Search me, but I do feel like I've entered a new level at 50. I will see. I put a heck of a lot of work into the last decade, whatever some people think. As there is no formula for finding women after mid 20s when the good ones get hooked up I can still count plenty of attempts on the system, nearly all turned down. That wasn't my fault. I also went to a whole heap of spiritual lectures and courses, gained a few qualifications there as well and practice a number of the things I was taught. Although I often mention the things I can't do, when I'm doing well there are others I can. So with or without effort we all deserve success if we haven't done any harm. Effort is fine with exams or paid work but for personal ambitions it's more being in the right place at the right time and knowing what to say.
I do feel so far most of that has been wasted for me, although I know it helps others who can use it for their own problems. So many healers and therapists suffer more than their patients, and is probably due to their sensitivity that allows them to understand others so well. But it doesn't stop us doing the work, we just suffer as well. I need someone to look after me, not because there's anything wrong with me but I believe everyone does, or why would marriage exist? The last few decades of my life could be better if I settle for almost anyone rather than keep waiting for someone I actually choose. Of course then they can turn up, probably within days, as that seems to happen nearly every time. No Russians, Thai, or Ghanaians for me. Besides the Thai women nearly all the rest are simply coming here to rob you and bugger off with a new British passport. No thanks.
Today actually turned up another old sign on a road I rarely use and must have passed driving the other way and missed it last time I looked. Only another road number but one I haven't got already so useful. And I only found it as I made a mistake and took a wrong route meaning a 3 mile detour exactly where it was. Who made that happen? Not me, I know that. Now if that force can take me over more and show me both where the remaining signs are and get me where I want without having to suffer for it (eg meeting the celebrities in the photo book without visiting a restaurant, my equivalent of prison) and I have suffered quite enough already so no reason to experience it to show me any more. The theory is once we know suffering we no longer need to experience it to know the opposite. Those who do are guaranteed to become ill physically and/or mentally as it's not continuous suffering required for success and to remember the contrast with pleasure, but a sample of it. I've had enough samples to fill an olympic pool anyway.
I had 11 very nice people over for my 50th birthday, they all got on well and knew them between 2 years and a lifetime (theirs as I was a bit older). I hope some go on to see each other again, a few met for the first time but most were regulars. I may not see any of them very often now but at least they're still around and just the same. The odd thing is I think besides one woman (no comment here) none live less than a few miles away so can't just pop over like I used to in the old days around Golders Green. Most friends lived within half a mile when I was at primary school, then a couple of miles at secondary. As I saw a few since then I never had any trouble, even when I moved as I was used to going there already. None at all left now. Many in the past vanished just leaving London although possible to visit once or twice a year. But if they moved back it was back to normal. It's just not convenient to see friends once they go beyond a certain point, and they clearly agree as it's as much for them to come here as vice versa. But quite reasonable not to. One reason I want to return to civilisation is where I live now is not the professional intellectual oasis that is Golders Green. Plenty of reasonably nice people but not the sort of material I'm used to.
So I see possibilities ahead of me. Even with no plans today I managed something useful, and hope the momentum keeps up. And literally every day now more IPCC 'mistakes' come out. The latest is the mountain ice data was purely from interviews with mountaineers. Very scientific backgrounds and considered anecdotal evidence, the sort dismissed unless corroborating something real. Anecdotal evidence alone has no function in science yet because they are political, not scientific, it was quite valid for that. Bear in mind scientific findings don't need to be twisted or exaggerated. I'm not aware of any modern scientific theory that's had to do that to get it past whoever approves it, so why do this lot need to? Good question?
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