Thursday, August 28, 2008

Psychiatric thoughts

Having spoken to another member of my meditation group last week was inspired to return to that path, and am now hopefully going to do it more often and as a result have to rely (which can't be done) a lot less on the world outside and more in the inner. Of course everyone who takes drugs knows you can feel better by tweaking things, but they do it by changing body chemistry directly which is like putting piss in your petrol tank. If they knew about meditation first and tried it many would do that, as some do on the drugs programme by my group. But the point is there are ways we can feel better and meditation is the only one that's safe. I suppose in India, where my guru comes from, this is like telling your grandma to suck eggs (you blow them, how many people knew that?), but over here in the west most people think it's weird and then erode their organs and mind with drugs for the same purpose.

Now whether the course I took means the lectures are as important as the methods is known more by the teachers than the students, but it's what he found was better when he tried both ways. Otherwise he'd just tell the world what to do, and no doubt most would either ignore it or give up after a few days. People do say sitting down for an hour a time is a lot, but we don't think so. It's the same biblical seeking the kingdom of God, then all else will be revealed, but the church have done their best to obscure that message so most followers haven't a clue what it means.

Meanwhile the outside world has been reliable in its misery. The word is tolerable. Everything's just OK, but nothing's good. No people, no work of any sort and no decent news. I just spoke to my neighbour who confirmed the unnatural position of living alone, as the first thing she said was how tough it is doing everything in a house yourself with no one to share the tasks or companionship. If certain people think I'm weird this is more or less why. It's far better to talk to a screen than talk to yourself so that's what I do. And being an only child with working parents at the time the weirdness began very early. I was put in front of a TV much of the time and left to my own devices. Or farmed out to a nanny or babysitters. No company of my own age when I wasn't seeing my friends, so I got involved with my parent's friends as soon as I could hold a conversation. Some resented it and others included me, but it meant I never really socialised with anyone in my own generation on a continuous basis.

As for the psychology, my parents had the Dr Spock book, it was one of the first I read, and followed by as many medical and then psychiatry books I could get hold of. By 13 I had a full student library and only switched from the body to the mind when I had to visit my friend in hospital. Then I found friends started telling me their problems and I knew the answers, and they were sorted out in one long phone call most times. I thought I'd like to get paid for this. Years later I started my counselling course, and went to a clairvoyant on the way home once. She said 'You're involved in healing people' as soon as I walked in, and then went on to describe a German doctor who was my spirit guide, exactly the same sort of character I thought of helping me when I was in trouble.

Here I'm allowed to be free and take the piss, as when working we can't (although at times we'd all like to), so I let it go here. I've seen others who do exactly the same via the links, and why not? But besides being mixed up, as most clients are, a few people are just nasty. They won't be going for counselling as they cause others to need it, and some of my clients suffer such as partners, parents and bullies at work. I can pick it up pretty quickly and they now call it 'personality disorder', which is a mild and incurable form of psychopathy. Anyone diagnosed as such is left to one side as they believe it's innate, although some can learn sooner or later through life experience rather than any outside help. The internet lets me loosen up and them spread their hate as wide as they can, so inevitably we'll come across them here as Youtube comment lists display perfectly. I said minority but looking at the almost identical comments there on nearly every video, good or bad, does make me wonder if we really have a demonic issue here. Bear with me, I sometimes work with schizophrenics, and the expectation of delusion is their random nature. But they aren't. They share a small common group of scenarios and the voices tend to say exactly the same things the comments do on youtube.

There are a few possible roots to this, and telepathy is one. Like mediums claim to contact the dead, I say they contact the living and search their memories without them knowing it. If psychopaths can transmit their thoughts to susceptible people (as my friend insists 30 years later since she says it started) then maybe the hate isn't just direct but transmitted universally. Their drugs drop their sensitivity down to near normal, but maybe the fact most share common messages and delusions it isn't such a random mania as the books claim. Psychiatrists don't listen to what the voices say as they dismiss them en masse, but when you do the similarities are unavoidable. It is just like posession, but by the living, and not even known by the ones sending it. OK, this is just one theory, but the fact I now read comments all over youtube and elsewhere that are straight from the minds of the worst paranoids, it amy lend some more support to a common source of evil thought that affects victims both physically and spiritually.
I hypnotise sufferers to send the voices away or if not turn down the volume the way the drugs do, and it usually works. But now, because they are free to say it unchallenged, I hear exactly the same filth sufferers hear all day long sometimes here. And it is so similar wherever I go it's just as if it's coming from ultimately a single source.
I may escape through meditation but we need a lot more to stop it spreading generally. It's not a nice trend and I also used to see it as a teacher and youth worker, and if one child has it half the others will follow. And it certainly wasn't like that 20 years earlier.

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