Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Looking at my possibilities

Choices, go to bed at a sensible time or blog? You already know the answer. A better weekend than possible, two old signs found yesterday and another business issue sorted out today. The week ahead is clear besides letting the charity collectors in at my late grandma's tomorrow and then take my glasses to have new lenses fitted. That will mop up tomorrow during the daylight and the rest is clear, last week's activities were fine at the time but couldn't do them regularly, spreading people out evenly is obviously better but I don't make the rules.

I do recall a time (before the profile links here went for a year) when the blog was quite a busy place. 50 hits a day and regular comments. I'm relieved two people still comment but where are the rest? OK, the two who called me every name known and a few more are quite welcome to disappear, but knowing from experience how few people blog regularly on their own lives (as opposed to reviewing events or gadgets as if they want a job in some shitty magazine with a few million other aspirants) I am one of the few who has kept going from day one. As life keeps going why on earth would I stop?
I don't read as many now admittedly, you lose the habit when not able to, and then none of the old people are still there. I found a few new ones to link and that was it.

Using the many new age methods I should be able to test my own prowess (assuming they aren't cack after all) this week and direct something positive in. Focus on one thing and see. Today would also have been my grandma's 100th birthday, she made 99 and 4 months which was a bit of a waste of all that preparation, but a lot better than nearly everyone else gets. And me, for having a grandma till I was 49. Only my parents now, and then nothing until 2nd cousins. Not a good prospect that. I still can't believe making an effort to find a person or two to support me in the future can make it happen, especially from people I already know who are at arm's length. My most reliable friends return any time from 2012 but may not be local when they do. The only very dubious ways to get company at home are tenants (no thanks, one in 10 may be ok and then bugger off after a few weeks or so), or pay for a carer. Well I can only see my income covering my requirements and not for a second person as well. So what the hell does anyone do? Search me.

As almost guaranteed (I would have bet on it, although a 1/6 chance it always happens) my book arrived the day I'm not here, I knew it would as they always do. So I won't see it till Thursday, no surprise there. I intend to go to the launch as invited to do the photography and explained my position with regard spending any time there. I haven't even walked in a restaurant for years so no idea the odds of a panic attack. It's not that I always do, but the possibility and fear in advance that are the killers, trust me. Besides one actress I was taken with, I can't think of a single celebrity photo I've taken (who has?), mainly as you never know when you'll see one and secondly it's bloody rude to point a camera in their faces in the street. Plenty of autographs as those are normal, but no more. I did get the backs of John and Edward from X Factor from traffic lights last month but not worth looking at.
I'm also checking out a job for the first time in a few years as well. I don't want one mind you, not a tough one anyway like this, but it's the only one I've seen at my professional level I could get to at all so have to investigate. And if you don't really want it then you can almost guarantee they'll offer it to you, just like with women. It's only when you're interested people turn you down, with very few exceptions.

I haven't had a regular job for a very long time. After losing my last I tried almost solidly for 5 years, getting one which lasted a week as there were no customers to be there to serve. Instead of wasting my time I then studied from home for over a year to get my qualifications up to scratch to apply for professional counselling jobs, and when I did the best I got was a single interview after another year and a half trying. It's a job where people are nearly all self employed and the cream get anything regular. I will see. Of the two the photography is far more important for my career as I'm a counsellor already but no media work, and would earn a lot more from the media as well as a lot more variety. I can keep the clients as always but plenty of space for media work and the huge sums of money they pay wouldn't go amiss either. No qualifications required either, just pure chance if you've any talent at all.

1 comment:

diver said...

'... how few people blog regularly on their own lives'

They're there. I find it an ongoing search. I keep diving for pearls and find them every now and then. I've been exploring a bipolar network lately. They're treasures :)