Monday, April 11, 2005

One by one

Well, dentist day has now passed, and my actual coronation is next Tuesday. I doubt I'll have the press coverage of others, but my tooth will be very happy. Otherwise it's still pretty chaotic. I won't depress everyone with the details, but it's not looking good for my grandma. As she's 95 there's little treatment possible so we can only hope the symptoms can be managed. She's exactly the same as usual though mentally, she can still run a room of 4 or 5 hospital visitors from her chair and have them all jumping to her tune. I always said the last thing to go before I do will be my erection, and in her case it's her authority.

Has the cosmic vibration been odd recently? I've found people behaving very much as extreme versions of themselves, with either the good or bad qualities greatly magnified. Insanity seems to be in the air, and those who had previously kept it bubbling under imperceptibly have gone off like a volcano, where others who are fairly quiet have started to come out of their shells and be nice to me. I have started to think my own behaviour has little effect, and I'll give reasons. When I'm careful, few people notice or appreciate it, and often still take me the wrong way. When I don't care and say my piece, people may get pissed off but forget it very soon afterwards, and rarely hold it against me. The omissions/mistakes have been by far the biggest bloopers in practice where there was nothing I could have done either way. Basically, if the planets are in the wrong place, someone is ready to go off and they'll do it to the next person that isn't likely to give it back (me). Some even apologise afterwards, supporting my decision not to try and manage their behaviour by my own. I don't really get upset with people in person (though I will in writing as I believe it's unnecessary to start fights on paper/screen). I have a very simple strategy. If it's family I quietly try and train the person not to repeat the behaviour that winds me up, and that usually works eventually. If it's work I get paid to take shit so I see it as part of that job to do so and shut the hell up. If it's anyone else I simply drop them. I don't have anything about myself to justify to them, so don't join in, I just let them go. In practice that means in all my life I've probably only argued with friends a few times, and that was teenage years and before where anger just became physical and we beat 7 kinds of shit out of eachother till the energy was dissipated. I never lost a friend that way, in fact like other relationships, it usually made the friendships stronger as it released the poison.

Recently the conflict I've witnessed has been like a current I moved into, like all the others in my life. I've certainly not changed, as I said, so it must have been something that I attracted somehow subconsciously. I survived it all, it's not one of the things that's outside my comfort zone as I have a pretty good sense of justice and tend to use that to add weight to my own argument, and unless the other person has a genuine problem with me, believe in myself. I don't take life that seriously and as people come and go continually, no one individual outside the family matters enough to get in a state about if they disapprove of me. I do not play with the crowd, I never have. Followers do, and they also believe their leaders know more than they do. Well the people who claim to lead me are there because they enjoy power. Well there's no reason for me to let them tell me what to do, is there? If someone's not paying me, then I don't do their thing. I was like this at school, I still passed all my exams so it couldn't have had any bad effect there, and the very very few people who understand me don't need me to play any game to know where I'm coming from. The rest never would even if I wrote a 1000 page manual. It would pass so far over their heads it would be similar to trying to get Wayne Rooney to understand the nature of human consciousness. Some things aren't designed to be done, but too many people spend half their lives banging their heads against a wall trying to make them happen, and then may have counselling to understand why it didn't work.
It's not just me, by the way. Many of the people I meet say the same things, and I show them the pyramid diagram I saw in a book. If you take any quality and sort the people with it from bottom (none) to top (the most) there are very few the further up you get, forming a triangle with the point up. In reality it's a square, with bigger spaces between the people the higher up you go, so it's harder to meet similar people to yourself as they're more spread out.

The internet, Mensa (no, I failed that one for various reasons) and other interest groups are the only way to draw these people together so they don't believe they're wrong and the masses are right. But don't waste time and energy trying to convince the vocal majority you're on the case as they can't grasp it. Sad but true. If those 'at the top' do something to benefit the masses, be it through art, medicine or science, then they'll get their praise and recognition. But if they only know you as a person, it's 'Who the fuckin' 'ell does 'e fink 'e is???' with no hope of changing it. Buddha said don't judge the dog for barking at you, feel happy you can do more than that to communicate. My views are far from original, just reframing well-trodden concepts, and Buddha was far from right wing, he was enlightened.

No comments: