Friday, February 26, 2010

Limbo NW9

It's finally stopped raining after 4 days, but there's really nowhere worth going anyway. I didn't stay in mind you when it was, I went out looking for signs on Monday and made a video on Wednesday when the rain was lighter so not desperate to catch up. And maybe I am being guided not to go out as there may be something more important to do here, although I haven't found it yet.
I've carried on the online quizzes I've been doing most of the week and of course come back here for inspiration as when presenting the situation for others can often find new ideas. The newspaper where my photos were sent comes out today, I've heard nothing and unless the guy just hasn't bothered to mention it (that's unlikely considering it was me who took them) I presume it's not today although despite being well out of date said it could also be next week. I won't hold my breath.

I even have very little tidying up left to do- only papers really which have to be read and either filed or thrown out. And few of them left now so not really important. I'm going to my mum in an hour anyway so would have gone out anyway today, or I'd have felt more guilty and looked for somewhere to go just to get something new done. Technically when my faith was tested when there was no sign when I went to look (it turned out to be part of the tree the post was covered with) and then many more steps led me to find the very one I thought was there, it should mean it was guided all along and why not now? I still find as life drops back to normal after every event (few are life changing, most just add to my collection or CV) it makes me wonder how it actually works and assume it must be there in the background now all the time although it's rarely seen. And would it really be better not to get a photo in the paper as it won't be known by anyone apart from me or lead to more work, or miss out altogether? I think the answer should be obvious, every step is a good one however tiny.

The expanses of boredom though can't be fixed easily. Even when I left school before my friends and had a few months on my own I cracked up, as we're not meant to be left to our own devices at any time in our lives, it just happens. Some people even compliment me on how busy I keep, mainly as they realise how hard it is to keep occupied without a single person to join in. How can that be guided then? The Celestine Prophecy says once you realise it all is then you have to look for it so I will. Firstly I'm only stuck here for an hour before I go out, I only feel guilty as I wasted a day when it was dry outside and did nothing inside, and have no more plans ahead yet. It is a pisser that when I waste £1 on the paper just in case (I'm not risking getting thrown out of the shop reading it in there) I'll read all the same old shit they've been printing for over 100 years and not see any reference to me there (or again next week when it comes out).
In fact they haven't even been used online which was supposed to be the main reason I took them- had I not posted them myself they'd have just disappeared. A pointless pursuit except it got me out to something I'd never have done otherwise.

So I've increased my collection, know there's guidance, don't need to look for so many signs, and can say I've had my work published in a book. They won't lead to more as that would have involved having the celebrities at the photo shoot, getting my article and own photo in a newspaper (which didn't happen the only time it was submitted), and my TV programmes on terrestrial TV where over a million people would have seen them. I'm getting there certainly but until I do nothing can change.
The guidance ought to now cover all areas, I know it's there and so far haven't reached the point of directing it- only the handful of multi millionaires can claim that and even then can't actually prove it. The Secret claims to demonstrate the principle and am working on it in case. So I'm in limbo and know 100% had I been in the paper I'd have heard about it as no one is that ignorant not to, only TV producers but they have a huge cast of people not to inform, here there's only me.


Roger Hooton of Nuriootpa, South Australia said...

Get yourself out of that depression before you totally crack up. Look at me nearly 68 living on my own with an old cat and a cockatoo. Yet in the past six weeks I have been able to have a refreshing sex life with a woman 25 year younger than me. Life in this old bloke which has amazed me! Alas in April she will be moving on to Sydney, 1500kms away, as there is no work here in the Barossa Valley and the job she was in was only part time waitress on call at a nearby large hotel. And her lease runs out on 19th April and won't be renewed as my friends who own the granny flat are selling up. But hey if I can pull it off with a sweet young thing then so can you. So please STOP getting depressed, your blogs are becoming the Woe is me nothing is going right etc crap reading that would put off any potential female you meet and you tell you have a blog. MOVE, get out of the area where you live, rent a place if you have to. If you don't do it then the way you are going your next move is either going to be in a mental institution or in a wooden box. You seem to me to avoid situations where you can make new friends. You seem to have no friendly neighbours, so who is at fault? YOU and only YOU. You are putting tickets and limitations on YOURSELF. I have been down that path a few times in my life and each time I have bounce back. Sue I get depressed EVERY DAY living in my very tiny rented retirement unit but it is a great location and I have great friends nearby. I have more confidence in myself, I am assertive and straight talking. I don't back down and I certainly do NOT DWELL on the woe is me thing which you are doing.
In the next few weeks I have lots of painful anniversaries, like my wife's death, funeral that went wrong, death of my dog and other personal tragedies plus a painful but important visit to my doctor. BUT I will overcome those worries etc, I will have a SMILE on my face, meet up with my friends and neighbours. YOU ARE LUCKY you have a car and can get out and about. I can't. On Thursday 25th I had a nasty fall in my back garden and could not get up. I had to call out for help and nearby maintenance men came to my aid then they got the retirement village medical officer to check me out. OK the loss of a lot of blood made it look worse than it was. I bounced back.

David said...

Glad to hear it was more than a friendship there, I was hoping. Here I'm just telling it as it is, not as much moaning as descriptive. The only bit that gets me is the total lack of control I have over it. Moving isn't the only answer, it costs over double where I am now to go back to the old area and I'm not a lawyer like my parents which financed that house.
It's marginally possible in the future but far from likely.