It's all gone very quiet. The work has been done, the muck has been cleared and even the money has been earned, and I'm left with whatever is left. There's nothing wrong, but nothing else really, unless I'm missing it. So if I make the first move, what move exactly is that? No ideas or inspiration coming. And I've got yet another bollocking for complaining here, but seeing if I can analyse it am basically who I am, and however much I am stretched will nearly always snap back to usual unless I'm actually broken. I grow by learning, not by changing. I don't change really, unless I lose something and that's shrinking. But growing? The only growth I know is spiritual growth, and rather than piddle about with small changes in your reactions and habits etc you transcend the lot and meditate. If I learnt to meditate and didn't then I'd deserve a bollocking but in 37 years (the age when I learnt) I'd never found anything else that did a thing really in comparison. So although I'm always happy to learn any escape route from a pile of manure I find myself in I don't think I'm going to change, and nor is anyone else by design either.
Plans. Well that's a good question, and besides going to the bank tomorrow for a change as I've actually earned some money to put in it's wait and see City Arizona. I also hope to get a copy of the magazine with my article by Tuesday assuming Smiths finally have it by then, if not it'll be ordered. I wrote the second article and sent it off already so hope to see a followup to keep that momentum going. I'll have to sort out the woman who wants to marry me without a relationship first- it's an offer of sorts but not even close to the mark. I'd only be missing a boring life with no opportunity of meeting anyone better, however long the odds. And if this looks like it I'm not really complaining- if you analyse it so far it's about half and half, which is exactly what my teacher Nick says is part of duality. It all evens out. So if someone writes about all the good times only then either they're just leaving out the rest or will have some big heap of it coming sooner or later, we all do.
So there's how it is right now. Things must be improving, but asI know what I want as I've had it and lost it then until I get it back I won't be right really. And no reason why I should, it's not normal or natural to be stuck on your own unless you're weird enough as many claim to enjoy it. Well I don't.