining here, but seeing if I can analyse it am basically who I am, and however much I am stretched will nearly always snap back to usual unless I'm actually broken. I grow by learning, not by changing. I don't change really, unless I lose something and that's shrinking. But growing? The only growth I know is spiritual growth, and rather than piddle about with small changes in your reactions and habits etc you transcend the lot and meditate. If I learnt to meditate and didn't then I'd deserve a bollocking but in 37 years (the age when I learnt) I'd never found anything else that did a thing really in comparison. So although I'm always happy to learn any escape route from a pile of manure I find myself in I don't think I'm going to change, and nor is anyone else by design either.

Plans. Well that's a good question, and besides going to the bank tomorrow for a change as I've actually earned some money to put in it's wait and see City Arizona. I also hope to get a copy of the magazine with my article by Tuesday assuming Smiths finally have it by then, if not it'll be ordered. I wrote the second article and sent it off already so hope to see a followup to keep that momentum going. I'll have to sort out the woman who wants to marry me without a relationship first- it's an offer of sorts but not even close to the mark. I'd only be missing a boring life with no opportunity of meeting anyone better, however long the odds. And if this looks like it I'm not really complaining- if you analyse it so far it's about half and half, which is exactly what my teacher Nick says is part of duality. It all evens out. So if someone writes about all the good times only then either they're just leaving out the rest or will have some big heap of it coming sooner or later, we all do.

So there's how it is right now. Things must be improving, but asI know what I want as I've had it and lost it then until I get it back I won't be right really. And no reason why I should, it's not normal or natural to be stuck on your own unless you're weird enough as many claim to enjoy it. Well I don't.