Sunday, August 31, 2008

Like a vacuum

The way you turn on clairvoyance is to clear your mind after tuning in to your subject and seeing what comes in. And there are many times I have to do that here, and whatever the quality something always comes in, as I wouldn't want to do an entry unless there was a reason, even if there was nothing known at the time.
So, what is there today? I am definitely in a phase as if it's being created by someone. It's the 'Just about OK but absolutely nothing' one that's been going on a few weeks now. My friend in Africa has got me meditating again and will continue to do so now as I've been picked up on it. No point wasting the gift.

Otherwise all is unknown. Obvious maybe but not certain. The inertia principle means little will change as however things are now is how they tend to continue, and no actual reasons why it should. I have new photographic trips over old ground for my bus and postcode groups, and always see new things wherever I go each time. I may even go to Watford if they still need the station. That has been the height of excitement now for weeks. Going to silly places to get photos. Edmonton, Walthamstow, Stockwell. I'd never have gone there again in my life otherwise I expect. Bus trips ahead include Merton, Brentford and Mortlake.
I have been given the details of someone who can do postcards a third of the price of the existing ones, although they are superior quality most shops want all postcards to be under 50p regardless.
I left a message with the TV producer last week to see if the contracts were any closer to being resolved, but of course no call back. They never have there in over 2 years, but when I posted a question about the programme on a TV forum they called me within days. It shows these guys really don't give a shit but if you tread on their toes they leap into action instantly. But this time the problem isn't their fault, but they still only call when they want you and never vice versa.

I'm saying prayers for the dead for my stillborn newspaper article. Most successful people in the media needed a big break, and so many like me had a chance which was binned and may never get another. I've had more hits on the programme excerpt now I got on Youtube than some of my programmes did over here.
Another interesting thing is how so many of the most intelligent and interesting people I know on the internet have chronic health problems. Sometimes it's as if they are forced out of a conventional life and into a creative one and some I know for sure would never have had the chance had their health been OK. But why can't they do it and not have to suffer to have to stop working first?

So, a mystery with a skeleton of trips to the usual variety of suburbs, and likely no more than that. I know having postcards in a few shops with my name on the back won't get me into any position in the media, but if it gets me even one commission will be a bonus. I'm in two minds whether to call the final remaining woman, as she always calls me if she wants to see me. I'd simply be putting a finger in the fire and get burnt out of sheer boredom and curiosity. I was thinking who else I could dig up for a regular seeing to, as my last standby found someone else the end of last year and there were no more sources after that.
I know one certainty as she'd been sending messages for a while, who was in a home for the not-all-there and bossy as hell. She wouldn't be happy with a weekly visit, it would be all or nothing and as she drove me mad at the time I couldn't have that again. Another left London ages ago and was no real pleasure when available, another is 200 miles away and trouble, and the last has so many problems I could never consider it again, plus that would be an all or nothing job as well rather than the weekly supply.

But as finding someone new is now something that only happens every few years at my sort of age, I'm 1000 times more likely finding an ex who is single than a needle in a haystack. It's already worked for someone else I know, he spent months looking for a new one and was back with the old within days. It's the difference between building a house and doing up an old one.
The only other time I remember putting an official effort to meet someone new was in 2000 for the millennium, and that took me 2 years. I did score a double in a couple of days, which is typical for me, the success phase seems to happen independently in all areas, and all my work clients come and go in bunches of a few at a time. That does imply we act as aerials sending out signals for each area and either attracting or repelling them like magnets. No ideas how but it's been the same as long as I can remember.

But now I need my break, in business and pleasure. Business would be one of the existing projects to happen or an equally good new one, and pleasure is bleeding obvious really. I did spend a while organising a singles night at the gym a couple of years ago only for the committee to cancel it after the staff wanted it to go on. The place was creaking with the weight of women, some must have been single but when you're in a gym you don't stop and ask them. Besides the crap music being on full volume men speak to men and women keep to themselves there. And probably across Britain as that's the way on thousands of buses, station platforms, shops, and every other public area, where everyone sees the same people day after day and carefully pretends they can't see them. I took the bus for 7 years to school and the same people waited at the stop most of the time and never knew who any of them were. I still saw a few walking around years later but all acted the way they did the first day I saw them. In a country without a heart how's anyone expected to do any better?


tashi said...

Interesting reflections as usual David, especially your comments about the disabling illness experienced by intelligent and interesting people. I wonder if some illnesses are psychosomatically contrived, like you say, to deliver a person into a change of direction and lifestyle. It happened to me like that.

Your reflections about women and your long term isolation were a bit sad. It made me wonder why you don't try online dating agencies?

Anonymous said...

I fail to see why you think you are special because you can meditate and see it as 'a gift'. There is no gift in meditating, it is simply being willing to sit quietly and be open. I have meditated daily for 30 plus years, no matter what chaos was taking place in the world around me. If you think all your mentors like Nick Roach and the rest of that lot have to show you how to do this, you will never accomplish it. How many years have you spent wasting time on trying to find the perfect woman, or any woman at all for that matter? That in itself shows me you are not even in the beginning stages of knowledge or understanding yourself. Why? Because you continue to look outside yourself for someone to make you happy and until you are happy with you, no one else will be. I have read enough about you to know that you are attracting only undesirable woman because you give off that vibe of being undesirable and extremely needy, which is a complete and total turn off. Because your mother didn't take care of you, you are still looking for someone who will. A relationship is not babysitting and making the other person feel normal.

Everyone is capable of meditating. Well, maybe not everyone ie a psychotic and delusional schizophrenic would have an extremely difficult time doing this as they are already skewed as far as brain synopsis and so much as being able to filter out even one coherent thought at times without all the 'white noise' interferring.

I have a hard time buying what you said in a previous post about being able to treat most mental conditions without drugs. That is ridiculous! You said the only 'safe way to treat' was without drugs? Bullshit! Are you willing to take responsibility for a murder committed by someone you deemed able to function without 'drugs poisoning their brains and bodies'? Once again, it is you knowing with absolute certainty all the answers to all the questions for everyone BUT yourself. Thankfully you never did qualify to treat anyone in the real world of psychiatry. You would have done far more damage to innocent but confused souls that all the drug dealers on the streets out there.

David said...

Tashi, after 2 years effort I met my last girlfriend online, but the work involved compared to the results stopped me soon after the next time I was single. You can spend ages emailing, phoning and nearly all end in nothing, a number of friends had the same experience.

Anon, I didn't say I was special by learning to meditate, but the method I learnt. It is only taught after a minimum of 5 months weekly video events (15 in my case which is quite common) and rigorous testing after that period for an evening or two. And being curious have tried many freely available ones, as the teacher says, to come back to his.
That is why he was the first person to fill the Indian national stadium of about 100,000 people.

The drugs I referred to were recreational ones! Choice, not medical necessity. Was I that unclear? Meditation programmes have been used since the 70s to wean addicts off, not in place of medical treatment!

Your other observations seem pretty on the mark, the trouble there being knowing the problem doesn't give many clues how to fix it. Not in this one anyway. But it's a start.